The Purpose Of High School Is To Get An Education, Not Herpes.

Reader: I had a few questions about sex rank for women.  My daughter is 14 and just getting started.   I am on the other hand, 45, and am starting to slow down.   I understand how important looks and the physical part are,  but what I’d like to know is what kind of personality traits raise or keep  sex rank high (for women).   My daughter is in gifted classes, etc. – more the book worm/nerd type.  She actually asked me if she should act dumb around boys.    I told her to just be nice and smile and be fun but not to change herself.   Women get conflicting information.  Angelia Jolie or Marilyn Monroe?   Tough or sweet?   Unavailable or available?  Dominant or submissive?   Or is it like with men, a little bit of both?  Do the same things that impress women, impress men?
Athol: A lot of that is answered here at my first Girl Game post. The quick summary being I see women and men having Beta Traits that are much the same – essentially being a functional adult and being able to create comfort for the other. The Alpha Traits are what causes attraction to happen and for men and women they are quite different. For men the Alpha stuff is strongly related to physical and social power, while for women the Alpha is strongly related to physical beauty and displays of sexual impulse and submission.
Also for newer readers, bear in mind that I base what is Alpha and Beta into what causes dopamine and oxytocin/vasopressin hormonal responses, and that’s a critical difference to understand between MMSL many other game writings.
So when you ask should you tell your daughter to act dumb around boys, you’re really asking “Should I tell my daughter to reduce her Beta Traits and appear less capable, in order to present a more submissive Alpha presentation?”  My feeling on that is no. She’s not going to be able to do that effectively without ruining her grades because everyone at school usually has an acute awareness of who the smart kids are anyway. You can’t be an A+ student and pretend to be a C- girl around boys. No one would buy it.
Even then, it’s not actually a great plan anyway, because Beta is of value. Who wants to be shackled to a dumb First Officer? If you want to help your daughter gain Alpha skills, may advice would be to encourage physical fitness, proper make-up skills (not the paint roller teen approach), how to flick her hair, the Bend and Snap, what a lock-in prop is, how to do the faux arm slap thing. Make sure her teeth are straight and she has contact lenses if she needs glasses.Teach her the rules of the game and buy “The Rules” and “He’s Just Not That Into You”. It’s all accessible stuff for a 14 year old. She’s going to need to know this stuff, if only to understand her own physical reactions and emotions better.
The other thing you do is tell her that there’s not going to be anyone she meets at high school worth taking a cock for. There really isn’t. Nothing sexual that happens at high school counts in the positive column by the time you are looking for a truly serious relationship. Plus teens are simply revolting with the amount of STDs they have and you are truly safer having sex with a hooker than a teenager. The teen pregnancy rates reflect gross ignorance and magical thinking as well. Kids just don’t understand ovulation and sexual impulsivity at all.
I know I might be a bit of a fuddy-duddy with suggesting people wait until engagement to have sex, but I’m doing that from a position of talking about it as a sexual strategy to get what you want from your sex life. I get that other people want to try other sexual strategies and they can work for them. If you want to try and bang a new person every week I don’t actually have a moral objection to it, I’m just not convinced it makes most people happy over the long term. But I really don’t see girls having sex at high school being a great opening book to any sexual strategy.
Reader Reply Email: Thank you –I look forward to reading your post.   Unrelated to my original question but things I’ve noticed are:  Women my age dressing and acting like they are 20.  My husband recently saw a 50+ year old dressed like 20—how do older women keep the physical part of sex rank up without looking desperate?   I agree with your book—fertile looks sexy and  50+ is menopausal (not so sexy!)  It must have been easier a long time ago when people died off in their 40s (ha ha!).
Athol: Here’s the thing, some women never develop their Beta Traits and have nothing to work with to get through life except their Alpha Traits. Or put more crudely, their only problem solving tool is their vagina. As they age, they scrabble harder and harder to squeeze the last few magical uses of their vagina out in desperation. The key to not looking desperate, is to not actually be desperate. Don’t waste the pretty early on, find a good man, stay married. There’s still lots of things a woman can do to look like an attractive version of who she is at 50+, you just don’t pretend to be something you’re not.
You keep your husband interested in you by keeping your appearance together as well as you can, being still as enthusiastic and creative with sex with him, working to keep the emotional relationship good, and being a functional, productive adult. The whole First Officer thing. Plus you make it clear that you will disembowel him if he ever cheats on you.
…and: Another area of concern that a lot of parents at least here are worried about is the fact that young girls are literally offering up sex like candy.  I heard from a neighbor that most girls at our high school are on the pill at 16 now.  Instead of warning my daughter about boys—I now have to warn my son about girls.  Seems like a lot of desperation overall for all ages of women/girls…
Athol: This is all simply because parents are too frightened to say no to their children, or to even have a basic discussion about sex with them. The only thing birth control pills do is stop pregnancy, and that’s only being used because no one is willing to believe that teens are going to be able to use condoms effectively, so the STD problem remains. For your son, the same advice I have for your daughter holds true, there’s no one at high school worth taking your cock out for. Statisitically speaking he’d be vastly safer banging a hooker… and that’s just the STD angle, let alone the pregnancy or false rape concerns. Seriously… herpes girl wants to bareback you because she’s ovulating, she just doesn’t know she has herpes or what ovulation does to her judgement. (Some freaking grown ass women can’t figure that out either, so…)
The trouble with all this though is pretty simple, it’s easier to say all that, than for teens to actually pass up having sex when it’s offered. You know that, I know that, but we’re all just soooo old that something is just lost in translation sometimes.
In the end, I’m probably just playing the role of “Asshole Dad” (TM) and being the Lord of Cockblock. I’m completely serious when I say that I will run background checks on anyone my daughters date at all seriously. When it gets to the part in the wedding where they say, “If anyone has reason to oppose the joining of this man and this woman”, I’m going to be sitting there with my clipboard and copious notes. “Okay, let’s start with some of the easy stuff. There’s some unpaid parking tickets from 2015…”
Jennifer and I have two daughters age 14 and 12, so some of this is all very personal and topical. Though to be fair, eldest is utterly mortified by the sexploits of her parents. Youngest is more interested in how book royalites work, and how close we are to translating that into a Disney vacation.
 

Comments

  1. I would support Athol's advice – I really wish I'd learnt good presentation and people skills in my teens.

    May I also add that the men I know consider smart and well educated as making a critical contribution to attractiveness of the alpha kind. Contrary to what some people say, this does not kick in when they rationally evaluate compatibility – it starts when they meet and realise the lady not only looks attractive and smart but can stimulate their mind with good conversation (sort of contributes to chemistry I think). I would expect the reader's daughter will eventually join this type of work/social group, so to be most attractive she needs to develop her mind, personality and presentation. It is unlikely she will meet her soulmate at highschool and may indeed feel socially isolated – but she should have boys falling over themselves to take her out when she hits university. You might take her by a shop that sells women's business suits, just to show her what great outfits one gets to wear – I've had at least two men confess they have fantasies about smart professional women wearing well-tailored business suits and using notebook PCs! And yes, the more wealthy one said he was willing/preferred to wait for sex until he was sure about a LTR. :-) C

  2. Anonymous says:

    It is possible for a girl to be stealth smart. I saw it first-hand in school back in the 1980s. One of the girls was an utter airhead, uninterested in classes, answering every question with a giggled absurdity. At the final awards just before graduation she got a prize for having made the honor roll every single semester.

    She just didn't define herself as "the smart girl." She was smart but didn't take the school's little rat-maze arrangement too seriously.

    For a long time I thought she was foolish for hiding her smarts, but I've come around as I get older. I've seen too many people who defined themselves as the smartest kid in high school. Thirty years later, that's still who they are, and it's kind of sad.

  3. Anonymous says:

    Anon 7:40… What are the odds that we're the same age? 30 years after graduation…me, too. I was one of those who had the goody two shoes rep, and tried giving up the smarts to get rid of it. Total mistake.

    I also met my soulmate long before college. So, there's an exception to every rule, but Athol is right. Stay true to your smars and who you are. Alpha doesn't change you, it just adds some fun. Too bad it took me 30 years to realize a lot.

    And don't believe people who review you and leave comments like, "she's bright, but not brilliant." You're probably brilliant.

  4. One of the central things I have learned from reading blogs that concern psychology is how one projects ones view of how they perceive the world onto others. I have been terribly guilty of this in the past and Athol's book was an eye opener on many fronts. I think Candice is tripping over projection problem with her advice. Women value education and subject mastery as attractive and seem to believe that men think the same way. This is not the case of any men I know; it is not a negative by any means but is not anything to be attracted to. Certainly I know of nobody that is attracted to the Hillary pant suits that are so popular among professional women (those I would say actually are a negative as they end up looking masculine).

    Athol mentions the book “the Rules” and I had read somewhere else a review that said this book was rife with this projection fallacy also. One example given was that women were advised to play “hard to get” or aloof. This seems to be totally silly as most men have a difficult time understanding that men need to add more drama or aloofness to their game to be attractive. A woman using this backward strategy would fail most of the time. I will have to research this book some more if it is recommended here though.

    I have a daughter so I am pretty interested in this topic as to how to advise her on the best practice for her to find a happy marriage as I have.

    Athol thanks for writing such a great book, it has benefited my marriage immensely. I recommend your book to others; although so much of this psychology amazes me that it actually works.

    -TulsaP

  5. Athol Kay says:

    "The Rules" is essentially game for girls. It doesn't actually tell women to play hard to get, it tells them to display high value. The trouble with The Rules is that it is a little dated for todays sexual marketplace.

  6. Maybe this will be something you could cover on the new book "Your marriage rocks, but how can you pass the grandfather test by raising kids in a way they can get great marriages too?" or it can be a whole book just for childrearing the third version.

  7. This post inspired me to write a post about smart girls, but I'll put the abridged version here.

    "May I also add that the men I know consider smart and well educated as making a critical contribution to attractiveness of the alpha kind…it starts when they meet and realise the lady not only looks attractive and smart but can stimulate their mind with good conversation"

    Oh God yes. A smart woman turns me on more.

    "I've had at least two men confess they have fantasies about smart professional women wearing well-tailored business suits and using notebook PCs!"

    +1, I really dig women in businesswear. And no, there's no ball-buster BDSM component to it. It's sort of another version of the geeky/librarian look – an understated image that makes me wonder what she's hiding under those lapels.

    Also, businesswear tends to be tailored properly, so it looks really good on the woman's frame by definition.

    In response to TulsaP's well-considered comment:

    Educated feminist women go apeshit shaming businessmen for supposedly marrying dim trophy housewives, but that doesn't match my experience at all. All of friends are seeking intelligent, competent, professional women as mates. It's a lifestyle compatibility thing, we're comfortable with those types of people and would fit well with them.

    Actually, the problem I see is the opposite – the educated professional women don't want to date STEM guys working their way up the ladder, they're either chasing bikers and musicians who have the edge the educated men never did, or they are chasing a real honest-to-God alpha they have no shot at locking down.

    With that, I think I've derailed Athol's track enough – I'll expand on this discussion at Susan Walsh's blog.

  8. Anonymous says:

    …the educated professional women don't want to date STEM guys working their way up the ladder, they're either chasing bikers and musicians who have the edge the educated men never did, or they are chasing a real honest-to-God alpha they have no shot at locking down."

    I respectfully submit that the women in question just aren't looking to settle down yet. This may well be a mistake on their part, if you believe they're "wasting" their best mate-finding years, but they may not be interested in finding one just yet. Anyway, the educated women I know who want to get married are definitely looking for a good intellectual match as one of their main criteria, if not THE main criterion.

  9. Anonymous says:
  10. I just came across this article and the thing that stood out to me most was your suggestion that if she wears glasses she should get contact lenses. Do glasses really make a woman less attractive / lower her sex rank? I have always worn glasses but maybe it’s time I take the red pill? Please let me know.

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