Cooking Game: The Cheesy Fries of Supreme Joy

Here’s a killer dish that will have everyone complaining loudly that they should not eat it, but they will eat it anyway with little groans of pleasure. It’s that good.
The dish is made in five layers. The waffle fry layer, the cheese sauce layer, the bacon layer, the scallion sprinkle and finally the sour cream meteorite is balanced on top. It looks like this…
The Cheesy Fries of Supreme Joy


At this point I’m pretty hopeful that you can figure out how to bake a bag or two of waffle fries in the oven, can figure out how to fry up some crispy bacon?, can chop a few scallions and can operate a spoon with intent toward the sour cream. (It is after all man’s use of tools that separates him from the animals.)
The secret to this dish is the cheese sauce. This is no plastic cheese “spread” invented by the military with the demand that it does not freeze at -40F or get too runny at 120F . This is not grated cheese that one has simply heated into a mix of warm cheese, melted cheese and a hardened post-cheese residue. This is a proper cheese sauce that slowly snuggles into the waffle fries and asks if it can sleep over.
So here we go…
Step 1 – Two tablespoons of butter. Melt this in a pot with a low heat.
Step 2 – Two tablespoons of regular flour. Add this a little at a time into the melted butter. Seriously don’t just tip it all in at once, you have to slowly add it in and stir it into a smooth even mix. Stir hard and fast and I find smooshing it against the bottom of the pot with a rubber spatula helpful.
Step 3 – If you did Step 2 right, you’ll have a gray kind of looking smooth paste in the bottom of the pot. Then just spread it out a little on the bottom of the pot and keep it on a low-medium heat and let it heat up to a bubbling paste for about three minutes.
Step 4 – Add one cup of milk. Do this exactly the same way as adding the flour, a little at a time and stir like crazy getting it into a smooth even texture. I said stir like crazy and I mean it. Go go go go go go!
Step 5 – Slowly bring the mixture up to a bubbling simmer and keep it there for two minutes. Keep stirring it once in a while to stop it from scalding on the bottom of the pot.
Once Step 5 is complete, what you have is known as a “White Sauce”. It is vastly improved with cheese.
Step 6 – Remove the pot from the heat and immediately dump in a cup of shredded cheese. Then quickly stir the cheese in. All going to plan, the cheese will melt into the white sauce evenly and transform into a smooth cheesy delicious pourable sauce.
Then obviously toss all the waffle fries onto a plate, pour the cheese sauce over the fries, shovel the bacon on top of that, sprinkle some chopped scallions and then do a huge whoops of sour cream in the middle of Mt.Cholesterol and you’re done.
The serving dish in the photo above is actually our Thanksgiving Dinner turkey platter, and involved two bags of waffle fries, a double batch of the cheese sauce and a whole thing of bacon. It was a little much for the four of us. Would probably be good for a full dinner for about six or seven people. What an opening salvo for a Halloween party though, I mean lets be honest, candy is no good with beer.
It scales easily as well. Want to serve 12 people? 20 people? 40 people? A bag of fries = a batch of the sauce as a loose rule. Get a big metal serving tray and you can cook up a ton of fries and bacon and just up the quantity of the sauce and pour it all on and you’re good to go. Great for wakes.

Sexy Move: When Penis Is Tired And Sleepy

I’m not sure if I shared this move before or not – I might be remembering several emails where I suggested this.
Sometimes penis is a little tired, sleepy, tipsy or just a little inattentive. You ask him to do something simple and he’s all like, “Wait, what?” Or he’s all stressed out and complains you pressuring him isn’t helping.
So you end up going to bed a little ticked. The next morning penis is awake far earlier than you are and the little bastard is chipper while you feel cranky and exhausted. Thanks very much penis.
So here’s a move to hopefully get penis focused on the task at hand…
She lies on her back, and you cuddle up to her and start fingering her to orgasm. While that is going on, she holds penis in her hand and gently wiggles him a little. There shouldn’t be any expectation that penis is going to do anything, because mostly I want you to concentrate on fingering her to orgasm. You shouldn’t even worry about penis at all. If penis gets hard great, if not, give her another orgasm!
After a few minutes of concentrating on vagina and watching you wife come shuddering to orgasm once or twice, all while she holds penis, you’ll very frequently find that penis starts paying attention and finally becomes a stand up guy.
Then do what comes naturally, or whatever it is that you two do together…

Fitness Testing: Fail To Comply With The Request

Had a question in comments somewhere about handling Fitness Tests and figuring out what is a test or not.
Very simply, reasonable requests made in a reasonable tone of voice aren’t Fitness Tests. I generally advise you to comply with the request. “Can you take the trash out please?”  It is very important that you don’t turn into an angry ogre refusing to do basic “husbandly” tasks that are reasonable.
Reasonable requests made in an unreasonable tone of voice, are of the whining/nagging variety of Fitness Testing. I generally advise to draw attention to the reasonable nature of the request, and the unreasonable tone. “When are you going to take the trash out, I’m so tired of having to ask you over and over blah blah blah, whiny whiny whiny….”  After that, fail to comply with the request, until it is framed politely.
Unreasonable requests made in a reasonable tone of voice are the sneaky and true Fitness Tests. “We really need to upgrade the kitchen don’t you think? (cuddle) I could do so much more if it was better.” (When the kitchen is perfectly fine lol. Seriously, she doesn’t even cook anything other than macaroni and cheese from a box anyway.)  Compliance with this means you are trying to please her in a way that benefits her at a cost to you. After her $15,000 kitchen upgrade that had you working over time for seven months to pay for it all, she mentions how uncomfortable she is in her “old” car…
Reframe to explain the unreasonable nature of the request, deflect, or ignore it. This is also fine to play back the cock and funny thing and escalate sexually – “I think you don’t really want a new kitchen, I think this is all just a play for attention.”
Unreasonable requests made in an unreasonable tone of voice, are just verbal abuse. “When the fuck are you going to fix this shithole of a kitchen you lazy ass cocksucker?!? I cannot do anything in his place, how do you expect me to cook anything here?!?! Seriously, what is your problem with acting like this all the fucking time?”  Say that it’s completely unacceptable behavior to act this way, fail to comply with the request quite plainly. Reduce her importance to you with each occurrence and start forming an exit plan as necessary. I.e., start the MAP up
You don’t have to yell or scream to pass a Fitness Test, you simply have to fail to comply with the request. You can pass most light testing with a simply but direct smile and a “no thank you, you are quite capable of doing that.”
Of course sometimes you get stunlocked into having to complete a task set by a Fitness Test, because it’s too mission critical to be left undone. Something like paying the mortgage, or picking a kid up from school, comes to mind. Sometimes you just have to do it. But don’t let that go unsaid, and don’t establish that as your plan forever.

Amazing Billie Jean Ukulele

Okay I simply cannot stop watching this guy. Utterly amazing skill. How the hell does he play three parts at once and still have the ability to sing?
[3rd Verse]
For Forty Days And Forty Nights
The Law Was On Her Side
But Who Can Stand When She’s In Demand
Her Schemes And Plans
‘Cause We Danced On The Floor In The Round
So Take My Strong Advice, Just Remember To Always Think Twice
(Do Think Twice)
[4th Verse]
She Told My Baby We’d Danced ‘Till Three
Then She Looked At Me
Then Showed A Photo My Baby Cried
His Eyes Looked Like Mine
Go On Dance On The Floor In The Round, Baby
People Always Told Me Be Careful Of What You Do
and Don’t Go Around Breaking Young Girls’ Hearts
She Came And Stood Right By Me
Then The Smell Of Sweet Perfume
This Happened Much Too Soon
She Called Me To Her Room
Billie Jean Is Not My Lover
She’s Just A Girl Who claims That I Am The One
But The Kid Is Not My Son
To be quite blunt, if you’re at all interested in pursuing the monogamy strategy, it’s generally in your best interest to encourage both your partner, and all other couples into adhering to the strategy without cheating on it. Being guaranteed to be discovered if the woman’s husband is not the father, is a huge incentive to not cheat. Both to the woman herself, and to the opportunistic man trying to get some on the side. Therefore mandatory paternity testing is in the best interest of everyone “playing by the rules”.
Plus the children themselves always want to know their biological father once the truth comes out. And the truth does have a way of coming out somehow. It’s amazing what secrets people will blurt out on their death bed.

Paternity Fraud is a very serious issue. As a rough estimate 10% of all children have misidentified fathers. For cases where the alleged father doubts his paternity, it’s around 30%.

If you want a huge list of studies done on paternity testing, have a looksee here.

Steve And The Stripper

Ever wonder what happened to Steve of Blues Clues?

Keep watching and he gets to a great story about him and a hot female fan… agonizing to listen to in his pure Beta approach.

“This is the only game I’ve got.”

Seriously the guy has to be rolling in dough if he had a half decent agent. Blues Clues is still playing.

Steve if you’re out there, buy the damn book.