If you happen to stumble upon an email or text between your wife and some other guy that says something like, “OMG I can’t wait to have your cock in me again!!” Then you have a pretty good idea that what is happening is a whole heap of not good.
But what if it’s something like, “Was great to catch up with you again!” That’s kinda sorta nothing in particular, but kinda sorta might be the tip of the iceberg of something in particular.
If there’s anything she says negative about you to him, that’s a red flag. She’s expressing a lack of interest in you and thereby opening the door for the other guy to advance his position on her. Likewise anything he says negative about you, is sending out a feeler to see if she will respond with a defense of you. If she doesn’t defend you, she’s granting him permission to continue to advance his position on her. If she does defend you, he just bides his time and tries again.
Opening up the topic of anything sexual is also a red flag. People rarely have conversations about sex with a member of the opposite sex unless they have attraction for them. Also the “What if things were different?” lines of inquiry where alternate reality scenarios are discussed are red flags. Things aren’t different, she’s married. Talking about sex via a private message is hitting all three areas of Instigation, Isolation and Escalation; a red hot gaming move.
A lot of emails, texts, phone calls, and Facebook messages don’t hit on those red flag areas. But you can still have a sense of something not quite right going on. In cases like this it’s usually best to simply ignore the content of the communications completely, and simply focus on the total volume of communication. Or put another way, if your wife is talking to another guy on the phone for a couple hours a week, what they are talking about simply doesn’t matter, something is starting to happen. If there are twenty text messages/emails/Facebook posts a day between them, the content of the messages don’t matter, something is starting to happen.
If you’re her husband, and you start dropping into the zone of getting less communication touches than another guy, the content of the messages don’t matter, something is starting to happen.
The content doesn’t matter, because the real message is “I want to be in heavy contact with you.” He might make expressions of attraction to her and she can even say she’s “not interested”, but if she continues the communication level… she’s expressing interest.
One or both of them can deny anything more than flirting and friendship is going on to the other. Even repeatedly so. But if the communication frequency continues on unabated, the real message is “I want to be in heavy contact with you.” Which means more than flirting and friendship is going on.
When you call them on what is going on as being inappropriate, they will always deny anything is going on and say it was all a big misunderstanding and that you are taking it out of context. After all, it’s not like they were texting “OMG I can’t wait to have your cock in me again!” Plus they will blame you for being a control freak or otherwise being unbalanced. That is the point where you say you don’t give a rats ass what they think, you’re not an idiot and it needs to stop.
Usually if there is nothing overtly red flag in the communications, it will stop right there and she will do a 180 and suddenly be more attentive to you. Basically both of them were too cowardly to escalate the interaction further, and you being confident and dominant will make the other guy back off and make her respond to your dominance.
Just keep half an eye out and ensure it doesn’t go underground and continue… that’s seriously bad.