Sexy Move: First Officer Scarf Bondage

Want to experiment with bondage but don’t want to spend cash on handcuffs and whatnot in case you don’t actually like it?
Easy.
Have them lie on their back in the middle of the bed. Then thread a scarf through a gap in the headboard and back out again. Then tell them to hold the ends of the scarf… and not let go.
And there you go; instant bondage. For most people it’s really more of a mental thing related to the power exchange turning them on, than getting turned on by actual restraints. Plus because they are holding the scarf, there is usually an impulse to grip it extremely hard as the sex progresses and the resultant muscle tension is an assistance to coming to orgasm.
Oh and credit Jennifer for this one; and yes I liked it.
Me unable to do anything forces her to become highly active or the sex just doesn’t happen. I happen to like having her writhing all over me. She likes the sense of power and control… and my positive reaction to her.
Hang on, hang on, hang on…
What happened to Captain and First Officer???? Aren’t I meant to be pounding the pussy and rag doll fucking her every night? At least a playful smack on the ass?
Sigh…
No one can be endlessly in charge all day everyday. Plus a requirement of being a First Officer is the capability to be able to step up and act as Captain when needed. I actually texted her earlier in the day that I needed something high stimulation that night… which basically means I’d like to be on the receiving end of some of her writhing.
We’re not wired for me 100% dominance and her 100% submission anyway. Maybe it’s a 85/15 split, so if we want to get 100% enjoyment, at least 15% of the time we’re going to have to be switch-hitting.
So Jennifer was in charge that night and told me what she wanted me to do. Which explains why we finished with one of my hands holding the back of her neck, and the other one pinning her left wrist against the small of her back. And rough. In my defense though… I was just following orders.
Dominance or submission isn’t always black and white. My suggestion is to just ask for what you want sexually first, and figure out whether it was dominance or submission after you have a huge orgasm. Assuming you even care about the question then…

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Comments

  1. krysie says:

    "My suggestion is to just ask for what you want sexually first, and figure out whether it was dominance or submission after you have a huge orgasm. Assuming you even care about the question then…"

    Makes sense to me!

  2. Valmont says:

    As usual, excellent advice. Particularly what krysie quoted. As someone from a more BDSM heavy relationship however I thought I could add a small caveat. It's very important to take care in the experimentation and the discussion of sexual desires, particularly when consented helplessness is involved. For some people such as myself, the D/S question is extremely important to sexual desire alone, let alone relationship health. Be smart, careful and relaxed about exploring, especially if either partner has control issues.

  3. Anonymous says:

    Athol, I know you've taken great pains to say that not everything is for everyone, that no one can be 100% dominant, etc. and that's all cool. But since you tend to micro-analyze the alpha/beta, dominance/submission elements of everything from body language to ponytails, this does seem kinda counter-intuitive.

    You seem to have a kink for being tied up. NTTAWWT, but doesn't it ever go the other way? I'd love to tie up my wife but the subtle hints are getting either nothing or a negative reaction. Coming right out and asking for it is a huge step that you can't un-ask if it goes badly. I have a feeling if I pushed on this she'd probably say she'd like to be the one to tie me up and that's something I Do. Not. Want.

    So more broadly speaking, if you don't have a super-open mindset when it comes to experimentation, how do you broach these subjects when you're afraid that it's going to go badly. (By 'badly' I mean not just rejection or embarrassment but potential hurt feelings at not being willing to satisfy this desire.)

  4. Anonymous says:

    Something I like to do is take off her t-shirt over her head, but leave it on her wrists. Then I can just grab the middle of it, or put it behind her head. It's very subtle as a testing-the-waters kind of thing too, and very easy for her to get out of.

    Regarding Anon of 10:39, I think you might try asking for something you don't want first, and see how that goes. Or ask her what her fantasy is, and assure her that you won't judge.

  5. Athol Kay says:

    Anon 10:39 – the tieing up has little to do with it for me really. It's more that she becomes extremely active and assertive toward me.

    Try it. If you want her to push the limits and try something new, you need to try leading that.

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