Sexy Move: You Forced Passive = Her Forced Active

Athol – I am curious. Is there no line where the husband’s hopes become unrealistic? For example, is it fair for him to be working up to 7 x per week, thinking that if she doesn’t get there with him he is justified in putting on the heat (implying divorce)?

Only the captain decides? Is 14 x per week asking too much? : )

The issue is usually that the husband is missing a certain sexual element they want, and believe simply getting more sex will meet that need. Somehow.
The husband that wants her to initiate for example will never be truly happy with simply more sex that he has to start. Even if it’s a lot more sex. He can get sex every day and twice on Sunday and still feel sexually unhappy.
It’s essentially the Vitamin D vs Vitamin S thing I mentioned in a post earlier in the week. Or sometimes it’s something a little kinky and unusual… Vitamin K! For example I do enjoy prostate stimulation, but not all that often, maybe eight times a year. Once I get it, I don’t tend to focus on it or think about it much at all. But if Jennifer was never up for doing it, I’d start craving it and getting frustrated by not getting it.
I think a large part of the problem is that most men don’t even have the language to explain what they want sexually beyond “I want her to initiate” and then they usually constantly ask her for sex so she never even gets a chance to initiate. Once they realize what they actually want is not her so much to initiate, but to be active during sex and dominant, it becomes a little easier to express and get something you want.
A very simple way of making her be active during sex is for you to be tied up during sex. This can be as complex as you want with handcuffs, ropes and suddenly realizing that the collars that are sold in the adult store are in fact cheaper and more comfortable from the pet store. Or it can be as simple as lying on your back and “not being allowed” to let go of a scarf threaded through the lattice in the headboard. Once you are tied, you are “forced” into a passive role, which then “forces” her into an active one. She can tease and toy with you and get to set the pace she wants. Just try it together.
The other easy move is to be blindfolded. Once again this forces you into being passive, and therefore her into being active. But you can still initiate wearing the blindfold, or being tied up for a night, and yet getting the sense of her being active anyway.
For most men the starting point is getting a baseline 2-3 times a week of Vitamin D to keep her vagina topped up with his sperm before they can relax and feel like a rational human being. But like I said earlier, if what you then want is Vitamin S or Vitamin K, getting a dozen more servings of Vitamin D isn’t going to make you feel sexually fulfilled.


  1. I find teasing her sexually throughout the day gets her so worked up that her own body forces her to initiate.

  2. You are so right. Quantity does not equal quality!!
    A year or so ago, I felt that the wife was not putting her "all" into the act. It just made me hornier and hornier, which wore her out and made her sore, which led to much less enthusiasm from her and more horniness from me. Finally after about three days of this, we sat down with a "WTF is going on here" conversation. We took a few days off so she could heal up and I bit it for a few days. Then, with her enthusiasm on a high note, we got back into our rhythm.

  3. I appreciate that you actually put a number and biological explanation for a baseline frequency of 2-3 times/week. So many books and materials about the imbalance between men and women say the two couples need to work out their frequency issues–but never give a clue what that means. So the wife could be thinking once a month is "regular sex," when that's not even in the ballpark biologically for most healthy men.

    Good point, also about variety and quality vs. quantity–as long as the basic quantity is also there.

    Sometimes the desire for her "to initiate" isn't as much about the actual initiation as it is a desire to know that she actually loves you and wants you. If she clearly shows she enjoys it, and shows romantic desire in other ways–even if they're passive, that can be a turn-on just as much as who actually runs the show.

  4. Strong Man – yes and no. Yes sometimes its really just about wanting to know she is "in" to me and enjoys being with me. But frankly, on occasion, I want her to just hop on top of me and use me to get her rocks off. And every once in awhile, I REALLY just want her to take the initiative and start the ball rolling with a strong come on.

    For me I think I just enjoy NOT being the one in charge all the time. I sometimes feel like its my job to initiate sex and make sure she enjoys it. When she takes the lead, I can just sit back and enjoy the ride. (literally and figuratively) Plus I get a great view when she is on top. ;)

  5. Geez, it seems like you've been banging the drum for being tied up and dominated for quite awhile. Am I the only one that's really, really grossed out by that?

    I entirely understand the desire to have your wife simply take the initiative and focus on you for a change. But you seem to be trying awfully hard to rationalize this particular kink. You seem to be saying "I know it seems counterintuitive, but it's really not".

    Well the more I think about it the more I think, yeah, it really is counterintuitive. Maybe the guys who are ultra-dominant already find this a refreshing change of pace. The rest of us who actually read this blog for advice might prefer a few more posts on getting the wife tied up.

  6. What's gross about it?

  7. Objectively speaking, it's no more gross than its opposite, I just said I was grossed out by it and I'm a little surprised that so few others seemed to be.

    Honestly, for me, it wouldn't be much different than Athol saying "Sexy move: Gay Sex. Not all the time. Just once in a while. Trust me on this."

  8. Anon – considering I've written about three posts on this total and have hundreds on male dominance and leadership, the problem is definitely on your end.

    If you want to tie your wife up, talk about it and try it. Just bust a move.

  9. confidence with women says:

    Hey! It's been a pleasure to drop by on your blog! It's very informative and useful for dads and father like us!

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