Kind of off topic but had to post about how a “Friend’s” relationship just went down. I was perusing Facebook and noticed that a male friend had changed their status to in a relationship but complicated (and this was not with his wife). I scanned back a few months to see how it played out. July: Mutual female friend of couple moved in with them (not exactly sure why). Both husband and wife were accommodating it appears as this was a good friend. Less than one month later he posts, Went from Married to It’s Complicated with wife. Less than two months later he updates to It’s Complicated with new girl….the same one that moved in less than four months ago. Nice…that is why you never let someone of either sex move in with you and your spouse…it had disaster written all over it.
Athol: The Three Day Rule strikes again!
The Three Day Rule: Anytime a third wheel visits with a couple, after three days permission is granted by default to the opposite sex spouse to start having sex with the third wheel.
The reason this happens is because before the third wheel moves in with the couple, both the third wheel and the opposite sex spouse decide whether or not they want to have sex with the other. This can happen consciously or unconsciously. Neither one of them will approve the move unless they have a positive sexual interest in the other.
Then once the third wheel moves in, the sexual intentions are already essentially stated and then they just play out as expected. Two opposite sex adults sexually interested in each other, left alone in a house, with an alibi that explains why they are there together. It would be bizarre if they didn’t start fucking each other.
The key tip off to all of this is the woman’s Isolation Anxiety. A woman will have a serious concern about ever being truly isolated with a man she does not have sexual attraction to. A private date in a crowded restaurant isn’t being truly isolated for this purpose, there’s no risk the man is going to try and pin her down and have his way with her there. Alone with him in a house, with no expectation of a spouse returning for several hours, that really is being alone, so there is a risk of him trying something she couldn’t stop.
So in the case of a woman moving in with a couple, at some point she will be completely isolated in the house with the husband. So if she’s at all creeped out by him, she will refuse the offer of moving in with the couple. If she’s attracted to the husband, she’ll be willing to move in with them.
When it’s a man moving in with a couple, at some point the wife will be completely isolated in the house with the man. If that creeps her out at all, she will refuse to have him move in. If she’s attracted to him, she’ll allow him to move in.
For the men in these situations, they are simply wired to take advantage of opportunistic sex when it’s presented to them on a platter. Isolation with a woman attracted to them just gets their dopamine output shooting through the roof to try and get to have sex. They might not even have a major interest in her when she moves in, but within three days they will be getting physically primed to pounce at a moments notice.
So it’s a kind of perfect storm. It’s so relentlessly predictable that the sex happens that you are simply idiotic to allow someone to move in with you. Then the double betrayal and mortifying sense of foolishness is frequently so overwhelming that emotional collapse and leaving your own home in a daze is not uncommon.
So anyway, understanding this rule is good for two things. (1) Saving your marriage, and (2) it doubles as a no freeloaders clause.
Oh and by all means do have unattached guests stay over. Just make sure you “hang out and enjoy having your friend over”, a.k.a. “cockblock”. And enjoy the unusually-intense-sex-together-as-a-couple-for-no- stated-reason while they stay over with you. Also when we have guests staying over, I purposely make the headboard hit the wall because I’m an asshole.
Jennifer: I admit I was seriously naive about this rule and had considered taking in a friend a few years ago. Athol smiled at me and said, “Sure! I don’t mind fucking her.” I thought he was rude and uncaring at the time. Now it seems quite sweet of him to have done that.