Is Hating His Beard A Test?

Reader: This may seem trivial… but I’m not sure which way to go on this. Over the summer, I took trip with my youngest son for two weeks and didn’t shave during the entire adventure. I loved the beard and thought it looked pretty rugged and alpha! When I returned home my college aged son agreed that the beard was cool and I should keep it up. However, my wife has never liked it when I fail to shave and complains about the coarseness of my beard and that it irritates her skin. After a couple of days back at home and no real intimacy… I shaved it off! I hated doing it… felt like I was selling out for a shit test.
Now, with Fall in full swing and winter coming… I think the beard would be great! I want to grow it back! The problem is beard = alpha = potentially less sex… that’s a problem. My question is: Is not growing a beard because of my wife… result in my being too beta and lowering my sexual value? Or should I take an alpha stand, grow the beard and then wait for her to come around? Standing up to her shit test, may actually up my value and turn her on in the end.
Beard or not to beard… that is the question.
Athol: This may not be a Fitness Test, she may just genuinely not like the beard on you.

Think of it like a science experiment. You added the beard and the sex dropped off to nothing. You shaved if off and the sex resumed. So the results seem pretty straightforward to understand.

If there’s something easily changeable about yourself/appearance, that your partner reacts well to, why not just do it?
I mean Jennifer goes blond for me, and I brush my teeth for her. So win-win.
Jennifer: Athol is sexy to me with or without a beard. But beard burn isn’t sexy.

Don’t Powerlevel Noobs Unless You Want To Be In A Crappy Guild

Perhaps my all time favorite comment on the blog…
Ian Ironwood has left a new comment on your post “Beta Orbiters Don’t Ever Understand “No” Unless It’s Cruelly Spoken
I got into someone’s orbit, once, back in the Blue Pill days. I did all sorts of things for her, treated her nicely, waited patiently while she ended a relationship, undertook a lot of responsibilities for her. And then, at a critical moment, I made my Move. She was shocked. She was offended. She rejected me good and hard, told me that we would only be friends at best, that “I wasn’t her type.” She was kind of brutal about it, as if the very idea of me dating “out of my class” was ludicrous.
So I walked away. I quit calling her. I found distraction. I quit answering her calls. I got angry with her, then objectified her, and I completely severed any ties with her. Since we had a common group of friends (we were undergraduates) the group ended up shattering when I quit attending functions, and our friends wanted to know why. She blamed me for getting mad, blamed me for upsetting the group and starting a fight with her friends, and blamed me that I wouldn’t “just be friends” and keep coming to her study group.
And you know what? I survived. Not only survived, it was the first real taste of “red pill” I’d ever had. I felt powerful, if wounded, and even though I was angry at her, I was able to turn it into something much more productive.
And do you know what else? Without my help she couldn’t complete two key papers she needed to graduate, she failed, and she flunked out of school. According to mutual friends she’s now divorced and hideously fat in Seattle, her life having taken some unfortunate turns since she failed out of college.
Was it her “fault” that I liked her and she didn’t like me back? Perhaps not. Nor was it mine. Was it her “fault” that she flirted with me in the first place to get my help in a class she was struggling with, knowing she wasn’t interested in me? Perhaps not. Nor was it mine. Was it my “fault” that I withheld assistance she was counting on to not fail out of a $40,000 a year private university, because I was embittered over her rejection? Perhaps not. I could have gone over at the eleventh hour, helped her out, gotten her through her crisis and got her to graduate, but honestly once she rejected me, I didn’t see that as a compelling course of action.
Several lessons were learned, among them: don’t flirt with a nerd unless you mean it, ladies.
Athol:  The beauty of this is it’s a revenge story, but Ian did nothing that was actually causing her suffering. He just ended his above and beyond assistance and let natural consequences take it’s course. He was under no obligation to run her through college at all. She wanted something for nothing and that’s an unfair trade.
He could have done her papers for her, but after she was done pumping him for them, she would have dumped him.
Now imagine if he’d run her ass through college and actually managed to marry her… talk about your bag of sand to drag through life. Anytime you find yourself in a World of Warcraft guild where the guildmaster’s wife or girlfriend is an underperforming healer, just quit the guild. Trust me on that one.

Playing Through From Where The Ball Lies

Reader: I wonder if I’m just making excuses here, or if there’s something to it.  I have the feeling that I KNOW it’s a combination of both. I’m infertile – our son was conceived with the help of modern medical science. I can still get it up, I can still fuck, I can still shoot fourth my seed of awesomeness – but the seed of awesomeness is missing the awesomeness.
I’ve been reading your posts and articles.  I bought your book off lulu and look forward to reading that.  On one hand – I get excited for the change, for the muscle, for the ‘alpha’ qualities – but the thoughts are pretty quickly squashed when I realize that I’m infertile.  My wife knows it, and I do feel it will play a big part in the sex life between us.  She’s already shown interest in a Male co-worker who is now a friend, She’s been changing herself for the better, but these changes I wanted her to make, I find I hate because I feel someone else is the catalyst.  I fear that she’ll always be looking to trade up as she wants another child I can’t give her.
My plan – follow all the advice. Get back in shape –  but my fear – she’ll never actually respond to that – or worse, I’ll never believe I’m fully a man without the ability to have children.
Rambling.  But infertile men –  Much less sexy than the fertile ones?
Athol: Being infertile is a sexual negative, but it’s one negative out of a sea of factors that make up your Sex Rank. It’s also one of those things like being short that you can’t do anything about, so hating it serves no purpose and may make things worse.
Unfortunately infertility is one of those things that can create critical failures in that if she really wants another child, nature tends to want to find a way. So a fairly predictable story arc would be her subconsciously finding a way to distance herself from you, attract another man, get pregnant, and then have an “Oh my God what have I done?” reassessment of whether she would be best off raising the child with him, or raising the child with you.
I know that’s a brutal assessment, but I also know that you can see that potentially playing out.
What I would advise is getting yourself together as best you can and increasing your Sex Rank as well as you can. Also I would advise facing this issue head on with her. Tell her what you’re seeing in her as the changes she’s making. She may very well gain enormous insight into her current and potential actions reading the Body Agenda chapter for example.
My hunch is that the infertility issue will be resolved somehow. If she really wants another child, there are other options remaining than stumbling into an affair and ruining her marriage. Adoption is quite difficult these days, so I tend to think toward a sperm donor here. The other possibility is her finding a way toward acceptance of just one child. In any case, all this sort of thing can only be discussed directly rather than just being hoped for. You need to approach the situation directly and influence for one of the better options, rather than trusting to luck that she chooses one of them all by herself.
Otherwise yes, the other guy situation is very concerning if she is making personal improvements to attract him better. So you need to act firmly toward that as well. I would make her aware that should she ever cheat on you, your assumption would be it was for the purpose of getting pregnant and you’d be drawing things to a very abrupt close between you for quite obvious reasons.
Also if the other guy is married himself, I’d be tempted to mention the whole situation and what you’d do if she was pregnant. It’s one thing to bang a married chick on the side a few times; it’s another to cough up 18 years of child support for a couple of rolls in the hay.
As a final thought… at some point your infertility will stop being any sort of a problem, and can actually become a positive. Think of it as the perfect vasectomy. Not all women want to be pregnant and with you there would be no need for birth control at all.
Plus just about every guy has some sort of aspect of their personality or history that makes them think they are some sort of failure as a man. Almost every adult male feels like they are faking it to some degree… whatever their particular version of faking it is. We all got gaps. But we don’t talk about them much because it’s usually going to be seen as a display of weakness by someone else. We’re all just playing through from where the ball lies.

Zen For Beta Orbiters

You want her to say yes, but you don’t ask her to say yes because she might say no.
But if you do that, she can’t say yes, because you haven’t asked for it. So her answer defaults to no.
Thus, because you are frightened of her saying no, you decide she will effectively say no to you.
Thus unless you ask, you will never get a yes, and always get a no.
If you ask her to say yes, and she says no, nothing has changed as you were living without the yes anyway.
But if she says no, that makes you free to start looking for yes from a different woman.
Or she might say yes and then you have the yes that you want.
Your agonized wondering if she will say yes or no, does not actually alter her decision about her saying yes or no. So your mental turmoil serves no purpose apart from making you unhappy, unless you agonize for long enough that her yes if you had actually just asked her, turns into a no because you didn’t.
So if you ask and she says yes, you win because you have your yes. If you ask and she says no, you don’t actually lose anything, because you were already living the no anyway, and it allows you to seek a new woman to say yes.
So stop thinking about it and just ask her.

Beta Orbiters Don’t Ever Understand “No” Unless It’s Cruelly Spoken

If the guy is romantically interested in you, and you have no interest in him, he will never fully accept you denying interest in him unless you get nasty about it.
The problem is you probably like the guy as a friend, so you try and let him down easy. So you end up being nice to him as you tell him “not interested”… and as your actions are nice, the words don’t matter and you end up unwittingly giving him a Indicator of Interest in him.
So he continues to pursue you, thinking you’re potentially interested in him and he just has to try harder.
Look I’ve been there just like everyone else has been at some point. A plain and simple “look just fuck off” stings like hell in the moment, but at least you get the message and move on looking for a new romantic possibility. But a too nice letdown can keep you hooked in to being their orbiter for months or years more.
So if you’re the guy reading this, and you absolutely do not want to be “just friends” with a woman, and she knows that, then you have to see the offer for what it really amounts to. “Let’s just have you be my Beta Orbiter”.
In the end, a harsh “no” can be kinder than a gentle one. Sometimes you’re the one that has to tell yourself the harsh “no”, and move on from the offer of LJBF. Don’t waste your time with someone that doesn’t want you like you want them.
Don’t make someone else your priority, when you are only an option to them.
 

Messing With The PDF Version

Just a note to say that I’m messing about with the PDF version on Lulu.com. I have to cancel the old version and create a new one, so there may be some time that neither old or new are available for the next little bit. It will be coming back.

There’s other exciting stuff happening related to the PDF drama from a few days back, but I have to get a lot more done before I write about that.

Turning Beta Up To Eleven…

Jennifer and I are tired out. Yesterday was The Charity Event That Cannot Be Spoken Of and we’re beat, so talking the weekend kind of slow.
Everything went really well and as this is far more Jennifer’s show than I ever want it to be, I actually catered to her for the majority of the week leading up to it, and essentially as much as humanly possible on the day itself. Someone has to make her eat and drink or she’d pass out I think. So turned the Beta all the way up to eleven and massaged her feet once I finally got her home.
The best part of the night actually came from my eldest daughter texting me in response to my questioning if all was going well at home…
Eldest: I forget when are you home? I need to know if I have enough time to hide the body. Holes don’t dig themselves.
Which somewhat reminds me of the time my youngest – as a 5th grader no less – with big glassy eyes and twisted angelic smile, ended a discussion about stranger danger and getting into someone’s van, with… “But what if they have a puppy?”
I wonder where they get it from…
…oh yeah. Grin.
Jennifer was to be sure a real softy, but she’s gained an appreciation for a darker sense of humor over the years. Apparently both the girls were born with it too, though eldest runs a little darker than youngest. My sister is hands down the funniest woman I’ve ever met my whole life, such perfect understatement in her delivery. Youngest does the same style as my sister. Dad was very funny too, and my writing style on the blog is very similar to his not-at-work writing. So we have this whole family lineage of humor going on. Jennifer’s family is very short.
Anyway, I occasionally get concerned emails and comments from people worried about my poor sexually harassed and brutalized Jennifer. My suggestion is not to worry about her, she’s fine. She gets snacks, naps, orgasms and spends a lot of her time at home laughing hysterically. She likes it here.
 Here’s a video she picked out that perhaps explains things better…
And besides, massaging her feet pretty much covers up any weakness in my Game. It’s like her version of a Scooby Snack….
 

Sexy Move: The Blowjob Chair

The standard blowjob position is him lying on his back in the bed, and her on her knees between his legs. This means she has to lean a lot of her body weight forward and generally feel the blood rush to her head a little. It’s a fairly awkward position to be in for any length of time.
Blowjobs have vastly easier body mechanics when he’s sitting and she’s kneeling in front of him. The floor is far more stable than the bed, and her upper body is far more vertical than doing it on the bed. So it’s much easier for her to move and be in control of her motions, so the blowjob is better. You can try him sitting on the edge of the bed, but toward the end of the blowjob there’s a tendency to tense up and start to slip off the bed.
The solution is a chair or stool in your bedroom. Honestly as you get older the bones start to creak a little bit, so having a chair of some sort in your bedroom helps with sitting down and tieing your shoes anyway. So there are plenty of nice bedroom chairs to choose from that look like they belong there, without shouting “LOL this is teh blowjob chair! Momz and dad be gittin buzy in hear”!
Also a blowjob chair is a great place to put the clothes that don’t clearly belong in either the dresser or laundry hamper. The floor is not furniture gentlemen, nothing should be just lying on the floor.
Hmmm… actually that’s not entirely true. If you’re drunk, you should lie on the floor. It’s very difficult to fall off.
 

The Three Day Rule For Guests

Comment on Sister Wives yesterday….
Kind of off topic but had to post about how a “Friend’s” relationship just went down. I was perusing Facebook and noticed that a male friend had changed their status to in a relationship but complicated (and this was not with his wife). I scanned back a few months to see how it played out. July: Mutual female friend of couple moved in with them (not exactly sure why). Both husband and wife were accommodating it appears as this was a good friend. Less than one month later he posts, Went from Married to It’s Complicated with wife. Less than two months later he updates to It’s Complicated with new girl….the same one that moved in less than four months ago. Nice…that is why you never let someone of either sex move in with you and your spouse…it had disaster written all over it.
Athol: The Three Day Rule strikes again!
The Three Day Rule: Anytime a third wheel visits with a couple, after three days permission is granted by default to the opposite sex spouse to start having sex with the third wheel.
The reason this happens is because before the third wheel moves in with the couple, both the third wheel and the opposite sex spouse decide whether or not they want to have sex with the other. This can happen consciously or unconsciously. Neither one of them will approve the move unless they have a positive sexual interest in the other.
Then once the third wheel moves in, the sexual intentions are already essentially stated and then they just play out as expected. Two opposite sex adults sexually interested in each other, left alone in a house, with an alibi that explains why they are there together. It would be bizarre if they didn’t start fucking each other.
The key tip off to all of this is the woman’s Isolation Anxiety. A woman will have a serious concern about ever being truly isolated with a man she does not have sexual attraction to. A private date in a crowded restaurant isn’t being truly isolated for this purpose, there’s no risk the man is going to try and pin her down and have his way with her there. Alone with him in a house, with no expectation of a spouse returning for several hours, that really is being alone, so there is a risk of him trying something she couldn’t stop.
So in the case of a woman moving in with a couple, at some point she will be completely isolated in the house with the husband. So if she’s at all creeped out by him, she will refuse the offer of moving in with the couple. If she’s attracted to the husband, she’ll be willing to move in with them.
When it’s a man moving in with a couple, at some point the wife will be completely isolated in the house with the man. If that creeps her out at all, she will refuse to have him move in. If she’s attracted to him, she’ll allow him to move in.
For the men in these situations, they are simply wired to take advantage of opportunistic sex when it’s presented to them on a platter. Isolation with a woman attracted to them just gets their dopamine output shooting through the roof to try and get to have sex. They might not even have a major interest in her when she moves in, but within three days they will be getting physically primed to pounce at a moments notice.
So it’s a kind of perfect storm. It’s so relentlessly predictable that the sex happens that you are simply idiotic to allow someone to move in with you. Then the double betrayal and mortifying sense of foolishness is frequently so overwhelming that emotional collapse and leaving your own home in a daze is not uncommon.
So anyway, understanding this rule is good for two things. (1) Saving your marriage, and (2) it doubles as a no freeloaders clause.
Oh and by all means do have unattached guests stay over. Just make sure you “hang out and enjoy having your friend over”, a.k.a. “cockblock”. And enjoy the unusually-intense-sex-together-as-a-couple-for-no- stated-reason while they stay over with you. Also when we have guests staying over, I purposely make the headboard hit the wall because I’m an asshole.
Jennifer: I admit I was seriously naive about this rule and had considered taking in a friend a few years ago. Athol smiled at me and said, “Sure! I don’t mind fucking her.”  I thought he was rude and uncaring at the time. Now it seems quite sweet of him to have done that.
 

Susan Walsh In The Atlantic

My friend Susan Walsh at Hooking Up Smart gets to make some waves in the mainstream with a serious mention in The Atlantic in the piece All The Single Ladies by Kate Bolick.
It’s a well written article, but I’m completely distracted by Kate’s picture. Is there a garment that screams “don’t touch me” more than black lace? Smile? Was the whole black widow look intentional?
While the article is mostly about her inability to find a husband due to the changes in the sexual marketplace, I don’t think she even once mentions what a man looks for in a wife. Or what she looks for in a husband.
Maybe her real complaint is that Pretty Woman was just a movie…
There are thousands of men that might have wanted to marry her if given the chance. She just wasn’t interested in them. The sexual marketplace is as much an internal thing as an external one…
…and it shows in facial expressions.