This was the post I started writing yesterday… but I got side tracked writing about how smart my cat was.
The original point I was going to use Max for, was that despite being “just a cat”, he clearly displays adaptation to his environment. If you do something a few times related to something important to him, he learns and adapts to the situation. He gets used to it.
As long time readers know, I work with developmentally disabled clients. Now while they are by definition below average IQ, I can very much assure you that they learn and adapt to their environment. They extremely quickly learn who the weak staff are and who will stick to the plan. Who gets scared and who will stand their ground. Who makes the best food for dinner and who doesn’t. Sure they need assistance to live safely, but they learn and adapt to the situation in a way that simply dwarfs any animal. They also get bored.
For a normal or above range IQ human, adaptation is wickedly fast. We hear a song on the radio and just love it, but by the tenth time it’s just okay. We read a dozen fiction books in a genre, and halfway through the next book we are already starting to predict the plot. We mix and match recipes with ease and predict the taste of food we’ve never eaten or cooked even as we make it. Humans are the absolute masters of adaptation.
This mastery of adaptation is problematic in two ways for Game. The first is obvious, all those Pick Up Artist special routines and gimmicks are great for meeting a woman for the first time or a second time. But once you’ve done your clever routine twice in her presence, she adapts and realizes it’s a canned routine. Doing it a third time to her makes her want to switch her attention to another guy just the same way she flips from station to station trying to find a song she likes.
The second problem is less obvious, but dramatically important. If you keep displaying nothing but Alpha traits to her repeatedly, she adapts to it and the Alphaness is less impressive. While you are off doing your man of action thing, she’s sitting home and complaining to her friend that you’re supposedly Mr Impressive, but somehow she isn’t all that impressed.
Likewise if you display nothing but Beta Traits to her repeatedly, she adapts to it and the Betaness is less comforting and emotionally meaningful. You’re always around doing stuff for her, but you’re more of a friend than a man.
The solution is as I’ve said often before to mix up the Alpha and Beta on her. Think of it as a relationship “muscle confusion” tactic aka P90X or Supreme 90 Day exercise. You never give her time to fully adapt to you being a certain way, so she has an ongoing positive emotional reaction to you that builds over time.
The absolute wrong answer is to switch from an “all Beta” approach, get the early positive reaction from switching to an all Alpha approach, and then struggle to understand why continuing to be perfectly Alpha is less and less effective. Then when Alpha is less effective… add even more Alpha and become bigger, louder and more obnoxious to her.
If the problem is you’re too Alpha, add Beta. If the problem is you’re too Beta, add Alpha.
You have to switch back and forth on her. Hey look at my nice body, watch me be a man of action, I’m so in love with you. I’m going to studfuck you, then we’ll cuddle. Don’t shit on me or I’ll kick you out, but there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you.
It’s really that simple. Now go read Chicken, Monkey, Duck.
Lainey says
"Hey look at my nice body, watch me be a man of action, I'm so in love with you. I'm going to studfuck you, then we'll cuddle."
Oh my goodness, I love it. I would embroider that on our pillows if I knew how to embroider. 🙂
pdwalker says
mixing things up…. way powerful!
black says
Surprised this hasn't merited more comments. For most guys, it's truly difficult to assess and balance.
And a truly funny way of covering the topic. Thanks, Athol.
Athol Kay says
Black – I'm surprised too. This is one of my better insights.
Anonymous says
It's also true that some of the more consistent Alpha traits sometimes get "lost" out of view. ie: my man is the sh*# at what he does at work. There's not many people who can do what he does or the way he does it. The times I see him in action, I am reminded of how fricken Alpha that little fact is. But most of the time it's more like "meh, I work, too" (and will add that I'm the sh*# at what I do, too. lol) So, sometimes it's also about taking or creating an opportunity for your partner to see a certain element of what you bring to the table, be it Alpha or Beta. Cause, frankly,an ungrateful spouse has a hard time acknowledging or seeing things sometimes.
Badger says
"Black – I'm surprised too. This is one of my better insights."
I like how your humility comes through in every post.
Athol Kay says
Badger – lol. I know that not every post is gold, but this one is one of my better ones.