There’s a mildly complicated backstory, but my answer I think helps women understand they can easily adopt the MAP for themselves and shouldn’t just lob the book at their husband and expect a miracle. You have to take action.
Reader Email: Okay, I will up my sex rank, act neutral (disinterested in sex?) and see how that goes.
Athol: Not quite right…
You can and should act interested in sex… that’s your primary relationship concern and you want to communicate that through your actions. You like and want sex!
However… if he declines sex with you, act like it is no big deal. No begging, no whining, no pouting, no slamming doors, no doing the dishes very noisily and angrily. Just say “okay” and walk away from him.
Read over Chapter 6 in the Primer again and think of it applying to you rather than him. Then read over Chapter 16 again and think of it applying to you as the person running the MAP.
Like I say, start working out, dressing better, a little more revealing… as if you were getting ready to just dump him and move on.
The fantasy in his head right now is that you and he will have a sexless marriage, he will jerk off to porn, and you will just stick around and love him anyway. So start breaking that fantasy in his head. Start acting like you won’t just stick around and be miserable for his benefit.