The Virgin Sexual Strategy And Avoiding Disaster

I’ve many times referred to monogamous marriage as a sexual strategy. Much of MMSL is essentially covering how to play that strategy effectively and giving reasons why that strategy should be considered as an option. If you want to live by yourself, never marry and just bang hookers, that’s a sexual strategy too. I don’t have any moral outrage about it, I’m just not choosing that strategy or advocating it.
Many religious people read MMSL and love that I advocate monogamy for non-religious reasons. This is because penises and vaginas do not know about God, and many of them have a hard time taking religious thinking seriously. So when I come along and offer up a bunch of non-religious reasons for monogamy, it gives religious people ammunition to use to convince their penises and vaginas to sit quietly in the back seat and keep their seat belts on. Which leads us to the most important question those penises and vaginas want to know… “Are we there yet?”
Obviously no we are not there yet.

The opening move to the monogamy strategy is frequently the virgin strategy. Roughly stated the virgin strategy goes something like this…

“If you both wait until you are married to have sex, there will be no negative events in your sexual history to deal with, and you will bond to each other better sexually. As a result, your married sex life will be awesome. Much better than others that couldn’t stay virgins before marriage.”
Or put another way, the virgin strategy is presented as a delayed gratification move. Give up something now and you will get rewarded in the future. Unfortunately that isn’t exactly true, because the element of risk that exists in the strategy isn’t fully expounded on. The true virgin strategy should be stated as something like…
“If you both wait until you are married to have sex, the only negative event in your sexual history will be the relationship stress cause by waiting until you are married to have sex. Once you become married though, you will probably be compatible sexually and with minimal negative history and probable sexual compatibility, you will probably have a very good married sex life together.”
You ah… probably noted the difference there.
Now to be completely fair to the strategy, both Jennifer and I are each others first sexual partner and it’s worked really really well for us both, apart from some occasional chafing. For many other people that go this route, it works really well for them too. However for some people what is supposed to happen, just doesn’t.
I’ve had quite a few emails from people over the last year where the virgin strategy has not been merely “disappointing”, but “catastrophic”. About half the time the fallout has been a marked difference in libido that has no clear solution. The other half of the time there have been serious sexual issues that went completely undetected because of the virgin strategy itself being used as a smokescreen. The sexual problems in and of themselves would have ruled them out as a partner if known in advance, let alone the lying about them by omission. Most of the time I simply have to advise divorce for such fraud.
So while I do believe the virgin strategy does have real positives, we should also admit that it has real potential negatives as well. The issue at the core of things is essentially the exposure to the risk that you may not be sexually compatible. So the solution to that question of compatibility is quite simple… you test it.
So my advice, my very strong advice, to couples playing the virgin and monogamy strategies, is to have sex with each other after the engagement but before the wedding. Penis meet vagina, vagina this is penis, you’ll be spending a lot of time together, so you might as well find out if you like each other now rather than later.
Jennifer and I were certainly sexually active with each other once the ring was on her finger, including full intercourse shortly before the wedding. Those times together make up some wonderful shared memories and I’m very glad for them. I also don’t think we could have survived all that time long distance together without those short oasis’s of sexual bonding either. I kind of like that she was into me enough to break the rules too.
The core of the virgin strategy is waiting until you meet your life partner and that’s where the positive effects come from. Compared to the effect of being each others first and getting married, the wedding date itself isn’t as critical as one might think.
Footnote: Check the CDC figures on page 40 and 41 for cohabitation affecting marriage success rates. It’s a trivial effect compared to age, education, and the timing of births. The key stat to read is “Engaged to first wife/husband when cohabitation began.”  There is a mild benefit to not cohabiting before marriage, but once adjusted to being engaged when the cohabitation begins, there is minimal difference between that and having never cohabited. In actual fact for men, there is a slight advantage in outcomes at the ten year mark.

Life The Universe And Everything

Sorry, no sexy-time post today. Got distracted by the Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy all evening. What happened was that last night I stumbled onto a youtube clip of the guide and then I spent a hour or so hunting for more of them. I’m talking about the old BBC version from the 1980’s. I started showing my eldest daughter them and she generally liked them.
Then I had the brainwave…
I completely forgot that I had the entire series on DVD!
So then we pretty much pissed away the whole night watching the entire series from start to finish. Great fun and daddy daughter time. She has the same mentally quirky sense of humor as I do. (Youngest does a nice line of physical comedy at times.)  Eldest mostly happy for finally knowing where the whole “42” thing comes from.
The YouTube videos of the BBC series aren’t that great, but the recent movie does the 42 thing fair enough…
Of course all this does beg the question…
…so what is the answer to Life the Universe and Everything?
The truth is that I did think about this for many, many years. When I was religious it was conviently answered by belief in God and doing whatever it was he wanted me to do. Just as a direct supervisor he was sub-par as I made frequent requests for direction and essentially got silence in return and had no idea what he wanted apart from an out dated policy manual.
Once dumping God and the policy manual, the questions asserted themselves again. Why are we here? How did we get here? I’m hungry, where’s lunch? When will I get to put my penis in someone?

In the end I did come to a sense of peace about the question and I do have an answer. Maybe not your answer, but it is my answer.

The answer to Life the Universe and Everything is life. Live life, give life, save life, create life, touch life and accept that all things come to an end and allow life to pass on with grace and dignity. Sometimes the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few; sometimes the opposite. Use your best judgment to do what you can.
The answer to Life the Universe and Everything is the universe. If the nature of the physical universe doesn’t awe you at every turn, you aren’t looking at it right. The sheer size of the universe is utterly astounding. If you ever actually get out of the city area far enough that light pollution isn’t a factor, on a clear moonless night the Milky Way becomes so visible it looks to the naked eye like a long cloud in the sky. There’s something about having 200 billion stars in each of about 100 billion galaxies that is both humbling and cures the lonliness. If we are alone, the universe is as Ellie says in the movie “Contact”, “an awful waste of space”.
The Universe is a wonderous place. Science is the study of the wonder. Seriously, how does gravity work? The earth and the moon dance about in each other’s gravity well – a real world physical force – but there is nothing but the vacuum of space between them. It’s like swinging without actually sitting on a swing. Isn’t that amazing?
The answer to Life the Universe and Everything is understanding that the answer is not everything, but something. You can’t have everything, in the first place you don’t have anywhere to put it all, and then you’ll spend so much trying to keep it all nice that you’ll never get to enjoy it all anyway. Be happy with the things you need in your own service of life. Simple, functional, beautiful items that you actually use are greater than a mountain of stuff you don’t.
The answer to Life the Universe and Everything is understanding that the answer is not everything, but someone. We all crave to be known and joined with another. We are all biological robots running relationship software in our meat computer brains. We all want to love and be in community with each other. That’s why the Internet is so addictive to such a social species.
Your time in the universe is really just a walk on improv role, a few lines and then an exit, but it is your role and no one else’s, so make of it what you will. But with a someone you can create new life together, and somehow you live on. At the end of the day, family is everything.

Danny DeVito Short Guy Game On The View

Admittedly Danny DeVito is a celebrity and that’s why he’s on The View. But he’s so full of reckless confidence about his sex life that he carries the day. Even Elizabeth Hasselbeck folds over laughing so the stick up her ass must need replacing soon.
All in all Danny runs a rampant cocky and funny game. I’m also pretty sure that having five women laughing and liking him made for a great preselection effect for when he got home. But then again, he’s made it clear he was going to get laid anyway.
I think the trick to short guy game is to act like you have no idea you’re short. Or if questioned on it, simply announce you are “taller on the inside” and continue to plow your frame.
Probably best not to start fights in bars though.
Hat tip Popcrunch for the video.

Tall Guy Game

Reader: I’m a 22 year old guy who has had struggles off and on with girls over the years.  Sometimes I’ve done well, other times not, but I have a few questions pertaining to height and personality and how they might affect attraction.  I’m 6’6″ tall, and have always felt self-conscious about it.  I’m also 240 pounds, and lean enough that you can see an ab outline, but not ripped, and have been told I have a good looking face w/ strong jawline.  The thing is, I have a naturally retiring personality.  Not a pushover in important matters, but I’m quiet, avoid confrontation, try to be polite, and don’t brag, boast, etc.  The other day I talked with one of my best friends about this, and he did mention that he was surprised on first meeting me that there seemed to be such a disconnect between my body and my personality.  So with this background, here are my questions:
-How should I try to deal with my height in attraction?  I know they say girls like tall guys, but not this tall!  Then when I put shoes on it gets even worse, and I feel a bit more like a circus freak than anything else.
Athol: It’s okay to be introverted, about half of women are too, but I think when you are physically imposing, there is an expectation that you will be socially imposing, and when you don’t immediately act that way, it gets you to a dismissal faster than you realize. So don’t worry about being edgy (whatever that is exactly), just be direct.  If you are interested in a girl, just say so upfront and cut to the chase a little quicker.
I also think you need to reframe the issue a little. The problem is not that you are too tall, the problem is that most women are too short. You should be the center of your frame and rather than waiting for women to disqualify you because you are tall, playfully disqualify them and ask them if they have a taller friend (or sister!). Do that in a playful and teasing manner.
In general though, any woman 5’10” or taller is going to want your attention because you can do something that 99% of the men she meets can’t do. You can make her feel feminine. She can actually wear heels with you. You can actually look down the front of her top. You could physically dominate her without it looking like a poodle trying to bang a great dane. Suddenly she feels girly instead of feeling like a baby giraffe tricked into wearing clogs.
Even then, I’m 6’0″ and Jennifer is 5’0″. By that range, anything 5’6″ or taller is in your striking distance. We use stairs as sex toys here. It’s really not a problem unless you make it one.
Oh and a takeaway line to use with a big grin.
“I’m not trying to look down your front at your spectacular breasts. I’m just very tall.” 

Why MMSL Is The Manosphere’s Root Beer

Ted said (answering Lainey) – I fully admit that my anger is my issue to resolve. And I don’t use it as an excuse to treat people badly. But I think you truly underestimate the anguish taking the red pill can cause. Many of the guys here have been treated badly. Some are in relationships going sour, and some like myself found this site after years of living in misery followed by divorce. I lucked out because my ex is actually a good person,and we did not split hating and resenting each other. However I am a rare case, and every other man I know got royally screwed in court during their divorce.
Now imagine one of those men coming here and learning that the reason they got screwed was because they were fed a bunch of bull from an early age. I often feel like I was setup to fail by the people I love and trusted as a child and young adult. So yeah, I have some anger to work through. I’m glad you feel a bit of empathy for men like me, but I truly don’t think you understand how traumatic all this can be.
Athol: This is an important point to discuss and I take a purposely different approach than most everywhere else in the Manosphere on this issue.
Ted is right. There are genuine reasons to feel rage about these things. There is often little reason for the rage to ever fade either. Plus I get that being happily married with a good sex life is like rubbing salt into open wounds for many.
I’ve also been told in no uncertain terms several dozen times in comments and via email that I have no idea how bad the pain is about getting divorced or having your children removed from you without just cause. A tiny handful of those one sided conversations have been quite nasty. I’ve thus avoided writing on “Men’s Rights” as much as possible. I always knew I was going to pull some hate, but I thought it would be feminists doing the screaming.
That being said, I believe mindless venting of that justifiable rage, can frequently damage the cause we seek to address.
When a Blue Pill Nice Guy with a serious relationship problem comes stumbling into the Manosphere looking for answers, he comes with a pro-female mindset. After coming across variants of “All women are devious whores!” a few dozen times – something possible in the comments of a single post on some blogs – he can easily become repulsed and move on in his search for truth. Then we call him a Mangina for good measure. We do this because insults make other people listen better and consider our viewpoint.
Likewise, sympathetic women reading the same venom quickly become unsympathetic women. At some point we’re going to want some things to go to a vote and there are more women than men that can vote. Therefore we need the support of women to at least some degree.
So I see my role in the Manosphere as a diplomatic outpost. Some people start here and then explore the rest of the Manosphere. Some people start elsewhere in the Manosphere and get directed here after being jilted by what they first discover. Me being happily married, having a great sex life and generally being a quirky Vulcan makes MMSL taste like… root beer.

Just there’s no yelling in diplomacy. That’s probably a rule somewhere.

There is good in this world, and it’s worth fighting for.