MMSL Advice for Age Fifty+

GC: I would love to see a post on how the MMSL concepts play out for married couples who are past the stage of wanting/needing to get pregnant/get someone pregnant. My husband and I have kids in college and high school, so we are way past that stage! We are working hard to stay in shape and keep sex as a high priority in our marriage, and are both trying to increase our Alpha characteristics just a bit. I’m just wondering what your thoughts are regarding the best strategies for couples in this stage of life.
Athol: My advice is exactly what you’re already doing. My advice isn’t really all that complicated lol. Just be the best version of you that you can be. Be a good fifty year old you, don’t try and pretend to be a twenty year old you.
Enjoy the ride. You may as well do all the kinky stuff you’ve been holding back on too. No one cares what you do behind closed doors when you’re fifty anyway, so have fun. Personally I plan to be taking the batteries out of Jennifer’s electric wheelchair so she can’t escape me when she’s 87.
If it helps, just think to yourself, What Would Jennifer Do? Then do that.
(Tip: Jennifer does her husband with high frequency.)
Jennifer: Oh that’s just fabulous. No pressure…


  1. Looking Glass says:

    I think the proper response is:

    "You're doing it right if you're doing it right". :)

  2. LOL – thank you. WWJD – What would Jennifer do? I'll try to keep that in mind!

  3. Or, is the question "*Who* would Jennifer do?"

  4. Enjoy that time with kids gone! I love my kids, but we went away last month without them, and I could see the future of our relationship much more clearly. :)

    Ah, the peace of just having to concentrate on yourself and your beau. It really is wonderful. Just keep having fun. Get some botox or whatever, but only if it makes you feel better about yourself.

  5. Anonymous says:

    Entirely unrelated. These two threads seems like excellent places for fans of Athol to mention his alpha + beta proach and his blog:

    THey talk about game ruining your potential for making a LTR work

  6. Anonymous says:

    These days there are a lot of people 50+ who are looking for relationships..I wonder though how often it is really possible for a new person to establish an emotional/sexual bond with a woman 50 or over. Hormone changes seem to result in a loss of strong emotional pull toward men, as well as some loss of sex drive.

    So is it really possible for, say, a 55 year old woman to fall in love, or is the best that can be hoped for an amicable roommate sort of relationship?

  7. Entirely possible. Some women have a greater interest in sex after 50 – it depends on the woman and the relationship.

  8. Anonymous says:

    Anon 3:09 My grandfather and his girlfriend started dating the year after grandma passed on (per her request to mourn her for a year and then get back out there), and dated for 15 years with partial cohabitation for 5 or so of those years before she passed away.

    They started dating when he was 76 and she was about 70.

    So, I'm thinking the answer to your question is "yes".

  9. Anonymous says:

    According to other 'over 50' persons, yes!

  10. Anonymous says:

    Anon at 3:09 says: "Hormone changes seem to result in a loss of strong emotional pull toward men, as well as some loss of sex drive."

    Yes, this is a biggie for marriage, too. The baby-making hormones start winding down in the forties and the physical motivation is lacking for the woman. She wants to explore new emotional terrain; he wants to keep the physical side of things going strong since *his* baby-making hormones are not the ones slowing down. Having teens in the house also puts a damper on things. In short, the physical and mental changes of middle age impact the marital life in a major way. I, too, am looking for a new paradigm for marriage in the post-baby years.

  11. Speaking as a 50+ yo woman, it is very possible to fall in love after menopause. The sexual part of our relationship is excellent.

    One thing that has surprised me, as an adolescent growing up in the 1970s and very much socialized to aim for "equality" in a relationship, is how much I enjoy being submissive, especially sexually. I always knew that lurked in the background, but felt reluctant to let it be known to my partner as a younger woman.

    As a 52 yo, I just took a deep breath and told my relatively new partner, he smiled… and the rest is great.

    It does help to have all children out on their own.

    Athol, when you include this subject in your next book :-), be sure to mention the beneficial effect of vaginal estrogen cream in making postmenopausal intercourse enjoyable. Many women are not aware of this option.

  12. Anonymous says:

    So, Athol, it isn't like you to be gone this long. We're starting to worry about you…

  13. He may be without electricity. The snowstorm this weekend hit the Northeast pretty hard.

  14. Athol Kay says:

    No power since Saturday. No estimate on restoration as yet. Cell service spotty at best. Otherwise we are fine. Just cold.

  15. Anonymous says:

    Sex over 50? I think Silvio Burlusconi has some tips.

  16. Anonymous says:

    "(Tip: Jennifer does her husband with high frequency.)"

    And using Thinset and grout? :-)

  17. The Woman Formerly Known As Beautiful says:

    Hello I-thin-I-can-accurately-refer-to-you-as Mother Fucker: Excellent advice. My husband is in the best shape of his life because I recently became obsessed with rocker Gavin Degraw and began following him around the US in my mini-van waving my Victoria Secret extra plump leopard print bra out the window. Now my hubby has a 2 pack and a butt cleft.

    Wait, maybe he's having an… sorry, have to go. Need to do some butt crunches.

  18. I've been trying to address the post mid-life sex and relationship thing in my blog and hope to find all the answers one day. Basically mid life is a game changer – Athol and Jennifer can take a good guess, but never having been there they can't possibly know all the nuances. It's a journey with many challenges. Been discussing this tonight with one of my girlfriends … very rocky road to travel Good luck everyone! C:-)

  19. I am 56 and my wife is 55. We both keep in shape and eat well. My wife, who was 5'2" and 100 lbs when we got married 39 years ago at 16 & 17 still only weighs 110 lbs. I run and at 5'8" keep at around 145 lbs. I am just getting into these princples (being mostly beta) and, even though our sex life is good, I think it will get even better. I have no need of viagra (still get hard just looking at her) and she is still having periods. I think good health and exercise has been key for us. About the only difference for me is the longer recovery time. When we went for our 39th to Mexico last summer, I coudn't keep up with her!! Sex is way better now that when we were 30.

  20. At almost 55 and coming out of a divorce (= mutiny, my Captain was batshit crazy and I had to throw him overboard), I can say some of us post menopausal ladies are still highly interested in men and sex.

    Then again, if age was measured in orgasms, I'd be about 27. (He was advertising for one night stands online. Because I was frigid, you know … and now I know it was his fault. No alpha.)

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