“What the hell are you doing in a Sexoholics Anonymous meeting for jerking off because she won’t sleep with you?”
Archives for July 2011
If she likes having her hair pulled during sex, it’s easy enough if she’s on top, you just reach up and grab a handful. But most pull-my-hair types like being on the bottom and it’s harder to get a proper handful when she’s under you. You do need a proper handful because that spreads the pull across her scalp as a sense of pressure, rather than grabbing just a little hair and turning it into something painful… or a lost clump of hair.
The real issue is that the pillow gets in the way, so toss her pillow away. Then if she turns her head to one side, that allows you to get good access to most of her hair and get a good handful. Once you have a good hold, her head is fairly well stuck in place as some of your body weight will be resting on your elbow/forearm attached to the hand holding her hair.
This is a very firmly held position even compared to her being tied up with low end bondage equipment. That she could probably break out of if she wanted to, but you on top of her holding her head turned to the side leaves her with zero leverage. Unless you let her go, she’s… ahh… fucked. Which is the idea and the excitement, but also she may find it a little more than she expected. So a safeword may be in order. If you don’t have a safeword, consider “stop” or “let me go” or even “ow my hair!” acceptable attempts at using a safeword.
The upside is that she’s basically held stationary and you can’t (and shouldn’t) accidentally jerk on her head/neck and risk her injury. So it should be quite safe while being very firm.
And like anything else rough, this is something to talk about before you do it. Consent is important and besides… she’ll just be confused as hell if you throw her pillow off the bed without cluing her in.
If your relationship is going down the toilet, and you cannot point to a definitive reason as to why that is happening, always actively rule out another man being in the picture somewhere.
Check phone records. Credit card records. Email records. Yada yada yada. You can’t just assume that no one else is involved. Cheating is by its nature deceptive, so just because you want to believe nothing is going on, and she says nothing is going on, doesn’t mean nothing is going on.
Always actively rule out cheating.
And “yes”, her going out with another guy, “just for _______” is a date. At least that sort of thing was a date when you did it before you were married anyway. It’s a date.
It’s fairly rare that peope just leave relationships for their own peace of mind and emotional balance. It’s very common that people leave relationships for another person. So odds are…
I’ve gotten a rash of blow job questions recently, mainly to do with how to get her to let you come in her mouth. The husbands wanting that, but very much not wanting the ruined orgasm from her pulling her head off and stopping all stimulation a quarter second before he cums.
Personally I would talk about it outside of the bedroom. Just say that it’s something you would like. Let her know that you don’t expect her to do something she hates, just ask for her to try. Explain that your orgasm is ruined if she pulls off as you cum, so it’s either switch to handjob at about T-minus two seconds, or don’t stop.
Absolutely do not trick her by screwing up the warning and trying to cum in her mouth as a surprise. That will set you back about two months at a minimum.
Act like you are really into it and loving it. If you’re basically holding your breath and silently hoping that tonight is the night, it’s not really that hot of an experience for her.
Try the moaning and groaning thing with some excited pawing at her as it gets better and better. Pull her hair a little in the 10-15 seconds to go mark. If it’s hot for you, it’s hot for her. Maybe she will, maybe she won’t. Just enjoy what you have in the moment.
If she does happen to let you cum in her mouth, don’t get all worked up about whether it was a spit or swallow experience either. Just say it was great and you loved it and love her.
Then kiss her.
I’ve started noticing more and more how I’m getting two sorts of general responses from guys doing the MAP and/or general MMSL thing. (Clarification: Two responses from guys who haven’t left it too late and are mired in divorce or cheating situations.)
The first set give me an almost instant thumbs up that everything is suddenly coming together and their wife is repeatedly falling over and pointing her legs in the air in a V formation.
The second set give me a story about how it is kinda slow going, but things are getting better and they’ve gone from basically next to nothing sexually to getting something.
Here’s what I think is happening. The first group doesn’t have any major structural weaknesses with their relationship other than they don’t know some basic Game understanding and moves. They have a reasonable job/income, the house is basically in decent shape, they have a reasonable physical fitness and they aren’t afflicted with a psych disorder. They’re just regular standard issue good guys. Once they get the Game moves and understanding together – a.k.a. Isolate, Instigate and Escalate – their wives just eat them up.
The second group does have some major structural weaknesses though, and basic Game isn’t a magic spell that makes those irrelevant. These guys are some combination of fat, broke, live in a dump and have some kind of behavior that is an active energy drain on their wife. Game can make the situation a little better, but then again basic first aid can make a bullet wound a little better too. Mostly what you’re doing is buying yourself some extra time to get the structural issue fixed.
In the last post, our fridge died and we had to buy a new one. Thankfully we have the cash to so because if we didn’t, we’d be stuck with individual trips to the grocery store every day keeping milk in a cooler needing ice everyday. It’s been fun for a couple of days while we wait for the fridge, but trust me that having to do it for a couple of months until we could afford a new fridge would wear on my lady love.
A playful little spank on the ass as Jennifer opens her new fridge works great. A playful little spank on the ass as Jennifer bends over for the hundredth time to get milk out of a ice filled cooler in the kitchen would read very differently. Same little Game move, very different results.
So if you have major structural attraction issues, you have to get started on fixing those as fast and as best as you can. Get fit, fix the house, have an income, don’t be crazy or a drain on her. Game is all well and good, but you have to cover the Beta basics in a marriage to have the Alpha stuff really kick in.
And yes I realize the economy sucks like a Dyson. Yes I realize plenty of good guys can’t find work. If that’s you I advise continuing to look for work actively, and ensuring you are using your time effectively to cover the other basic structural needs as well as you can. It’s not my fault that women react to guys without jobs like guys react to fat chicks.
If you’ve got an obvious glaring weak area, get started on that first. Usually as long as your wife sees you making positive progress toward a goal, it gives her hope for the future with you. Give her hope.