Sexy Move: Go For A Walk

It’s finally warm enough to get outside and have a nice walk together. Jennifer and I walk together as exercise-lite a couple times a week now. It’s a big lap around the neighborhood.
We chat and dream together I guess is the best description of conversation. What we talk about isn’t important in particular, just that we do.
We usually hold hands for at least some of the walk. There’s a dominant hand position if you didn’t know… my hand goes “in front” of hers. We’ve always done this naturally for some reason… I’ll just assume it was my raw masculine powah that made that happen.
That’s about it. I always feel happy after a walk.

Dominate Everything

New rule: Dominate everything

LOL I just love Freddies videos.

How To Build Self-Esteem

Get a piece of paper and write out what you would do if you had good self-esteem.
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Girls Night Out (Final GNO Post For The Moment At Least)

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post “Why Men Are So Paranoid About Girls Night Out“:
After spending all my life in the nightclub business, both in management and in ownership… I will flat out tell you that the reason I will forever remain single… is…. well… because I spent all of my life in the nightclub business. You can only follow them, join them, cock block for so long… but eventually, there will come a time when “Eve” demands that she be entitled to her “grrrrrrls night out” out without out you, lest you be branded a control freak who will not let her have any ‘fun’ with the members of the “Ya ya’s”…all of whom, I might add, are all divorced and looking for cock, and expecting your innocent princess to join them. You will be held as the enemy, preventing her from having her fun, while at the same time, trying to convince you that she is the “different” one from all of her ‘grrrrrlfriends’ who all actually starred in the latest “what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas” commercial.
The years of watching married women during convention season, away from their mates…. the years of “happy hour” hand holdings under the table with a fellow co worker… and the DIVORCE PARTIES that I have personally hosted (all held by women…..men never have divorce parties at bars… they’re usually the ones blowing their heads off somewhere after they learned about the happy hour romance to begin with) have led me to the conclusion that absolutely NO woman who claims to be in a relationship or married is to ever……..and I mean EVER be trusted without her man for “grrrrrrls night out”.
You can argue NAWALT (Not All Women Are Like That) with me all day long…. but trust me… I’ve seen enough through my years to know that not ONE of them can be trusted.
You would be surprised as to how many of your wives tried to pick ME up once learning I was the owner….
Athol: This is a somewhat stronger comment than I would make. I would make the NAWALT argument in a general sense, but in the self-selecting group of women exhibiting disloyal behavior by purposely going to bars without their husband, it is I agree simply an unreasonable risk. I don’t balance a little red gas can on top of the electrical panel either. Bad things can happen.
The Convention Season comment is perhaps the most worrying one. It’s the perfect cover story and opportunity moment. She may even be required to go.
And yes. I’ve never heard of a man having a divorce party. Women yes, men no.
 

Forgive and Move On Together

You’re going to get hurt in your marriage. Repeatedly. Welcome to reality.
I’m not just talking about just sex here, though obviously being cheated on ranks right up there at the top of what hurts the most. I’m just saying that your spouse is going to do things to you either out of ignorance, carelessness, revenge or malice that will hurt you. You will find yourself looking at them and wondering what on earth your were thinking when you decided to join your life to theirs.
Jennifer and I have always had a good marriage together and we’ve strengthened and grown together over time. We’re better together now than we have ever been. But that path upwards isn’t like riding an escalator, it’s a lot of average days, some great days and some truly terrible days. Overall though it’s a positive progression. But those truly terrible days can become stumbling blocks to that positive progression if you hold onto them.
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Sexy Move: Be A Smooth Criminal

So your mom made you learn cello.

How do you regain your Alpha frame? 

Maybe…

I’m not saying it’s going to work on all the girls. But you will get mad interest from the girls in the band who are your easy (heh) target audience.
Don’t pass over the girls in the band either. Learning music takes intelligence, excellent manual dexterity, patience to stick with something and the ability to work in a team for a shared goal. All good things. Personally I have a preference for girls that played wind instruments. Jennifer played the clarinet, which means she learned how to breath right and sustain long periods of blowing.

More Girls Night Out Drama

“Athol, I am very interested in this topic. I am a 30 yo man living and working in London. My ex girlfriend of 4 years cheated on me whilst on holiday. While she was here in London she always went for drinks until 2am with her work colleagues on fridays, sometimes other days of the week. This used to tick me off, but it just isn’t socially acceptable to deny them. Even my friends used to tell me I was being too harsh by acting upset with her GNO’s. The events that transpired during her girl’s only holidays proved me right, however.

How can I lay down the law in my future relationships…whithout looking like a total spoilt prat in front of my friends and hers?”
There’s two separate things going on here. The first is that she is displaying disinterest in you repeatedly. The second is that you are being shamed into allowing those displays of disinterest to continue unopposed. Then having been reduced to a passive attachment to her life, she stumbled onto an active interest and responded to it.
Stripping away any talk from the situation and just looking at the actions, every Friday night for four years, she was not with you. That means she wanted to be with them, more than she wanted to be with you. Some weeknights as well, she wanted to be with other people more than she wanted to be with you. She also wanted to be drunk repeatedly and avoid intimacy with you, rather than sober and be intimate with you. Ultimately she wanted to not be on a vacation with you, and be intimate with someone else.
I really don’t give a damn about London culture. I’m pretty sure if she said, “I’d rather be home banging my boyfriend“, she wouldn’t lose her job or work friendships. These are choices she makes.
The reason it ticked you off was that you wanted to be with her and she didn’t want to be with you. Maybe I’m just getting too old, but isn’t the entire point of having a steady girlfriend to have some fun together on Friday nights? Your frustration seems pretty reasonable. Wanting to be with your girlfriend on a Friday night doesn’t make you a spoiled prat, it makes you normal. It’s a reasonable request to be together, if only for most Fridays.
If even your friends are shaming you into sitting on your hands and doing nothing because “it’s the culture, stupid”, that just means they are either trying to meet her at the club without you cockblocking, or they are all scared wussies too. Ignore them, sometimes the culture is stupid and you confuse the volume of advice with good advice. A flock of geese make loud honking noises too, but that doesn’t mean they understand the sexual marketplace any better than a bunch of dateless guys on a Friday night. At least geese get laid.

Not letting yourself be treated like day old fish’n’chips isn’t being an ass. It’s attractive behavior that women respond to positively.

In the future, just see her display of disinterest for what it is… disinterest.
So return that disinterest right back to her.
After a couple of nights of her passing on being with you, drop her down the list a spot or two and start dating someone else. Ideally someone that is actually interested in you.
Your girlfriend will probably have a screaming fit, and you just say “You’ve made it clear that you’re not interested in me because you are choosing to not be with me. You can’t really expect me to not have a date every Friday night.” She’ll either pull her crap together quickly or she won’t. Either way it won’t last for four years and it won’t end up as a straycation.
A sober girl that wants to be with you, beats a drunk girl that doesn’t want to be with you every time in my book. So even if she pulls it together maybe someone else is better for you anyway. Like I said before, I’m kinda old; it isn’t really my thing to bang chicks doggy style on the bathroom floor while they clutch the toilet bowl.

Buy The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011!
$9.99 PDF at Lulu.com  $9.99 Kindle and $14.39 Print at Amazon.com
(Cheaper than getting her drunk for one night. Works for at least a week!)

Sexy Move: Be Fully Present

When you kiss, think about nothing but the kiss.

Forgiveness

18 years ago his wife confessed guilt to something moderately inappropriate on the cheating scale. It was awkward and painful, but they got past it and life continued on without anything similar happening again. There were kids, careers and and a home. She got sick and had a total hysterectomy, and that’s turned a lot of her sex drive down. He’s frustrated, so he searched the Internet and came here.
But having read MMSL… he knew in a sickening flash from the past that the something moderately inappropriate 18 years ago, was in fact very likely all the way inappropriate. He told me the details and it fit pretty well that she had been all the way. I told him so.
But it seemed to me to be an isolated incident, followed by nearly two decades of faithfulness. There were no STDs, no pregnancy issues. Just the most horrible WTF-did-I-do experience for her. We emailed back and forth about what to do. Deep down he always knew anyway. He forgave her long ago, just never told her for fear of upsetting the apple cart.
Finally I told him…
“She’s kept the lie because she loves you and didn’t want to risk losing the relationship. You’ve not exposed the lie because you love her and didn’t want to risk losing the relationship.

If there is a way… pull each other’s thorn out.”
I may very well have advised something different to him 18 years ago. But it’s now. 18 years is a long time to carry such a burden.

Shit My Husband Says

Textual Tension…

Jennifer: Wearing a skirt = no pockets = keep missing calls and texts

Athol: LOL never thought of that

Athol: Jennifer +1 for skirt though

Jennifer: Damn straight :-)

Athol: Pantiless is +4

Jennifer: LMAO

Athol: Well +4 on a date w me. -36 without me

Jennifer: LMAO will remember that