Sexy Move: The Swirly Tease Thing

Reader: And what the hell is the swirly-tease thing???
Athol: It’s the warm up routine to using the jumper cables and the butter.
Lainey: I think you should do a poll for your readers though. We aren’t all sex machines like The Kays. LOL I really hope guys and gals aren’t feeling inadequate from not having sexy time every night. I admit I am starting to feel like a sexless underachiever with my 3x a week average.
Athol: For what it’s worth, I am a sex blog writer, so complaining we have a lot of sex is like complaining that Tiger Woods is good at golf. We’re a high frequency couple, but then again if we weren’t, I probably wouldn’t be writing the blog. Deciding to write the blog is in some ways a conscious decision to channel my sexuality and establish a better balance for Jennifer and myself. Three times a week is pretty good for most people and as long as you are happy… well you’re happy!
Badger: This recalls Athol’s post that 50% of sex is below average – you can’t expect every night to be mind blowing. That’s something I and many other men have gotten from women – “I only want to have sex when it’s going to be hot, it’s about quality not quantity.” And we guys are trying to tell them, “no, really, lame sex sometimes is way better than nothing on those nights.” And they don’t understand that it’s harder to have the mind blowing nights without the practice and endurance built during the less intense episodes.
Athol: What’s funny is often the men turn the women down for “not being into it enough”. The women just find the men less attractive for doing that, and a downward cycle begins. If she offers, do her.
Not everything Jennifer and I do is mind blowing crazy sex. Michael Jordan made around 20% of his points from free throws. Handjobs are free throws. But they all count.
Oh okay… the swirly-tease thing is when Jennifer runs a finger tip around the head of my penis several times and then does a flat-palm feather-light circular rub on just the glans area of my penis. It’s excellent.
Let’s see if anyone is geeky enough to say what the jumper cables and the butter reference is!


  1. Can't do anything with jumper cables and butter unless you have two gnomes.

  2. Looking Glass says:

    I don't quite get what the jumper cables and butter references are to, but the first thing that came to my mind, for each:

    Jumper cables – real torture
    butter – worst sex scene in cinema history

  3. Looking Glass says:

    For those wondering (I just googled it), it's a WoW joke.

  4. Anna Beers says:

    Draenei female flirt.

  5. Anonymous says:

    I thought it was a "You, me and Dupree" joke?

  6. Anonymous says:

    Um, so the glans *is* the head. Will you stop trying to confuse me??? I'm trying to learn tricks for sexy time!

  7. Thag Jones says:

    Jumper cables…now you're talking! Also, "butta? We don't need no butta!"

    Sorry, why should I suffer alone?

  8. Ack, Thag. That was truly repulsive. LOL

  9. Focusing a bit on a more serious note:
    I am struggling with this concept a bit.
    I always thought that no sex is better than bad sex and that only needy men settled for bad sex.
    I felt that if she is not into it and only taking one for the team (commenting on being tired, etc…) that it would be better to forgo as accepting half-assed sex was settling and showed weakness/neediness.

    Athol – you are basically saying grab any and all opportunities whenever they come up – even if it is half-hearted.
    Something seems incongruent with that thought process.

    What am I missing here?

  10. "I always thought that no sex is better than bad sex and that only needy men settled for bad sex."

    But is it bad sex? Or is it just not super hot sex? Women can have sex at any time. Men usually want sex at any time (I'm exagerating).

    There has to be a happy medium. If your wife is too exhausted to have it, then you should talk about your need and also how to help her not be so tired. The answer may just be that you tell her you don't care how the house looks with so many little kids running around. That you'd rather she was rested to spend time with you.

    Women generally like sex even when they aren't in the "mood." If you make your wife feel sexy and desired she'll want to have it more often. The more often you do it, the more exciting it will get.

    Athol and others recommend game. The only game I am into is being seduced, but I always stunk at social games. Read more here or get the book. I love this site and his book because it is pro-marriage. So many marriages break up over sex (or money). With the economy so bad right now, a strong marriage is more important than ever.

  11. There is definitely such a thing as bad sex in a marriage. Most likely, most of the men reading this site/book have experienced it.

  12. Boombacca says:

    Sometimes when you think it will be bad, ordinary, or just not super hot, it turns into great. It's the great that keeps you coming back for the ordinary, which can turn into great. Or can it be just the opposite, when your expectations are greater than the realization, is that bad sex, but then you already had it…so how do you know it is bad sex if you never do it,( because you expect bad sex?)

  13. Thag Jones says:

    Ah, Boombacca makes a very good point!

  14. Well, let's define bad sex. To me that would be a partner just laying there and looking annoyed.

    You're right Boombacca about expectation making a difference. It's when you least expect it that the amazing sex happens. Often when people plan special sexy times it can fall quite short of their expectations.

    So, what is good sex? What is bad sex?

  15. Bad sex is the wife just laying there acting like she'd rather be watching American Idol, or saying let's get this over with before I fall asleep, or starting to talk about your mother-in-law while you are inside her.
    Yes, I have stopped sex in the middle and told her that this is not working right now.
    Bad Sex.

  16. I'm sorry, Thunder. That is hurtful.

  17. Boombacca says:

    When she talks about the mother -in-law,you slap her on the a** and say you are sooo kinky when you talk that way, and then get back to business and make it good.

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