Are You Having Sexual Leftovers?

Individual sex acts fall into three groups: (1) stuff you like, (2) stuff you don’t mind and (3) stuff you do not want. It’s easy to get in a sexual rut in a marriage, simply by sticking to the sort of sex acts that both of you like.
That seems a little odd on first read, so let me explain.
Say the husband likes sex acts A B C D E and F. The wife only likes the sex acts A B H J and K.
So the only things leftover on the sexual menu they both like are A and B. As they are both happy doing A and B, it’s very tempting to do A and B a lot, which is fine because they do both like it.
But turn up the stress levels in the marriage by say a new baby, or a family illness, shift change or whatever, the frequency of sex can take a little bit of a hit. So their reduced sexual activity pattern can look like this…
A A B A B A B A B A A A B A B B A A A A A B A B B A
The good news is that they stay in sexual contact together through the stressful time. That’s a plus. But when the stress passes and they can resume their normal sexual activity, for some reason it looks like this…
A A B A B A B A B A A A B A B B A A A A A B A B B A
Which means they are still in the same old sexual rut and having the sexual leftovers all the time. They do both like it, but without the added stimulation of the stressful family situation, having just the sexual leftovers all the time becomes under stimulating to them. Or in plain English, boring as hell.
The solution is to sit down together and really breakdown the sexual menu together again. They both like A and B, so that stays something they will do. But the husband likes C D E and F, and it may turn out that the wife doesn’t actually mind C D and E, but does not want F at all. So C D and E can get easily worked into the things they do. The wife wants H J and K, and it may turn out that the husband doesn’t mind H or J, but doesn’t want K. So H and J can get on the cycle as well.
Suddenly the new pattern is…
A B C H A B D J A B E A A C H B A H E C A B A C H J J D A B…
So that’s gone from just two sexual things, and spread out to seven things to do together. They aren’t always doing what they both like every day, but they also don’t mind it either. Plus with a partner you love, it’s a definitely enjoyable experience to see them getting something they want sexually. If nothing else it’s more stimulating and enjoyable.
The sticking point is those pesky things that one person really wants, but the other really does not want. The issue of I want to F, you seek K.
Maybe you can switch off and trade on those nasty, filthy, dirty degrading things they want. Maybe as a special act of love you let them have that thing once in a while. Maybe it’s just something you can’t do.
Maybe F and K are like your personal Green Eggs and Ham.
 

What Sex Should The Nanny Be?

Reader: We’re thinking of hiring a nanny to assist with taking care of the kids.  We just had our fourth and our third is still under two, so an extra pair of hands around the house will be helpful.  The other two are six and five.  Both are excellently behaved, but still need attention, but in manageable amounts. Oh, and two of our kids (hopefully not three) have severe food allergies, and the wife and I don’t trust anybody to take care of them except us and my parents, i.e. not a nanny and not her parents.
I was wondering what you would say as to the sex of the nanny we should hire?  I stay at home to take care of the kids and do some writing on the side.  The reason the kids are so well behaved is, in part, because of my personal care and my intervention when they misbehave.  I also have a couple of extra tricks that are helping my older kids very much, so the wife is very happy with how I’m managing them and can easily see the value I add to the family by taking care of them full time. 
My wife is not nearly as good at taking care of the kids.  Not even close.  Luckily, she’s good at making money, so the tasks in our house are divided fairly well in terms of them being assigned to who could best accomplish them.
Anyway, we figured we’d have a nanny come by in the afternoons to help out.  I’d be home most or all of that time.  So, male nanny or female nanny?
I figure that the advantage of the male nanny is that nobody would suspect me of wanting to sleep with the nanny.  I’m not sure if an old/ugly nanny would help in that regard seeing as how it didn’t stop Arnold Schwarzenegger. 
The advantage of the female nanny is that women do really seem to be better at that sort of thing.  Also, I don’t want the WIFE home with another man if I have to go out and she’s at home.  I’m probably a lot more jealous than she is.  I am a trustworthy kind of guy in that regard, and I’m confident that I would behave completely appropriately.  I always do.  I always have.
I would not be at home alone with kids and nanny for all that long, maybe an hour or two a day.
Athol:  From a Game perspective, female nanny for the win. You + two females = good. You + competing male = silly.
From a more pragmatic point of view, rather than going the nanny route, why not the cleaning lady / household help route? If the nanny is any good they will bond with the kids directly and it will always get complicated in some way emotionally. But cleaning lady is just there to clean and be doing clearly defined tasks. Kids will probably like her being around, but it’s not going to turn into cuddles on the couch and reading a story with Mrs Lysol.
Some days you can stay home while cleaning is going on, some days you can just haul all the kids out and go to the park (or whatever).
Child care is a “what you make of it” task. The bar for failure on child care is set quite low, plenty of people just give the kids a food source and turn the TV on, for example. Cleaning a house though is a clearly defined task and has objectively measurable quality. You’ll be able to tell a good cleaning lady from a bad one way faster than a good nanny from a bad one.
Nanny’s probably cost more too. I think they probably do anyway.
Besides, you said you don’t actually trust a nanny to watch the children unsupervised… which is the entire point of having a nanny. Well… apart from having a completely legitimate way of having a 19 year old girl in your house following your orders.
Also you told me three or four times that you were above reproach and could be trusted with a hottie swanning around in tight shorts and low cut tops… bending over to pick up the children and stuff. So good with the children and her giggle. Pretty sure she flicked her hair purposely just then too….
…sorry I wandered off there for a second. Anyway, you probably are basically trustworthy, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t going to take mental energy to keep shoving your Rationalization Hamster back in its cage to keep you well behaved.
I mean what’s the worst that could happen?
…yeaaaaaaaahhhhh… advise giving Mrs Lysol a call.
 

Sexy Move: Carry Gum

For whatever reason, women like fresh breath, but many forget to carry a self-sufficient supply of minty fresh gum. If you carry a supply of gum with you, pretty soon you’ll become the go to guy for gum.
However you don’t want to become the Chump King of gum either….
Suggest making a simple rule set for gum dispensing and explaining it to the ladies.
One piece of gum – the receiver must say “thank you”.
Second piece of gum – the receiver must kiss you.
Three pieces of gum – the receiver must sleep with you.
Four pieces of gum – no one has survived, but they died happy.
Obviously hardly anyone will jump to a second piece of gum, and no one to three pieces, but they will laugh and take one piece and say “thank you”.
A few days later when they ask for another piece of gum, ask them if they remember the rules and review them again if necessary. If they still want it, give them a piece of gum. As they start chewing, smile your best naughty boy grin and say…
“You realize of course, that’s your second piece of gum…”
Then enjoy her squirming her way out of being kissed. Playfully torture her verbally. Keep it light and funny. Say you can’t trust her now she’s proven to go back on her word. Say you were interested, but now she’s making Russian mail order brides look good.
The other game is when asked for gum to simply ask back at them, “I heard girls only ask for gum when they want to be kissed.”  Hold eye contact and smile.
Jennifer gets gum whenever she wants. That’s a skittles move. I usually just hand her a couple pieces after we go to a restaurant together.
 

Sexy Move: Chick Flick, And F…

From Thunder one of my regular commenters…
Hey Athol,
I thought you’d be interested in hearing some reader game success stories.  And besides, we’re sick and tired of hearing about you and Super J.  :)
Hope its not too graphic…
Background:  After a week of no-sex period time, we had some great sexy-time the previous night.  The next night, I’m still feeling my oats….she meanwhile, had told me a few times how tired she was from the days activities and how she can’t wait to get off her feet and into bed.  That night in bed together while watching some corny chick flick “Hitch”….
Me: “Hey baby, I know how tired you are so I’m not gonna go all in for sex tonight, I’ll just take a handjob.”
Her: some whining routine about being tired, we just had sex the previous night, she always needs to be “on”, etc…
Me: Slapping that shit down calmly, taking it all in stride, telling her the default between us should be some form of intimacy every night, etc…and going back to watching the movie, unaffected. [In the past, i would have sulked, went passive-aggressive, etc…]
Her (Smiling):“Oh, I’m just teasing you about having to be “on”, you know I like to play with you…”  Starts to get cozy with me.
Me: Lightly slap her ass while watching movie.  Not really expecting anything but not affected anyway.  Getting bored of movie planning on going to sleep shortly.  Lightly stroking her back.
Her: 5 minutes later. Out of the blue.  “Let’s just have some naked cozy time.  Don’t get your hopes up.”  She strips completely naked and starts cozying up against me.
Me:  I am pretty surprised here but take it in stride.  Just continue watching movie stroking her back.
Her: starts cozying into me more, kisses me during some commercials.
Me:  stroking her full body now, breasts, ass, etc…but not making any real move yet.  But knowing that it is game on.  in every sense of the word.
Her: kisses me again during next commercial break. getting playful.
Me: I take off my clothes.  hey, it is naked cozy time after all.
Me:  now, starting to turn it up a notch making my move…
Her: Responding with some shit as to not wanting to miss the movie that we are watching…
Me: caught off guard, roll off, rambling something about her priorities
Me: catching my composure again within a few seconds: “I’m tired baby, I need to get to sleep.”  Roll on top of her start making out. touching ALL over.
Her: cooing, grabbing me in closer, sticking her tongue down my throat, stroking my penis, telling me she was joking about watching the move instead of this….
*Fireworks*
Post sex cozying – while watching end of movie…
Her: “So what was it about me that made you fall in love with me, be crazy about me, etc…blah blah blah”–>context: again, we are watching this gushy chick flick so it seemed to trigger this thought process in her.  or maybe it was just her wanting to follow up sex with another dose of my manhood via shit testing…
Me: Running Game – “Your boobs”
Her: Laughing.  “No Really”
Me: Running Game –  “Your legs”
Her: laughing again, but now acting insulted.
Me:  I can’t tell if she is truly insulted or just feigning it.  Women are so damn hard to read.  Even mine after 15 years of marriage.  Even right after sex.
Me:  Running Athol MMSL Game – I turn towards her, put my hand on the back of her neck, pull her towards me, roll on top of her, kiss her deeply and tell her I am crazy about her and love her with all my heart.
Her:  Cooing and cozying deeply into me while I drift off to sleep.
Me: Big smile next morning.
Athol: Some corny chick flick? Hitch is classic! I actually adapted a little from it for the Ten Second Kiss routine!
I also love that after all the Alpha framing and cocky and funny routine, that you unleash the sappy and score with it. Women love, love, love the sappy romantic fluff… as long as you have a good enough Alpha framework to drape it on.
Plus I love that Jennifer has earned her superhero handle nickname. “Marriedman and Super J” might just stick.
 

The Main Complaint About Monogamy Is That It Works

I got a long reader email that has far too many identifying marks to edit, so the short version is he is trying to decide whether or not to marry his girlfriend of 2.5 years. By his account she is wife material and a good match for him. Her sex drive seems higher than his, but the main stumbling point is he’s cheated on her 3-4 times and gotten away with it already, and just can’t get past the idea of getting married and not getting a little something on the side once in a while. After all, per evolutionary psychology, that’s how men are wired. Right?
Athol: There’s not a perfect solution to choose.
You are correct that monogamy isn’t natural and that men and women are biologically wired to have a primary partner and opportunistic sex with others. However much of our modern society isn’t natural. Democracy isn’t natural, nor is capitalism, or education, the rule of law, hospitals, flushing toilets and plentiful food. (Autotuned pop music isn’t natural either, so that I guess slightly ruins the point I’m making because let’s face it, autotune is awful.)
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