How To Get Her To Let You Cum In Her Mouth

I’ve gotten a rash of blow job questions recently, mainly to do with how to get her to let you come in her mouth. The husbands wanting that, but very much not wanting the ruined orgasm from her pulling her head off and stopping all stimulation a quarter second before he cums.
Personally I would talk about it outside of the bedroom. Just say that it’s something you would like. Let her know that you don’t expect her to do something she hates, just ask for her to try. Explain that your orgasm is ruined if she pulls off as you cum, so it’s either switch to handjob at about T-minus two seconds, or don’t stop.
Absolutely do not trick her by screwing up the warning and trying to cum in her mouth as a surprise. That will set you back about two months at a minimum.
Act like you are really into it and loving it. If you’re basically holding your breath and silently hoping that tonight is the night, it’s not really that hot of an experience for her.
Try the moaning and groaning thing with some excited pawing at her as it gets better and better. Pull her hair a little in the 10-15 seconds to go mark. If it’s hot for you, it’s hot for her. Maybe she will, maybe she won’t. Just enjoy what you have in the moment.
If she does happen to let you cum in her mouth, don’t get all worked up about whether it was a spit or swallow experience either. Just say it was great and you loved it and love her.
Then kiss her. 


  1. CanuckChris says:

    God I would love that. It took me 10 years just to get her to give blow jobs, and even now she does it reluctantly half the time. I did ask a long time ago, she just refused point blank. I need to revisit this, it's really beginning to get to me. Any advice on how to approach this without screwing up any chance for another decade?

  2. "Then kiss her."


  3. Anonymous says:

    What's the solution to her calling you a creepy prevert for wanting to have oral sex at all? Not asking, her, but leading and guiding, getting her turned on and then having her call you a pervert and refuse to talk to you for a week or have sex for two months? Seriously. What do you do about THAT?

  4. Looking Glass says:

    @ Anon 3:03 AM:

    I'm going to guess you missed a few other Fitness tests and this is just a bigger one. If you can't talk about the issue, there's likely a whole lot more going on.

    And, if you married a really Religious woman, you didn't get the memo about what you're getting into? If you didn't and she's just not willing to go that way, then there's a reason. Have you asked her that reason?

    Actually, after "deeply religious" as a reason, my next thought goes to "sexual abuse at some point previously". Past those two options, I'm guessing there's a personal space/"you know where that things been?" issue.

    So that leaves 4 possibilities I can think of. 1) failed Fitness Tests that got escalated, 2) Religious reasons, 3) sexual abuse and 4) "where that's been" issue. Can't think of any more. But the subject is going to be really touchy, one way or the other. It sounds like communication has really broken down on the matters.

  5. And from a sheer practical point of view:

    Wash your stinky ass and balls!
    And watch what the fuck you eat. Foul things in (beer/onions/cheese/processed frankenfoods in general), foul things out.
    It´s elementary dear Watson.

  6. Anonymous says:

    "Seriously. What do you do about THAT?"

    Her refusal is not the problem. Some people just don't like certain sex acts and never will, so you just have to shrug and find other ways to get each other off. If there is mutual love and respect that is not a problem.

    The problem is HOW she refused and then HOW she acted afterwards: "call you a pervert and refuse to talk to you for a week or have sex for two months"

    This is bad. Very, very bad.
    She does not love you, and does not respect you.

    If you do not either rectify or escape from this situation quickly, you are screwed… for life.

    If my wife did something like that to me I would walk out the door without a word. I would disappear for a couple of days and freeze her out with no contact whatsoever (but making sure I had a verifiable alibi to thwart possible accusations of cheating). When I returned, I would let her know calmly and simply but in no uncertain terms exactly why I was upset, and why what she did was unacceptable. I would make no apologies for the attempted act. It is not unnatural, the kind of thing that couples need to talk about and work through.

    If she was still upset, could/would not understand how what she did was wrong, and continued to blame and punish me, then I would send her back home. Seriously. I would send her back to her parents, telling her that she can return to me and our marriage after she works out her issues, because what we have at that point is not a marriage. I would reject all attempts to paint me as the bad guy and would drag things back to the issue at hand: HOW she refused and then HOW she treated you afterwards.

    And if she did not come back within a certain time or if the issue just could not be resolved, then I would walk, for good.

  7. Dave in the cave says:

    Agreed with Hans…wash up! You wouldn't ask your wife to put your dirty gym sock in your mouth, would you?

    If she doesn't want to do it, you might try asking her about it. Abuse aside, maybe she has some bad associations with blowjobs (it makes her feel like a hooker, she doesn't want to give you an orgasm and not have one herself, thinks she'll be bad at it, etc…)

  8. Anonymous says:

    Also, if you decide to take a #2, please consider that your penis may have accidentally touched the toilet. Wash! No one wants to lick a toilet.

    I think that men forget about this one.

  9. Anonymous says:

    Seriously, Did you have better hygiene or stink less back when you were dating her? When she was all over you all the time? No. The disappearance of oral sex after marriage is all about her escalating contempt for you. MMSL methods might turn that around partially but you will never again see the eager vixen you married.

  10. "So that leaves 4 possibilities I can think of. 1) failed Fitness Tests that got escalated, 2) Religious reasons, 3) sexual abuse and 4) "where that's been" issue. Can't think of any more. But the subject is going to be really touchy, one way or the other. It sounds like communication has really broken down on the matters."

    I think this is spot on. The pervert comment she gives you though has to be from being very young/immature (even if it is just in her sexuality) or abuse.

    Yes, please do a thorough shower and improve your diet. Can you guys talk about sex at all? You need to talk. Are you sure she's climaxing?

    Has she ever given you a bj in your dating or early marriage? If not, that may just not be something you are going to get without a lot of work and communication.

    You know, you'd all make this much easier if you started cumming vanilla pudding or something. LOL

  11. Excellent advice. For those men and women that need a little something extra in this department I highly recommend this product.

  12. Monica, have you tried the other flavors? I'm allergic to cinnamon.

  13. Lainey –

    No, I haven't. It looks like the Strawberry flavor got good reviews though :-)

  14. Extra flavors do sort of feel like trying to make a hamburger healthy by adding a leaf of lettuce : Camouflage.

    Just live and eat healthy and beware stinking, bitter and strong foods (Garlic, cheeses, coffee, beer, alcohol, strong spices). On the plus side, I've noticed that eating and drinking sweet-tasting things (Mostly fruits and fruit juices) really help in making the taste more palatable, to the point where partners stated that they really liked the way it tasted.

  15. Anonymous says:

    I'm spotlessly clean, well dressed, fit and strong, make plenty of money, get hit on by w's friends and female work colleagues and eat a clean diet. "Normal" sex is very frequent, vigourous and enthusiastic. She just won't blow me.

    Now I read that apparently it's her parent's fault for not training her properly, and she doesn't love and respect me. She probably won't go out and commit robbery if I ask her either. Is this a problem too?

  16. Anonymous says:

    @Anon 12:45

    1) The additional information, assuming it is true, paints a bit of a different picture than your original post above.

    2) "call you a pervert and refuse to talk to you for a week or have sex for two months"

    Your hamster is spinning off its wheel. But don't worry, everything is fine and I'm sure you'll have no problem working through it. heh heh heh

  17. Anon 3:03 AM / 12:45 PM ("What do you do about THAT?") –

    Well, you asked for advice and got some suggestions. According to your 12:45 update, some of the notions don't fit your situation. OK, so discard those, mull over the insights that might apply.

    "call you a pervert and refuse to talk to you for a week or have sex for two months" — that's way harsh on her part. And it sounds like you are clueless as to what stirs her up so much. And that you two have a hard time communicating about (this aspect of) your sex life. So again, read what some of the commenters said.

    I wish wife and I could add oral play to our life, both ways, but she's unenthusiastic. Upping my game is helping generally, but not in this area. Sometimes progress is slow, we may never get there…

  18. Stephenie Rowling says:

    "And, if you married a really Religious woman, you didn't get the memo about what you're getting into? If you didn't and she's just not willing to go that way, then there's a reason. Have you asked her that reason?"

    Mmm what has this do with it? I have deeply evangelical friends discussing the marriage and all of them do blowjobs 50/50 in swallowing though. Is the all sperm is sacred being taken too literally here?

  19. If anyone has a suggestion on how I can get over my over sensitive gag reflex I'd be happy to let you come in my mouth whenever you wanted. Taste was never the issue, I've swallowed enough pool water not to mind the taste. However texture….I can't even put jello in my mouth… and come is quite nearly the equivalent of someone blowing hot snot into your mouth.

    However…if it wouldn't make me gag…I'd happily be between his legs on a nightly basis. Blowjobs aren't the problem, it's the end result.

  20. If she is a Christian they have sex books for Christians. Anything goes for Christians as long as they are married, consenting, and just with each other.

    I'm a Christian, although I was not raised one, and wasn't one until I met my husband. He is the more devout Christian, and was raised in a very strict Christian home. He's the black sheep though.

  21. Stephenie Rowling says:

    "However…if it wouldn't make me gag…I'd happily be between his legs on a nightly basis. Blowjobs aren't the problem, it's the end result."

    Well gag reflex is a reflex, when you deep blowjob often enough the throat muscles get used to it and you slowly stop doing it. So sadly is an exercise in patience, just don't try to be a pro at the beginning.

  22. Some guys are too big for a deep blowjob. Look up how to give a good bj. A lot of it is using your hands. I have a sensitive gag reflex, too. Hubby is large, and I have a small mouth. He's content with the mouth and hands method.

  23. Sorry, I should have explained better, it's not dick size or depth that makes me gag. I quite like sucking dick (pardon the vulgarity). It's comes texture. I can't eat certain food because of their texture also. Trust me there have been many times I have just sucked it up and dealt with it. I just feel bad when I then have to immediately gargle mouthwash.

  24. Well, does he really like to cum in your mouth? Maybe, he'll just settle for cumming on your breasts half the time. I will be honest, my dh only wants a bj until a certain point and then he wants to be inside me.

    I'm going to ask him about this more though this weekend. There is a chance my hubby is just being gallant.

  25. Stephenie Rowling says:

    "It's comes texture. I can't eat certain food because of their texture also."

    Well that is a bigger issue.Just relax I'm sure your hubby likes whatever you can master. Also if he really likes it then he probably doesn't care about the mouthwash that much or you could try and make it part of the experience "dirty girl needs to clean her mouth…"sort of role play.

  26. I personally never understood why women have such a hard time with this. I love doing it to my fiance – but, I can see why some women don't. To be fair, if I don't swallow right away it kind of gets this taste that makes me want to gag. But my ex's was the same so, idk.

    But I love it!

  27. Anonymous says:

    RJ, I have the same problem. I love to give my husband blowjobs, just not to the big finish. I'm with you on the taste/texture thing. I used to gag on certain foods as a kid because of it.

    Also ladies, if gagging because of size is an issue like it is for me (little mouth, well-endowed husband), try lying on your back with your head hanging of the edge of the bed and him standing in front of you. It takes the edge off your gag reflex and it is much easier to take a LOT more of him in.

  28. Looking Glass says:

    @ Stephenie: it all just depends on the Religion of choice. For the more strict Catholics, it's more a matter of where it ends up. Though I can't say I know all of the express details (not Catholic, just know some of it, haha).

    On: Anon 3:03 AM / 12:45 PM:

    Is this the same poster? Kind of sounds like it's not and it's a different person posting a similar question. But I'll try to answer more (though, do note, this is a bit outside of my expertise, haha).

    If there's something you want in the physical relationship, it's important to you (at least some of the time) and the other partner doesn't have to degrade themselves for it, then the trick is to actually bring up and discuss the topic. It's not "talking" or "yelling", it's simply discussing, mostly dispassionately, about the issue. She has a reason. That reason might actually be very important. Ask.

  29. Anonymous says:

    Now for a post on A2M, Athol. lolski

  30. So, yep, hubster would like to cum in my mouth, but he said it was never a hill to die on. I'm definitely going to try it next time.

  31. Anonymous says:

    I'm in charge, so my way of getting this done is simply giving the order.

    If you can't do that, you didn't set the tone right.

    You may also need to teach her to be more of a dirty whore with you, and how much more fun that is than being fussy and lame. Be a dirty nasty whore, for your man, ladies. You only live once.

  32. Anonymous says:

    Don't know exactly why this woman thinks it is perverse or why that led to her refusing sex for some time but am guessing that there is definitely some conversation that needs to go on about her point of view and some effort at making a MMSL set of changes.
    However, please be careful with the sweeping statement that a deeply religious woman would also be one who has objections to certain sexual activities or to sex itself. I am deeply religious but believe the Song of Solomon and various N.T. passages indicate a way to have a happy marital sex life. This is true for many of my religious friends and surveys have shown a high rate of marital sexual satisfaction among Christians. The unhappiness usually comes from incorrect teaching sometimes within the home or by misinformed teachers. Destructive personal sexual experiences can play a part,too and God forbid some of those have been at the hands of so called religious authorities.

    However, I have stated this before: I am wondering if the current expectations of wives are much more difficult then historically and I do wonder if men have failed to find satisfaction
    in a rather ordinary way due to the chronic exposure from a young age to these now expected forms of sex through movies,pornography,music,etc.

    The expectation that wives must now be"dirty whores" or be absolutely for oral sex or anal or dozens of positions or having various dominate activity or whatever is in her husband's mind to enjoy seems tough. There is also the not so veiled threat that some men have written here that they wil be unfaithful if they don't get what they want when they want it as often as they want.

    Please do not misunderstand me. I like frequent and varied sex. I don't think it good at all to withhold satisfaction to either spouse. But insisting that you must,absolutely must unload your cum as you use her mouth or your marriage sex life is no good is a bit too much for me to swallow(no pun intended).

    I will be harsh for a minute here. Men masturbate into a cup sometime. Stick a cucumber or sausage the size of your erect member into your mouth and throat over and over until your jaws ache and you are rather bored with this.Now continue for five minutes longer than you are comfortable with. Now drink your own "juice" from the cup. Was that fun? Probably not. Now go to your wife and have her pretend she is you. Have her complain a few times a week when she directs you to get down with your sausage or cucumber and drink cum. Have her tell you that if you really love her you'll do this. Have her get angry with you or try to finagle you to do it by starting in on sex and pushing the cucumber to your lips or accidentally putting the cup to your lips. If you refuse and state you are at all uncomfortable with this have her hint that she will find a man who is more willing or fun if you don't do this.Remember: I,personally, do like to give oral and to drink cum but maybe this graphic word picture could explain to some of you men why she is not wildly excited to do this or even mildly interested.

    You can really have a good time without needing to pretend to be a "dirty whore" either." Good girls" can be excited and passionate. It isn't necessary to separate ourselves mentally into something we are not in order to get down and so called dirty. I don't think dirty I think earthy and abandoned.Maybe you fellows who are wanting your wives to be whores are mixed up about it being more than ok to have creative sex with your wives without going on mentally–it's ok because she is just a dirty whore…Sigh,believe or not some of us are saddled with uptight husbands who think we ARE whores if we want to do anything different…

  33. One thing never mentioned…why is it that guys like blowjobs so much? My husband likes it as a warm-up, but says there's no better thing than being deep in a nice warm vagina. Is it just the variety of it, or is it the actual physical sensation?

  34. Athol Kay says:

    Celeste – it's a quite different sensation for me at least, plus I like the feeling of dominance when she's going down on me. Which naturally is odd in that I don't feel submissive when I go down on her. I have no explaination for that lol.

    It's also nice in that the woman is being sexually active in giving a blowjob rather than just lying there/being passive during intercourse. (Which doesn't always happen, but can)

    So lots of reasons why men like it – we just hate having our orgasm utterly ruined by her decision to botch it at the end. Either follow through with sucking, or switch early enough to primarily hands. Don't feel us starting to come and let go of our cock as you dive for cover. That pisses us off big time.

  35. Makes sense. I can see why it would be a total buzz kill to stop at the end. It's like losing it at the very end of the race and not being able to sprint to the finish…maybe.

  36. Athol Kay says:

    Orgasm and ejaculation aren't the same thing for men. They are usually very closely related, but there comes a point of no return where the man will ejaculate no matter what and orgasm assists the ejaculation. But if the stimulation stops right on the point of no return, the man has an ejaculation and no orgasm. The semen doesn't shoot out, it just kind of oozes messily.

    Then he's all done for sex for that session.

  37. Anonymous says:

    Two words…Flavored condoms.

    A lot of guys might think that this isn't an answer, but I have to say that it's a good compromise. No, it isn't the same thing as a naked blowjob, but you get to 'blow in her mouth'.

  38. Anonymous says:

    Take it slow and progress through a few stages.

    Some women don't understand ejaculation thoroughly, and as a result, they are sometimes hesitant to participate.

    Start with a handjob in a well lit area, like the bathtub or something. Somewhere where she can see ejaculation and actually understand it. You're not shooting rockets down her throat, but she might think that's how it would feel.

    "Anonymous said…
    Two words…Flavored condoms."

    I cannot stress this enough. Take the pressure off of her by finding a happy median. You get to have a comfortable finish and she realizes that your semen cannot and will not penetrate the latex and render her unconscious.

    There is only one hurdle left: WTF does it taste like? She is probably very stuck up on this because there is such a wide range of reports. As it was mentioned earlier, diet is very important in regards to the flavor of the seed. Some women remember their first bj experience (perhaps in high school with Billy Bob Joe the football player who had a steady diet of beef jerky and beer). This will scare women away. Do some research. Sweet fruits are your friends, so load up on them before you attempt the next step.

    This is a big step, but it might help you win her heart, so put on your big boy boots. Make a deal with her that you'll sample the taste with her. I'm not talking about downing a shot of your spunk, but just agree to fingertip sample. It shows her that you care about her, won't find her repulsive after you've finished in her mouth, and IF you don't die in the next 24 hours, that it's not toxic to ingest.

    Alright, now you're ready. You've prepared her. You've taken all the right steps. Next time the tomfoolery in the bedroom begins, discuss the possibility of a naked bj. Depending on her mood, negotiate for a 2nd wind bj. The first orgasm of the day produces more oomph and as a result, more power behind the headshot. Ease her into discussion of the 2nd wind phenomenon and be an adult. Don't beg. Don't whine. Don't fuck it up. You've come this far, don't BLOW it all away (LOLOL PUNTASTIC). If she wants a covered bj, that's fine – it's better than no bj. Keep working on it and one day she will reward you.

  39. Robertson says:

    Hi Athol. I was one of the questioners in the thread that led up to this and I told you I'd get back to you and tell you how things went. First off, I didn't actually talk to her about it. But what I've been doing is being more assertive about asking for bjs, and indeed I've been getting more. I did take the other part of your advice in that I tell her when ignition is forthcoming (pun intended) and just not pulling out but letting her handle things. I told you I made that mistake early on in our relationship asking if I should come in her mouth or not…big mistake I'm trying now to correct.

    Well, what's happening is that she's still pulling it out, but it appears later and later. In fact, the last time, I did come in her mouth, and she pulled it out but laughingly said, "I got a mouthful."

    This ties in to something in the book and on this blog … the whole issue of submissiveness. I've been able to see more clearly that she does respond to me being more dominant, and in fact I've been wondering if she's up to being more submissive, including letting me finish in her mouth, but really feels uncomfortable sharing that with me. She doesn't talk very much about what she likes but she will move my hand or let me know if she really is not liking something. So my thought has been to just push the envelope a bit more, see how it goes, but also not surprising her with the come.

  40. Athol Kay says:

    Robertson – glad to hear the world is a better place… :-)

  41. viagra online says:

    hahaha what a title! sometimes you go too far with your posts! seriously.

  42. Just dump her !! I would never be with a girl who does not blow me clean every morning, doesn’t matter how fantastic she is in other aspects of relationship. Its one of life pleasures, no reason to give up. Remember there is plenty of fish….. most of them like Bj’s and half love to swallow clean.

  43. Charles Anderson says:

    The first woman I had sex with considered cum “wasted” if it went anywhere other than her mouth. As she put it, “It is an acquired taste, but I have acquired it.” She would orgasm every time my semen hit her tongue.

    The second woman I was intimate with ran to the bathroom to spit out the first load she had ever tasted and said that was not going to happen again. I married her anyway and enjoyed the oither activities she offered for 28 years.

    Now I am with a woman who (at age 49) had never sucked to completion when we met. She wanted to include that in our reportoire so read a couple of books on fellatio, talked to some of her friends about how to avoid gagging, and began by licking cum off my shaft after intercourse. Deciding the taste was not as bad as she had always thought it would going to be, she finally let me come in her mouth. Afterward, she said, “I cannot believe how much I enjoyed that! I came when you did.” It does not happen every time for her, but often she gets as much out of the completion as I do.

  44. IF you don’t get it before you marry her, good frikken luck! And if you did get it before, congrats and keep doing what you’ve been doing…. probably returning the favor and NOT being afraid to communicate how happy you are with her. If you are dating and hoping, well, you need to also communicate…. perhaps finding your way down there and giving her some tongue love would help. If you do, and she doesn’t return the favor, you’re only hope is to ask her why (and be prepared to decide HOW important it is to you), and/or gently attempt to guide her to it ;) Peace!

  45. I’ve been married to a wonderful sexy woman for 13yrs now. And in all that time, I wanted a bj, but she was raised very religiously. In the beggining, she would give me a bj, but finish off with a towel wrap around my member. As time went on, she would blow me, then pull away and let the cum land on my tummy or wherever it landed. She said she found the texture to be like mucous. In all this time, I have been begging her to let me cum in her mouth. I explained what happens everytime she does’nt suck to completion. How much of a let down it is for a guy. On the first Monday of this december (2012) she was blowing me. I told her I was gonna cum, and she just continued. Well let me tell you, that was the best bj I ever had in my life. She is the first to ever have taken a load from me in the mouth. She said it’s not as badd as she thought it would be. Now she’s excited to give me another one. Since I had to work and they went to her sisters place to “house sit”, we’ve been apart for 3 days. But every day we have discussed her taken my load, how it actually excited her, and how she wants to do it again. Todays the big day for round 2. And we both cannot w8 for it. Her decision to accept my loads after all these yrs, has shown me how she has grown and matured. It was going to be a long requested birthday gift, but she decided…X-mass came early. I love her much more deeply now than o ever thought I could. Also’s your husband and not a complete stranger. Show him how much you love him with this onething, and I promise you, he’ll love and apprecia8 you more than you could imagine.

  46. Been some months since last comment here but;
    I’ve been with my current gf for a few yrs now, she has only let me ejaculate in her mouth once.
    (That was only because I didn’t warn her)
    However she didn’t seem to mind. No “sour” face, no gagging, nothing really out of the ordinary. Now that she’s more experienced with the whole oral thing, she can tell before I “arrive”. As mentioned above by a few comments, she stops just as I’m about to cum and yes I ejaculate but don’t feel as though I orgasm. I never stop during intercourse while she orgasms(as I feel it would be unfair to her).
    Even during sex I make sure she orgasms & then I’ll withdraw before I cum(so that I don’t cum in her)
    She wont reach for me and help me along, and I just can’t seem to help me along in front/on top of her.
    For some reason she believes that for men, ejaculating is the orgasm.
    I have been with a lot of women and never run into this problem during oral, most always followed through with the bj, others would keep it going with their hands, but not this one. It is extremely frustrating and I cannot seem to get through to her. I find I have to masturbate to have a good orgasm, and I feel as though I shouldn’t have to.
    Any women who may stumble upon this;
    Don’t put your man through this kind of torture.

  47. Sorry, I wouldn’t be with a girl that didn’t let me cum in her mouth whenever I felt like it. Cumming in her mouth is the best part of the relationship! plus, when she plays with my hairy ball sack and pubes! ;)

  48. The obstacle or hurdle for many wives is a mental block about accepting the ejaculation. This can be a combination of fear and thinking that to do this is “dirty”. If the husband is free of STIs (sexually transmitted infections), there is no harm in his wife swallowing his semen. It is actually quite healthy.

    I think the main thing is for the wife to let her husband finish inside her mouth. Swallowing is not really necessary. But, the finish in her mouth is both emotionally and physically very gratifying. The sad thing is that many wives delay and refuse to do this for years. Then, if they try it after many years of marriage, many will say “it is not that bad”. If only these wives had at least tried taking the cum a few times early on – it would have been so much better for both husband and wife. It is not an unreasonable request.

Speak Your Mind