Pandora Bracelets: It’s Not Slutty If It’s Expensive

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post “Hot Husband, Nervous Wife“:
I’m just wondering where all the average-looking (or, God forbid, homely) older women are going to be hanging out when they are dumped by their husbands of 25-30 years, who want a shot a the fountain of youth from a younger, average-looking woman?
It sounds like my question has a measure of bitterness in it; it does not. I am an average-looking 53 year old endomorph (ie, not skinny). I love love LOVE sex (in fact, my previous husband once determined that on average, I have a sexual thought every 8 minutes) but if monogamy depends on looks, I’m screwed (figuratively, not literally). While I can control my weight with an enormous amount of effort, without surgery I can’t control my wrinkles, and as I look at my aging parents (in their mid-70′s), I see a horny old woman and a man who wants nothing at all to do with sex. Is that my future, if I happen to find another love of my life? Is it true, what my male friend says, “Very Long Term Relationships with the same woman are the cause of the huge numbers of ED medication commercials on TV during sports presentations”.
Athol:  Well I have good news, I have awkward news and I have bad news.
The good news is that anyone getting into a relationship with you, is fairly unlikely to dump you for a hot young thing. The Auto-Dump programming, a.k.a. the Male Mid-Life Crisis, is directly related to the age of the man’s wife. So if it’s going to happen, it’s going to happen when the wife is reaching the end of her fertility in the 35-42 age range. So the great news is that you’re far too old to be dumped for that reason! Sometimes science is just so reassuring isn’t it.
The awkward news is that the other half of the Male Mid-Life Crisis is the ability to actually attract a younger woman. For the most part, any man attracted to you, simply doesn’t have the ability to attract a young attractive fertile woman, or even a really worn out party girl who suddenly gets the baby rabies at age 37 and realizes what she really wants is a child, yoga lessons, better health insurance, a nice house, travel, Pandora bracelets and to really piss off the other moms on the PTA. Oh yeah and a husband.
However, should things suddenly change for the better for your new man, by say coming into possession of a sizable sum of money, then he might suddenly have the means to attract a younger woman. Perhaps a single mom tired of raising kids alone and hungry for a little romance (money) in her life. These women are easy pickings for anyone with the slightest ability at game. All one has to do is circle the local elementary school when the kids are getting out, and start looking for a very tired looking mom who is showing a combination of cleavage, dangling earrings and a muffin top. Once eye contact is established, all that needs to be done is to hold out a Pandora bracelet and gently jiggle it… they cannot resist.
The bad news is that you’re 53 and I’m sure you’re starting to get the sense that there’s slowly starting to be this paranoid feeling that there’s more women than men, and the pickings are starting to get slimmer and slimmer. That’s because there really are getting to be proportionally less and less available men the older you get. So you aren’t actually crazy to think the men are getting hard to find. Isn’t math reassuring?
So from here, your mission is fairly clear and just the same as everybody else. Make you be the most attractive version of you that you can be. Make sure that your partner has functional sexual organs and likes to use them. Then make a move.
Oh and have a little collection of Pandora bracelets. By age 53 everyone expects you would have the usual wear and tear on your vagina and some Pandora bracelets to show for it. Also if you do need to slip an older guy a Viagra pill, just push it into a piece of cheese and wrap it in bacon. Works every time.
Jennifer: You are an ass! Here’s the story people. I asked for a Pandora bracelet last Christmas and then flip flopped on it for a while and then decided I didn’t want one. Money was tight. About a week ago I decided I wanted one for this Christmas and told Athol. Now he’s teasing me about them through this post. You’re so evil lol.

Comments

  1. I have Penelope a Pandora bracelet for the birth of our first child. This was when they were relatively new, not owned by Jared, and not that expensive. Best gift ever. Any holiday since, when I find myself bereft of ideas, I realize "I can just but a charm." Problem solved. There are other companies that make compatible charms as well. If you're not hung up on gold and the jeweled options, many are quite affordable.

    Sorry to sound like a paid spokesman, but buy Jennifer the bracelet, Athol. You won't regret it. Start with one charm and just keep adding. Like I said, you can go on autopilot afterwards. It's like pre-planning the next five years worth of gifts to save yourself effort.

  2. Nice Athol. Give her hell!!! :)

  3. I want to reassure the original poster that for a high sex drive man, the most important trait in a woman is not looks, but a matching high sex drive. If you were to point to a room full of women and ask me which one is the "hottest", I'm going to ask "Which one is a nympho?" And if that nympho is not really overweight or hideously ugly, well guess what…she's the hottest. Really.

  4. Poor Jennifer – how does she put up with him? lol

    I would love to see a post on how the MMSL concepts play out for married couples who are past the stage of wanting/needing to get pregnant/get someone pregnant. My husband and I have kids in college and high school, so we are way past that stage! We are working hard to stay in shape and keep sex as a high priority in our marriage, and are both trying to increase our Alpha characteristics just a bit. I'm just wondering what your thoughts are regarding the best strategies for couples in this stage of life.

  5. Baby rabies!!!!!
    Shouldn't have read that while drinking coffee.

  6. Anonymous says:

    +1 GC.

    Same here. Complicate things with us being that age, older kids, and in a new LTR. We're smokin hot for each other, and want to keep it that way for the rest of our lives.

    Help?

  7. Speaking of baby rabies, and as a middle-aged man who a couple of years ago was involuntarily ejected into the dating scene, one thing I immediately recognized was that a woman with kids, especially grown kids, can be viewed as having an asset. First, you've already had your kids, so unlike the young women, there is no need to pester me about that. And the slightly older women will be desperate on this point. The women past being able to have kids who never had any might have issues, but those who have already had their kids are good to go, as long as they are DTF. I've had my kids, so not in any way interested in young women who haven't. These facts worked well for me and my new wife.

  8. Ha! too funny. I was going to ask if I was missing something cause I couldn't figure out what all the references to these bracelets were getting at.

    But now, I am going to look them up for my wife for Christmas.

  9. I'm not one to keep up with fashion. That being said, how are pandora bracelets slutty?

  10. David Balan says:

    Anon 8:00: "I want to reassure the original poster that for a high sex drive man, the most important trait in a woman is not looks, but a matching high sex drive. If you were to point to a room full of women and ask me which one is the "hottest", I'm going to ask "Which one is a nympho?" And if that nympho is not really overweight or hideously ugly, well guess what…she's the hottest. Really."

    Undoubtedly true.

  11. Anonymous says:

    Plus 3 on the high sex drive in women being desireable.

  12. > I would love to see a post on how the MMSL concepts play out for married couples who are past the stage of wanting/needing to get pregnant/get someone pregnant.

    Well, many of the concepts at this blog and in MMSL the book (unpaid plug) have been helpful for me. And my lady.

    That said, this does seem to be something of a young-o-centric topic, in this corner of the manosphere :-)

    Maybe you've just given Athol the idea for a new chapter. MMSL After x50x x60x 70

  13. I don't understand the Pandora bracelet craze at all, but considering how much of her personal life is given out to the world, I vote to get her one as well.

    Oh, I looked up what it was, and I swear I have one of those in my drawer. My mom sent it to me after picking it up at a garage sale. I suspect it is an imitation, but I'll send it to her if the real thing isn't an issue.

    Sometimes even us very frugal, down-to-earth gals want something a little romantic and pretty. :)

  14. It looks like Eve's addiction has cheaper options.

  15. Ian Ironwood says:

    To the original poster: IMO, once the hormonal issues associated with reproduction settle down (and everyone survives or recovers from their various mid-life crisis) then the issues that will keep a LTR sexually productive are a) matching frequency desires and b) continuous injection of novelty into the sexual relationship. If you want to keep an older gentleman contented, in other words, then your best bet is to keep yourself in good shape and be willing to be sexually adventurous. One of the things that leads older men astray despite their best judgement is a yearning for sexual novelty.

    Some older wives interpret this as a rejection of their marital sex life, and therefore of them. That is to misunderstand their motivation. Often the man in question would be perfectly happy experimenting more in his marital (or LT) sexual relationship, but fears rejection and judgement from his partner. Therefore his desire for novelty starts being projected on other women, who are unknown quantities and therefore might be open to such experimentation as part of the freshness of a new relationship. This is commonly known as "thinking with your dick." I'm not excusing it, I'm explaining it.

    But when a sexual LTR grows long enough to establish predictable patterns, despite the comfort both parties generate from the union there also arises this same biologically-programmed desire for novelty and fresh experience. It's almost as if Evolution sees how comfortable and stable we are, and rewards us with this disquieting dissatisfaction that encourages us to spread those successful genes even wider. In men this is a renewed interest in younger female forms, with women it's often a dissatisfaction with the "comfortable" level of security that leads to the wild urge to travel or "meet new people" or otherwise put herself in social situations which could lead to a "male upgrade".

    So how do successful couples counter these temporary losses of sanity? By providing their partner with a constantly-changing array of sexual experimentation, which provides the novelty you both crave without the attendant infidelity. Some couples turn to erotica or costumed play (even something as simple as radically changing your hair color with a wig), others work their way through their sexual bucket list, still others play other games. Hopeless romantics who feel that such games are beneath them and cheapen the deep, meaningful aspects of sexual love in a committed relationship . . . well, their relationships often end up with a seedy hotel room and someone else's spouse involved in their Happily Ever After.

    Or, in even plainer language: You wanna keep your dude? Do your dude. A lot. With infinite diversity, in infinite combinations. If he wants to look at a younger rack, let him look — but make sure he's far, far too tired to consider the challenge of a sexual relationship with another woman. You'll find that he's going to be too tired and lazy to even think about going there when he has you to come home to.

    But that's my best advice, on top of what Athol mentioned. Good luck!

  16. Pandora´s bracelet has been opened.

    I fear a viewing of Avatar is becoming inevitable fast.

    As for the old broad´s fear of getting left by the wayside. Simple really.
    STOP NAGGING the old bastard!

    The older we get the more we just want to be left alone. This usually includes younger women too.

  17. Athol Kay says:

    I'm not one to keep up with fashion. That being said, how are pandora bracelets slutty?

    They aren't slutty. They are expensive.

  18. Wow, I must have glossed over the word "not" and focused on "slutty." Lol.

  19. Anonymous says:

    My friend is into MUCH older dudes, and they take Viagra even though she's young (32). My doctor told me that ED is diagnosed on the basis of a man's erection in the morning, and has nothing to do with his partner.

  20. I'm in the same boat as the original Anonymous. I'm almost 55, and getting over my "mutiny" (batshit husband) enough to think of looking for some LTR action.

    Two words: Katherine Hepburn.

    She was a classy, hot woman when she was far older than we are. If she could do it, we can, too. As I see it, we need to be the most Alpha 50+ year olds we can be, without looking like younger women. I'm still working on what exactly that means, but I'm dieting and working out, and as my clothing needs replacing, I'm looking for older woman sexy clothes.

    As elhaf said, there are plenty of men out there with grown children who don't want any more. Their upper heads tell their lower heads they don't want to pick up women young enough to be their daughters.

    Z

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