I’ll keep it short and sweet. Had I found and read your blog-book 2 years ago, I would have saved a long term dual virgin marriage, kept my assets, job, etc. I got back involved with an early affair partner, now find myself trying to save her and severe oneitis.
Wow, I lost my balls.
We are not married so that is good, don’t live together, so it hits me between the eyes after reading the chapter on oneitis; I need to go cold turkey, stop the spending, try to do it all. Clearly she will either accept and come back or flee looking for another chump. Without knowing MAP, I did take myself from a 6 to 8 as a 52 year old guy, lost a corporate job, yet launch a successful consulting practice( well into six plus$) and pulling lots of attraction and interest. Women are replaceable…I love it, I’m pretty damn good, just too much of a nice guy..
So the talk tonight will be no trip to Italy, no more home improvements, no more subsidizing her monthly alimony, child support income from her loser ex.
My cost per lay is way out of line.
Another topic is batshit crazy and trying to fix someone that has been abused is a losing proposition, have to be healthy to have heathy.
Keep up the outstanding insight and motivation for recovering nice guys.
AK, well an old dog can learn. You’re wisdom Applies men of all ages. Thanks again,
Btw, update on breaking oneitis. You have a crystal ball. The news on no trip resulted in tears, immediate move to come over and talk, upset, blaming throwing things (BS Crazy), then the other kryptonite–attempt of wanting sex to get want she wanted. Hell she hasn’t climbed on top of me with a tennis skirt( my weakness) in ages– No dice. And she is an 8–I stood firm. Then the use of her kids, I’m disappointed them, the shame crap. Not working. I never said the relationship was over, just reframed. I want a commitment for affection, warmth, and sex. It feels great
Athol: This all sounds like a marked improvement. However, I would watch the Batshit Crazy angle very carefully. Her throwing things at you is seriously uncool. Recommend getting a phone that has good video recording feature and should she ever start throwing things again, start taping her tantrum as your defense that you were not the one escalating the domestic violence. And end the relationship.
That being said, she may not be Batshit Crazy, just seriously acting out over been called on the carpet for her poor behavior. May have been just a major reseting of the relationship. So steady as she goes.