Living With A Big Cat

Husband losing his wife to another man…
This little snippet upset me.
They have had sex, a lot. She says she likes how he is sexually aggressive with her and enjoys being objectified by him. Admittedly, we have had some tension in this department, but I have tried becoming more agressive over these last years. We have always enjoyed our sex, but I have always been too gentle and slow I guess. I like to savor her and I have told her this. She appreciates this and enjoys the attention, but it has not been all she wants so I have tried to expand.
Most women like rough sex and being treated like sex objects – if only once in a while. If this is something she wants, and you don’t give it to her, you leave the door open to someone else offering it.
I guess what pisses me off is…
Buy Me!


  1. Bb says

    "I guess what pisses me off is all the public discussion of sex suggests that a man should be gentle and slow in bed. Its just wrong, badly wrong. Sure, the slow and gentle thing once in a while is fine, but not every time."

    Where are these public discussions of men being gentle and slow happening? Are men hearing it from women they're dating? Other men? The media?

  2. Anonymous says

    As an educated woman and as someone who works with serial sex-offenders, it really bothers me when people (scholars especially) refer to fantasies about rough sex and being dominated "rape fantasies".

    It just purports the IDIOTIC idea that rough sex = rape, and diminishes the understanding of the seriousness of what rape actually IS.

    You shouldn't ever have to explain that "ACTUAL RAPE" is AWFUL. RAPE includes a measure of dominance, of course. Male-over-female dominant intercourse is not always rape, and mutually consensual dominant-over-submissive intercourse is NEVER rape.

  3. modernguy says

    I think you're really doing a disservice to suggest that it's the man's responsibility to keep his wife faithful by keeping her happy to such a degree. Women really need to understand, and be shamed into it if necessary, that marriage is about more than the expectation of being in a perpetual state of "love". It would be difficult for any man to keep the charade going for the length of the marriage, let alone when there are so many other responsibilities to take care of. And let alone that most men don't really have any inkling of the twisted machinations that go on in a woman's mind and soul. Nevertheless we have an obligation to try, and we should. But if your wife's priority is chasing "feelings" instead of working it out when times get difficult, you might as well have never married in the first place. And as more and more women find that "feelings" are an acceptable excuse to cheat, the meaning of marriage is eroded. So while it's constructive to give this guy advice on where he went wrong and help him correct his mistakes, let's not forget that his wife is a cheating whore that broke her vows, and she should be called out on it.

  4. hans says

    @modernguy, THAT boat has sailed when Rockefeller put the first dime into the accounts of the suffrage movements. And utterly went up in ashes with the first bra burned.

    It´s usually older women keeping the younger ones in check. This tried age old "social contract" was systematically dismantled by the elites in our western societies.

    Now we have this "divorce industry cancer" and Biden-type retarded white-knight politicians killing of even the last semblances of the working nuclear family.

    Books like Athol´s may help individually, but it´s just a drop in the ocean I fear.

  5. Athol Kay says

    Anon – "You shouldn't ever have to explain that "ACTUAL RAPE" is AWFUL."

    Yes I do. If I don't someone will start posting somewhere that I am pro-rape. I have to explain/state that on ever single post about rough sex and you know that.

    Modernguy – Most women are sexually responsive to men though and attraction is not controllable. If he doesn't take the lead, she won't be attracted.

    It's not a disservice at all, it's how human sexuality works. In the end slut-shaming is just words and words are ineffective at influencing behavior. I can't teach a man a way to slut-shame a wife into not divorcing him, but I can teach him how to fuck her into happiness. So I do that.

    Hans – It is a drop in the ocean… for now.

  6. Anonymous says

    Maybe being roughly ravished makes us feel wildly desired and able to be released ourselves from any constraints since he's showing the constraints are off.

    Context is everything though. If I watch a movie with Errol Flynn as a pirate threatening to take the main female character for his own pleasure it seems pretty yummy.However, if someone was at the mercy of a Somali pirate in the same way, I would be hoping the woman had a "neutering" gun or knife hidden away somewhere.Not sexy.

    There is a certain feeling of security in knowing your man wants you so badly to just pound away on the verge of out of control. A lot of women feel like crap about their bodies anyway and that seems like sure proof that he wants you (just like in a romance novel?).

    Word of caution though. If such a session is going to go for any length and your wife is post partum or menopausal use some lube. Sore is ok but more abrasion than that can lead to UTIs or other nonfun physical sensation.

  7. Anonymous says

    @Modernguy – You might want to make sure your wife doesn't meet the studly stablehand while you're busy sitting on your high horse.

    There is the world as we would like it to be, and there is reality. The best thing about Athol is that he talks about the latter. He doesn't lie to make us feel better or to meet PC standards. That's why I read his blog.

    - Jay

  8. Julia says

    Rape fantasy? Don't have this, never had, and doubtful I will now at this stage of my life. I like skilled, leisurely, sensual sex and don't read romance novels, so maybe that's my problem. But I'm not disagreeing with Athol that many women like the forceful lover swept up in passion by womanly charms, theirs of course! — distinctly different from "rape" rape so I hope the guys will take this to heart; men don't always do nuance very well.

    We don't want some well meaning but clueless schnerd to get in trouble with the law!

  9. Anonymous says

    I have to agree 100% with modernguy. I think he points out the one fatal flaw in your advice: the responsibility (or lack thereof) of the wife.

  10. notaname says

    Soft and gentle…I finally figured out a few months ago that that was a problem in my marriage. Thanks to MMSL and TAM.

    I didn't even know that all the gentleness was part of the reason I was so turned off.

    The biggest difference for me is in the foreplay. Him just asking for sex and then stripping is such a turn off for me. If I am starting at zero then rubbing me softly just puts me to sleep or frustrates me rather than turn me on. I respond really well to being chased, pounced on, playfully mauled, ordered to remove articles of clothing, etc. I want to be played with and swept away.

    Pound me, baby.

  11. LJ says

    @modernguy and Anon 12.22 – Athol has already said he expects Jennifer to keep him sexually satisfied or he will eventually stray, so isn't this post about the same situation from a woman's point of view?

    I think a lot of women crave rough sex, at least once in a while, but are too afraid/ ashamed to ask for it, for fear it will make them look sluttish to want something outside 'romantic love-making'. Some don't even realise how much they will LOVE it (and I was one of those until a few years ago – now? BIG CONVERT!) so why not try some light spanking/ hair pulling etc as Athol suggests? You could be opening the door to the most exciting ride of your life (all puns intended, heh heh)

  12. Anonymous says

    I have found that what I enjoy the most and what women respond hthe best to is when the sex either changes back and forth between very rough and slow, gentle and loving during a long single session or that the rough and the loving are combined simultaniously or the dominant and rough are combined simultantiously with the slow and maybe slow and loving.

    Changing back and forth is easy to explain. You might start out gentle start doing it more roughly, then very rough, then slow down after a while, maybe just focus on staying present and going deep into the feelings or also being loving with the way you touch and saying loving things. THen you may go back again. Personally I like to use quick surprising transitions and I find this gives the best responses. I think thats because it pumps up the adrenaline, increases the feeling of being dominated and helps her in letting go and going wild. So I might start of quite slow standing next to the bed, pick up steam a little bit and show her I am getting more horny, then take her with a hard grip and trhow her on the bed, throw myself on top of her, pin her arms down, and go from there. After some of that I might change it back to more slow again.

    Incidentally I found an article in the classics section at the PUA site Bristollair by a PUA saying he found this exact thing as being THE best way to make women horny. Also two of the main PUA sex gurus David Shade and Daniel Rose also say the mixing of dominance and roughness with intimacy and affection in a single session or simultainiously is the most powerful sex.

  13. Anonymous says


    I might also combine dominant with slow. Having her tied down or "threathening" her into being in a certain position or doing something I command her to and combining that with slow but determined pleasuring or teasing or mindfucking dirtytalk.

    I can also during rough fucking with lots of dirty talk call her a dirty whore and say I love her and find her beautiful seconds after each other. When you are going at it fast and she is near to come or coming she is in a trance like state where her logical mind is shut of anyway sos tuff doesn`t even have to make all that much sense.

    I think one way of seeing it is that the dominant rough stuff is best at increasing sexual energy in a raw crude powerful way. But with slowness and awareness and relaxation you make yourself both feel what is already there more strongly and also make more "space" for the sexual energy to move by relaxing tension blocking its flow and so increasing it.
    If we have started out REALLY slow and relaxed focusing on feeling what is there for a good chunk of time taking a firm grip arround a womans hands, pinning them down and saying now its I get around to FUCKING you like the slut that you are the effect of that is five times or so as strong as without the increase in sensitivity and ability for sexual energy to move from the slowness that went before. Also when you have been rough, hard and fast for a while you sort of get to a point where it is hard to get it more "up", to increase the energy and momentum even more. If you then slow down a bit to calm things down and increase sensitivity when you then start of again with the rough you get much higher than if you just kept at it roughly. There is actually a technique in hypnosis where you first take someone deep, then take them out a little bit and then back down again. THat makes them go much deeper within the same time frame than if you had used all your time trying to just get them deeper without a break.

    As for combining loving affection and dirty at more or less the same time I think powerful sexual arousal and powerful emotions together are stronger than apart and so it just works better. Sure sometimes you want sex to just be loving or just be rough but I find consistently that the combination is the ultimate and that other men and women who have experience this report the same.

    Also note that at the takeninhand site a key part of the fantasies are the men spanking or punishing the woman to discipline her not only because she has behaved in a way he disapproves of but because he wants to discipline her away from behavior that is bad for her and into behavior that is good for her. A caring spanking or a loving painful ruthless discipline rape is the ultimate for a lot of women.


  14. Anonymous says

    Interesting post. If I'm starting at zero, I almost always need to experience some slow gentleness first. Once I'm warmed up, I like it fast and rough, and I need him to be a wild animal to keep up with me. I like to scratch and bite him a bit.

    Being bitten and scratched is not submissive or weak on his end, by the way. In wolf packs, alphas are not the ones who constantly challenge the others, but the ones who calmly handle the challenges of others. He's strong enough to show me he can take it without flinching.

  15. dannyfrom504 says

    "I decided to not just have rough sex with her, but to do it as hard as I could… without regard for her enjoyment or caring about her at all. I mean really, really, really rag doll fuck her like she was rented.

    She loved it."

    of course she did. most of the women who have been nice enough to share their gift with me LOVE when i "take her", as one gf called it "jungle" fucking. of course, as jennifer mentioned, it's not an everyday thing. but they usually react positively when you throw down in that manner. now there are definately times i wanna be slow and savor her. then there are times, she's doing something in the kitchen and i just HAVE to have her. it's fun.

  16. Anonymous says

    "I decided to not just have rough sex with her, but to do it as hard as I could… without regard for her enjoyment or caring about her at all. I mean really, really, really rag doll fuck her like she was rented.

    She loved it."

    hmmmm…… late to this one…. how to clue hubby in that I'd enjoy this once in a while….

  17. Athol Kay says

    hmmmm…… late to this one…. how to clue hubby in that I'd enjoy this once in a while….

    Send him a copy of this post. Or ask for it directly.

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