Coming Soon(ish): The Marriage Action Plan

Right now I have 48 pages of handwritten scrawl lined up in order on the dining room table as the framework for the next book. It’s loosely titled “The Marriage Action Plan: Beating Sense Into Your Intolerable Spouse Until They Either Die Or Comply”. Though Jennifer prefers “The Marriage Action Plan: When All Else Fails”. 
My most important tool is The MAP, and it’s proven to be multi-purpose in effectiveness – I’m got a number of female readers turning up the heat on their husbands to get jobs effectively by using The MAP for example, which is impressive considering it’s designed mainly as a way for husbands to get sex from their wives. I’ve a number of people using it to effect weight loss in their spouse as well.
However that multi-purposing can get a little confusing, especially to new readers. I’ve also not been 100% satisfied that I’ve described The MAP correctly or fully either. I’m also reframing it from the “Male Action Plan” to the “Marriage Action Plan” to better appeal to both men and women.
If you have The Primer 2011 it’s essentially going to be Chapters 6 and 16 greatly expanded on, with better tie-ins from parts of Chapters 5, 10 and 11, and a bunch more stuff related to the multi-purposing.
In terms of MMSL the blog and MMSL The Primer 2012, not a lot will change. By dealing with the multi-purposing of The MAP in a separate book, that leaves me free to keep The Primer 2012 focused on issues of sexuality, marriage and using game to better the bedroom fun. The MAP will still be in the 2012 Primer, just dealt with less depth and more speed than the new book will… you know… like it’s a primer.
So here’s my question….
What are your questions about The MAP that I missed answering or didn’t explain well?
Ask me anything. Email me or using the comments is fine.
Also if you are in the process of running The MAP and have specific questions, please write me and I’ll try answer them all.
(Oh and apparently I earned the new pink lingerie treatment from Jennifer for my efforts today. Not bad for some handwritten scribble!)


  1. Anonymous says

    " Ask me anything……….."

    Ok,(Slightly off topic ) but, after New Zealand's Bledisloe Cup win, New Zealand must be red hot favourites for the Rugby World Cup coming up soon.


    Wallabies fan.

  2. Lainey says

    I like that name. I have to put the mmsl in the drawer right now since the name would have kids asking questions. I could leave The Marriage Action Plan anywhere in the house and no one would bat an eyelash.

  3. Lainey says

    "Lainey, I like your observation."

    He should definitely keep the mmsl name though for his primer. How many men would pick up The Marriage Action Plan compared to MMSL? Silly men always being marketed sex – but it works. ;)

  4. Corey says

    I'm still trying to figure out how to make my wife see she's not the captain of the relationship, in a sense and that she's married. Cause I think someone like her would deserve her own chapter.

  5. Anonymous says

    Honestly, I think [and hope] that you should keep the MMSL title. If you really want to do a female version, or a version "for both sexes," then make it separate.

    Fixing your smv or sex rank obviously works for both partners for some issues, but there is a clear difference between a man that loves his wife but is not getting sexual satisfaction, and a wife that is not getting "whatever" satisfaction.

    I just think there are some issues that males and females cannot take the same solution too. What works for a man's problem in a marriage, will not always work for a woman's problem in a marriage [and sometimes the problem can never be solved.]

    Love the blog, thanks for your work.

  6. Anonymous says

    Sorry I didn't mean '"whatever" satisfaction' as in, the issue was not important, I meant it as in "whatever" = many complicated issues not relating to sex. Job, or romantic intimacy, infidelity, housework, childcare, etc etc.

  7. Strong Man says

    I've already mentioned the issue of ultimatums or consequences that are short of divorce. After you've stepped up your own efforts and increased your sex rank, what can you do to show your wife you are serious before dropping the D-bomb?

    Many people don't really respond to words–don't know you're serious until you show it in your actions. How can you do that?

  8. Anonymous says

    Strong Man,

    It depends on your wife and what will cause her to rethink. It might be flirting in front of her. It might be meeting your own needs in bed with her there. It might be increasing date night. It might be setting a "date night moratorium".

    Follow the MAP. Be a sexier Strong Man. Raise the general level of sexiness in your relationship.

    In the end, you can't control her. You can be the best Strong Man ever and she just doesn't want, need, or like Strong Man. You have to move on at that point.

    Nothing worked for my wife until I was ready to move on. When she saw that I was ready for divorce, but still wanted to work on the marriage, she was in. (I also had to bust her "still friends" divorce fantasy.)

    Your Mileage May Vary


  9. Athol Kay says

    Strong Man is another blogger and I don't believe he has a bedroom action problem :-)

    In terms of what to do before the ultimatum, Phase Four and Five come before the Phase Six ulitmatum. I'll write more on this tonight I think.

  10. Stephenie Rowling says

    Wow I though this was going to be full of the comments and suggestions from everyone that is claiming that you are promoting divorce or that your methods are too harsh…so were is their wisdom now that they actually could contribute? I'm shocked! I'm telling you shocked! ;)

  11. Athol Kay says

    LMAO Stephenie.

    I think that debate ended after ZERO people responded that The MAP propelled them into a divorce. :-)

  12. J.S. says

    My wife is like a guy, she doesn’t communicate well and doesn’t like to talk about her feelings to anyone…which has its challenges that we have had small improvements upon over 10 years. Your books definitely describe how our relationship has gone to a T, with a year and a half ago her telling me that “She loved me, but wasn’t in love with me.” and that if I wanted to fix this marriage it was up to me to figure it all out. With that said I have been working at improving myself in a few aspects and working on trying to figure out how to get the marriage and sex life I dream of. Your messages and a few others have described my situation well and thankfully provide good guidance. One thing not addressed (or I haven’t found yet) is how to act and treat my “cold” wife during Phase 1 and 2. I am a very loving and affectionate guy who is always the one initiating any kind of touch or “i love you.” How should I handle this part of a relationship in this stage? Do I turn it up, cut back or cut it out completely? Thank you!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *