I’ve had a lot of email recently around the issue of…
“I’ve read MMSL and put it into practice and everything is a lot better. We are getting on great and we are having more sex than before, but it’s still not enough and she doesn’t seem to be wildly turned on by me or initiating sex yet. I’m in the best shape of my life, and other women are paying attention to me. I don’t want to ruin what I have, but it’s not enough. What do I do?”
The short answer is women respond positively to a dominant male sexual approach, so you start actively doing that to get the sexual response you want.
The long answer is you’ve maxed out your Sex Rank and have reached a holding pattern in Phase Three. So it’s good, but not great. She hasn’t had that moment of catharsis where she suddenly realizes what she has and starts cascading back into feeling in love with you. You haven’t quite given her that moment where she panics and thinks she might lose you if she doesn’t up her game. You haven’t quite pushed that the balance of power in the relationship has switched from her to you.
At some point you have to get into Phase Four and give her the fair warning and say what it is you want. In short, you have “The Talk”. You say what you want, and offer a solution to have it happen. Quite possibly you’ve already had the talk and said what you want, but softened it too much with a weak presentation. If you say you are unhappy because of the sexual lack, but sound completely calm and accommodating when you say it, it won’t be viewed as a serious concern.
You have to put some emotion behind it.
You have to sound emotionally torn between “I want you” and “I need this”. Your needs are greater than your wants, but your want is for her to meet your need. When you married her, it was because she wanted to meet your need, and you wanted to meet her needs. You have been meeting her needs, but she’s stopped wanting to meet yours. You can’t make her want you… so you are at a painful impasse.
You’re both crazy for her, and rational about her.
The risk is that she might not go for it and realize what she has and become more attentive to you. She might just withdraw from you. So in a sense, pushing to Phase Four is a game of double or nothing. If life in Phase Three was just the best it’s been in a long time, risking Phase Four isn’t going to be quite so appealing.
The good news is that if you’ve really done the work of The MAP through Phase One, Two and Three, you’re very likely going to be taken seriously by her. A male 8 doing the emotionally charged talk to a female 7 that he’s unhappy in the relationship and wants some specific and doable changes to get her up to an 8, will get her full attention and likely compliance. A male 6 telling a female 7 the same set of requests will get a look of annoyance at best and dumped at worst. “You want me to step up to an 8 for your crappy 6 self? Go fuck yourself!”
But let’s be honest. Pushing to Phase Four can be scary as hell. The better your Sex Rank, the better your odds…