Where Do You Start With Fitness Tests?

So how do you bump back after 10 years of not even recognizing these fitness tests? I just started reading this blog a few weeks ago. I’m the same as you Athol, I’m a very accommodating person. But now I’m starting to realize how many shit tests I’ve failed. How can I start to dig myself out of the hole I’ve created?
The first step is always to get your physical body together as best you can. That may not sound like directly meeting Fitness Tests, but your physical body is always going to be a major factor in your interaction with your wife. Working out will make you feel better and stronger as a person, and that will radiate from you and affect her response to you as well.
The second step is to just start anywhere in terms of the social interactions between you both. Seriously just anywhere. If you’re in a big hole, anything is going to be an improvement. Pick an area and get started. Stop thinking so much, do something different.
A third area to work on is paying close attention to her tone of voice with you. Very often a Fitness Test involves a perfectly reasonable request, but she makes the request in an unreasonable manner. Whining, nagging, yelling, disdain, contempt, anger, insulting all qualify. Bump the request back to her as “You are yelling/insulting/whining/etc at me, if you are willing to talk to me in a proper tone of voice I will listen to you.”  Then you simply ignore the request until such time as she reframes the request politely.
If it’s a reasonable request, and she can ask in a reasonable tone of voice… well you go ahead and help out. You really can still be accommodating to her, but not unless she is also accommodating to you. Jennifer and I both play the “Nice Card” at each other a whole lot. You just can’t play the Nice Card while she plays the Mean Card over and over.
But do not complete tasks for her involving contemptuous tones. And seriously – buy the book. Chapters 10-12 cover these exact issues.
 

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Comments

  1. Simon Grey says:

    "The second step is to just start anywhere in terms of the social interactions between you both. Seriously just anywhere."

    This is gold. Don't let perfect be the enemy of good (or even just improvement). You don't have to be perfect before you begin to apply Game. Just start acting more alpha where necessary. And don't worry about mistakes. You are going to make them so you may as well accept that and just start doing what you can. Yeah, you'll mess up from time to time. You'll act like a chump sometimes. Accept it, learn from it, and move on.

    Focus on doing better, not being perfect. Analysis is not enough, you need to act. There are plenty of guys who understand Game but never use it. Don't be one of them. Be a man of action.

  2. Anonymous says:

    I encountered my first fitness test last night since discovering this blog… I never even recognized them before – being a chronically "nice guy", I've always been happy to do things for my wife. But at the same time I can see how that lowers my value in her eyes if I'm always playing the part of the butler, and she does have a habit of asking me to do things that she's perfectly capable of doing herself. She rarely asks in a rude or condescending tone, but still – she's not an invalid.

    Anyway, she was already in bed, and I was wandering around the bedroom getting ready myself. I suggest we turn on the TV to catch the last half of a show we had DVR'ed before a little horizontal recreation. Now, the remote was on her bedside table, literally a foot away from her, and she asks me to get it because her arms were cold. Recognizing as a fitness test, I laughed and said no. We lay in bed for a couple of minutes, then she grabs the remote and turns on the TV. Internally I gave myself a high-five :)

  3. Anonymous says:

    Athol,

    Do you allow any more leniency during PMS time? In other words, if she usually is not showing disrespect, but might slip into it during her blue days, is it ever appropriate to just let anything go?

  4. Athol Kay says:

    Anon 9:18 – I'll answer that in a post tonight I think.

  5. Chakotay says:

    This post really is gold – among the top 10% of the posts on this blog IMHO, which itself is the best blog out there, bar none. My discovery of MMSL has been truly eye-opening and life-changing, and this post is one that I keep returning to at least weekly. Thank you Athol for sharing your insight and wisdom! (And yes, I’ve bought both books, and am looking forward to the next one!)

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