I’ll cull the emails down into the basic issues…
Problem #1. She had a brief emotional affair with a co-worker. As in it turned on for about three days before being unearthed and smacked down fairly well by the husband. For the moment at least she still has to work with him due to finances and job prospects.
Problem #2. Their work schedules. The wife works Mon through Friday 2:30-11:00pm. She gets home at 11:30pm. The husband works Mon though Friday 7:00am-4:30pm. He leaves at 630am.
Problem #3. The emotional affair is over, but the current plan is the husband wears himself ragged staying up late for the wife to come home and reconnect and have sex. The relationship is much better both sexually and emotionally after the little emotional affair blip.
Athol: I would suggest talking about the primary issue… that unless you actively plan to be together, you will never see each other for the entire work week. Hell she probably had an EA just to experience social interaction with a male during the week.
(1) If there’s anyway she could meet you for lunch once during the week, that would be good. If there’s a way you could bring her dinner at work once a week that would be good too.
(2) If you want lots of sex, a connection and yet also some sleep, an option for a pre-planned night a week would be for you to already be in bed masturbating close to orgasm, and have her basically get home and finish you off with oral/handjob and then kiss you goodnight. If she’s home at 1130pm, then everything can be all done at 1132pm. If you’ve been jacking off slowly for 20-30 minutes the orgasm will be extreme. Monday? Wednesday?
(3) Plan for certain nights to be your “late nights” where you do stay up late to chat and play with her. Tuesday and Thursday? Up as late as you like on Friday of course.
(4) Text each other in the evening when she is on her breaks. Likewise text during your breaks during the day. Texts don’t have to be sexy or clever, just be a point of connection and contact. If you text 1000+ times a month, the content of the texting becomes almost trivial in comparison to the endless social touches creating a relationship connection.
(5) Does she like coffee in the morning? If you’re leaving at 630am, hit the coffeemaker as you walk out the door to brew.
(6) Would she agree to morning sex? Poke her awake in the morning and have a little fun and then let her fall back to sleep afterwards?
(7) Saturday morning needs some sort of connection ritual too. Lazy in bed together? Fancy coffee and pastries? Eggs and bacon? Whatever works for you guys.
Jennifer: (8) I really like messages on sticky notes. “Thinking of you” or whatever.
At this point, whatever extra interactions you can get will be of benefit. If either one of you can easily switch hours, that would be good too. You both need to be conscious of the need to pay each other attention. In short, I’m advising you both to act like you are having an affair with each other. Find the stolen time together.
And the obvious… as soon as she can get away from the other man at work, that would be ideal.