Why Men Are So Paranoid About Girls Night Out

Back in the day when I dating my first serious girlfriend Mary, she and a couple of her girlfriends decided to go to a club. Being a squeaky clean Christian, I’d never been to a proper club, but I knew what it was about. So I ran interference and essentially demanded that I get to go along too. (In retrospect, I think the whole thing was just another Fitness Test!)  I straight up told her it was a meat market and if she was going, I needed to come too. I think it was one of the few tests I actually passed with flying colors.
About halfway through the night she semi-apologized and agreed that the whole place was a meat market. Overall we had a good time though and I got to end the night with a pretty fantastic makeout session. She actually complained that she was turned on so much that she was struggling with wanting to have sex but she didn’t wear down my last minute resistance…
…oh snap. I could have…
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Courtship Never Ends?

I have had a small explosion of email resulting from the Girl’s Night Out and Sometimes It All Gets To Me posts. I’m playing catch up with everyone, and yes… every single email was a cautionary tale about GNO. This comment stood out as needing an answer first though.
Is this really how it goes?

I’m reading the book now, and so far its great. But I have to ask: does this really go on for the entire marraige? Honestly part of why I enjoy being married is NOT having to continue playing these kind of attraction games. I’m disheartened to find that if I want my relationship to last, I have to keep the act up for the length of the relationship. I am good with most of the info, but what I’m seeing here is leading me to believe either I play the game entirely, or risk losing my relationship.

What a load of crap I was fed by growing up. That once I found and married my “one” I could finally settle down and get comfortable. It looks like that isn’t the case at all, and frankly I hate playing games.

But this thread clearly shows that the truth is if you don’t, you’ll lose it. Very depressing…

The answer to that question is yes and no.
Yes in that you can never stop being a high value man and creating attraction, or you risk being cheated on or divorced. These are the rules of the Marriage 2.0 culture we have now. No fault divorce law means marriage is until someone is tired of being married to the other.

No in that the way you play the game can change markedly from having to survive in the dating arena of the Sexual Marketplace. You no longer have to focus on displaying bursts of short term attraction to try and pull immediate sexual access to women. You can focus on actually building long term increasing high value.

If I were single and out hunting for sex, I wouldn’t be writing this blog for example. I’d be in the gym 1.5 hours a day, layering on the hottest clothes, collecting phone numbers, sprucing up my apartment, buying a flashy car and generally running game on every woman I met that I had a passing fancy about getting her legs in the air.
To be honest, that’s a lot of work and yet non-productive.
What I actually do is a shit ton of writing and email and focus on creating stuff. It’s a major display of high value to Jennifer, especially since the book got published and I nearly doubled my income as a result. Even my parents-in-law really like it now it’s making money. They can’t bring themselves to read the book in case they read about their daughter’s sex life, but they definitely do the woo-hoo thing and tell people about it.
Even Jennifer’s grandmother wants to read the book now, but I’m being absolutely clear that if her heart stops because she reads about me cumming on Jennifer’s breasts or something, I’m not going to be held responsible.
It’s extremely relaxing to be married and have sex on tap so speak. It’s extremely relaxing to have a good wife and not worry about her running around me. If anything my struggle is that it’s all too easy for me sometimes. Hence the writing project to maintain the balance.
So the focus does change once you are married. But you do still have to step up and keep your crap together and ticking over. Or her vagina just switches off on you. She can’t help it… attraction isn’t a choice.
And as I make clear in the book, the Marriage 2.0 consequences for failure to maintain attraction if you are a husband can be severe. I don’t make the rules, I just explain how to survive within the framework the culture has created. Males of every species in the world have to engage in some form of competition to get mating opportunities. So put up a fight.
I never said the Red Pill was going to taste of chocolate. All I offer is the truth.

Sometimes It All Gets To Me

I get a lot of reader email. A lot of it is win, but some of it is lose. I’m okay with that. It’s life and I’m doing what I can.
A recent email got to me though. She unleashed the dreaded “I love you but I’m not in love with you” speech on him and he knew enough to know that things were bad. He scrambled around the Internet for a bit and eventually found his way here. Within a day or so he’s getting up to speed on the Alpha Beta thing and orders the book.
Within two weeks he’s getting results and she’s starting to respond to him better. It’s working.
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Reviews of the Primer

AretaeAs always, Athol Kay is the best thinker on Marriage for the general topic of what I call Evolutionary Realism. No bullshit; Here’s how it really is. If you’re a man who’s not happy in the marriage (usually, from insufficient sex), Athol has a plan. If you’re a woman whose not that into your guy any longer (because he’s gotten worse, or you’ve gotten better) then Athol has a book for you.
PUA4LTR – Someone asked me on Facebook: “Patri – what would you recommend as the best, or one of the best, youtube presentations of pick up artistry, particularly with the long term relationship angle?”  I don’t watch videos much, as I find them time-inefficient compared to skimming books or podcasts in the car. Married Man Sex Blog & his new book: Married Man Sex Guide 2011 is by far the best I’ve seen on PUA for LTRs.
JSJ Therapy Blog – The book takes you along [Athol’s] journey towards integrating the science, emotion, and results of his balance between high value alpha actions and beta value response for a beautiful shift in romance with his wife.
The Married Man Sex Life Primer can be used as a way to jump-start your intimate relationship again. However, it feels more like a way to generate change within men that have lost their personal focus. And no matter what gender or sexual relationship you choose to explore, it will always feel sexy to be around a person who is confident within themselves and has a vision for their life ahead.
Thank you all!