Let’s not beat around the bush, female obesity is a major boner killer to the majority of men. Men being married to someone they have no sexual interest in, amounts to living in a very private hell. I’ve had a few emails recently about husbands trying to get their wives to lose weight. Mostly they are doing the right thing and making sure their Sex Rank is as high as they can get it.
One husband told me he felt he was in great shape, a good job, helps with the house and kids. Pegged himself as an 8. His wife he thought was a 5 due mainly to her ballooning figure. When he asked her to lose the weight she was enraged and cut him off from sex for a year. He was very frustrated and angry about it, but he stuck around and tolerated it.
So if you think you’re an 8, and your 5 wife cuts you off from sex for a year, and you tolerate it, you are in fact acting like a 4.
It’s tempting to frame the wife as delusional and thinking she really is an 8 or 9 herself, but deep down she knows she really isn’t hot. She knows she’s a 5, but is bluffing that she is an 8.
It’s tempting to say that the husband is McWeaksauce and not an 8 and is in fact a 4, but really he’s just playing his hand purposely badly and letting her win to keep the relationship stable.
The reality is they are locked in a pattern of allowing her to have total control of the relationship, by the husband’s purposeful choice to defer to her. The reality is that he is an 8 and she is a 5. So as soon as he decides to stop deferring to her, and call her bluff, the relationship will immediately destabilize and reform in a different pattern of interaction.
An 8 with a 5 relationship is extremely unbalanced and risks serious chance that the 8 will find someone better, or the 5 will simply flip out and leave before “the inevitable” happens. So you obviously have to manage that and allow time for the fat 5 to become a fit 6, a trim 7 and then an elegant 8.
When you make it clear that the weight issue is bad enough to make you have zero attraction to her and you are now ready to start doing something other than just tolerating it, you will run into a huge Fitness Test. This will usually come in the form of a top of the lungs screaming statement that as your wife, she is entitled to unconditional love from you. Her friends and family… and possibly also your friends and family will pile on with that as well.
If you back down at this point, you’re toast. You’ll be owned by her forever as her eunuch. Things will be worse in that she will up the ante on her bluff and ensure that you are routinely shamed to remind you to not challenge her authority in the relationship. But unconditional love does kinda sound like a good thing doesn’t it… if you’re a Nice Guy that’s like kyptonite.
You need to realize that she’s actually telling you she’s not good enough for you. Anyone screaming for unconditional love, knows they don’t meet the conditions. And yes, damn straight marriage has conditions. Watch how fast the shit hits the fan if you suddenly decide to quit your good job to become an unemployed drunk. If you started hitting her a couple times a week, would you convince her not to call the police because she needs to love you unconditionally and just accept you are you are? Marriage has conditions. Only spouses that suck demand unconditional love.
Here’s what you say…
“This is your fair warning, and the only one you will ever get. I am going to be with someone I am attracted to. I would like that woman to be you. If you would like to be that woman, I will help you become what you can be. If you don’t want to be that woman… that is your choice.”
Then the next 24 hours or so she has a emotional meltdown and after it passes, she’ll very probably break out the exercise clothes and get started. Though I do warn you that your Sex Rank must be higher than hers to try this sort of thing.