How To Purposely Fall Out Of Love As Quickly As Possible

When you experience an attraction  to another person, your body is dumping dopamine into your system and you experience that dopamine as romantic love. Emotions are not abstract metaphysical experiences, they always have a material world element inside your body. In all seriousness, emotions are physical things.

If your are experiencing that emotion for someone who is your spouse and they experience something similar for you back, then it’s a pleasant and positive experience for you both. Assuming the relationship is functional, productive and happy, it’s quite logical to allow the emotions to continue and encourage them.

However if these emotions develop inside you for someone outside the relationship, things can quickly escalate toward dramatic outcomes. Dopamine is the primary hormone related to pleasure and behavioral motivation and is heavily linked to a Time Before Writing set of programming for mate replacement/opportunistic sex seeking. It’s a completely normal biological function and makes perfect sense in the Time Before Writing scenario.

However we aren’t in the Time Before Writing anymore, so the biological programming can direct us to seek a mate replacement for a perfectly functional mate in a way that is going to be illogical on a purely rational level. Your body does not understand Marriage 2.0, alimony, child support, restraining orders, not seeing your kids as much, the way having to sell your house in a down market is going to eat equity up and so on. All your body cares about is trying to get a pregnancy started.

So you can have an entire set of emotions devoted to feeling like this new person is your soulmate and you should dump your current spouse, and have another set of quite rational thoughts that doing so would be a colossal effort and cruel to your current spouse. So what to do to get rid of these emotions?

Some easy steps to do as a mindful meditation. By which I mean shoving the Rationalization Hamster in reverse.

Start doing a mentally uncomplicated, but demanding physical activity. For me the ideal task is mowing the lawn. I don’t really have to consciously think about mowing the lawn at all, I just run the same pattern every time I do it, but it’s also hard work in that I have to push the lawn mower. So it’s occupying the part of my brain dealing with automatic physical functions and somewhat hypnotic, but the more conscious rational part of my brain is free to think about things. Seeing as I’m trying to have the rational part of my brain win a battle against the rest of my body, this makes things easier. Other options are walking, running, rowing machines or whatever.

Start consciously thinking about the practical reality of pursuing the other love interest. Emotional and physical affairs grow and develop as fantasy experiences where the spouse never discovers them, no one gets hurt, nothing bad goes wrong and the sex is beyond amazing. That never happens though. You have to start consciously thinking about exactly how the everyday practical reality will play out. The way your wife will absolutely NOT be cool with you hitting something on the side. Her behind the locked bathroom door for hours just screaming at first and then sobbing brokenly. Then when she comes out of the bathroom, the awkwardness of your trying to comfort her and getting a steely eyed two handed shove out of her way in return.

See the big picture. The kids spooked and trying to cope with mom having a melt down and it being dad’s fault. Not living here anymore. The kids figuring it out and internally taking a side, but not saying which side it is when they see you every other week or weekend. Or maybe the whole thing just dragging out in counseling for a year or two, but never really being the same as it was again. Friends and family finding out and you getting the cold reception in a few places suddenly. The whole trip through the legal hydroslide lined with razorblades.

Question the other woman’s character. Let’s be serious here, if you’re married, her responding to your interest or actively hitting on you is a bit of a judgment lapse on her part. What other lapses in judgment does she make? She ever forget her birth control pills? Always used a condom for hook ups? Isn’t going to actively try and split your marriage up to have a shot at having you all to herself?  When you try and extract yourself from the relationship is she going to start blackmailing you with threats to expose you to your wife? Or if you made the jump to the other woman, would you discover you’ve really made a trade… down.

Focus on her least attractive body part or qualities. No woman is perfect and they all have terrible weak points. If you hyperfocus on something that kills your attraction, that can be very helpful. I’ve gotten myself unstuck on one interest when she bent over in front of me and shirt rode up and her pants rode down… and she had stretchmarks on her ass as a total surprise to me. I’m an ass guy so… ewww. The second one had a terrible habit of not using appropriate capitalization in email. Just so annoying to me and a boner killer, and yeah I know that’s a really trivial thing to reject someone on, but I’ll be damned if I trade down to that. The third just way too intense and needy as my phone blew up with texts etc.

Cut contact. If there’s a way to cut contact, do so. Staying in someone’s life is not the best way to get untangled out of their life. In time it may be possible to resume contact, but not until the emotional cleansing is complete.

Know the stats. Only 3% of affairs ever turn into a new marriage. Then those marriages fail at spectacular rates. Just assume that if you actively pursue an affair, over the long term you will very likely not still be with either your wife or the other woman.

Given enough time, this set of techniques will remove your romantic feelings for the other woman from you. The deeper you got into her though, the longer it will take to shake it off. Rinse and repeat.