Shit My Husband Says: Ocean Voyage

I’m exhausted to the point of falling asleep on the couch and gently prodded awake by Athol after sleeping for who knows how long. I edit last nights post as best my sleepy brain can and we head off to bed…

Athol: You look beat, you want to skip?

Jennifer: No, we can do something.

Athol: You’re on the bottom, sleepy baby.

Jennifer: Yes!  (I love being on the bottom)

Buy Me!

A Little Ain’t Enough

Reader Comment: On another board I was talking to some women about men they had good sex lives with vs. bad and they commented how with the good sex lives, the guys ‘had to have it’. But the guys they kept miserable, they perceived to have lower sex drives.
Athol: I think there’s something to that too. Basically the higher drive guys are likely to have higher drive offspring, and thereby the woman stands to gain a better gene transmission. A high sex drive is sexy in and of itself.
I have a crazy high sex drive and that triggers Jennifer’s drive a great deal. It’s not like I need to threaten I’d cheat on her if she doesn’t put out or anything close to it. My entire personality starts to change the longer we go between having sex together. I become increasingly “touchy feely” as the time passes.
If she’s sick etc and I can see a clear and reasonable explanation for not wanting sex with me, that’s fine. But there’s no way I could just lie next to her for nights on end not having sex; cutting me off from sex for no good reason would just have natural consequences that we both acknowledge.  If nothing else I have trouble falling asleep at night without having sex.
So cultivating the appearance of being someone that wants and likes sex and is naturally a higher sex drive is a good thing. That’s also one of the reasons I’m so keen to see guys running The MAP get in shape. It both increases your sex drive and is the perfect justification for having an increased sex drive. “Wow honey, since I’ve gotten in shape, I’ve just felt so damn horny.”
Taking it up to Diamond Dave levels is slight overkill, but adding a little of the attitude wouldn’t be a bad thing.

Also semen contains testosterone and that triggers the female sex drive as well. Keep them topped up.

Another Man Moves In And Works The L-Spot…

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post “Work The L-Spot: She Will Beg You For More“:
About a year ago another man moved in on my wife and nailed the L-Spot. This was hard for me, especially because years ago I was real good on the L-Spot, or so I thought (and we’re still married and together, so this gets interesting.) But despite my best efforts she didn’t like me doing it — the wash, that is. Soon the dryer was full and clothes in the washer were getting musty because other work had to be done. Then one day I spattered bleach. That ended it. No more L-Spot for me. Banished.
So how did this other man move in and provide glee and pure delight in my wife’s L-Spot? Simple: He developed a genuine desire for it, rooted in curiosity and a can-do attitude, celebrating the accomplishment every dang time: Empty the dryer, then load wets into the dryer, and then dirties into the washer. Get the machines going and help fold the clean. He was actually crushed when the laundry was caught up!
And there was no way I could stop this man: He’s my (at the time) two-and-a-half year old son. 30 months old, doing the wash (with a little bit of help). So I just stick to doing dishes and washing down the kitchen counters, cabinets, etc. every night. It doesn’t do a dang thing for my sex life, but I do have the satisfaction of knowing she’s happier.
Now I just gotta get this three year old to stop nagging me about my clothes strewn around the bathroom. Crimony.
- Jc
PS: Guys, do not figure out or learn how to fold clothes; let your woman teach you how she wants it done.
PPS: And don’t forget to pump iron: Do your own shirts and pants.
Athol: Too cute! Good writing is good writing.

Did MMSL Propel You Into A Divorce?

I’m getting tired of being labeled as always having my finger hovering over the divorce button. Divorce is nasty but a required item in your tool set, but it’s not like I’m in a rush to just throw a marriage on the ground. One of the things that those who have only read parts of the blog and not The Primer seem to misunderstand, is just how long it takes to work through The MAP successfully. It’s more like a marathon than a sprint.
The Timeline spelled out Chapter 16 covers seven distinct phases of action in running The MAP. Each of the first three phases can take anywhere from three months to a year to work through depending on how you are in comparison to her Sex Rank. The fifth phase can take just as long as well. The ultimatum doesn’t even happen until the sixth phase… assuming you even need to get that far.
By controlling the approach to fixing your intolerable problem, and slowly changing yourself / turning up the heat, the other spouse usually changes for the better well in advance of ever needing a divorce ultimatum.
In fact, I’m not sure I even remember getting a reader email that said they had gotten as far as the divorce ultimatum. Most all reader email tells me that it worked quickly and the wives were responsive by Phase Three or Four. A small percentage did have wives that filed for divorce or left for the other man, but they were usually in a very rough starting place to begin with.
So I’m curious. Has anyone that has run The MAP ever gotten as far as needing the divorce ultimatum to wake his wife up to the seriousness of the the situation? How far did you need to get to in the Timeline before seeing real results?
(And no I’m not going to spell out the Timeline on the blog. Not ever. I have a crap ton of free content and I have to hold something back. Buy the damn book.)

Monogamy Can Be A Calculated Sexual Strategy

Reader Question: I’m not sure I have a specific question for you, so much as a general topic. How do you deal with random other men in your spouses life and what are the appropriate reactions? I don’t mean male friends… we don’t believe in that. Rather, I’m talking about the randomly assigned project partner or the TA in her graduate class; the occasional substitute yoga teacher; basically any man that she cannot avoid, but isn’t going to be a complete stranger either.
I try my best to be aware of it all, without ever tipping my hand and asking too obviously. Should I just not worry about it at all? Is there a specific way to handle it that you’d recommend? What are your thoughts on these types of unavoidable situations?
For background (although I would assume this question can also be answered more generally for everyone), we’re newly married (less than a year).  She’s naturally friendly and outgoing, which sometimes bothers/worries me around strangers, but she also comes from a traditional family, is a first generation American, and cooks/cleans/runs errands since I work. I have a good job, and almost certainly have a higher sex rank than her by a point or two, but had almost no success with women before her despite being handsome and smart because of a lack of confidence with girls (I didn’t discover ‘game’ until after we began dating). I was her first sex partner and she might as well have been mine (I had a handful of one night stands that I look back on with shame due to awkwardness and poor performance), and there’s plenty of passion in the bedroom.
Athol:  You don’t have anything to worry about with these guys.
Also it’s impossible to police her over incidental interaction with other men and trying to will start to be viewed as controlling and needy. Speaking of The Police, how creepy is this song?

The defense against incidental contact becoming something more, is you maintaining a good Sex Rank and her being sexually moral/conservative – and it sounds like she is.
Reader Reply: That’s what I figured, but the confirmation from you is helpful.
Athol: I didn’t go into the exact reason in my exchange why this is so, but I’ll extend it now. Monogamy is as I’ve said many times before, a sexual strategy. We are all wired for the possibility of opportunistic sex outside of our primary relationship partner. The shorthand for such sex is usually “EPC” for “Extra-Pair Copulation”.
Because we all invest a lot of time and energy into our primary relationship, and we would like our primary partner to remain faithful to us, most people in relationships typically advance the default position of monogamy as being a good thing and their moral viewpoint as well as their personal preference. While this is not exactly a lie, it is a bit of relationship spin control.
However before one breaks away from the actual practice of monogamy and actually has an EPC rather than just idly dreaming about one, there is a serious weighing up of the risks involved before going ahead with it. The people that say “it just happened” are full of it… it never “just happens”, the feelings may just happen, but actual action to do it always is decided on with the deliberation of a chess move. The EPC always risks some form of discovery and potential loss of the primary relationship.
So for our couple in question, let’s take his claim he is two points higher than her at face value and say she is a 6 and he is an 8. For her to benefit from an EPC and do better than an 8, she’s got to pull the interest of a 9 or a 10. That’s going to take a fair bit of work to pull off and very likely she will tip her hand that she’s trying to EPC with someone. That of course would risk her relationship with her 8 husband, who is frankly already a far better primary partner than she deserves or could ever hope to replace. So the risk/benefit decision strongly suggests that she not try and find an EPC.
The majority of men she will have incidental contact with will be in the 4-8 range anyway. So none of them are actually better than her husband. So it is essentially convenient and efficient that she simply have an enjoyable day and come home to her husband for her sexual needs.
The other thing is that she is sexually conservative by nature/upbringing, so when she makes a risk/benefit decision about having an EPC, she weights her decision toward the staying monogamous option. Or in other words, a male 9 asking for a quick fling with a female 6 (who has a male 8 partner) is going to have a reasonable chance at succeeding. But if the female 6 is sexually conservative, she is far less likely to crack for a 9. She might crack for a full male 10, but that’s very likely a moot point as male 10’s have to be having a slow day to take the time out for a female 6.
So a sexually conservative female 6 paired with a male 8, is going to have an extremely high likelihood of staying faithful – even if offered discrete sexual opportunity. The one thing that could screw it all up though, is excessive mate guarding behavior where the male 8 acts like a male 4 or 5 and hovers around her trying to intercept every other male approaching her for sexual reasons or not. Acting like you’re on the verge of losing her will make her start to think that she is the hotter half of the couple… and therefore could do better.
So if you are truly hotter than her, just relax and be yourself. It’s rational for her that she stays faithful to you. For her the monogamy sexual strategy is a winning plan. After all, she’s a female 6 that landed a permanent 8, so that totally rocks for her. Though of course she’ll just call it being in love and being a moral person…
…which is also true. So enjoy it.

So back to our reader asking the question. She’s probably so playfully chatty and “up” with the whole world because she can’t stop thinking about you… cue her theme song.

(Now don’t screw it up with her.)

As as aside, my orginial idea for the post title was “Fuck The Police, Get Her Stoned”. I thought it was a clever teaser and tied into the bands in the videos as a faux defense. Jennifer just kept saying “dude, dude, dude” over and over, both laughing and appalled all in one. Anyway… I thought it was cool but I’ll defer to Jennifer’s judgment on this one and make no mention of it. Oh…