Reader: I had a few questions about sex rank for women. My daughter is 14 and just getting started. I am on the other hand, 45, and am starting to slow down. I understand how important looks and the physical part are, but what I’d like to know is what kind of personality traits raise or keep sex rank high (for women). My daughter is in gifted classes, etc. – more the book worm/nerd type. She actually asked me if she should act dumb around boys. I told her to just be nice and smile and be fun but not to change herself. Women get conflicting information. Angelia Jolie or Marilyn Monroe? Tough or sweet? Unavailable or available? Dominant or submissive? Or is it like with men, a little bit of both? Do the same things that impress women, impress men?
Athol: A lot of that is answered here at my first Girl Game post. The quick summary being I see women and men having Beta Traits that are much the same – essentially being a functional adult and being able to create comfort for the other. The Alpha Traits are what causes attraction to happen and for men and women they are quite different. For men the Alpha stuff is strongly related to physical and social power, while for women the Alpha is strongly related to physical beauty and displays of sexual impulse and submission.
Also for newer readers, bear in mind that I base what is Alpha and Beta into what causes dopamine and oxytocin/vasopressin hormonal responses, and that’s a critical difference to understand between MMSL many other game writings.
So when you ask should you tell your daughter to act dumb around boys, you’re really asking “Should I tell my daughter to reduce her Beta Traits and appear less capable, in order to present a more submissive Alpha presentation?” My feeling on that is no. She’s not going to be able to do that effectively without ruining her grades because everyone at school usually has an acute awareness of who the smart kids are anyway. You can’t be an A+ student and pretend to be a C- girl around boys. No one would buy it.
Even then, it’s not actually a great plan anyway, because Beta is of value. Who wants to be shackled to a dumb First Officer? If you want to help your daughter gain Alpha skills, may advice would be to encourage physical fitness, proper make-up skills (not the paint roller teen approach), how to flick her hair, the Bend and Snap, what a lock-in prop is, how to do the faux arm slap thing. Make sure her teeth are straight and she has contact lenses if she needs glasses.Teach her the rules of the game and buy “The Rules” and “He’s Just Not That Into You”. It’s all accessible stuff for a 14 year old. She’s going to need to know this stuff, if only to understand her own physical reactions and emotions better.
The other thing you do is tell her that there’s not going to be anyone she meets at high school worth taking a cock for. There really isn’t. Nothing sexual that happens at high school counts in the positive column by the time you are looking for a truly serious relationship. Plus teens are simply revolting with the amount of STDs they have and you are truly safer having sex with a hooker than a teenager. The teen pregnancy rates reflect gross ignorance and magical thinking as well. Kids just don’t understand ovulation and sexual impulsivity at all.
I know I might be a bit of a fuddy-duddy with suggesting people wait until engagement to have sex, but I’m doing that from a position of talking about it as a sexual strategy to get what you want from your sex life. I get that other people want to try other sexual strategies and they can work for them. If you want to try and bang a new person every week I don’t actually have a moral objection to it, I’m just not convinced it makes most people happy over the long term. But I really don’t see girls having sex at high school being a great opening book to any sexual strategy.
Reader Reply Email: Thank you –I look forward to reading your post. Unrelated to my original question but things I’ve noticed are: Women my age dressing and acting like they are 20. My husband recently saw a 50+ year old dressed like 20—how do older women keep the physical part of sex rank up without looking desperate? I agree with your book—fertile looks sexy and 50+ is menopausal (not so sexy!) It must have been easier a long time ago when people died off in their 40s (ha ha!).
Athol: Here’s the thing, some women never develop their Beta Traits and have nothing to work with to get through life except their Alpha Traits. Or put more crudely, their only problem solving tool is their vagina. As they age, they scrabble harder and harder to squeeze the last few magical uses of their vagina out in desperation. The key to not looking desperate, is to not actually be desperate. Don’t waste the pretty early on, find a good man, stay married. There’s still lots of things a woman can do to look like an attractive version of who she is at 50+, you just don’t pretend to be something you’re not.
You keep your husband interested in you by keeping your appearance together as well as you can, being still as enthusiastic and creative with sex with him, working to keep the emotional relationship good, and being a functional, productive adult. The whole First Officer thing. Plus you make it clear that you will disembowel him if he ever cheats on you.
…and: Another area of concern that a lot of parents at least here are worried about is the fact that young girls are literally offering up sex like candy. I heard from a neighbor that most girls at our high school are on the pill at 16 now. Instead of warning my daughter about boys—I now have to warn my son about girls. Seems like a lot of desperation overall for all ages of women/girls…
Athol: This is all simply because parents are too frightened to say no to their children, or to even have a basic discussion about sex with them. The only thing birth control pills do is stop pregnancy, and that’s only being used because no one is willing to believe that teens are going to be able to use condoms effectively, so the STD problem remains. For your son, the same advice I have for your daughter holds true, there’s no one at high school worth taking your cock out for. Statisitically speaking he’d be vastly safer banging a hooker… and that’s just the STD angle, let alone the pregnancy or false rape concerns. Seriously… herpes girl wants to bareback you because she’s ovulating, she just doesn’t know she has herpes or what ovulation does to her judgement. (Some freaking grown ass women can’t figure that out either, so…)
The trouble with all this though is pretty simple, it’s easier to say all that, than for teens to actually pass up having sex when it’s offered. You know that, I know that, but we’re all just soooo old that something is just lost in translation sometimes.
In the end, I’m probably just playing the role of “Asshole Dad” (TM) and being the Lord of Cockblock. I’m completely serious when I say that I will run background checks on anyone my daughters date at all seriously. When it gets to the part in the wedding where they say, “If anyone has reason to oppose the joining of this man and this woman”, I’m going to be sitting there with my clipboard and copious notes. “Okay, let’s start with some of the easy stuff. There’s some unpaid parking tickets from 2015…”
Jennifer and I have two daughters age 14 and 12, so some of this is all very personal and topical. Though to be fair, eldest is utterly mortified by the sexploits of her parents. Youngest is more interested in how book royalites work, and how close we are to translating that into a Disney vacation.