Functional, Productive and Happy

It probably sounds dull, but on the heels of the replacement fridge, (Athol +1) I finally got around to putting in a new faucet for the kitchen sink. The damn thing had been dripping for ages unless you jiggled the handle just right, and it was progressively taking more jiggling. The kids never got the knack and I’d come into the kitchen and find a slow but steady stream of water flowing. It would kinda piss me off, but I never made an issue of it because it just really needed replacing.
Doing anything plumbing related comes with the terror that you will somehow screw it up and many things that should stay dry will get very, very wet in a very short space of time. As it was, it went pretty smoothly and I feel silly for having waited so long.  (Athol +1)
I also put together the little grill we collected last weekend. (Athol +1)
Buy Me!

You Don’t Have To Fall To The Dark Side, Just Be A Scoundrel

A couple more reviews and some thoughts about the interaction of Game and religion…
Mormon Men – On top of his advice, Athol writes in a manner that takes a lot of the venom and vitriol out of the mansosphere/Game/anti-feminism blogs. There is an eyes-wide-open exposure to the weaknesses and strengths of both men and women, but it is approached with the attitude of this being natural programming and not something that should be resented or cured. Men can work on themselves and women can work on themselves.
Good Strong Men – In general, I’m glad I read it, but I found myself wishing there were a book with similar concepts, but oriented for Christian values and a stronger commitment to marriage and children.  I’m tempted to write one.
Mormon Men had a few comments reflecting worry about who should read it and the same concern is essentially woven into the entire review on Good Strong Men.

I know I frustrate some of my more religious readers in that I am perceived as “that close” to a standard evangelical Christian position on sexuality, but I advocate an utterly pragmatic secular approach to getting the relationship you want. I offer all these good ideas and insights, but there’s this darkside undertone to everything. To a believer struggling for marriage answers, I’m sure my advice sounds a little like this…

Hmmm…  Yes and no.
No in that Palpatine is actively setting Anakin up to turn into a tool of evil. All I’m trying to do is get you laid by your wife and have a happy family life – and get paid a couple bucks for doing so. That’s the smoking gun. Follow the money. Awww you caught me!
Yes in that I think you’ve been lied to about a great many things about how sexual relationships work. Simply because a lie is given a religious reason for it’s existence, doesn’t mean it’s now the truth. Dig into things and come to your own conclusions. To be blunt I see as much sexual pain and suffering inside the church as outside of it. It’s for different reasons, but it’s still there.
And yes in that some of what I suggest is pretty harsh things to do from a Christian perspective. I don’t advise them because I get off on them being sinful, I advise them because they are effective. When it comes to saving a marriage and keeping a family together, I’ll lean toward the end justifying the means. I’ll suggest a Black Op if that’s the only way to get the job done to win the war. Though I prefer not to if I can.
In short, some of what I suggest just isn’t very nice. But then if being nice all the time was working out, you wouldn’t be here would you.
Search your feelings… you know this to be true…
Actually… if you want proper Game Star Wars advice, screw the whole Jedi/Sith thing.  Han Solo is where it’s at.
Note the way he uses her “bad word” for him in the conversation. That’s her wetness trigger word. Pure gold.

The Fine Line Between Waiting For The Wedding And Being A Chump

Very long email shortened to: Mid twenties couple, dating for three years, with a wedding supposedly on the cards two years from now. Conservative religious backgrounds. Both each other’s first sexual partner, but limited to handjobs and an occassional blow job as she wants to wait until marriage, but also told him she wanted him to push her into intercourse… but now she’s asked to stop the sexual contact completely to “see how he feels about her without the sex”, until the wedding and started amping up the Fitness Testing….

Athol: I think you both are playing mental games with thinking handjobs and blowjobs aren’t sex… they most definitely are sex and neither one of you are really virgins. As such, you have been having a sexual relationship together.

Once you see it as a sexual relationship, it starts becoming apparent that she is now starting to sexually reject you. The whole thing of seeing how you feel about her without the sexual interaction is just an excuse to not have sex with you anymore. I also wonder if it’s just taken too long for you to seduce her into full intercourse and she’s rejecting you for that reason.

I would tell her that marriage is supposed to be a sexual relationship, and that right now the sexual relationship side of things just doesn’t seem to be working. If you can both move forward together then good, but if not, you should start looking for someone new.

As as aside, there is also no benefit to waiting until the wedding to have intercourse. The benefit comes from marrying your first sexual partners. Jennifer and I for example did not wait until the wedding. According to the studies I’ve read, there doesn’t seem to be any difference in marital happiness or divorce outcomes between waiting or not waiting until the wedding if you are each others first.

Partial Reader Reply: I’m may be incorrectly reading between the lines, but do you mean I should have full intercourse with her even considering her thoughts on waiting until marriage? Is it possible that she is unconsciously frustrated that I haven’t done it yet even though we could have many times? I have stopped short of it many times, mainly because I want to respect her wishes, and also because we didn’t have a condom.

Athol: I believe she is starting to test you and reject you because you haven’t had full intercourse as yet.

As far as her female Body Agenda is concerned, you’re a male that can’t get the job done despite being in a relationship with her for three years. Therefore you make a bad choice of sexual partner for her as she risks having offspring that have the same inability to get the job done as you do.

On an intellectual/religious level she is into the whole idea of waiting for marriage etc, but obviously her intellectual/religious beliefs don’t extend to her not Fitness Testing over this. She’s even told you that she wanted you to force the issue and just do it. Generally when women tell you to take sexual advantage of them and you fail to follow through, they regard you as a poor specimen of manhood.

Furthermore you are agreeing to drag this out for another two years until the wedding. I don’t believe you will get to the wedding the way things are progressing anyway. She’ll keep testing you and if you keep not getting the job done, the testing will get worse. She’ll meet someone that will get the job done and you’ll be dumped like yesterday’s newspaper.

I realize all this sounds immoral to wait-until-marriage ears, but the fact is you’re already in a sexual relationship with each other. You’re just doing it really badly.  :-)

So either get it together properly or call it quits. If your anniversary is coming up, a slightly sappy way of doing it is to announce that you are booking a hotel room for a night/weekend away to make “the first real time more special and memorable, and to set a wedding date.”  A more Alpha way is simply to text her that you have condoms and want her to come over.

Also as always, anytime a woman starts pulling back from you sexually, the possibility exists that another man is in the picture. I hope it isn’t so, but always feel I need to mention it. I always feel detestably awful when I haven’t mentioned it and it turns out to be the case.

The Double Bind

A double bind is a lose-lose choice presented to you. It’s sort of a Husband-as-Dilbert and Wife-as-Pointy-Haired-Manager dynamic. The choice is essentially limited to how you prefer to get screwed over.
It works something like this…. she says to you…
(1) Do something not in your best interest that I want you to do.
(2) Or you are a very bad person who isn’t caring / helping / sharing / loving / nuzzling my vagina just right.
So there’s no way to win with either of those choices. The solution is to recognize the double bind, and break out of her frame. Just call her out on it and refuse to choose either choice as valid. She’ll call you a bad person of course. Give her a big smile and thank her for the compliment and walk away.
Test passed!