Oneitis Broken —> Batshit Crazy? = Steady As She Goes

AK,
I’ll keep it short and sweet. Had I found and read your blog-book 2 years ago, I would have saved a long term dual virgin marriage, kept my assets, job, etc. I got back involved with an early affair partner, now find myself trying to save her and severe oneitis.
Wow, I lost my balls.
We are not married so that is good, don’t live together, so it hits me between the eyes after reading the chapter on oneitis; I need to go cold turkey, stop the spending, try to do it all. Clearly she will either accept and come back or flee looking for another chump. Without knowing MAP, I did take myself from a 6 to 8 as a 52 year old guy, lost a corporate job, yet launch a successful consulting practice( well into six plus$) and pulling lots of attraction and interest. Women are replaceable…I love it, I’m pretty damn good, just too much of a nice guy..
So the talk tonight will be no trip to Italy, no more home improvements, no more subsidizing her monthly alimony, child support income from her loser ex.
My cost per lay is way out of line.
Another topic is batshit crazy and trying to fix someone that has been abused is a losing proposition, have to be healthy to have heathy.
Keep up the outstanding insight and motivation for recovering nice guys.
Email Update…
AK, well an old dog can learn. You’re wisdom Applies men of all ages. Thanks again,
Btw, update on breaking oneitis. You have a crystal ball. The news on no trip resulted in tears, immediate move to come over and talk, upset, blaming throwing things (BS Crazy), then the other kryptonite–attempt of wanting sex to get want she wanted. Hell she hasn’t climbed on top of me with a tennis skirt( my weakness) in ages– No dice. And she is an 8–I stood firm. Then the use of her kids, I’m disappointed them, the shame crap. Not working. I never said the relationship was over, just reframed. I want a commitment for affection, warmth, and sex. It feels great
Athol: This all sounds like a marked improvement. However, I would watch the Batshit Crazy angle very carefully. Her throwing things at you is seriously uncool. Recommend getting a phone that has good video recording feature and should she ever start throwing things again, start taping her tantrum as your defense that you were not the one escalating the domestic violence. And end the relationship.
That being said, she may not be Batshit Crazy, just seriously acting out over been called on the carpet for her poor behavior. May have been just a major reseting of the relationship. So steady as she goes.

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Comments

  1. The MacNut says:

    I would seriously reconsider being with someone inclined to throw things at you in the first place. If she's doing that already before your even in a committed relationship with her, she could get 10x worse once she thinks he "has you" in a committed LTR or marriage.

    Abusive people generally get worse as the relationship progresses.

  2. Looking Glass says:

    Well, it depends on "what" she was throwing. If it was just pillows, that's one thing. If it was the Lamp, well, RUN!

    I'm very sedate, but if really pissed off, I'm known to kick a door (I win, not the door). So it's a matter of how much & what more than that something got thrown.

  3. Deborah says:

    If she's throwing things, throw her out. Doesn't matter if they're lamps or pillows–lack of self control is lack of self control. It's a deal breaker.

  4. Stingray says:

    Good grief, what kind of woman would ask these kinds of things from a man she is simply dating? That is scary. (If I were to divorce, no way, no how would I ask any man to supplement my alimony and child support. And all that other stuff on top of it? That, in and of itself, is batshit crazy.)

  5. Thag Jones says:

    I don't like the sounds of this. She's way too spoilt and takes too much. Even if someone offered me all that, I wouldn't take it – child support and alimony supplementation? WTF?

    The kids' disappointment is not your problem – you're not married to her and they're not your kids. She's lucky anyone gives enough of a shit to spend time with kids that aren't his.

    It really amazes me how unbelievably ungrateful and spoilt some people are.

  6. Athol Kay says:

    I had another email from him. Sounds like he didn't like what he was seeing through all this and is backing further away from her.

  7. Stingray says:

    Thank God. Holy Crap! I can't even imagine what a terribly selfish person she must be. I wish him all the luck in the world getting over her and getting away from her.

  8. Anonymous says:

    Don't stick it in The Crazy.

    That is all.

  9. The MacNut says:

    "Don't stick it in The Crazy." Yep, that about sums it up. If we men would follow that one simple rule, it would spare many of us a world of hurt. Glad to hear the guy in question appears to be taking that advice to heart at last. She sounds like bad LTR material all around anyway, he can do better.

  10. Athol Kay says:

    I've got this tactic of writing around the topic and not always explicitly telling the guy to break it off. Usually I get an email 1-2 days later that says "I kept thinking and um… yeah I'm done with her".

  11. Looking Glass says:

    The inverse of the Rationalization Hamster is the "Stark Realization Shark". The Red-pill does wonders for bringing it out of the aquarium and into action.

  12. Doug1 says:

    Read her the riot act about throwing stuff. Not when mad. Be ice cold about it. She does that any more it's over.

    But there seems to be a history here I haven't read about in early posts.

  13. hans says:

    Sorry AK but the only one bat-shit crazy here was you. As you were(now hopefully for you in the permanent past tense) dating (in fact subsidizing) a single mother.

    Rough Guide To Single Mom´s

  14. hans says:

    Whoops!
    Above post was addressing the anon this article´s is about, not our AK here. :)

  15. Athol Kay says:

    Hans – no problem.

    I tihnk he had it complicated a bit in that she was a prior affair partner. I believe he's all done with her now though.

    The Rough Guide To Single Mom's is classic.

  16. Thag Jones says:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zEZ-BassqzM&feature=player_detailpage#t=116s

    Everyone stop putting apostrophes in where it's a plural! *face palm*

  17. hans says:

    Thnx for the helpful grammar nazi TJ.
    And actually I beat you to the face-palm as I hit it about a second after reading the finished post. :P

    BTW, how do you like the guide?
    Hitting too close to home? >:)

  18. Thag Jones says:

    The guide does not hit close to home no, because it just doesn't describe what I'm like at all. As I said in my post on the topic (since it got me thinking), those people are users and were probably users before they became single parents. Not every single mom is that much of a nightmare, nor are all of them the only one at fault in a divorce, but I certainly don't blame anyone for avoiding single moms on principle. Don't worry, I've already faced the facts of my greatly narrowed dating pool and am pretty happy with where I am right now. :)

    I am a bit of a grammar nazi though. ;)

  19. Thag Jones says:

    Not everyone is out to get you or your wallet.

    http://youtu.be/7C6OQ3rDh_s

    :D

  20. Anonymous says:

    "The guide does not hit close to home no, because it just doesn't describe what I'm like at all."

    This is true. Having corresponded with Thag quite frequently for some time now, seen gorgeous pics of her and her children(she is a talented photographer) I can most certainly say that she is nothing like desriptions in that guide..

    Kathy Farrelly

  21. viagra online says:

    Thanks for this email update is the best option for common users.

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