Reader: I’m hoping you can share a man’s point of view on low vs high maintenance. A few weeks ago my husband told me I was “astonishingly low maintenance.” My first reaction was to feel proud at the compliment; then I did a double-take and thought, “Ummmm, is that good?”
It’s been bothering me ever since, so I thought I’d write you (because I don’t think a woman’s opinion would be helpful to me on this and I really like your blog and hey! you have a convenient email address, isn’t that nice.) Can a woman be too low maintenance? Am I asking for trouble (husband taking me for granted – finding me boring – seeking out someone more interesting, type of trouble?) Or should I just buff my fingernails and feel smug?
“Reader Name” (who has always regarded low maintenance behaviors as “things that grown-ups do” and high maintenance behaviors as “things that brats do” and isn’t sure she could be higher maintenance, although she would be willing to try if it would keep her husband happy)
(but who is scared to ask him what he meant lest he look at her as if she has suddenly started gibbering in Klingon)
(and who will shut up now)
Athol: Here’s the thing, being low maintenance is a double edged sword. On one hand yes indeed it’s a wonderful thing to be married to a low maintenance woman. Jennifer is very low maintenance too. It’s very relaxing to not worry about having to fight about everything and being married to an adult.
You’re also probably leaning toward introversion rather than extroversion, and submissive rather than dominant. You’re likely very pleasant and sociable and a good follower. Which is absolutely wonderful…
…but perhaps a little understimulating at times.
My suggestion is to add a little more of a hurdle for him to clear once in a while. Purposely throw out a playful little test and instigate something with him. I’m not talking about suddenly demanding a new kitchen when the current one is fine, I’m saying Game him a little. Initiate sex once in a while. Demand another orgasm. Crack open the lingerie vault. Ask for that thing that turns you on that you’ve been not asking for.
It’s highly unlikely that he would ever dump/cheat for a woman that is simply “higher maintenance”, but a more sexually stimulating woman could very well have some pull on him. Seriously, a lower cut top, a giggle and a playful slap on the arm is like kryptonite to most men. That’s what wives lose their husbands to.
Or think of it this way. If you were your husband’s somewhat slutty lover… what would you be doing to him? Then do that. Start small and gauge his reaction. Then take it from there. Have fun!
Also one does not gibber in Klingon. One states demands.
Perhaps you should stop holding back so much and add a touch of Klingon to your personal approach to wifely charm..
…er no, that’s a little much. My bad.