Zen For Beta Orbiters

You want her to say yes, but you don’t ask her to say yes because she might say no.
But if you do that, she can’t say yes, because you haven’t asked for it. So her answer defaults to no.
Thus, because you are frightened of her saying no, you decide she will effectively say no to you.
Thus unless you ask, you will never get a yes, and always get a no.
If you ask her to say yes, and she says no, nothing has changed as you were living without the yes anyway.
But if she says no, that makes you free to start looking for yes from a different woman.
Or she might say yes and then you have the yes that you want.
Your agonized wondering if she will say yes or no, does not actually alter her decision about her saying yes or no. So your mental turmoil serves no purpose apart from making you unhappy, unless you agonize for long enough that her yes if you had actually just asked her, turns into a no because you didn’t.
So if you ask and she says yes, you win because you have your yes. If you ask and she says no, you don’t actually lose anything, because you were already living the no anyway, and it allows you to seek a new woman to say yes.
So stop thinking about it and just ask her.

Comments

  1. Anonymous says:

    pure gold!

  2. Miles Anderson says:

    I think this is equivalent to not putting any specific woman on a pedestal. But if you get that then you won't be a beta orbiter. And if you are a beta orbiter you won't get being decisive.

    A Buddhist (or Bootiest(TM)) might say that her saying 'no' or 'yes' involves karma (actions from a previous life) and that you should use what is going to happen as a way to practice being better. So yea, Zen is being in the moment and to some extent being decisive (although I think the word decisive doesn't fit the Buddhist thought process as it implies there are choices over time whereas the Buddhist would say just be in the moment).

  3. Life is too short for regrets. Just ask, it's the only way to move forward.

  4. Anonymous says:

    Looking back on my life, the things I regret the most are the things I chickened out of. Fear is a bad foundation for decision-making. I just wish I'd figured that out before I hit my mid-40s.

    Gwen

  5. Thanks for this Athol. Not married but I see things I should be able to use in marriage and even on the set up to it. Plus this particular post would have saved me a lot of grief back in the day. I didnt understand it this way, but used it to enable my betaness… Got a girl in the works now, dont know much about her but we talked a little to know there is something there. Asking her out Thursday. WHy wait right. I think sometimes I chug it to defering instant gratification… but it was days/weeks of pain and then she says no by default bcos i waited too long… more pain in the end. Thanks for this post thanks for ur blog.Thanks for this Athol. Not married but I see things I should be able to use in marriage and even on the set up to it. Plus this particular post would have saved me a lot of grief back in the day. I didnt understand it this way, but used it to enable my betaness… Got a girl in the works now, dont know much about her but we talked a little to know there is something there. Asking her out Thursday. WHy wait right. I think sometimes I chug it to defering instant gratification… but it was days/weeks of pain and then she says no by default bcos i waited too long… more pain in the end. Thanks for this post thanks for ur blog.

  6. Athol I think rather than endlessly edit your existing guide to married sex life, you should come up with a focused primer on young dating life for men. There are plenty of 20-year-old virgins with a lot going for them that don't want to read a book called anything to do with marriage, even if that is their end-goal.

  7. Anonymous says:

    elhaf,
    They're better off at Roosh's.

  8. Anonymous says:

    "There are plenty of 20-year-old virgins with a lot going for them that don't want to read a book called anything to do with marriage, even if that is their end-goal."

    NOW do you understand why you should have gone with you first instinct and put a duck on the cover? :-)

  9. Athol Kay says:

    Athol I think rather than endlessly edit your existing guide to married sex life, you should come up with a focused primer on young dating life for men. There are plenty of 20-year-old virgins with a lot going for them that don't want to read a book called anything to do with marriage, even if that is their end-goal.

    Maybe I can cover that in a stand alone book in the future, but no one else is writing on married sex life for the moment.

    elhaf,
    They're better off at Roosh's.

    Yes and no. Roosh is obviously better focused on picking up women, but the majority of men want an actual relationship with a woman that lasts.

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