Should She Read The Book?

Had like 3-4 “should she read the book?” emails in the last two days. Here’s one of them.
Hi Athol,

I’ve been an avid reader of your blog for some time now, and just recently got the book and started reading it. Even though I’m not married, I am in a LTR of 7 months, and already things have gone downhill, so I’m hoping the book will help bring it back to life. We haven’t had sex for close to a month now, her reasons being too exhausted and stressed from the new job, and not being comfortable with her own body as she’s gained a little weight since we started dating. Even though that may be partly true as she works long hours, I suspect the real reason is my greatly increased “betatude” in the last few months.

My question to you is – should I tell her about the book and give it to her to read once I’m done, as I think it would help her shed some light on her own behaviour as well, or would that be a bad idea and make me look even more beta in her eyes (the fact that I need to read a book to figure out how to re-ignite the spark). I’m 25 and she’s 21, although she acts much more mature than that, if it makes a difference. Looking forward to your answer, and to finishing the book of course!

Cheers, thanks.
Hi there,
I think the sooner you address the low sex thing the better. That stuff never fixes itself. Basically if you are 25 and 21, you really should be having sex together like rabbits. It’s decidedly not normal to have the sex dry up at your age.
Yes tiredness can play a part in things, but there’s always something you can do together. I suspect the “too tried”, “too stressed” ,”too fat” lines are just generic Rationalization Hamster stuff to avoid sex with you.
Bring up the whole issue head on and say we seem to have an attraction issue happening here and I’m going to do my best to address it. I’ve started reading this book and I’m going to try out some different things with you. I’m just asking for a sympathetic hearing to my attempts to change. You might like to read the book as well to see what they are.
Women really seem to like reading the book. Even some quite feminist women have read it and suddenly gone “OMG I want to be First Officer!” So you never know what she might respond to. Maybe she really likes the texting stuff, or dirty talk in bed, hair pulling or spanking. The 10 second kiss thing is a lock for everyone.
I’ve had email from couples that actually openly talk about “that was an alpha point for you”, “that was a beta point you just earned”. The common language can help as women like to be gamed.
Though I do warn you… if she reads the book, she will watch you very closely indeed to see whether or not you are following through on things in a general sense. If you are, it’s all good. If you aren’t, then get ready to be dumped.
Also she might accidentally think that you are mentally getting ready to walk down the aisle because of the title of the book. Suggest you just smack that down immediately. “If we can’t address this somehow now, I don’t think we’ll be in a relationship much longer anyway. It’s a book, not a proposal.”
Absolutely do not marry anyone that you are having a bad sex life with. Never ever. Just don’t do it. You’d be better off if you instead gave her all your credit cards, a two day head start and started peeing on a police car.
Also as a caveat… I am selling the book, so my advice on the use of the book isn’t really to be trusted. I’ll probably tell you to buy a book for each of you or something like that. It also makes a great paperweight, fly swatter, fire starter and chew toy for medium sized dogs. Seriously, it only does everything. You can even wipe your ass with it but you don’t really want to risk a paper cut down there.
 

Comments

  1. Whatever you do, don't wipe your ass with the Kindle edition. Even smooth stones would be better, and cheaper too.

  2. Jasmine says:

    Here is my advice, (Speaking as a woman, so take it as you will). Finish it and start gaming her until things get noticeably better. DON"T show it to her right away. This is purely anecdotal, but if my husband and I were where you are (and we were at the beginning of our marriage) and he showed me this book I would lose even more attraction for him and put up even more of a wall on the sex front. It would not be intentional, but I know it would happen and more respect would be lost.

    Wait until the sex is far better and the spark is back. She will be far more receptive to everything in the book then. Women want to be led by a strong man. If you are not that strong man right now, she will be more likely to blow off your attempts at open change. When you are that strong man, she will see that you are truly leading and do more of her part to help. Thus reading and actually absorbing the book.

  3. I think Jasmine has a good point. Especially when you consider how young your GF is, she probably isn't very aware of her own sexuality yet and some of the stuff in the book might actually scare her (spanking, hair-pulling, Captain/first-mate). I think your best bet is to spend a few months experimenting and seeing what gets results. Once the sparks have re-ignited and you have a good bond then show her the book.

  4. Anonymous says:

    Yes,I agree with the concern that this woman might be a little young for some of the edgier things and that this man should tread carefully. Alpha should not mean frightening and overwhelming her. After all,it took a long and trusted relationship between Athol and his wife to venture in to that territory. Seven months is not very long to build a degree of trust for full bore Alpha.

  5. Athol Kay says:

    I got more email from this guy. She has near zero interest in him because of his low alpha. Plus other issues.

    Actually I started quite Alpha with Jennifer. I pulled her off her boyfriend, asked her to marry me, rolled into the wedding from abroad and rode off into the sunset with her. Made it clear that she had to put out or I wouldn't be able to stay with her and be faithful.

  6. Gave some hard-edged commentary on this letter here:

    http://badgerhut.wordpress.com/2011/05/06/moving-on-and-when-to-do-it

    I admit I'm a bit biased because of events over the past few years of my life, but if one is young and you are losing tactical (day-to-day) compatibility within six months I think it makes the most sense to polish your mistakes and find a new partner.

    I agree with Athol over anon on alpha – if anything, the early lack of trust will mean that heavy beta traits will freak the girl out, rather than heavy alpha ones. If he's going to do the MAO he does need to be congruent, something Athol talks about in the book.

  7. Geoffrey says:

    Letting her know you are reading the book is beta. What she will be thinking, at least at a subconscious level, is that you are putting in the effort of reading a book to improve so you can be with her, a girl that is denying you sex and putting on weight.

    Sex rank bro. You always want to be, in her eyes at least, better than her.

    If you are not married – improving for her is completely beta. Improve only for you. You're only 25 and have so much to experience with women. You should be having the time of you life.

  8. I'm with Jennifer.

    Definitely don't let her know of or read the book until you've started successfully implementing it's advice.

    I still doubt that I'd give her the book to read.

    I would start telling/teaching her nuggets of game wisdom though (such as that she likes it when you lead, and being teased, but only after a track record with her of being good at those things), and deprogram a lot of feminist notions. I'd point out how misandrous a lot of American popular is, such as lots of sitcoms and ads etc., and that men and women aren't the same but complimentary.

  9. To the anonym, dump the bitch.
    Buy the book and read up on PUA in general.
    Don´t fucking marry at 25!

    Western Men are from early childhood systematically brainwashed into acting as non-alpha as possible thus turning into subservient feminists(white knighters).

    A Man needs every trump in his hand as female attraction is based almost solely on social proofing through dominant(asshole) behavior & thinking. Which runs diametrically opposite the all prevailing PC propaganda.

    Again, don´t mention the book to your current future ex, as she´s irrelevant and get a better squeeze when you´re ready and "manned up some".

  10. Standup Guy says:

    Don't tell her you are reading the book. Just read it, implement it, and before long, you will start noticing a difference in HER behavior. Once you start asking for what you want and being persistent about it, good things will happen.

    Do not be wishy washy about suggesting sex. If she says I'm tired, I'm fat, I have to wake up early, etc, whatever, you have to let her know right then that you will be asking again tomorrow and she had better get her sleep cause she will need the energy to keep up with you.

    You're attitude on this topic with her should be one of lightness, teasing, playing. You should not be threatening. She'll get the message. No drama is needed.

    Once she starts realizing what your expectations are (regular sex), you should find that she starts realizing that you mean business. It will be very difficult for her to keep denying your daily requests for sex.

    Tell her nothing about the book. Act like everything in the book is just your personal philosophy.

  11. Tardy to the party, just starting to read. If it's even relevant, I'm a wife, reading every word of this blog. I have had open convos with my husband and he is going to take steps (he says..we'll see) to lose the 60 lbs. As far as adding Alpha, I don't think he has a clue.

    He's reading a little bit (he's not really a reader either), but the trouble with my reading and him NOT reading is that now I *AM* watching him and mentally keeping score, and he's kind of coming up more empty than before I know about the game. I want him to PLEASE run some game on me!! But he's not getting it.

    So, if you are a guy and reading and implementing the program, then probably no harm in having the gal read. However, if you are a girl and he is not reading (or not reading much) then maybe that's a bad thing.

    Unfortunatly, I am one that finishes a book no matter if it's good or bad, so I am going to keep reading all the blog posts and probably buy the book too.

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