Taken In Hand vs Captain and First Officer

Reader question…
“What is your relationship with the link to Taken In Hand on your blog? Is this something you support? Would you be willing to privately disclose if this is, in fact, the nature of your relationship with Jennifer? Or have you been open about it and I missed it? (No, silly, I haven’t been able to read *every* post. Not just yet!)”
This is a more complicated question than you know. For those with the book, I’m going to connect the dots between The Primer Chapters 9 (Captain and First Officer), 11 (Behavior Modification) and 24 (Rough Stuff).
Taken In Hand was one of the places that I read heavily and first learned that many women enjoy…
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  1. Anonymous says:

    Hm. Seems the whole spanking thing is optional. I was more referring to the aspect of being taken. You do touch on satisfying your needs, and "demand" sex sometimes. Or, maybe just that, "it's time for bed, Mrs. Kay…" I do see how the Taken In Hand literature can illustrate that women have a desire for rough sex. I was looking at the power aspect, where the women see the power that their men possess, paired win their desire to please, becomes their glue.

    However, I am concerned about the frequent use of the word, "rape," when they really mean something completely different.

    Yup, comments from the previous post spurred this question.

  2. Codeazure says:

    Your friend's wife (with the cleaning frenzy) gets aroused from doing housework? 8-)

    I want one!!! The world's most perfect woman!! ;-)[ducks for cover…]

    Seriously, the discipline for bad behaviour is risky. It can create a negative feedback loop in the situation you mention, which is very hard to break out of.

  3. An Improving Man says:

    In fairness to the Taken in Hand model, it's important to point out that (a) most of the members of the Taken in Hand site are women who found the courage to ask for this arrangement in their marriages, (b) most of them find spanking erotic and want both erotic (pleasant) and disciplinary (unpleasant) spankings, and (c) for them, it doesn't reach the "senseless beating" stage because a central part of their erotic systems is the need to be completely overpowered by aggressive (but loving and responsible) masculine energy. This is the "taken" aspect in the title and in Anonymous's posts.

  4. Anonymous says:

    Yeah, I'm still not looking at the spanking element at ALL on this one. Nor the punishment. I only started reading bits and pieces, and I got a much different impression of the movement than any of this.

    Even still, I'm starting to see that there's an undercurrent here of subduing a woman with a more wild personality than mine, so maybe I'm just way off the mark on this one to begin with.

    - The Reader Who Wrote In

  5. Athol Kay says:

    Anon 9:52 – I agree that the women there are doing it consensually and want it. That was what was so amazing to me when I was first discovering that site. It's one thing reading men saying they like to dominate, but another finding a site filled with women saying they like to be submissive.

    I do have to word these posts very carefully. I've already been acused of being encouraging violence to women simply because I have a link to Taken In Hand on the blog. Thus my need to broken record the need for consent etc.

  6. Athol-

    I would be curious to hear what you think of the blog, Finding Sarah; domestic discipline from the point of view of an articulate, intelligent, dominant in the workplace, submissive at home, woman. I think she might (?) identify with the captain/first officer idea.

    Love both of your blogs. Took me till I was 50 yo to realize how much being submissive turned me on! Better late than never


  7. Athol Kay says:

    Jane – I've read her on and off, but distracted by all my writing to pay full attention. Don't really have a coherent opinion. If she likes it, cool.

    She may well like the Captain and First Officer thing.

  8. Anonymous says:

    This site is both fascinating and appalling, but Taken in Hand is just appalling. And creepy. I don't care how you explain it – if your husband is spanking you to "manage" your behavior, you are not a competent adult participating in an adult relationship, you're a child. (Light erotic spanking – an entirely different thing!)

  9. Athol Kay says:

    If I'm fascinating and appalling, I just assume I'm hitting the sweet spot baby!

    I think most Taken In Hand women types aren't childlike, they've just discovered that they enjoy the physical/sexual dominance and seek it out. They just get their wires crossed a little and link the bad behavior to the spanking.

  10. Anonymous says:

    Yes, definitely the sweet spot. It's "shock and awe" every time I stop by! After debating for a week or so, I even sent the link to my husband, so he can check it out too. When he does, he will think I've lost my mind.

  11. Athol Kay says:

    Well screwing him senseless will smooth things over as he reads… :-)

  12. I am a bit puzzled by this article. Have you ever actually read Taken In Hand? Where anywhere does it say that spanking is about ‘breaking a defiant wife?’. taken In Hand is about improving marital relations through having a relatiomship where the man takes active control. Spanking is just one method of maintaining control, and not necessarily the most important one. But for those of us who do crave spanking, it tends to have the effect of making us more compliant, more anxious to please, more attraced to our husbands. It clears the air, settles disagreements, and makes both people feel better. My husband definitely gets great satisfaction out of ‘taking it out on your bottom’ as he puts it when he is annoyed by something I have done or said.

    We haven’t got our ‘wires crossed’ as you rather condescendingly suggest. On the contrary, we know exactly what we need, and we get it. Being spanked for a ‘reward’ would totally mess with my head, that would be wires crossed with a vengeance. Spanking is a way of demonstrating dominance, the feeling of being ‘put in my place’ is deeply satisfying. Being told ‘this spanking is a reward’ would make me want to vomit, because being spanked really, really hurts. As a reward for doing the housework it totally wouldn’t work. But as an incentive to try harder with the housework it does. Seeing my husband as a powerful, sexy authority figure who can spank me if he wants to is what really works. It doesn’t have to be spanking though. A word spoken in the right tone of voice can do it, sometimes just a look. I couldn’t get anything out of spanking without the dominance, but I could live without the spanking if I was getting enough dominance in other ways. Both is better though.


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