Is Hating His Beard A Test?

Reader: This may seem trivial… but I’m not sure which way to go on this. Over the summer, I took trip with my youngest son for two weeks and didn’t shave during the entire adventure. I loved the beard and thought it looked pretty rugged and alpha! When I returned home my college aged son agreed that the beard was cool and I should keep it up. However, my wife has never liked it when I fail to shave and complains about the coarseness of my beard and that it irritates her skin. After a couple of days back at home and no real intimacy… I shaved it off! I hated doing it… felt like I was selling out for a shit test.
Now, with Fall in full swing and winter coming… I think the beard would be great! I want to grow it back! The problem is beard = alpha = potentially less sex… that’s a problem. My question is: Is not growing a beard because of my wife… result in my being too beta and lowering my sexual value? Or should I take an alpha stand, grow the beard and then wait for her to come around? Standing up to her shit test, may actually up my value and turn her on in the end.
Beard or not to beard… that is the question.
Athol: This may not be a Fitness Test, she may just genuinely not like the beard on you.

Think of it like a science experiment. You added the beard and the sex dropped off to nothing. You shaved if off and the sex resumed. So the results seem pretty straightforward to understand.

If there’s something easily changeable about yourself/appearance, that your partner reacts well to, why not just do it?
I mean Jennifer goes blond for me, and I brush my teeth for her. So win-win.
Jennifer: Athol is sexy to me with or without a beard. But beard burn isn’t sexy.


  1. Anonymous says:

    2 week beard is just when it stops being hideously painful to rub your face on and goes to "meh".

    I like a beard on my husband (visually) too, but that first month – ugh.

  2. Yes, you have to let it grow beyond the length of short, sharp stubble. When it is longer, it gets softer on the skin and does not cause "whisker burn"

  3. Anonymous says:

    I've never liked a beard on my husband, it's a complete turn off. Shaven is sexy so I understand where the wife is coming from.

  4. I love my beard and have no desire to shave it anytime soon (plus, it's kind of part of the uniform for big powerlifters lol). However, I will say, no matter how 'alpha' or 'tough' you may look or feel, there are some women out there that just plain hate beards. Some will love them and some wont care.

    If your wife just plain doesn't doesn't like the beard, like some don't, and you have no intentions of dropping her or going celibate, shave it. What do you love more, your wife or beard?

  5. I think a full beard is awful. They aren't sexy. I don't even really see them as alpha or macho or manly. My husband grows a beard every winter, and… yech. I won't tell him he can't grow it, because, well, its his face. He's only two weeks into his winter beard, and I already find myself looking forward to spring, when he shaves it back down to a goatee. He looks younger that way. And more handsome. And I feel like I get less hair and more lip when I kiss him.

  6. The MacNut says:

    I agree that this is not a shit test. Women generally like their men to keep the same amount of facial hair they had when they met him. So a woman whose husband was clean-shaven when they met is generally going to want him to remain clean-shaven, while a woman whose husband had a beard when they met is generally going to want him to keep the beard. Any change there is going to affect how attractive she finds him, and therefore his likelihood of having sex with her.

    Women who hate facial hair usually won't date men who have it, so when her formerly clean-shaven husband starts growing a beard, she'll naturally get upset about it. Basically, you guys who were clean shaven when you met your future girlfriends or wives are going to have to stay clean-shaven as long as you're with that particular woman. Like Athol said, if she doesn't think facial hair is sexy, and you'd like to continue having sex with her, basically why not shave?

  7. Anonymous says:

    "I'll let you shave my beard if you let me shave yours…"

  8. Husband can grow a beard if he wants, there's just not going to be much kissing. He looks pretty smashing when a past stubble, but not into braiding length. I just don't like the feel of it against my skin. Unless he's rubbing my back. Beard stubble is a great back scratcher! Really don't think she's giving the letter writer a fitness test.

    -Stargate Girl

  9. alphapersona says:

    I wouldn't read too far into it as to whether or not its a shit-test and what is more alpha/beta. A beard, in and of itself, isn't necessarily "alpha." I know plenty of low betas and deltas that have lumberjack beards. Your Alphaness resides in your personality and how you rock the beard.

    Instead, the 'alphaness' in having a beard is not so much in growing it, but being /able/ to grow it. If you want to retain the alpha cred of a beard and compromise with your wife, shave with the grain. Shave with the grain on your face using a disposable, two blade razor so that you make sure to never get too close of a shave. This will leave some stubble and show that you are manly and can grow a beard, but that you love your wife enough to shave it for her.

    ^ alpha/beta balance for married life.

  10. Anonymous says:

    If she doesn't like a full beard, maybe try a well-trimmed Van Dyke? That's what I settled on, the other way 'round. My wife likes whiskers, and I can't stand a full beard.

  11. Anonymous says:

    Is it a "reverse shit test" if your wife gets fat for you? I mean, she may love it — all that extra warmth and padding. I know, I know — pretty obvious. But you get the point — both are (or, in the case of beards, can be) extremely unattractive. Your woman is simply telling you — very straightforward (isn't that what you dudes want, btw?) that she doesn't like it. Have we reached the stage where we think every request a woman makes is a "shit test"? My god — we actually LIKE men to look the way we like 'em, just like guys like women to look the way they like 'em. Athol, great line about your wife going blond and you brushing your teeth! Love it!

  12. Anonymous says:

    My father was a 5 o'clock shadow guy with a very rough beard. When I was little, he'd kiss me good night when putting me to bed and his cheeks were real scratchy. I mean nasty scratchy. So he shaved before bedtime as well as in the morning. When I was around 8 years old, we had this conversation one night:

    "Daddy, why are you shaving when you're just going to bed?"
    He smiled at me. Big happy smile, in fact. "Because your mother likes it that way".

    "Huh? Why?"
    "When you grow up, you'll get it."

    I got it when I grew up and I've had exactly one girl all these years who didn't mind my stubble. Every other one made noise about it. I had to admit that while I might look sexy with the stubble look, I'm almost as rough as my father. So I stay shaven. No, this is definitely not a shit test.

  13. My wife prefers the beard. Once I shaved it off when I was pissed at her and she threatened to get a mom cut. So, the beard stays.

  14. Don't remember if I saw it on here or somewhere else (badgerhut??). But this post reminds me of a song… lol

  15. Anonymous says:

    Let me get this straight : she is witholding sex because he dared to grow a beard ? And he has to email a site like this to find out how to react ?

    I'm afraid the boy has dark future ahead of him.

  16. Catherine H. says:

    The only test involved is in the way she expresses her desires: i.e. gentle request: "Dearest, you're so handsome without a beard. Would you be willing to shave it tonight before we go to bed . . .?"; vs. s–t test demand: "Don't even think of touching me with that stuff growing on your face." How he responds to these is the true alpha/beta test: there's nothing wrong with complying with a kind request, and there's also nothing wrong with refusing and showing her that she may not mind facial hair as much as she thinks once they're in bed together. But there's only one response to the bratty demand, where compliance would be alpha death. "Woman, don't talk to me in that tone of voice. Come back when you're feeling civil and we'll talk." Or words to that effect.

  17. This is no different from a man asking his wife to wear lipstick or grow her hair long (or cut it), or to wear yellow sweaters, or whatever he's attracted to. If she did these things when he met her, and if that's part of what attracted him, then it is reasonable for him to expect she'll continue to do so.

    It's the same concept with beards. The absence or presence of a beard makes a huge difference on a man's face, as far as women are concerned. Some wome are attracted to either. But for those women who are exclusively attracted to either extreme, it is not possible to feign interest in a man who is the opposite. As Athol says, attraction is not controlable.

  18. Anonymous says:

    It is a huge shit test. Many religious faiths require beard wearing. A man without a beard has emasculated himself. What the women are really saying is, they want a pussy that they can dominate.

    And yes, once you get past the stubble stage, a beard is very soft. Women like to stroke them. Be careful though; don't use shampoo. Shampoo will make the beard rougher. Just use regular water to wash the beard. And keep the upper lip trimmed; she'll get full lip contact whenyou kiss her.

  19. I dunno, Anon 5:41. If you aren't of a faith that requires a beard, and she isn't either, then its simply not a fitness test. Its an attraction thing.

    Not all past-stubble beards are soft, either; my husband's never gets soft He keeps it looking neat and all that, and he never lets it get obnoxiously long… but its always coarse. I'd rather not touch it at all.

  20. He who sees a shit test in everything his wife does he disagrees with is going to get shit tested a lot.

    You get what you look for.

  21. I actually messaged my husband when his picture had a wonderful precious red beard. The bastard hasn't grow it once ever after we meet. I'm okay with both full looks total beard and totally shaved so sex would probably wont suffer. Now a moustache is the most unsexy thing a man could have on his face IMO. Of course my father has always wear a moustache so my guess is that I can't get wet for them because I'm not sick of the mind or have some Electra complex.

    I vote not shit test, shave and continue I'm pretty sure that if the wife is trying to be a bitch she will find out soon enough something she doesn't like and he will know for sure. But if she is a good wife and is only a matter of attraction and she will be back to her sexy mode too. Win-Win.

  22. Anonymous says:

    one more reason to grow facial hair:

  23. Anonymous says:
  24. I´ll just leave this here:

    Oh and WTF are you guys doing to have frikken steel-wool for facial hair?
    If your genes have blessed you with a proper bear man face-beard, fucking go for it.
    At least once in your life ignore the lamentations of the women.

  25. Anonymous says:

    Men with awesome beards

    Adam Kleeberger (recently shaved for charity RIP)
    Sebastien Chabal

    if those 2 dudes cant convince you to let it grow…. there is no hope for you

  26. Anonymous says:

    Men, please think about this for a moment. How would you like scratchy sandpaper on your penis? Someone giving you head while you entertain scratches all over your balls, pubis, and penis head.

    Well, that's what it feels like giving a woman oral sex with a stubble. No way she's gonna orgasm and she's gonna recoil. Nice way to get her back into bed again. NOT.

  27. Anonymous says:

    My husband once grew what I dubbed the "horrabeard". Basically, it was him just not shaving and letting hair grow wherever it wanted to on his face. He started looking like a homeless person and my sexual attraction to him made practically disappeared. However, whenever he goes clean shaven and cuts his hair short, he looks like….12 years old in the face, and that's not sexy either.

    I love him in a well-trimmed chinstrap beard with no moustache (lip hairs stuck in mouth from kissing FAIL-it's bad enough to get pubes in my mouth when I have to go down on him). It frames his face, makes him look very masculine (the jawbone is accentuated without looking creepy).

    While I recognize it's his body to do with what he wishes, I tell him what makes him sexiest to me and hope that he takes my advice to heart. The truth of the matter is that I am certain that if I decided to stop shaving my legs and underarms and shaved my head, he'd be significantly less attracted to me. Honestly, I think that in a relationship, you have to take the other person's thoughts into account.

    My only rule about changes in appearance is that he can't do anything too drastic to his appearance right before an important event (wedding/work evaluation/etc). This way, he will be much less likely to have to deal with the consequences of a possibly failed appearance statement that may take a couple of weeks to "grow out".

  28. anonybeard says:

    Shit test, 100%. I have a yeard, professionally manicured once every month or so….not cut…but trimmed up so its all an even transition. Its a few…maye 4 inchess long. My friends love it, men I meet often say “wow man, I want to grow mine like that,” women even remark that it is so soft and neat; but my wife…she complains incessantly about it. Finally, I got tired of the self esteem blows and drew the line. I said to her “How would you feel if I told you your haircut turned me off, or your taste in clothes made me limp, or if I was upset you hadn’t worn a bikini since we got married?” Bottom line, you’re a man. Sack up and deal with what comes. A man who shaves his beard for a woman deserves neither. -MoF

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