Fitness Test vs Reasonable Request

Reader: So she’s doing something with her hair.  Something complicated that females do. She was working at it for a minute or 2.
Both her hands are busy in her hair when her cell phone rings.  Its in her pocketbook on the floor.  We are both standing next to it.  She asks me to please answer it for her since she’s in the middle of this hairdo…
Instantly, I perceive this as the hold-my-pocketbook or hold-my-drink for-me request and reply get your own phone.  Not meanly, just matter-of-factly.
She pleads, “I’m right in the middle of this and don’t have a free hand, please answer it for me.”
I sense its not worth pushing the issue here and allow a little comfort beta and so I pick it up and give it straight to her (I don’t actually answer it) – by then she was able to wrassle a hand free and took it from me.
Failed shit test? No biggie husband beta comfort move?Over-analysis?
Athol: I think it was a reasonable request, and it sounded like she asked in a reasonable tone of voice, so I would have done it for her. It would take you two seconds of effort to save her undoing two minutes of effort.
I’m fine with holding Jennifer’s drink or bag, it’s all part of the Princess Fiona plan she’s on. I’ll do Beta stuff for her, she just has to make sure I’m Laid Like Tile(TM).
Though maybe I’d answer the phone pretending to be her smart-arse butler or something. “Madame is currently indisposed, may I forget a message for you?”


  1. Anonymous says:

    Agree that it was a reasonable request, but…

    completely OT…

    Athol, that "Laid Like Tile(TM)" metaphor needs to go. Yes, tile, carpet, and other flooring gets laid, and laid well, but afterwards it is expected to, and does, get walked all over, which is not an inspiring image.

  2. Exactly, I think a lot of guys over think some of this…your girlfriend/wife has her purse in one hand, groceries in another. You have a free hand. The door keys are in her pocket. She asks you to hold her purse so she can open the door…is that a shit test?

    You need to watch for shit tests, but when you start seeing every little request as a shit test, you need to slow it down some.

  3. Anonymous says:

    Anon, "laid like tile" is an idiom, not an analogy.

  4. Anonymous says:

    Yep, an idiom for getting something ready to be walked on;-)

  5. Good grief what's with the Debbie Downer stuff over "Laid Like Tile". Don't make me link Amy Grant songs until everybody cheers up.

  6. alphapersona says:

    Yeah Athol, we're gonna need to deep-six the Amy Grant songs….

    When it comes to over-analyzing shit tests (something common with guys new to game) I always come back tot his quote by my buddy Dave, "When she’s interested, always keep doing what made her interested. She’s not infatuated with future you, she’s infatuated with now you."

    When I was new to the game, he constantly reminded me that I needed to "be less of a player, and more of [myself]." Don't go overboard on The Game – its a game played with subtlety of those involved.

    slightly different than marriage, I know, but when I go out to pick up and meet ladies, I don't bring props, I don't palm read, I don't wear goofy hats. A lot of the game is solid communication skills, not gimmicks or tricks.

    Anyway, there's my two pennies. If I may shamelessly plug: I have a post entitled "Alpha Gold" which sums this comment up nicely.

  7. Anonymous says:

    I have been reading some of these "is it a shit test or not" and I am completely floored every time. NOT EVERY REQUEST IS A SHIT TEST….I think too many of your male readers are worried they getting run over with shit test. Consider some acts just courteous and leave it at that. Think of it this way. If I was sitting out in the garage with my husband and he had two hands on some part of the car he was fixing, I would not say, "Get your own phone" in any tone…I would just do it for him. If she was laying on the bed eating a bon bon…consider it a shit test. GEEZ.

  8. Anonymous says:

    Disclaimer: I am female and I think Athol is right on about relationships/women/etc.
    BUT, there is a definite line between not falling for shit tests and taking needless stands. If you see shit tests where there are none you are probably worrying too much about being taken advantage of. And if that is the case, you look either insecure or cranky, neither of which is attractive.
    If you think she is shit testing you a lot, one of the two of you does not respect you. And it may not be her.

  9. Anonymous says:

    What is he doing hanging out in the bathroom with his wife while she's getting ready in the first place?

  10. alphapersona says:

    And Anonymous slides in for the win!

  11. (r)Evoluzione says:

    While that wasn't a shit test, it was a perfect opportunity for some alpha tom-foolery.

    I'd pick up the phone and, depending on if I recognize the caller's name/number or not, and answer with "Tony's Pizza, we got a sausage special today," "Tina's Tuna Tacos" or "Fargo Police Department, Sex Crimes Unit." Then proceed to talk with the caller in a jovial tone with a smirk as the GF seeks to wrestle the phone from my hands.

    Humor in this fashion is GOLD and creates guaranteed laughs & giggles, blushing, punching you in the arm, and other IOI's. Basically the 'gina tingles go all crazy.

  12. Because all kinds of fun things can happen in a bathroom when the kids are outside a locked door. Smart men are in the right place at the right time. I like alpha in my hubby, but his beta skills keep me on a slow burn. Too much alpha makes me crabby & not as loving. I swear you guys over think these things.

  13. Anonymous says:

    Sheesh not every request is a test! How petty,insecure and neurotic is that a total turn off. A sure way to drive a person out the door.

  14. Now that I'm thinking about it, why does she need her cell phone answered so badly? Can't people leave a message or text, or call her back? The only people I need to talk to that badly are family members. This is possible a generational issue though. I strongly dislike people calling my cell without a good reason.

  15. Anonymous says:

    I think answering the phone is not a big deal. It can even be turned into an alpha experience if the person calling is one of her girl friends and you lightly flirt with her while your wife is in the bathroom.

    The huge beta move was immediately handing the phone to her. I used to do this with my wife and she took it as I was a wuss who didn't have the balls to pick up a phone and be social with someone I normally wouldn't. So the writer of the original email was a big time beta wimp in my opinion.

    Sounds like this dude is over analyzing a bit and this could cause him to appear overzealous…

  16. Ladies, we're NOT overthinking it. On the contrary, we're making the adjustments that are necessary keep the 'gina tingles flowing. Failing the tests that women give isn't nearly as important as recognizing them when they come. The latter usually takes care of the former. It takes us a while to understand the brains of women . . . be patient for the rewards are PLENTIFUL

  17. If you are all Alpha all the time, you will have a short term improvement in her attention, but it will not work forever. You do need to calibrate the Beta stuff in there too.

  18. So much angst over so little!

    Perhaps the lady in question should just get a super short pixy haircut – basically a wash and go. Also toss the makeup, the heels, and the fussy femme clothing. Then her beautification routines will be much simplified and she can always answer her own phone.

    Guys like short hair MUCH better anyway, amirite?

  19. I totally agree this is a great opportunity for some role-playing or cocky-funny. You can play the butler, or say you are her answering service, or say she's indisposed admiring her irresistibly handsome husband. And if you somehow say the wrong thing, she'll never ask you to handle her phone again which lightens your load anyway.

    I'm reminded of a scene in Grey's Anatomy where Addison answered her phone in Derek's trailer and said with exasperation "I am going to have to call you back because I'm with Derek and we're TRYING to have hot sex!"

  20. I've laid acres of tiles. One of the most important tools is a honking great big rubber mallet to get the things to lay right. Is this the case with women?

  21. I've laid acres of tiles, and one of the most important tools is a honking great big rubber mallet to thrash the things into place the way you want. Do you think this applies to women?

  22. To everyone that seems to think some of us are over-analyzing requests: keep in mind, many of us have been failing shit tests for years and never knew!

    So yeah, I might be just a tad paranoid right now that I am *still* missing shit tests. Yes, I realize that paranoia is not attractive. Yes, I would love to NOT over-analyze everything and relax a bit, and I'm working on it. But I think some of you seriously underestimate the level of unease taking the red pill can induce.

    To me, the Matrix tie-ins are very appropriate. Its like looking at the world from a different perspective and finding out the things you believed were just not true. It is very disconcerting…

  23. Looking Glass says:

    I did want to point out this definitely sounds like a guy that's just recently gotten into the swing of things. He's having to relearn what's a real request and what isn't. There's always some bumps along the way.

    But, tossing in random humor during the day should always be taken. :)

  24. The Matrix theme works to a point but I would take it one step further and work on an Inception connection here. Have you left one person's dream only to enter yet another dreamer's dream?

  25. ^Oh, sod off spammer.

  26. Athol Kay says:

    Thanks Anon. Spam deleted.

  27. I definitely get the urge to bully a guy if he expresses interest in me, which I guess is fitness testing, because I get more and more irritable if the guy lets himself be bullied, and I start to dislike myself for being a bitch.

    But it doesn’t mean that the guy should always turn down my requests. If he sometimes gives in to my request to fetch something or hold something, that’s okay. It’s when he never refuses, or whines about it rather than telling me “no” that he fails. Failing some fitness tests is fine. It’s better than being a selfish asshole who never helps out (my father has few beta qualities. He fails to comply with reasonable requests. My parents don’t have a particularly happy marriage, and have considered divorce). Honestly, I don’t care if a guy holds my coat sometimes. It’s when he’s following two steps behind me with my coat, purse, shopping bag, drink, and spare sunglasses, looking kind of like a kicked puppy, or worse, whining about it, that makes me nuts.

    It’s not about every single situation. It’s about the pattern. If you fail once, I give you another test. I’ll repeat that for a while, and you only really need to pass occasionally to convince me that you’ll stand up to me when you want to. The worst is when you look increasingly put upon but still don’t refuse any request.


  1. […] of women, like her rebellion before God in refusing to submit to her husband, the husband passing her fitness tests, dealing with his wife for her purposeful discontentment and creation of drama, admonishing women […]

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