Many comments on yesterday’s post “Fat Wives Demanding Unconditional Love” are prompting me to make a minor clarification for those new to reading the blog, or who haven’t read the book…
I have long advised that the use of an ultimatum is a last resort that may or may not work. If you follow my general advice to stop trying to change the other person and self-improve, frequently the other spouse starts pulling themselves together. Often you don’t even have an argument about it, the other spouse just becomes interested in changing. This is one of the basic principles of The MAP.
Classic example: I don’t nag Jennifer to exercise. If I start exercising, she tends to follow suit fairly shortly after I do.
You get forced toward having to make an ultimatum when the self-improvement and kind approaches have failed to work. There is always a chance that the relationship will fail because of it, so ultimatums can only be used for the most critically important matters. The book spells out a seven step process that is worked through – but can stop at any point if the spouse starts making changes for the better.
I also remind readers that the other options available for a spouse wanting a sexual improvement are (1) Just suffering through and tolerating the lack of sex / terrible sex partner, (2) Cheating on the spouse to get the sex you want and (3) Divorcing so you can try and find a new partner. Option (4) is my advice; self improve until you are more attractive than your spouse and leverage the possibility of the loss of you being worse than the loss of their enjoyment of their negative behavior. Just understand that it may or may not work.
I can also assure you that the husband in question was distraught with the entire situation. He’s by no means a bad guy and was actively turning down two other women for sex despite having no sex with his wife for over a year. Seeking my advice was his last hope before filing for divorce. Some readers may not like the ultimatum approach, but at least this way she can make a choice about staying in the marriage or not.
I am looking forward to the responses to my next post tonight, where the roles are reversed and a wife runs The MAP on her husband. It will be interesting to see how many people change sides and suddenly think ultimatums are a really good idea… or such a cruel lack of love and support.
Let’s not beat around the bush, female obesity is a major boner killer to the majority of men. Men being married to someone they have no sexual interest in, amounts to living in a very private hell. I’ve had a few emails recently about husbands trying to get their wives to lose weight. Mostly they are doing the right thing and making sure their Sex Rank is as high as they can get it.
One husband told me he felt he was in great shape, a good job, helps with the house and kids. Pegged himself as an 8. His wife he thought was a 5 due mainly to her ballooning figure. When he asked her to lose the weight she was enraged and cut him off from sex for a year. He was very frustrated and angry about it, but he stuck around and tolerated it.
So if you think you’re an 8, and your 5 wife cuts you off from sex for a year, and you tolerate it, you are in fact acting like a 4.
It’s tempting to frame the wife as delusional and thinking she really is an 8 or 9 herself, but deep down she knows she really isn’t hot. She knows she’s a 5, but is bluffing that she is an 8.
It’s tempting to say that the husband is McWeaksauce and not an 8 and is in fact a 4, but really he’s just playing his hand purposely badly and letting her win to keep the relationship stable.
The reality is they are locked in a pattern of allowing her to have total control of the relationship, by the husband’s purposeful choice to defer to her. The reality is that he is an 8 and she is a 5. So as soon as he decides to stop deferring to her, and call her bluff, the relationship will immediately destabilize and reform in a different pattern of interaction.
An 8 with a 5 relationship is extremely unbalanced and risks serious chance that the 8 will find someone better, or the 5 will simply flip out and leave before “the inevitable” happens. So you obviously have to manage that and allow time for the fat 5 to become a fit 6, a trim 7 and then an elegant 8.
When you make it clear that the weight issue is bad enough to make you have zero attraction to her and you are now ready to start doing something other than just tolerating it, you will run into a huge Fitness Test. This will usually come in the form of a top of the lungs screaming statement that as your wife, she is entitled to unconditional love from you. Her friends and family… and possibly also your friends and family will pile on with that as well.
If you back down at this point, you’re toast. You’ll be owned by her forever as her eunuch. Things will be worse in that she will up the ante on her bluff and ensure that you are routinely shamed to remind you to not challenge her authority in the relationship. But unconditional love does kinda sound like a good thing doesn’t it… if you’re a Nice Guy that’s like kyptonite.
You need to realize that she’s actually telling you she’s not good enough for you. Anyone screaming for unconditional love, knows they don’t meet the conditions. And yes, damn straight marriage has conditions. Watch how fast the shit hits the fan if you suddenly decide to quit your good job to become an unemployed drunk. If you started hitting her a couple times a week, would you convince her not to call the police because she needs to love you unconditionally and just accept you are you are? Marriage has conditions. Only spouses that suck demand unconditional love.
Here’s what you say…
“This is your fair warning, and the only one you will ever get. I am going to be with someone I am attracted to. I would like that woman to be you. If you would like to be that woman, I will help you become what you can be. If you don’t want to be that woman… that is your choice.”
Then the next 24 hours or so she has a emotional meltdown and after it passes, she’ll very probably break out the exercise clothes and get started. Though I do warn you that your Sex Rank must be higher than hers to try this sort of thing.
It’s been an exhausting week. We’re short two nurses in my little area of the world… leaving just me. Hence lighter than usual posting. World of kids here too with a sleepover.
A few more blogs have been kind enough to review The Primer.
Brian at Wild Man Coaching – “I can’t emphasize enough how valuable this book can be. In an age where the definition of marriage is shifting incredibly fast, and no one seems to be quite sure how to be a husband or a wife, Married Man Sex distils marriage into a straightforward and well-reasoned series of propositions.”
John Durant at Hunter-Gather gives a very in depth review, finishing with – “You may feel that exposing the underlying logic takes away some of the mystery of it all. Perhaps, but the people stuck in failing marriages probably wish it were a little less of a mystery. In the end, books like The Married Man Sex Life Primer show that improving yourself and your married sex life isn’t about deception or tricks. It’s about long-term development of real character and authentic charisma. It’s about becoming the best man that you can be, in your own distinctive way.
Remember, your wife or girlfriend is no dummy. To the extent it works, it’s because your woman actually likes it too.”
Krauser at KrauserPUA – “I can’t believe no-one thought of this before. Game is a toolbox and does not force you into the lifestyle of pickup artistry. Game is a way to transform your life (“successful masculinity” I call it) and learn to deal with women. It doesn’t logically follow that the only outlet for game is to hunt down girls in clubs and on the streets. How about using the same wisdom for getting new girls but for making your current girl happy and getting the type of relationship you want.
This is Game for long term relationships.”
And for the record, apart from a single purposeful slander customer review on Amazon, I believe I am running at 100% for “good” reviews. It feels amazing to have done that. 2012 will be even better.
Athol: The saga starts back on March 27th, and we last heard from Anon 4:46 on May 9th with the report she orgasmed with him finally. The cliff notes version being that she couldn’t orgasm with him, but she could with her swinging partner. We had a lot of email a couple months back and it seemed to be sorted out and heading in the right direction. Here’s a further update from Anon 4:46…
Anon 4:46: Sex has been really good. Usually, when it’s in a lull, I can point to legitimate problems (her work’s busy time) or my lack of leadership. Either way, it gets back on track pretty quick.
Today is my wife’s 40th birthday. By framing it as the last time that I ever had to sleep with a 30 year old before setting out on a lifelong journey of sleeping with cougars, she really got into it last night. I made sure that she knew that she was the sole focus of my abject lust last night and then rubbed her back while she fell asleep.
I’ve been running some pretty good Beta game by getting the kids to work on projects together. I even got them to get up early and make her favorite breakfast. Bit of a surprise party tonight. She knows that there is something but not really what. She will be amazed at what each of the kids has done. (way more exhausting and rewarding than doing it myself)
It seems so unreal that just a few months ago, I had to work to put everything out of my mind that was wrong with my marriage in order to just get through the day at a job I love. Now, I wouldn’t trade my marriage for anything. We’re in it together.
I’ll send you another update on what I think the keys to our turnaround were. Thank You
Athol: So again…. “How does she like MMSL now??”
Even when it all looks bleak, it’s still possible to turn things around. By all accounts the starting point looked absolutely unsalvageable. But here we are.
I love it when someone reads my stuff, completely gets it, and just starts the turnaround no matter how far in the wrong direction they had been walking. GeekTom is one of those guys. To be sure MMSL was not the only influence with Tom, but a good part of the puzzle. Here’s his story so far.
Athol, I know you like to hear feedback from your work, especially positive, so I wanted to give you an update about the last couple of days. But first, some background.
In December of last year, my wife and I both had BMI’s in the 40s (mine close to 50) and were pretty unsatisfied in our marriage. Not unhappy, per se, but definitely feeling like there was something missing. This dissatisfaction affected me more visibly than my wife, or so I assumed due to the fact that I had better insight into my thoughts and feelings than her’s, and it was slowly created within me a growing sense of frustration which was slowly building into rage. My wife was not sexually attracted to me, and honestly, I wasn’t too hot for her either, physically. Mentally and Emotionally I was totally wanting to stick it to her any chance I could, and was obsessive about it so much that I literally crushed any spark of interest in her. She would give me obligatory sex, because she knew intellectually that’s what married people did and she did love me very much, but I could since there was little to no enthusiasm in it.
This combination of pressured, reluctant sex combined with the honest fact that she didn’t turn me on physically created a lot of performance issues, which led to performance anxiety, which led to more obsession about sex. I learned last October through No More Mr Nice Guy that I was using sex from my wife as validation that I was still a desirable man, knowing full well myself that my fat out shape form was not attractive to anyone, and more often than not, viewed with pity or sympathy. I was able to work on the validation issue towards the end of last year and accepted some harsh truths about myself, in part thanks to your website and the work of Dr Glover (author of No More Mr Nice Guy). My wife was not sexually attracted to me, she loved me, but I did not feel the “in love” vibe from her. In fact, in many ways I think she’d adopted the power position of mothering me, which I chaffed at a lot but until recently couldn’t figure out how to shake.
One of my frustrations was from the concept of “knowing the path” and “walking the path” (cue Matrix flash-back), and trying to intellectually lead my wife in to change. We would talk about our marriage, and would both make excellent points about things we needed to change, but my wife wouldn’t follow through with her side of things. In fact, our initial efforts to lose weight, she openly sabotaged us by buying the sweets we both had weakness for. I knew what needed to be done, I gave instructions on things I wanted changed, and I did what I thought best, but it never really brought about long term changes that I wanted. My wife was pretty resistant to change, and I assumed the worst of her during those moments. I assumed that she was trying to keep me fat, and unhappy as some sort of cruel joke (issues from my very bad first marriage). But, I’ve learned (and recently relearned from reading your book) that she was simply resistant to change because change isn’t easy or familiar.
After the death of her father through advanced weight and diabetes issues, I observed one of those moments that really teaches you a solid lesson. I watched nurses try to give my father in law as much dignity as they could, but his large girth and weight, combined with his body having open sores from the diabetes, made his treatment very uncomfortable. And, I witnessed people out of necessity do things that I truly hope to never experience. So I made a command decision to take both my wife and I to a weight loss clinic a friend of mine had had success with and we went in for a consultation. I had made up my mind that regardless of her decision, I was going to use this program to lose weight. It created a financial strain on us due to the doctor visits and the specialized food, but my wife followed my lead. She whined about the cost a couple of times, but I quickly and firmly told her it was worth the minor sacrifices, and continued pushing forward.
She’s reveling in our success. She’s lost close to 50 lbs and she’s smaller than I’ve ever seen her. I’ve lost 85lbs as of this morning and I feel great. So I took charge of an issue that was bothering me, and I moved forward with it and my wife was a good first officer and followed me. She supported the direction of my actions and respected the direction I was taking, and not replying to my talking about change with her verbally agreeing.
So with the weight coming off, and we’re continuing to lose. We both have roughly another 40 lbs to go to be at our goals. We’ve noticed a lot more energy and vitality in life and for me personally an almost zest to go live. Go DO stuff! I love being physically active.
The sexual side of our marriage was improving but we did a lot of emotional damage over 8 years of obesity and insecurity. So back in February when we started the weight loss program I started being very direct about my expectation of sex from her. I stopped asking for sex, and simply grabbed her by the hand and led her to the bedroom. I was totally floored it was that simple. She simply followed my action. Granted it wasn’t 100% and sometimes I’d want sex during times if I’d paid a little attention knew she wouldn’t be interested in.
Additionally, I like women in lingerie it’s a huge turn on for me. I asked her several times to go buy some, but she never did. Never following through with her agreement to do so. I assumed at times that she was disregarding my desires and totally blowing me off. And, she was, but her reasons for doing so were not malicious rather she was not comfortable with her body to feel sexy in lingerie, and being insecure, she needed me to take the lead for her. Something I totally missed. Also my wife was raised in a very religious home with a strong, strong dose of modesty stirred into her upbringing. She seriously struggles with being sexy or naughty, especially when I don’t engender that desire in her.
This long winded email brings us to the last few days.
Being that it’s a holiday we had several family commitments. But, today on the 4th, things fell through and my wife was being whiny about not feeling good. My long standing issue of being too Beta was creeping in this morning, I was asking her what she wanted to do, was she feeling up to doing anything. And she was really whiny but I didn’t sense that she was really sick. I was reading your book on The MAP and realized that I was in charge. That today was whatever I made of it. I’d remembered my wife pointing out many times how baggy her clothes were getting and off hand mentioned that she should probably get a new pair of jeans that actually fit her. And I remembered your post from a few days ago about taking your woman shopping (something I’d never considered before since it seemed too “girlfriend-ish”).
So I decided what my plan would be. I showered and got ready. Then walked into the living room and told her: “You have 20 minutes to get ready. I’m taking you out to buy you a new pair of pants, and shirt of my liking and we’re getting two sets of lingerie.” No Argument, no resistance. Any whining about being sick disappeared and she was off getting ready.
By the time we arrived at the store, she was suddenly quite giggly and enjoying the moment. I told her several times with a pat on the bottom to stay in this area, while I went off to another part of the store. With the help of the clerk at the fitting room, I was able to over ride my wife’s extremely modest choice in clothing and got some really form fitting jeans for her. She wore them very well. As we were shopping, I told her whatever she picked out she was going to be wearing before we left the store so to pick something she wanted to wear today.
As we were checking out, she grabbed her clothes before I had even paid yet and took off to the bathroom to change. The clerk asked if we had plans, I told her “No that sometimes she just likes pleasing me.” No embarrassment on my part, I was a man, and my woman pleased me. Didn’t care either way if she thought I was an insensitive prick, because my wife was totally following my lead.
I took her to another store nearby and we shopped for a nice panty/top combo. She surprised me by getting a white one that I was unaware of, as well as the red one I specifically requested. This is a big win to me, not only did we buy the lingerie today, she got one she thought I’d like better, while still following my directions.
I took her to a friends for a BBQ where the other women gushed over her weight loss and how great she looked. Several positive comments were made my way.
Afterwards, as we got home, I decided to watch a movie and expected my wife to go to bed. She walked out in the lingerie and cuddled next to me. She looked damn fine. There was a stirring in my pants, and I was quite affectionate. I could sense she didn’t want to have sex, but wanted to be sexy for me. I was right and she soon passed out before the movie was over, but I took her to bed without missing an Alpha beat. I tucked her in, and told her we would pick up in the morning. The vibe I got from her was finally.. I can’t wait. The look in her eye said she was looking forward to it.
It’s a good start to changing things and I’m sure there will be set-backs, but today was a good day. I lived the role of Alpha with a dash of Beta and my wife ate it up.
Sorry this was so long winded. Now, back to reading your book.
Athol: Read some more of his story at his “How I got here” page.
Jennifer and I were at a early Fourth of July party last night. There were five couples present and a couple of single women. Heavy kid presence of the middle school type, so not a wild Paaaaaaaaaarrrr-TAY! by any means, but more of a relaxed family fun party.
Now I know writing about what I write about, I have a reputation of being an insatiable sexual beast with ejaculations rivalling that of a team of horses. That’s obviously an exaggeration, one horse sure, but no man could hope to match an entire team of them. I just want to set the record straight on that.
Anyway, I may come across as fixated on sex, but the reality is 95% of game involves having your clothes on, and not worrying about your clothes coming off. Of the five husbands present, guess which one…
Sat with his wife on and off through the night and chatted.
Put his arm around his wife multiple times in passing.
Kissed his wife on the back of the neck once.
Lightly teased his wife over a trivial matter.
Started drinking the latest in the evening.
Became the clear favorite of the two-month-old in attendance.
Brought his wife the most perfectly toasted marshmallow in existence, such that it splucked inside her mouth in a single gooey orgasm of liquid marshmallowy goodness.
Lightly groped his wife’s ass discretely when no one was particularly paying attention to them.
So didja guess it was me yet? Didja? Really? Wow you are good.
Now I don’t even think any of the other couples are bad relationships by any means. I quite liked them all. Just, I’m the only one that Played Attention to his wife at the party. That’s half of Game right there. Just Play Attention to Her.
And of course being married is key to this sort of soft sell Game. I’m not hunting for a number close. There’s no boyfriend in the way. I don’t have the night winding down without having to worry about getting laid. I don’t need to ditch a friend to try and isolate her from her friends. I’m in board shorts, T-Shirt and bare feet…. peacocking lol.
Jennifer already said yes to me sixteen and a half years ago. Think about that for a moment… she already said yes. Last Minute Resistance was quite some time ago. Wifely pussy should in theory be the easiest possible pussy you will ever get your whole life. She’s pretty heavily committed to riding your cock you would think.
Now I get that for many of my readers, the very reason you are here is because you aren’t getting laid enough in your marriage. So think about this for a moment. At some point she already said a HUGE yes to you. Somewhere along the way, her yes for you turned into a no for you. If you managed to pull off a yes before, you very probably can find your way to a yes again. She’s actually biased toward you finding your way back to the yes.
Women love sex, and given a choice between cheating, divorcing, or finding their husband attractive again, the easy option is finding themselves turned on by their husband again. But attraction isn’t a choice, so that option is only yours to take. So give it a shot. It’s hard going at first, but it does get easier once you get it all up to speed again. You can do this.
Hopefully in not too long you’ll be goofing off too. Just kicking back with your girl, some Arbor Mist and The Summertime.
One of my favorite songs from back in the day. I heard it again in the grocery store this afternoon for the first time in forever. I was struck at how female submissive it was.
But at the same time it’s strong and confident as well.
My reader stumbled onto a lost note in an old bag that was evidence of her husband having a short affair that had ended over a year earlier. She kicked him out immediately and started the paperwork. I asked if I could help, and she asked my opinion. I’ve seen one of her family photos with them both and the kids. Here’s what I wrote to her…
Cheating causes damage to marriages in two phases. The first phase is the actual cheating itself – the other woman could get pregnant and siphon child support payments from the marriage, there could be STDs, the cheating may be discovered at work and cause job loss, the cheating spouse may leave the marriage for the affair partner. The way this is fixed is by the cheating spouse completely stopping the cheating and returning to being a good spouse. It’s possible that none of those very negative outcomes could happen, just like you can run a red light and not actually smash into another car, you just get lucky and sail through unharmed.
Unless the cheating spouse does something stupid like revealing the cheating, the stopped cheating just gets buried like a lost landmine. The landmine is not usually discovered and the cheating spouse just lives with the guilt.
Phase two of the damage happens when the cheating is discovered or revealed and the landmine explodes because the cheated on spouse feels they have to do something about it all, and is usually livid about the cheating. The damage caused by the discovery and reaction to the affair can be even more destructive than the actual cheating itself. The marriage is more likely to end from the discovery of the cheating, than the actual cheating. From the note you discovered, it sounds like he had a pretty good offer to jump ship from you to her… but he didn’t, he stayed with you.
Usually phase one and phase two happen exactly at the same time. The cheating is discovered while the cheating is going on, so a huge emotional reaction to cut the cheating off immediately is very appropriate and functional. But phase one and two can also happen years apart, and that is a slightly different situation.
Right now you are extremely angry and very hurt – that’s 100% normal, totally expected and justified. Don’t misunderstand anything I am saying here as implying that he did nothing wrong, or that you don’t have a right to be angry. You do.
However, there’s actually some good potential to work through things here should you choose to. The affair is already over – that’s huge. He’s also broken contact with her. He wants to stay with you, and very importantly he has expressed remorse. Those are all things that usually would take a great deal of work to achieve. With most people I have contact with, the affair is still ongoing and the cheating spouse is not apologizing and actively trying to jump ship to the affair partner.
Assuming that the affair is 100% over and she is out of his life, it sounds like he has done his best to repair the damage his cheating caused as best he can without blowing the whole thing open and revealing it. Obviously he hid the affair from you, because he knew your reaction would be extremely negative and risk ending the marriage. So apologetic “only now” is fairly routine. Basically he did the best he could to bury the landmine safely as best he could, but made that one slip up.
So my question for you is…. from the time the affair stopped, until the time you discovered the affair, was he being a good husband to you?
Or put another way. Are you planning to divorce him because he was being the husband he was a year ago… despite that he has changed his ways since then and is a better husband now?
There is no requirement that you get back together. I’m just saying that if you choose to work toward being back together, I see potential for fixing things. Neither road will be easy though. Solo mom is pretty hard going for a long long time. Working on a marriage is a lot of effort now.
The good news, surprising even to me, is that she asked him to move back home the next day. By her own admission he had been doing the good husband thing ever since. The completely realistic news is that she is still having a very rough time of it and riding the emotional rollercoaster. He did cheat. He did lie. It does suck. It’s going to take a little while to put things back together again. But there’s hope that a family might get to stay intact and some little kids get to grow up happier.
And for the record…
I made it exceptionally clear that she had no requirement to ask him back. Just pointed out if she wanted to go that route there was a better than usual chance of success.
I also made it very clear that she had to be 100% sure the cheating was resolved, and that any further episodes of this nature should result in divorcing him without mercy or reservation. And that he needs to be able to verbalize that understanding.
And Mr. Dude… Man Law dictates you owe me a beer.
Finally catching up after the date night I surprised Jennifer with. Here’s what we did…
…I took her on a clothes shopping spree of epic proportions…
Grand total…. about $400 or so, we think. We have no idea the value of the kimono, so not counted toward the $400.
But… we did it all in consignment shops, so only spent $98 total.
Here’s the trick, start Googling for consignment shops in the rich suburbs or towns. The cast offs are so much better value and quality than that in the lower and middle class areas. I mean you want to pay $5 for a $20 shirt? Or would you rather pay $10 for a $40 shirt? The party dress was $30, looks great on Jennifer and we’re being conservative at the $100 value. Some of those clothes still had the original store tags on them, so it’s not even like you’re always shopping for second hand stuff.
Just keep Googling up until you have a bunch of consignment stores you can visit. Then using Mapquest, order them into a nice route to go on and grab your girl and go. If you’re in Connecticut this will be meaningful…. we drove from Bristol (home) for about 25 minutes up into Simsbury (2 stores), down to Avon (1 store and a stop for coffee), and then into Canton (2 stores). Total drive time from the first place in Simsbury to the last stop in Canton was about 20 minutes tops.
Jennifer loves shopping for sales and loves consignment stores as well, but she’d never thought about driving to the richer towns to do it. So for her, this was pure catnip. We spent just under $100 on our “activity”, plus she was wanting a couple new shirts anyway, plus we got a couple gifts for the kids, a freaking awesome party dress for her, and a pretty pink kimono which I had her in later on in the evening.
And don’t worry about the names of the stores. “Teenage Wasteland Consignment” in Simsbury sounded like the worst one of them all, but was easily the best stop for us.
And so to dinner…
As I said in an earlier post, I’m pretty happy with a cheeseburger and fries, but Jennifer likes more variety and I try not to be too boring. I have no clue what restaurants are out there. I especially have no idea what is out in the Simsbury/Avon/Canton area. My main concern is not accidentally stumbling into a place where the menu doesn’t have any prices listed.
My ace-in-the-hole is Open Table. Restaurant reviews, price lists, links to the restaurant menus and directions, type of food served and more. Everything right there. Like I said I was, I’m a cheeseburger guy, but looking on Open Table I feel like I’m a gastronaut.
Unfortunately Open Table is only good for NY/CT so if you are somewhere else, start Googling for your local restaurant review and reservation website. We end in Canton, so the options are narrowed down to “Feng” which is a fucking expensive Japanese Steakhouse and “Dish’n’Dat” a sort of an upscale diner. They are in the same little shopping mall thing, and directly opposite each other, either rocks and Jennifer makes a fabulous choice.
She has the spicy fish tortilla, and I’m daring and brave and have a BLT. In an interesting Alpha moment, or maybe it’s a Beta one, she’d actually decided on having a salad, and I pointed out that she might like the spicy fish tortilla. She changed her mind and naturally loved what she ate. So hmmm… she supposedly loves variety of food, but I’m getting ridiculously good at picking out what she chooses off a menu. In any case, I get points for it lol.
I’d like to say that as soon as we got in the door we started ripping clothes off and I took her against the front door. In reality we disposed of a dead mouse our cat was proudly guarding on the front steps. After that I snapped the photos of the clothes above and Jennifer ran the numbers on what we would have paid. I got a quickee massage and fell asleep for about ten minutes, Jennifer took a bath and reappeared in the pink kimono.
We settled in together and watched Penny Flame’s Guide to Rough Sex. Very little that we hadn’t already tried together, but the intensity of the roughness was several steps above anything we’ve done and not as far as either one of us feels comfortable going to. I like the symbolism of the roughness stating dominance over Jennifer, but not coming anywhere close to actually beating her. It’s one thing doing a gentle push downward on the top of her head during a blowjob, it’s another to force the matter so hard you can hear her actually gagging and coming close to throwing up. It’s also kinda silly that the instructional warnings in the first segment were all basically broken in the scenes that followed. (I’m not formally recommending the DVD, just saying we watched it.) So even though it wasn’t quite perfect, it was sexually interesting to me, and that is something I find very soothing as the higher stimulation partner of the two of us.
Of course that was the video Jennifer chose out of a small selection I offered her, so naturally we went to the high end of our roughness. No bruises, no marks, we’re just both pretty tired today lol. I’ve also got to say I liked noticing her much improved muscle tone on her back and ass as she lay across my lap. I do formally recommend the Supreme 90 Day DVDs. We’re only at day 12.