Amazing Billie Jean Ukulele

Okay I simply cannot stop watching this guy. Utterly amazing skill. How the hell does he play three parts at once and still have the ability to sing?
[3rd Verse]
For Forty Days And Forty Nights
The Law Was On Her Side
But Who Can Stand When She’s In Demand
Her Schemes And Plans
‘Cause We Danced On The Floor In The Round
So Take My Strong Advice, Just Remember To Always Think Twice
(Do Think Twice)
[4th Verse]
She Told My Baby We’d Danced ‘Till Three
Then She Looked At Me
Then Showed A Photo My Baby Cried
His Eyes Looked Like Mine
Go On Dance On The Floor In The Round, Baby
People Always Told Me Be Careful Of What You Do
and Don’t Go Around Breaking Young Girls’ Hearts
She Came And Stood Right By Me
Then The Smell Of Sweet Perfume
This Happened Much Too Soon
She Called Me To Her Room
Billie Jean Is Not My Lover
She’s Just A Girl Who claims That I Am The One
But The Kid Is Not My Son
To be quite blunt, if you’re at all interested in pursuing the monogamy strategy, it’s generally in your best interest to encourage both your partner, and all other couples into adhering to the strategy without cheating on it. Being guaranteed to be discovered if the woman’s husband is not the father, is a huge incentive to not cheat. Both to the woman herself, and to the opportunistic man trying to get some on the side. Therefore mandatory paternity testing is in the best interest of everyone “playing by the rules”.
Plus the children themselves always want to know their biological father once the truth comes out. And the truth does have a way of coming out somehow. It’s amazing what secrets people will blurt out on their death bed.

Paternity Fraud is a very serious issue. As a rough estimate 10% of all children have misidentified fathers. For cases where the alleged father doubts his paternity, it’s around 30%.

If you want a huge list of studies done on paternity testing, have a looksee here.


  1. You know, that also means that even among men who are already worried they're not the father of their child, a full 70% are wrong and it IS their child.

  2. mmm…keep seeing adds on your site for dating – sort of undermines the monogamy message. Married people may come to the site because they are worried about their marriage and there is a link to online dating right in front of them…

  3. He doesn't choose the ads. They are generated automatically and geared towards the content of the blog. You do have a point though but compared to the rest of the internet this is still a monogomy haven.

  4. "You know, that also means that even among men who are already worried they're not the father of their child, a full 70% are wrong and it IS their child."

    The number of women worried it's not their kid is a number so small as to be totally unimportant to the rest of the world. I hope you're not implying or thinking that that number proves that 70% weren't cheating?

    How about letting technology take away that unfortunate doubt in the mind of a "dad"? I know that it would make it more dangerous for women to cheat. What other possible reason would you have against it? Yes, I meant that…

  5. just visiting says:

    To give you some idea of how things have changed where I live, I'm not even allowed to know the blood type of my baby, and I'm the mother. I'm not sure when this went into effect, but in my 20's the blood type was written along side other vital stats of my baby on a card. I was shocked when I delivered my late life baby (Day before my 40th birthday) and was told that parents weren't allowed access to that information anymore.

  6. My wife and I have only been with each other (that I know of at least) and I have never suspected her of cheating.

    But still, when each of the boys came out, after I counted their fingers and toes, the first thing I did was look at them to see if they looked like me.

    It was almost a natural thing to do. I am going to assume it is primal and that is why babies typically look like Dad when they come out.

    By the way, they both looked like me. Phew.

  7. To Orig Anon – actually I'm not trying to disagree with anything here, or prove any point at all. The fact that much of the time the fears of these men are happily unfounded doesn't mean they shouldn't be allowed to check (and the issue of maternity testing didn't even remotely cross my mind). Sometimes, I just think people can get caught up in a swirling vortex of horror at how people (not to say women) are all dishonest and the world is terrible. It's very easy to get depressed and paranoid that way.

    I see it as a ray of hope that usually the concerned guy really *is* the father, that's all.

  8. Orig. Anon. says:

    Anonymous – I can see the half-full glass. Still, imagine "glass-half-fulling" a conversation about cancer. Death. Murder. Divorce. Drunk driving.

    The problem was that you're statement missed any hint of awareness that men have a visceral negative reaction to even the thought that the kid isn't his.

    Maybe I was unfair, but you didn't exactly seem to acknowledge that finding out a kid isn't his and that she lied is about the ultimate marriage betrayal for a guy.

    I can't imagine ever saying something like , "A full 70% of assault victims don't get a permanent, life long, debilitating injury" unless I intended to piss someone off.

    It's only a blog comment so I should just let it go.

  9. Orig. Anon. says:

    I've seen the estimate as 4% overall "non-paternity." So, next time you see a kids soccer team, just say, "probably, only one of those soccer moms lied to her idiot husband about the kid being his." That should make for a fun conversation

  10. I don't really understand what objection anyone could have against MPT at birth, along with other tests. (I actually think it may come into being one day through wanting to establish father responsibility/obligations at birth).

    However, when I first read the 10% it was a few years ago in a national newspaper and I recall the wording being fathers not who the children thought they were, rather then all being unknowing fathers.

  11. The 10% figure of non-paternity is generally coming from researchers in genetics – as obviously non-paternity is a huge problem for genetic researchers to have to work around.

    While 70% of those that test for paternity are indeed the father, it's worth bearing in mind that they are usually having to test in circumstances that are horrible. I.e. divorce or infidelity.

    I would think it would be rare that a happily married guy gets the paranoia-wobbles and just wants to make sure about the offspring of his devoted wife.

    Blood typing can be a quick and dirty way of discovered non-paternity. It doesn't catch it all, but it does catch some of it.

  12. A friend of mine told me he read Sperm Wars (I've been told that book can totally F up your thoughts about the sexual marketplace) and after reading it came to the conviction that a friend's middle child was the product of cheating. Apparently one cuckolding pattern involves an extrapaternal second child, then a legitimate third child out of guilt about the infidelity.

    I don't want to get too political, but Lord Mansfield's Rule (children are assigned to the marital dad regardless of who knocked mom up) made sense in a culture where having children brought social honor and status to the fatherm and children provided economic production to the family. In fact, it might have created a slight incentive for dads to want to claim cuckold children as their own, an incentive that offset the considerable visceral pain of being cheated on.

    Today, with presumptive maternal custody and heavy child support, society makes a cuckolded husband a chump and tells him to deal with it.

    IANAL, but I am among many who suggest that if you have the slightest doubt about your newborn's paternity, do the test on the downlow, if the results are concerning do a second one while you consult an attorney about how to get a legitimate test ordered and admitted to a court. The windows to challenge paternity are ridiculously narrow, don't get burned.

    Some possible paternity tipoffs:

    There was a film called "Made In America" where Whoopi Goldberg discovered she got sperm from the wrong donor, tipped off by her daughter doing a blood type inheritance analysis in high school.

  13. I suggested at Dalrock that a good way for a man to be sure the kids are always his is to get into 23andme. You get yourself and your wife DNA tested, and once the child is born getting some drool out of a baby is fairly easy, sent the sample and voila! If the kid is not related to you it won't match your family in the archives and if is it "honey I got you a surprise our baby didn't inherited my blood pressure!" All win.
    Of course a woman that is cheating probably won't be convinced to get a DNA sample if she has half a brain.

  14. Anacaona – in theory that sounds brilliant, although I have to admit I'd be a little hurt by the implication of non-trust (unless maybe I was dealing with a man who'd already been through the situation before). For that reason I'd probably vote for the downlow approach…

    Orig Anon – I apologize, obviously I hit a nerve somehow, and that really wasn't my intention. I think the analogy isn't quite so dreadful though, more like 70% of wives who think their husband has been cheating with the secretary find out they're completely wrong. Or, 70% of people who are told they have 3 weeks to live get a call a week later saying never mind, we misread the results and you're fine! I don't mean to minimize the nightmare scenario of getting confirmation that your wife has been cheating when she gives birth to a child that's supposed to be yours but isn't.

    Anon 5:09

  15. Blood typing as in A, B, O etc.? Who knew! I can never remember exactly who's what, but I'm pretty sure there's quite a range in my nuclear family, and absolutely no doubt of paternity.

  16. Anon
    Well is not a perfect world and I'm a problem solver I know is not the most flattering thing, but this is the kind of doubts that will eat him away and will destroy the marriage at some point, better safe than sorry.
    I particularly wouldn't mind. I mean is good to know the hospital didn't switched the babies either, that happens sometimes at least in soap operas. :)

  17. Looking Glass says:

    In the Western World, I actually would straight up suggest the DNA testing at the start of a marriage for the simple reason of "issues the kids might have" popping up right away. It might show you both being a carrier of something, which could be an issue neither of you know. It's just *good* medicine.

    And it gives you an easy way to verify paternity if that becomes an issue. :) Pass off a "nerd" and "good health" idea, with a solid "trust building" backup.

    Of course, if they send you back the wrong results when just naturally adding in the child to the database, you could have an insanely devious joke or two to pull. :)

  18. “Paternity Fraud is a very serious issue. As a rough estimate 10% of all children have misidentified fathers. For cases where the alleged father doubts his paternity, it’s around 30%.”

    Hogwash, 1-3% is more likely, see

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