MMSL Advice for Age Fifty+

GC: I would love to see a post on how the MMSL concepts play out for married couples who are past the stage of wanting/needing to get pregnant/get someone pregnant. My husband and I have kids in college and high school, so we are way past that stage! We are working hard to stay in shape and keep sex as a high priority in our marriage, and are both trying to increase our Alpha characteristics just a bit. I’m just wondering what your thoughts are regarding the best strategies for couples in this stage of life.
Athol: My advice is exactly what you’re already doing. My advice isn’t really all that complicated lol. Just be the best version of you that you can be. Be a good fifty year old you, don’t try and pretend to be a twenty year old you.
Enjoy the ride. You may as well do all the kinky stuff you’ve been holding back on too. No one cares what you do behind closed doors when you’re fifty anyway, so have fun. Personally I plan to be taking the batteries out of Jennifer’s electric wheelchair so she can’t escape me when she’s 87.
If it helps, just think to yourself, What Would Jennifer Do? Then do that.
(Tip: Jennifer does her husband with high frequency.)
Jennifer: Oh that’s just fabulous. No pressure…

Pandora Bracelets: It’s Not Slutty If It’s Expensive

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post “Hot Husband, Nervous Wife“:
I’m just wondering where all the average-looking (or, God forbid, homely) older women are going to be hanging out when they are dumped by their husbands of 25-30 years, who want a shot a the fountain of youth from a younger, average-looking woman?
It sounds like my question has a measure of bitterness in it; it does not. I am an average-looking 53 year old endomorph (ie, not skinny). I love love LOVE sex (in fact, my previous husband once determined that on average, I have a sexual thought every 8 minutes) but if monogamy depends on looks, I’m screwed (figuratively, not literally). While I can control my weight with an enormous amount of effort, without surgery I can’t control my wrinkles, and as I look at my aging parents (in their mid-70′s), I see a horny old woman and a man who wants nothing at all to do with sex. Is that my future, if I happen to find another love of my life? Is it true, what my male friend says, “Very Long Term Relationships with the same woman are the cause of the huge numbers of ED medication commercials on TV during sports presentations”.
Athol:  Well I have good news, I have awkward news and I have bad news.
The good news is that anyone getting into a relationship with you, is fairly unlikely to dump you for a hot young thing. The Auto-Dump programming, a.k.a. the Male Mid-Life Crisis, is directly related to the age of the man’s wife. So if it’s going to happen, it’s going to happen when the wife is reaching the end of her fertility in the 35-42 age range. So the great news is that you’re far too old to be dumped for that reason! Sometimes science is just so reassuring isn’t it.
The awkward news is that the other half of the Male Mid-Life Crisis is the ability to actually attract a younger woman. For the most part, any man attracted to you, simply doesn’t have the ability to attract a young attractive fertile woman, or even a really worn out party girl who suddenly gets the baby rabies at age 37 and realizes what she really wants is a child, yoga lessons, better health insurance, a nice house, travel, Pandora bracelets and to really piss off the other moms on the PTA. Oh yeah and a husband.
However, should things suddenly change for the better for your new man, by say coming into possession of a sizable sum of money, then he might suddenly have the means to attract a younger woman. Perhaps a single mom tired of raising kids alone and hungry for a little romance (money) in her life. These women are easy pickings for anyone with the slightest ability at game. All one has to do is circle the local elementary school when the kids are getting out, and start looking for a very tired looking mom who is showing a combination of cleavage, dangling earrings and a muffin top. Once eye contact is established, all that needs to be done is to hold out a Pandora bracelet and gently jiggle it… they cannot resist.
The bad news is that you’re 53 and I’m sure you’re starting to get the sense that there’s slowly starting to be this paranoid feeling that there’s more women than men, and the pickings are starting to get slimmer and slimmer. That’s because there really are getting to be proportionally less and less available men the older you get. So you aren’t actually crazy to think the men are getting hard to find. Isn’t math reassuring?
So from here, your mission is fairly clear and just the same as everybody else. Make you be the most attractive version of you that you can be. Make sure that your partner has functional sexual organs and likes to use them. Then make a move.
Oh and have a little collection of Pandora bracelets. By age 53 everyone expects you would have the usual wear and tear on your vagina and some Pandora bracelets to show for it. Also if you do need to slip an older guy a Viagra pill, just push it into a piece of cheese and wrap it in bacon. Works every time.
Jennifer: You are an ass! Here’s the story people. I asked for a Pandora bracelet last Christmas and then flip flopped on it for a while and then decided I didn’t want one. Money was tight. About a week ago I decided I wanted one for this Christmas and told Athol. Now he’s teasing me about them through this post. You’re so evil lol.

Divergent Sex Rank and Relationship Destabilization After Going Paleo

Go have a read of this When Good Health Destroys A Perfectly Decent Marriage with an eye for Sex Rank changes and the destabilization of the relationship after a wife goes Paleo and gets significantly healthier and sexier.
Some snippets…
“You pity him. He’s still fat, still depressed, still lazy, still forgetful, still hungry all the time, still impulsive, still smelly, and you? You haven’t looked and felt this great since high school.”
“He drank, he smoked, he still took head ache medicine, he didn’t care about exercising, etc. Our paths diverged right then and there. A few months later I was pregnant and so breaking up wasn’t  much of an option. He wasn’t a bad guy, and so I stayed to see if I could make things work.”
“It is sad to uproot children from the two people they love the most — we should try at all costs to avoid it —  but it is also sad to show children loveless, hateful, abusive, or lifeless relationships. Breaking off a marriage is a big deal for everyone involved but staying in one that isn’t working can be just as big of a deal.”
Sex Rank changes are brutally effective in causing changes in a relationship. The MAP works as advertised, your spouse will either get better and you’ll get more of what you want from them… or you’ll be better prepared to attracted a partner that will give you what you want.
Also it’s interesting to note how the Rationalization Hamster works in these situations. After a marked increase in her Sex Rank, she logically wants to leave the relationship because she’s hotter than him, but her hamster gets her pregnant and she talks herself into staying with him. After a while though, the hamster changes it’s mind and it talks her out of the relationship. He just takes too long to make the change.
And for the really dark thought… the turning point where she suddenly becomes interest in “living healthy” a.k.a. getting way hotter, comes in the aftermath of her husband being unable to defend her against an intruder in the house. It’s a marked negative factor in your relationship after you fail in a physical defense of your wife. To be sure the husband was clearly outgunned from the beginning, and it is by no means a reasonable expectation that an unarmed regular guy can best a gruesome thug with weapons and the element of surprise, but try explain that to ancient female biological wiring.
So sad.

You Decide: Amy Grant vs Lady Gaga

Endless Fitness Testing in the comments for posting an Amy Grant song lol. So I’m afraid you leave me no option but to run another song until everybody cheers up.

In the blue corner…  Amy Grant with “Baby, Baby.”

In the red corner… Lady Gaga with “Bad Romance.”

You decide!  Allez cuisine!!!!

Fitness Test vs Reasonable Request

Reader: So she’s doing something with her hair.  Something complicated that females do. She was working at it for a minute or 2.
Both her hands are busy in her hair when her cell phone rings.  Its in her pocketbook on the floor.  We are both standing next to it.  She asks me to please answer it for her since she’s in the middle of this hairdo…
Instantly, I perceive this as the hold-my-pocketbook or hold-my-drink for-me request and reply get your own phone.  Not meanly, just matter-of-factly.
She pleads, “I’m right in the middle of this and don’t have a free hand, please answer it for me.”
I sense its not worth pushing the issue here and allow a little comfort beta and so I pick it up and give it straight to her (I don’t actually answer it) – by then she was able to wrassle a hand free and took it from me.
Failed shit test? No biggie husband beta comfort move?Over-analysis?
Athol: I think it was a reasonable request, and it sounded like she asked in a reasonable tone of voice, so I would have done it for her. It would take you two seconds of effort to save her undoing two minutes of effort.
I’m fine with holding Jennifer’s drink or bag, it’s all part of the Princess Fiona plan she’s on. I’ll do Beta stuff for her, she just has to make sure I’m Laid Like Tile(TM).
Though maybe I’d answer the phone pretending to be her smart-arse butler or something. “Madame is currently indisposed, may I forget a message for you?”

You Could Be So Good For Me

Often the thing you like about someone, is the same thing you dislike about them.
She’s always so engaging to talk to.
She never shuts up.
He’s so hunky, what a beefcake.
He spends all day in the damn gym.
She’s always so well put together, I can’t stop staring at her.
She’s never finished in the bathroom, we’re late again.
He’s so smart.
He makes me feel stupid.
She’s so great with making this place a home.
She’s a neat freak and what fuck is with all the pillows?
He’s always good to talk to about the things that really matter.
He’s so serious all the time. I’m bored.
Some times it’s the very things that drive us crazy about our partners that are the things we most need from them. There should be some sort of mutual benefit to each other to being together. You should be good for each other.
I’ll be honest. Sometimes Jennifer is a little too easy going and passive for me, but the thing I most love about her is that she’s always so accepting and soothing to me. On her end of things, I’m fairly sure that she wants to just groan and clutch her head with some of my little shenanigans. I say that because I’ve seen her just groan and clutch her head with some of my little shenanigans about three times a week for the last few years. But I also bring her to tears of laughter several times a week plus our lives are being taken over by my bright ideas that work.
I’m the lightning, she’s the earth. I’m good for her, she’s good for me.
 Like Rocky Balboa says, “I got gaps, she got gaps, together we don’t got gaps.”
 

Treat A Whore Like A Lady And A Lady Like A Whore

A reader sends me an email…
Interesting quote from Monroe on her husband. Can you spot the take-home message?…
“I was surprised to be so crazy about Joe [DiMaggio]. I expected a flashy New York sports type, and instead I met this reserved guy who didn’t make a pass at me right away! He treated me like something special. Joe is a very decent man, and he makes other people feel decent too.”
Athol: Immediately I thought of the old line advising to “Treat a whore like a lady and a lady like a whore.”
Converting it into MMSLspeak, women have the whole Alpha Beta Trait thing happening with them too. What’s Beta for men and women are much the same, but the Alpha Traits are primarily based on dominance and power for men, and beauty and being sexually provocative in women. Most of us tend toward being better in one or the other of Alpha and Beta Traits.
So a “whore” would be a higher Alpha and lower Beta mix woman. So she’s going to be seeking a way to get more Beta into her life.
A “lady” would be a lower Alpha and higher Beta mix woman. So she’s going to be seeking a way to get more Alpha into her life.
Though do remember that it’s all about a balance. Once she gets a big dose of what she’s looking for right now, she’ll return to baseline and start looking for her usual mix of Alpha and Beta. So you do have to maintain the balance, you can’t just throw Beta at a “whore” endlessly and expect great results forever.
The point is that for an opening move though, doing the exact opposite of what every other guy has done up until now, is going to get her positive attention. There are plenty of “ladies” simply craving flirtation and direct sexual interest in them. There are plenty of “whores” dying inside to not be pump and dumped anymore.
Though the saying that you “Can’t make a ho’ a housewife” also springs to mind. So be advised on that account. But you can certainly make a housewife act like a ho’… all that takes is privacy, passion and power…
…or booze.
Jennifer: Be advised that the word “whore” is used for illustrative purposes only. Do NOT use this with your female interest.
Athol: Awwwwwwww…….

$3.99 Kindle and PDF

The price drop to $3.99 for the Kindle and Lulu.com PDF version is live.

The print version is still the same. Createspace isn’t letting me drop it as far as I want just yet without having to ditch the expanded distribution channel. Working on it.

***edit***

My sales dropped because of this and I put the price back a few weeks later.

My Plan To Take Over The World Requires More Coffee (And Giant Robots)

For those following the plot of our intrepid hero…
Oh noes! I’m out a shit-ton of cash!!! $300,000 In Lost Royalties
Oh wait that’s not exactly right, which  is explained in the comments. Nevermind I get it. Need more coffee.
Cunning lawyers pick up the cause…  Shocking Revelation Piracy Hurts Individuals
Explain that it’s not exactly right in the comments. Sip coffee like Sean Connery playing James Bond.
Email discussion with cunning lawyers begins. Realize I’m possibly more like Austin Powers trying to explain how a penis pump got into my bag. “Honestly baby, I’ve got no idea where that came from.”
Cunning lawyers introduce me to their buddy (Mike Masnick). Curiously the lawyers fight against everything their buddy stands for, except the buddy. The difference between “Freetard” and “Great guy” being noted. I suspect the buddy has hired these particular lawyers.
Buddy writes for Tech Dirt, and they have a web forum devoted to discussing business models and marketing et al, called Step2. Would I like to contribute a post in the forum discussion?
So… here’s the behind the scenes masterplan to have MMSL take over the world with book sales and giant robots. MMSL: The Marketing Plan. There’s a sort of a competition happening over there for most popular thread, so if you could pay a visit and weigh in, that would be great. Competition as in prizes, with actual money. There’s also this cool team ring they sent me that turns me invisible and I don’t have to log on to check my email anymore, I just kind of hear them narrated in my head by Steve Jobs.

Anyway, I’ve got a lot to get through this weekend with writing the next three books (it’s complicated lol) and will price drop the 2011 Primer at some point over the weekend to be ready for Monday. There’s likely going to be some sort of lag in the Amazon stuff before it makes it’s way through the system and becomes effective.

And now I needs more coffees.

Sexy Move: Goofy And Groping

Reader Question:  Last night I told my wife to meet me in bed after we got our kid down for bed…she seemed into it.
So we get into bed and she says she’s exhausted but wanted to do other stuff which in my mind meant bj or hj, but she meant kissing and cuddling…augh.
I wasn’t in the mood for that so I kind of blew her off and said I wasn’t in the mood for that and went and watched TV.  She said we should be able to do other stuff besides sex…blah blah.
How should I handle that?
Athol: I have two thoughts here…
(1) She wanted to be warmed up and escalated before becoming agreeable to having sex. She was interested, but she went to bed lukewarm and you went to bed hot. Maybe kissing and cuddling is what gets her from lukewarm to hot. What happened was you broke off the seduction early. Neither one of you got what you wanted from it.
(2) She doesn’t get that “just kissing and cuddling” in bed is going to drive you crazy when you are horny.
Jennifer: I second this point. I didn’t understand this at first either. Then the “touch the penis make the penis happy” rule was firmly stated lol.
My suggestion is to increase the physical interaction outside the bedroom. If she’s been filled up on her cuddle and kiss need before bedtime, she’s either going to go to bed more interested in sex as opposed to cuddling, or go to bed actually sleepy.
This can also be coupled with an understanding that going to bed is either going to head toward having sex, or just going to sleep, and not that touchy-feely-snuggle-pawing-and-then-nothing-happens-FML-thing.  But to do that, you have to be meeting the physical affection needs outside of bedtime.
The trouble really starts when you go to bed excited and expecting to have sex, and then don’t get it. Even if you got a blowjob, you might have been upset because in your mind it was going to be a sixty minute session of sweating, soaking and sizzle.
But if you really are getting baited and switched by her, then what you did was the correct response. It’s not nice to be promised sex and had it dangled in front of you, and then whipped away at the last minute. In that case I’d just be pissed off and getting out of bed too. Internet porn night for the… well not exactly a win, but a draw at least.
Jennifer and I spend a lot of time incidentally touching, stroking, kissing, flirting and groping each other, with about 90% initiated by me, all the way through an evening. We probably have 12 points of physical contact throughout the evening as a minimum, about 20 as a maximum. Not everything is very long, some are just little ten second moments, others are a couple minutes, but it’s constant. Plus at each moment of contact, I’m leading her, wooing her, dominating her and gaining her compliance. Which makes going to bed and getting sex very easy for me.
At this point, it’s not even me consciously running game on Jennifer. I’m just “goofy and groping” with her. It’s light and playful and she knows that I can make a pass at her in the kitchen and not suddenly start trying to wrestle her to the ground. It’s so ingrained at this point that it would require a conscious decision to not act like this with her.
You also may like this post… Jedi Mind Pricks
“This will only take a minute, I promise you won’t feel a thing.”