I can’t begin to thank you for saving my marriage. Six months ago, we were on the verge of divorce, both of us hating the other for various reasons, our sex life was non-existent.
Then, I found your blog, six months on, we’re both happy, back in love again, shagging like rabbits, and it’s all down to the advice on these pages. Yes, the advice does mean getting off your backside and making changes but the payoff is well worth it.
Take yesterday for example, we’d been playing the Captain/Number1 game and I asked her to send me a pic of her in some sexy knickers whilst I was at work. The pics arrived on my phone halfway through the afternoon. She picked me up from work, we had a quick kiss in the car and then headed home. After putting the little ones to bed, I noticed the knickers drying on the radiator, so I asked how come? She told me that after seeing me in my suit and smelling my aftershave when she picked me up, she just became seriously wet to the extent that she had to take them off and wash them. I took the opportunity the check she wasn’t wearing a different pair and then took her over the kitchen table there and then!
What’s amazing is things like these are becoming the norm for us, so thanks a million Athol!
Finally, on the haters, no matter how hard you try, how often you explain, there will always be people for whatever reason will try to bring you down. Nothing you do or say will change their opinion, so just accept it, ignore it and if it ever gets you down, go look at the book sales, have a smile and then go for a shag!
All the best
Mel
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Is it too much to say that is pee-your-pants funny?
Slippery lips have great relationships?
Nice one, Hans…
Mel – mind sharing exactly what seemed to click for you and your wife? I'm curious. Thanks!
Wife and i had done the 'what color panties are you wearing?' bit before – so after reading this post this morning, I asked her to send me a picture of her in her panties. 30 minutes later, we are chatting online and I asked where my picture was – a few minutes later my phone buzzed and viola! To make matters 'worse', my text request was intercepted by our 22 YO daughter – she got a laugh out of the request – so did the missus and I!
RP
Requests for sexy pics – nude or otherwise, or any sexual "questions" sent to women (married or single), via the various forms of wondrous social networking should be ignored. There is no such thing as privacy now, you don't know where the stuff turns up, you can never be assured your relationship will last and your man will have his sweet revenge with these tidbits.
Do this at your own risk, ladies! If he really needs to see your panty color, he can do so in person.
@Badger – Feel free mate ;o)
@EP – That's a difficult one to answer as no one thing clicked for us. It all started many months ago when I started a new job and I decided it was the perfect time to start 'Manning-Up', so I tried an Athol tip here and there and they worked, so I tried more and it started snowballing with each new change building on the ones before it. We're not completely there yet but we've come a long way and we're both looking forward to the future together which is a big change from when we were on the verge of divorce and hated each other.
@Anon – Yep, I can see your point but our relationship is based on trust, if you can't trust your partner, then you're not geared for a lifelong relationship but more a temporary association.
Anon 2:29 – You'd actually snub your husband a playful sexual request because he might divorce you one day?
Maybe there's self-fulfilling prophecy in there somewhere.
It's not a question of not trusting my husband; I do…it's the asshats that can get "ahold" of things that I don't trust. The proof is all over the internet.
Anon (no nudie pix!)
I am kind of paranoid about that too so I only send nekkie pics when my head isn't in the pic.
It's funny how every single tip to improve the marital sex life has to be met with finger-wagging criticism from paranoid women projecting what I can only gather is their own fear of intimacy and control freakishness. We saw it in spades with the post about long hair. Chill the heck out!
@Mel, thanks for the honest response.
Reason I ask is I've tried a few things with my wife of 7 years with mixed results. Making decisions (OK, we are going to X for dinner since you don't have an opinion, etc.) has gone over well, she likes a confident decision maker. Any form of negging, even when contrasted with a sincere compliment, does not work. Asshole game does not work. I probably still need to work to strike the right balance on these things…
philip
Badger, don't worry about the haters. For every one person here belittling the idea, there are probably hundreds of women reworking those haircut appointments and investing in better conditioner!
Might be interesting to get the women speaking up on what's working for them, too.
Yeah, the thought crosses my mind that someone could get a hold of these pics, but very few have my face, like paige says. Get over it. Who the heck wants to see pics of me, anyway, besides my man??
With the plethora of pics out there, people are obviously still doing it, and having a blast.
The whole "Add Alpha and Beta as needed" thing seems to work great for men, but what about women? What does it look like for a woman to add Alpha? All the dominant women I know are not unpleasant people, but they are definitely high maintenance and enjoy drama. If I faked that, it would ring false. I am very sweet tempered and non-confrontational. I'm a great cook and sexually available, yet my husband just gave me the "I don't know if I'm capable of love" speech. So what's a girl to do?
Anna – You didn't read during the whole month of April? Girl Game month all for naught?
http://www.marriedmansexlife.com/2011/04/girl-game-defining-few-terms.html
Email me Anna
Anna,
"I am very sweet tempered and non-confrontational. I'm a great cook and sexually available"
As a man whose wife is similar, although not as sexually available as I'd like, can I give you a few pointers?
1) Have you tried initiating sex? To me, that is female Alpha, especially if you are dolled up and in heels. Tell him you won't take no for an answer (And if he's at all familiar with this blog, he knows you never turn down a woman in lingerie).
2) You sound submissive which is good, it fits the captain/first mate model. My wife is too. However most nights after a little foreplay she rolls over and plays dead in the missionary position. I'd love it if she either said "I want to be submissive, how can I please you" or "I want you to X me in the Y" instead of just rolling over and playing dead. Have you offered your submission verbally and asked what he wants (beta)? Or told him what you'd like to do to him (alpha)?
3) I see you are a engineering tech writer who presumably is precise with words. What is your husband? Maybe you guys speak a different language based on your backgrounds and work environments, you very precise and technical with your words and him ???
Hope this helps, Anna,
philip
Phillip, #2 just helped me a ton! Thank you! I love the whole submissive thing, but thanks for the warning that rolling over to missionary can come off as playing dead. So far, I think we're in good territory, since he usually is the one to roll me over, or he'll ask. But adding in the asking and telling will definitely help keep me from slipping into "dead dog" instead of "hot dog(gy style)"
e.p.
Thanks for the reply. Yes to your first question, and sometimes to the second. My husband works in IT, so I've had to become much more technologically savvy, even though my brain is firmly on the art/music/literature side of things. When we were first married, we could barely talk to each other.
It turns out this was all a huge teapot tempest. My husband is the more moody of the two of us (I'm Socrates-calmly-drinking-his-hemlock stoic), and we've had a lot of stressors in the past two months, so he's been feeling off-kilter. He came home from a fast paced, do or die business trip to find me emotionally limp after the worst work day of my professional life. He noted my lack of enthusiasm greeting him, and his heart just sank. He mistook my exhaustion for a generally boring and unenthusiastic spirit, and assumed he'd married the wrong person. He's been guilty of this before, and I've always managed to talk him around.
The backstory is important here. His mother is borderline batshit. She's more mean than crazy, but plays up the crazy so she can get away with being mean. His sisters are both extremely emotional, and before me, all the girls he dated were very high maintenance emotionally. He thrives on saving emotional women from their self-created crises, because that's how he was raised. I don't create crises. I solve them. You know, with my brain that God saw fit to give me.
I wasn't too upset about his waffling because I've seen it many times before. But I was exasperated that he was bringing it up just when things were starting to get better. So I took my wedding bands off (a calculated move that I knew would work), told him where I was putting them, and informed me that I would accept them back from him after he had scheduled a private lunch with our pastor and figured himself out. It took less than 24 hours–and some veeeeery slow clothing changes–and all the rings were back on.
My husband is very high stimulation. When he's stressed, he wants even more stimulation. I had been holding up my end of things sexually, but he recently quit Taekwondo because of financial worries, and lacked an outlet for his excess energy. Our pastor drily told him that restless young men with crazy mothers are a dime a dozen, and he needs to get a new hobby, thank God he didn't marry his mother, and grow up. I privately nominated our pastor for beatification, took my rings back, and all seems to be fine now.
Anna,
It sounds like you have a good grip on the issue, "He thrives on saving emotional women from their self-created crises, because that's how he was raised.". Backstory/context is always important. I think you and your pastor are right too, he needs another outlet for his energies.
For me, weightlifting is very beneficial. I only started lifting last year and I'm not the type (I'm a nerdy engineer pursuing a Ph.D.) but it does sap the energy out of me and I find myself very focused after lifting. Might be something to suggest.
A bedroom suggestion: lingerie is highly stimulating, doesn't have to be anything fancy. Even just a pair of thigh-high stockings.
philip