Positive and Productive

There has of late been some nasty commenting happening.
I am fine with people disagreeing with me and other commenters, I like a debate as much as anyone. However I am not fine with straight up insulting and goading of anyone. As a loose rule of thumb, I consider the comments to be “taking place in my living room” and people that insult me or my friends in my living room typically find themselves muzzled and shunted out the door.
In writing MMSL, I’m trying to strike a balance between the harsh truth and genuine concern for others. Also many aspects of sexual behavior are messy, both in an ethical sense and emotional one. When people come here, they usually come because of their own mess and insulting or attacking them for having a mess is of no productive value whatsoever. As much as possible, things need to stay positive and productive.
Also please bear in mind that I am writing under my own name and have a “real life” outside of MMSL. People in our real life do read the blog and the comments. The fact that Jennifer and I are real people, with a real marriage, goes a long way toward creating the platform where people think Game et al is something that can actually make a real difference, saving marriages, families and sex lives.

If They Didn’t Apologize, They Got Away With It

Whether it’s a physical affair or an emotional affair, does not matter.
If in the aftermath there has been no consequence great enough to make them apologize, they are getting away with it.
There will be no meaningful progress toward healing until they apologize.
The initial screaming wailing sobbing fit when you catch them red-handed doesn’t count. That’s just so you don’t kill them on the spot. They need to be not currently in a state of panic when they apologize.
You can try moving forward without their apology, but that’s more to do with your hope that everything will get better than your actual chances it will.
Sometimes there is nothing that will make them apologize.

Delayed Ejaculation: When He Just Can’t Orgasm With You

I had a long email from a woman who has what she believed was a unique problem. Her boyfriend couldn’t orgasm with her. He could orgasm normally while masturbating, and he was very clearly interested in her sexually, and in fact he was very pleasing to her sexually. The best lover she ever had… just no orgasm for him… nor anyone else in his sexual history. There was an obvious smoking gun in his history though – at age 13, he learned that he was the product of a rape. Which I think has to have been a bit of a mindfuck….
Hi there,
it’s called Delayed Ejaculation and you are not alone. I’ve had another woman write to me with the same issue, so it’s not unheard of to me and I’m sure if you start searching online with “delayed ejaculation” as search terms, you’ll find a ton more information.
I think in your boyfriend’s case the explanation is simple, at age 13  he learned about him being a product of rape and that scarred him psychologically. He’s physically fine if he can masturbate to orgasm several times a week, but he’s made this mental block of something along the lines of “I’ll never get a woman pregnant, and I can do that by not ejaculating with her.”
What he’s essentially done is “toilet trained” himself to “hold it” until he can get to an appropriate place to masturbate. It’s exactly the same thing as people who can’t use public bathrooms to poop, and they just hold it until they get home. They say they “just can’t” and have no real explanation for it beyond that.
So my suggestion is to is to have your boyfriend stop masturbating. The purpose of this is to build up semen inside him and make him increasingly trigger happy when he has sex with you. At some point, his physical need for release will just become too great and he won’t be able to hold it any longer. Male sexuality is a plumbing problem as much as anything; the more pressure built up the harder it wants to blow something out and ruin the carpet.
It’s essentially the same idea of denying someone a bathroom and telling them they have to pee on themselves. The will hold out for a long time, but if they keep taking in fluids, eventually they just have to break their conditioning and pee on themselves.
If this behavior of losing control with you and having an orgasm is repeated enough, it should become the new conditioning he becomes used to. Over time it should get easier and easier for him to orgasm with you.
This approach did prove effective with my other reader. Though I caution you that it did take around nine months before they had success. Mostly because they didn’t both buy into the idea fully at first, and because he repeatedly masturbated without her knowledge and lied to her about it. He was extremely avoidant about dealing with the issue and from the beginning I suggested getting a male chasity device for him, but neither one wanted to try it.
A few weeks back she wrote to me at her wits end and I again painstakingly explained to her he was lying to her about not masturbating. Once I convinced her she was actually heartbroken about it all and I believe she gave him a “short sharp directive” after that email. Eight or nine days after that I received a quite pornographic email in return describing a blowjob that resulted in the mother of all cumshots. Still trying to be avoidant, he actually tried stopping the blowjob twice, but she forced the issue and got covered in goo as she desired.
So anyway, that’s just one idea of the few that are out there for trying to fix Delayed Ejaculation. If it works great, if not, try something else. Do expect a little bit of a bumpy road, but it is possible to change this. Ironically, what we’re actually trying to do is teach him that you’re his cum-dumpster. Though I mean that in the sweetest way.

Girl Game: Hold Him Tight

One of the things that husbands most complain about, is feeling that their wife is not really into having sex with them. Their complaint is stated something like this…
Oh sure, she has sex with me, but she just doesn’t seem that into it.
Oh sure, she has orgasms, but she just doesn’t seem to be that into it.
Oh sure, she does initiate sex once in a while, but she’s just doing that to please me I think, it’s not like she’s really into it.
Oh sure, she does give me handjobs and blowjobs, but she just doesn’t seem that into it.
See how that works?
You can even be giving a guy a lot of sex, and varied sex to boot, and he can still have this sense that you aren’t into him… which hurts his feelings. He’ll still have the sex of course, it will just feel a little hollow to him. Note that you can even be really into him, and he won’t pick up on it fully.
The problem is usually very simple… you aren’t telegraphing to him in a language he understands that you’re into him when you’re in the act of having sex.
The solution is also just as simple… hold him tight when you’re having sex. When you hold him firmly against you, that means in the language of touch that you really want him there.
If you’re in the missionary position and have your arms by your sides, or lightly on his back/arms, it’s a weak display of interest. But if you firmly grip his ass and pull him into you in time with his thrusts, that’s a whole different message. Or if you wrap your arms around his back and hold him tightly, it means he isn’t going to be able to get up off you without a struggle, which means you’re communicating you really want him there.
All that pulling him hard against you is going to make him work a little harder as well. Don’t worry that you’re going to collapse him against you like a ton of bricks, he’s strong enough to handle it. All that will happen is that you’ll make him work with extra muscle tension in his body and that is a key to orgasm in both sexes.
So hold him tight against you when you’re having sex together. It’s so simple and easy to do.
(Bonus Move: Say “fuck me harder” 10-15 seconds before he comes. Spank him a little…)

Why Brad Pitt is With Angelina Jolie and Not Jennifer Aniston

Reader Question: Hi Athol, What do you think is the story behind the media’s obsession with the Brad Pitt/Aniston/Angelina Jolie “love triangle”? I mean, the split between Pitt and Aniston happened six or seven years ago, didn’t it? And many other celebrity couples have split or cheated on each other, etc. Why the peculiar fascination with this triad?
Here are my best guesses:
(1) Angelina Jolie’s sex rank was (and is?) much higher than Aniston’s, but Aniston was beloved by many women from being on Friends. So a lot of women identified with seeing Aniston get dumped for a prettier woman–which is a deep insecurity/fear for a lot of women.
(2) Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are a “super-couple” looks-wise. It’s easy to forget it today, but when they were in their 20s they were both gorgeous and highly desirable. So the fascination with them and their kids springs partly from that, but it’s conflicted (see #1).
(3) Brad may be good-looking, but he does sometimes come across as a bit of a beta, at least in relationships. So maybe this is a sort of surrogate for an experience that most women will never have: competing over a good-looking, wealthy beta and standing a chance?
I don’t really know, but I saw one of those tabloids in the grocery store today and it made me wonder. That’s all.
Athol:  On one hand, seriously who gives a crap about tabloid nonsense. Jennifer (as in my Jennifer) and I had a minor brush with them a few months back, and I can assure you that all that matters to them is story fodder to draw more eyes and get to sell more advertising. On the other hand, this does make an interesting puzzle to play, and I’m up for the challenge.
Firstly, let’s just call both Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie a 10 in their prime and be done with it. Far too many guys have this crazy need to act like Mrs Battleaxe grading term papers and never giving anything better than a B+ because “there’s always room for improvement”. They are both rich and hot, and in their prime, definitely 10s. So that angle to me is a wash.
But that being said, they do have some critical differences that swing the scales to Angelina, that make Brad’s choice the logical one.
Jennifer Aniston comes off as a “good girl” and possibly in need of fresh sheets on the bed to be able to come to orgasm. Well okay, maybe that’s a bit much, I was saving that line for a Martha Stewart joke and got tired of waiting. Anyway… Angelina Jolie comes off as a fair bit slutty and into having sex. When she was married to Billy Bob Thornton she used to have a vial of his blood in a necklace – I think once bodily fluids become jewelry for a chick, anal is actively ruled in. Plus the tattoos are a fairly good sign of brazen sexuality too. Jennifer Aniston did get that whole cult following of women getting their hair cut in “The Rachel”, but guys didn’t give a toss about it. Angelina Jolie was Lara Croft for crying out loud, so guys care about that seeing polygon count was involved.
So while I have no hard proof, my hunch is Angelina is the better one in the sack. But that in and of itself probably isn’t enough to make a guy jump ship from Jennifer to Angelina. Hit it on the side once in a while sure, but not divorce the good girl.
Once you start looking at their ages though, it gets more interesting… the switch went down in 2005…
Bratt Pitt (1963), age now is 47 and age in 2005 was 41.
Jennifer Aniston (1969), age now is 42 and age in 2005 was 36.
Angelina Jolie (1975), age now is 35 and in 2005 was 29.
The difference between a 36 year old woman and a 29 year old woman is huge in terms of fertility… and thus sexiness. Remember the rule that “what is sexy is what is good for making and raising babies”. Once a woman is 36 she is really starting to get into the realm of having a hard time getting pregnant and increasing her risks for birth defects. A 29 year old is going to have a much easier time of it.
Also there have been rumors yada yada yada that Jennifer lost not one, but two of Brad’s babies in 2003 and 2004. So if that is true, it’s very definitely a non-hopeful thing to succeed on a third attempt. She may just have not wanted kids, but the general scuttlebutt is that she is infertile and no matter how you slice it, she’s now 42 and childless.
Angelina on the other hand was already adopting children and showing heavy duty interest in kids before she started with Brad in 2005. If he wanted children, that would have been a potentially quite positive pull on him. Since then they have had three biological children together and have three adopted children. So on the children front, Angelina owns Jennifer completely.
So there you have it, Angelina just comes off as the better choice every which way, kinky in bed, younger and more fertile. If women in the general public were unhappy with Jennifer Aniston getting dumped by Brad, it’s kind of understandable in that Jennifer Aniston comes across as the good girl, and in this case there were no rewards for being good. So it does seem unfair. Especially unfair if the issue was infertility and miscarriages that were the real wedge between them.
But Sex Rank and Body Agenda have little concern for what is fair. As far as Body Agenda is concerned, Brad Pitt did exactly the right thing in switching to Angelina Jolie. Three biological children for the win. Game, Set, Match.
And yeah… Brad Pitt does seem to be dragged all over creation on Angelina Jolie’s leash doesn’t he, so he does seem awfully Beta and heading for a bad ending. But then again, the tabloids aren’t likely to have a fair shake for the man seeing they are purchased primarily by women. When Inside Edition interviewed us back in May, I had about twenty questions and answers about Alpha and Beta, and (my)Jennifer had about four of them. The final cut had her answering four questions and me a single one… and a Beta one at that.
See how that works?