Messing With The PDF Version

Just a note to say that I’m messing about with the PDF version on I have to cancel the old version and create a new one, so there may be some time that neither old or new are available for the next little bit. It will be coming back.

There’s other exciting stuff happening related to the PDF drama from a few days back, but I have to get a lot more done before I write about that.

Turning Beta Up To Eleven…

Jennifer and I are tired out. Yesterday was The Charity Event That Cannot Be Spoken Of and we’re beat, so talking the weekend kind of slow.
Everything went really well and as this is far more Jennifer’s show than I ever want it to be, I actually catered to her for the majority of the week leading up to it, and essentially as much as humanly possible on the day itself. Someone has to make her eat and drink or she’d pass out I think. So turned the Beta all the way up to eleven and massaged her feet once I finally got her home.
The best part of the night actually came from my eldest daughter texting me in response to my questioning if all was going well at home…
Eldest: I forget when are you home? I need to know if I have enough time to hide the body. Holes don’t dig themselves.
Which somewhat reminds me of the time my youngest – as a 5th grader no less – with big glassy eyes and twisted angelic smile, ended a discussion about stranger danger and getting into someone’s van, with… “But what if they have a puppy?”
I wonder where they get it from…
…oh yeah. Grin.
Jennifer was to be sure a real softy, but she’s gained an appreciation for a darker sense of humor over the years. Apparently both the girls were born with it too, though eldest runs a little darker than youngest. My sister is hands down the funniest woman I’ve ever met my whole life, such perfect understatement in her delivery. Youngest does the same style as my sister. Dad was very funny too, and my writing style on the blog is very similar to his not-at-work writing. So we have this whole family lineage of humor going on. Jennifer’s family is very short.
Anyway, I occasionally get concerned emails and comments from people worried about my poor sexually harassed and brutalized Jennifer. My suggestion is not to worry about her, she’s fine. She gets snacks, naps, orgasms and spends a lot of her time at home laughing hysterically. She likes it here.
 Here’s a video she picked out that perhaps explains things better…
And besides, massaging her feet pretty much covers up any weakness in my Game. It’s like her version of a Scooby Snack….

Sexy Move: The Blowjob Chair

The standard blowjob position is him lying on his back in the bed, and her on her knees between his legs. This means she has to lean a lot of her body weight forward and generally feel the blood rush to her head a little. It’s a fairly awkward position to be in for any length of time.
Blowjobs have vastly easier body mechanics when he’s sitting and she’s kneeling in front of him. The floor is far more stable than the bed, and her upper body is far more vertical than doing it on the bed. So it’s much easier for her to move and be in control of her motions, so the blowjob is better. You can try him sitting on the edge of the bed, but toward the end of the blowjob there’s a tendency to tense up and start to slip off the bed.
The solution is a chair or stool in your bedroom. Honestly as you get older the bones start to creak a little bit, so having a chair of some sort in your bedroom helps with sitting down and tieing your shoes anyway. So there are plenty of nice bedroom chairs to choose from that look like they belong there, without shouting “LOL this is teh blowjob chair! Momz and dad be gittin buzy in hear”!
Also a blowjob chair is a great place to put the clothes that don’t clearly belong in either the dresser or laundry hamper. The floor is not furniture gentlemen, nothing should be just lying on the floor.
Hmmm… actually that’s not entirely true. If you’re drunk, you should lie on the floor. It’s very difficult to fall off.

The Three Day Rule For Guests

Comment on Sister Wives yesterday….
Kind of off topic but had to post about how a “Friend’s” relationship just went down. I was perusing Facebook and noticed that a male friend had changed their status to in a relationship but complicated (and this was not with his wife). I scanned back a few months to see how it played out. July: Mutual female friend of couple moved in with them (not exactly sure why). Both husband and wife were accommodating it appears as this was a good friend. Less than one month later he posts, Went from Married to It’s Complicated with wife. Less than two months later he updates to It’s Complicated with new girl….the same one that moved in less than four months ago. Nice…that is why you never let someone of either sex move in with you and your spouse…it had disaster written all over it.
Athol: The Three Day Rule strikes again!
The Three Day Rule: Anytime a third wheel visits with a couple, after three days permission is granted by default to the opposite sex spouse to start having sex with the third wheel.
The reason this happens is because before the third wheel moves in with the couple, both the third wheel and the opposite sex spouse decide whether or not they want to have sex with the other. This can happen consciously or unconsciously. Neither one of them will approve the move unless they have a positive sexual interest in the other.
Then once the third wheel moves in, the sexual intentions are already essentially stated and then they just play out as expected. Two opposite sex adults sexually interested in each other, left alone in a house, with an alibi that explains why they are there together. It would be bizarre if they didn’t start fucking each other.
The key tip off to all of this is the woman’s Isolation Anxiety. A woman will have a serious concern about ever being truly isolated with a man she does not have sexual attraction to. A private date in a crowded restaurant isn’t being truly isolated for this purpose, there’s no risk the man is going to try and pin her down and have his way with her there. Alone with him in a house, with no expectation of a spouse returning for several hours, that really is being alone, so there is a risk of him trying something she couldn’t stop.
So in the case of a woman moving in with a couple, at some point she will be completely isolated in the house with the husband. So if she’s at all creeped out by him, she will refuse the offer of moving in with the couple. If she’s attracted to the husband, she’ll be willing to move in with them.
When it’s a man moving in with a couple, at some point the wife will be completely isolated in the house with the man. If that creeps her out at all, she will refuse to have him move in. If she’s attracted to him, she’ll allow him to move in.
For the men in these situations, they are simply wired to take advantage of opportunistic sex when it’s presented to them on a platter. Isolation with a woman attracted to them just gets their dopamine output shooting through the roof to try and get to have sex. They might not even have a major interest in her when she moves in, but within three days they will be getting physically primed to pounce at a moments notice.
So it’s a kind of perfect storm. It’s so relentlessly predictable that the sex happens that you are simply idiotic to allow someone to move in with you. Then the double betrayal and mortifying sense of foolishness is frequently so overwhelming that emotional collapse and leaving your own home in a daze is not uncommon.
So anyway, understanding this rule is good for two things. (1) Saving your marriage, and (2) it doubles as a no freeloaders clause.
Oh and by all means do have unattached guests stay over. Just make sure you “hang out and enjoy having your friend over”, a.k.a. “cockblock”. And enjoy the unusually-intense-sex-together-as-a-couple-for-no- stated-reason while they stay over with you. Also when we have guests staying over, I purposely make the headboard hit the wall because I’m an asshole.
Jennifer: I admit I was seriously naive about this rule and had considered taking in a friend a few years ago. Athol smiled at me and said, “Sure! I don’t mind fucking her.”  I thought he was rude and uncaring at the time. Now it seems quite sweet of him to have done that.

Susan Walsh In The Atlantic

My friend Susan Walsh at Hooking Up Smart gets to make some waves in the mainstream with a serious mention in The Atlantic in the piece All The Single Ladies by Kate Bolick.
It’s a well written article, but I’m completely distracted by Kate’s picture. Is there a garment that screams “don’t touch me” more than black lace? Smile? Was the whole black widow look intentional?
While the article is mostly about her inability to find a husband due to the changes in the sexual marketplace, I don’t think she even once mentions what a man looks for in a wife. Or what she looks for in a husband.
Maybe her real complaint is that Pretty Woman was just a movie…
There are thousands of men that might have wanted to marry her if given the chance. She just wasn’t interested in them. The sexual marketplace is as much an internal thing as an external one…
…and it shows in facial expressions.