Getting In Touch With Your Inner Asshole

Reader: My wife has been making a concerted effort the past 6 months or so to lose about 10-15 pounds.[Much of that is actually taking a cue from me as I have working very hard on eating better, getting fit and working out.
She constantly hits me with the “Do I look fat in this” or the “I am a giant blob” while checking herself out in the mirror. In reality, she’s not that bad. Sure, she could lose a good 15 pounds but for the most part she looks pretty decent.
I usually handle those comments with the usual “Game-approved” method usually cocky/funny Agree and Amplify – although sometimes I’ll just plain Ignore. That usually works – although this comes up constantly. (I really think that often it is just her low self esteem regarding her weight rather that always being just a shit-test…but I digress.)
Anyway, earlier that day I “caught” her eating a chocolate pudding and started negging/joking about it with her. I usually don’t say anything because, hey she’s an adult and also that I don’t really think its bad that she cheats every so often. But it drives me crazy when an hour later she starts on the “I’m so fat ” shit.
That evening while she was getting ready for bed and changing into PJ’s she passed the mirror and again started with the “I’m a whale” line. This time, I took a different approach and hit her with some asshole: “Well, you did have that chocolate pudding for dessert” I replied.
It was a tactic, I really had not employed before. Her immediate response was calling me an asshole, storming into the bathroom, and generally getting very bitchy and upset. She got into bed and gave me the cold shoulder calling me asshole several more times. I just played it very cool, continued to do my own thing, and told her to stop over-reacting.
After some time passed and I was ready to go to sleep I said to her in a strongish tone: come here – motioning her to lay right next to me in my crook before I went to sleep. Amazingly, she agreed. She called me an asshole one more time and sidled up right into me – almost melting into me. I put my arm around her tightly and we went to sleep. (I am certain I could have sexed it up at that moment but I really was exhausted.) The next morning nothing was mentioned and she was lovey dovey business as usual.
I am in shock about how things went. I would love to get your thoughts and take on the episode.
Athol:  (1)  She’s losing weight, so she’s probably doing that in response to you upping your game recently / in general.
(2)  She’s playing for your attention. She’s a little nervous about why you are changing for better, so she’s trying to attract your attention to her.
(3)  There’s a disconnect between her talk (I want to lose weight) and her actions (Watch me eat all this pudding!)  When you brought up the disconnect, she got mad, but you’re basically in the right in that you’re calling her on her own disconnect between talk and action.
(4)  Women are notoriously attracted to assholes. Seriously it’s like a damn hypnotist as implanted “asshole” as a trigger word in the entire female population, making them want to screw any man they call an asshole. The time she said it in bed was a compliment. Just say “Thank you, I appreciate the compliment.”  Then follow up with “So you wanna have sex with an asshole?”  Big goofy I’m-a-naughty-boy grin.
(5)  After you’ve had sex, in the warm after glow, it’s fine to tell her you have noticed and appreciated her efforts at weight loss. We’re rewarding the behavior we want to see continue… crazy good sex, then cuddle and compliment.
(6)  Do have the sex when it’s on offer like that. When it comes to sex, most women want to think that their man will always be up for it as his #1 priority of existence. As such, sleep is for the weak.


  1. Women of the world, pay attention!
    If you are even a little bit overweight, put on some pants that are two sizes too small, and ask a man, "Do these pants make my ass look fat?", the answer is "No, your ass makes your ass look fat!"
    I am all about complimenting someone who is losing weight and getting in shape, but don't try to fool yourself because no one else is falling for the ruse.

  2. "Do have the sex when it's on offer like that. When it comes to sex, most women want to think that their man will always be up for it as his #1 priority of existence. As such, sleep is for the weak."

    Ha, that made me laugh at myself. It's so true! Even if I weren't dying to have the sex myself, I'd like to think my husband wanted it.

  3. I think I would have to say (after the sex and after complimenting her efforts at weight loss):

    "But you also have to remember, I just blew my load all up in you so I'm not in my right head. Enjoy the softie talk while you can get it." :)

  4. Its funny. The first time I spoke to my husband, my initial reaction was, "Jesus. That guy is an asshole." Couple weeks later, I could barely stop myself from openly hitting on him. A month later, we went on our first date. The rest is history.

    …I STILL think he's an asshole. :)

  5. I'm sorry I must dissent – I far prefer decent, polite men!

    Awsome addresses negative thoughts with a lecture on the importance of thinking and saying positive things! I think some ladies may respond positively to men taking the lead and putting an end to silly behaviour – rather than them being mean.

  6. BTW – I don't think what the reader said was mean – just blunt! Awesome would have probably said the same thing about the pudding and thought he was being supportive in helping me correct dysfunctional behaviour!:-)

  7. alphapersona says:

    This guy is my hero. It's like he read my guide to fitness tests and ran with it (except that I just wrote it yesterday so probably not). I like that he just straight up ignores some of her tests – great re-frame.

    Last night I was getting ready to curl up in bed with a young lady, and I took a quick peek out the window first – just felt like watching the rain. She said, "Spying on the neighbors?"

    Without missing a beat, I said, "Yeah, hoping to see the cute one naked."

    All over me like white on rice. I love that she curled up with him and called him in asshole one more time, because even though she was verbally IODing, her body language was compliant which showed that his alpha frame was helpful in subduing her nature (defnite plus).

    I would have followed her comment with a light "shhhhh" and then – as Athol said – have sex. "Sleap is for the weak"

    Great post, good sir!

  8. Ian Ironwood says:

    When Mrs. Ironwood hits me with that kind of disconnect — say, dogging the kids Hallowe'en candy and then complaining about her struggle with her weight, I usually say something along the lines of,
    "Actions have consequences. You're a smart girl. You can do the math." Since she's a scientist, she can't argue with math. She can argue with me, however. When I make it an issue of her own accountability, that removes me from the equation. If she wants to fight, she has to pick some other venue.

    It's not being an asshole, exactly, but it is holding her to account for her own actions — and refusing to take any kind of responsibility for her adult choices. On the other hand, when I do flip the asshole button, there's a noticeable increase in her excitement level, even if she's cringing. As a good friend and consummate PUA once told me, "Yes, women like nice guys. But nice guys don't get blown in the parking lot. Assholes get blown in the parking lot."

  9. This is why I like Athol's concept of alpha/beta balance so much. I'm fairly critical by nature and so I actually have to focus on the opposite thing as this guy. I wouldn't have thought twice about bringing up the chocolate pudding (probably would have said something when she was eating it like, "Is that the magical weight loss formula chocolate pudding you're scarfing down?"). My problem is that I also tend to say stuff like that at the wrong time… like when her mother is in the hospital and she's eating the pudding for comfort.

    Most of the benefits to my marriage from reading MMSL stem from my conscious efforts to curb the alpha and focus on the beta. It's all about the right balance.

  10. Honestly, this has not worked for me in the past (being an asshole I mean). Far from making her desire me it drives her away. But, then again, I am new to this. One thing is that my wife gives me very little to be an asshole about; she is so easy to get along with. At 110 lbs, she is not overweight, nothing she could wear makes her ass look big or makes her look fat, she eats better than I do, and that is just the beginning. Am I not looking hard enough???

  11. My nice guy gets blown in the parking lot, at work, just before shift change.

    And the pudding comment does not constitute being an asshole.

  12. "Women are attracted to assholes". Well, it's a bit more complicated. We are attracted to what we CALL assholes. BIG dif. It's like when guys say "oh, that girl's a bitch" because they really have a crush on her and are too scared to admit to their friends (because she's unattainable to them). What I CALL an asshole (and am attracted to) is someone who is confident enough to call me on my BS. End of story. A REAL asshole is someone who is negligent (to a fault); truly self-centered; needy and egotistical; mean (not truthful) and spiteful. Guys, don't conflate the 2. They are entirely different things.
    This is prob the confusion that I see in the Comments. Perhaps we've gotten so far removed from appreciating confidence in men — equating all forms of it to "asshole" — that we've gotten to this point.
    Guys, you're making it much more difficult than it needs to be. Basically, be nice but don't be a doormat. Easy peezy. If you're naturally an asshole (a true asshole), then you'll be able to pick up girls that like overly mocking and critical guys — a perfect fit. If you're a nice guy, guess what — you'll get a girl who appreciates a NICE GUY. Just be nice, but have boundaries. We shouldn't try to change who we are deep inside. No one should. There's enough peeps out here for all of us. on;t change, just tweak to bring out our best-est-ness.

  13. Anon 1:05, thank you. This explains so much of the past four posts and comments.

  14. Anon 1:05,
    I like how you contradict yourself with your last few lines: "We shouldn't try to change who we are deep inside. No one should. There's enough peeps out here for all of us. [D]on;t change, just tweak to bring out our best-est-ness."

  15. Sai, I don't see the contradiction here.

    Anon 1:15

  16. "We shouldn't try to change who we are deep inside."

    There is a certain amount of truth to this. I am a Myers/Briggs INFP, that is not going to change. However, the "deep inside" me was so hidden because of the being emotionally unhealthy. I used to be a real jerk to my wife, and it got me a woman who had a hard time wanting to be intimate. I changed in that area, then she became more sexual. However, I feel that I became way too beta. Now I feel that I can ad the alpha in a healthy way. There is not room here to go into details of how that looked, what it looks like now, and how I hope it will look a year from now.

  17. OK, so here's a perfect example that I struggled with just this morning. I'm groggily showering when wifey comes in the bathroom and sits down to chat with me from the other side of the curtain. We'll often do this with each other so no big deal. Then she says that she's gained 5 lbs and is frustrated that she doesn't have the motivation to stay focused on her weight loss. I don't know her exact weight, but she could lose probably 50 lbs and still not quite be ideal, medically speaking.

    So, I wasn't sure what to say there. I was silent for a while and then said the only safe thing I could think of: "What if we started working out together on the weight machine (we have one in our basement) and I put a plan together for both of us like you had asked about for just yourself?"

    The drawback is we'd have to work out after the kids went to bed which is our typical down-time for the day.

    But regardless of the details, what I *wanted* to say would have been tinged with bitterness: "Motivation?! How about the one on the other side of the shower curtain from you? The one who dreams of how you'd look if you actually *did* lose weight. The one who's motivated to do all kinds of things for *you*."

    What would have been a proper response? Any type of teasing/assholing would have caused some serious hurt and I know she was genuinely lamenting her state. She has some serious issues with weight from her childhood when her dad made her go to Weight Watchers at age 11. I've seen plenty of pictures of her growing up; she was never even close to approaching plump, heavy, or anything of the sort. What could you say when there's real background trauma there?She doesn't ever go on about how she's fat or anything and I've never ever said I think she is or commented on her weight. Thoughts?


  18. Anon 1:15,
    Don't change, but change? Maybe I'm using the wrong word here, but "contradict" was the only one I could come up with.

  19. Ian Ironwood says:

    @Anon 1:05: If it was "easy peazy" then this site and hundreds of others wouldn't be filled with otherwise intelligent, caring and responsible men who can't seem to master this. It isn't "easy peazy" any more than learning how to apply make-up and do your own hair before a major formal occasion is "easy peazy".

    There is a difference between being confident and being an asshole, I admit. I've been both, at various times, as I've tried to master game. Just being confident is helpful, but it doesn't close. Being an asshole — that is, being verbally aggressive and unwilling to bow to the dictates of social convention in personal inter-gender relations — closes. A woman feels safe and protected around a confident man. She feels excited around an asshole. It might manifest as anger or irritation, but there's plenty of excitement there as well.

    So you defend being a Nice Guy. Of course, most Nice Guys are chronically unfulfilled by their relationships (if they have them) and are languishing in a mental prison of failure and self-loathing due to years of habitual rejection and judgement by women, but you say that's OK. You say that he'll attract a girl who appreciates a Nice Guy.

    Maybe. If he's lucky, because — let's face it — most Nice Guys have no game or negative game. Or he might attract a girl who is willing to settle for a Nice Guy, because that's what her head tells her she should like, but when the rubber meets the road she finds that parts far south of her head apparently prefer an Asshole to fulfill the need for excitement in her life.

    So she appreciates a Nice Guy. He's safe, and she only has to have sex when she wants it, because — let's face it — he's a Nice Guy, so what's he gonna do?

    But she's more than willing to put out for an exciting Asshole in the bushes at a party one night — or in a sleazy hotel room — or in her car, his car, wherever — even if she doesn't really want it because she feels excited and alive with the Asshole, and with the Nice Guy she just feels . . . safe.

    I know lots of Nice Guys who married girls who could really appreciate a Nice Guy. 80% of them are divorced now, with not much clue about where being a Nice Guy went so tragically wrong. They have no clue about what they don't have that Assholes do, they're fed up with women who don't say what they mean and they're getting increasingly bitter and unsympathetic about the entire dating/mating game. So they seek out sites like MMSL and ThePrivateMan and discover the vital information and lore that they missed out on when they were adolescents.

    One of which is that in general girls are attracted to Assholes, not Nice Guys.

    Not only are they attracted, they will often do things you couldn't pay a dockside prostitute to do with Assholes because it's dangerous and exciting and fulfilling . . . compared to the tame, married-people sex they get (and usually insist upon) with Nice Guys. Whether or not that's the way it should be, whether it supports or doesn't support a particular ideology your fond of doesn't enter into it. What matters to these men is whether or not it works.

    And a few casual experiments will reveal that yes, it often does. At least enough to make it a better approach to serve his interests than being a Nice Guy. So the next time you hear a single woman wonder what happened to all of the Nice Guys ("married or gay") be certain to remind her that they're all divorced and studying to become Assholes now, and then speculate a little on just whose fault that is.

  20. Ian Ironwood says:


    Here's what you should have done:

    First, throw her the hell out of the bathroom. Sure, your personal quarters might be cramped, but allowing her access to you while you are conducting your toilet allows her too much control over your privacy. When I take a shower I shut the door, and I expect not to be disturbed until I'm done. Every man should be able to defend one small area of personal privacy, and your bathroom habits should be coveted as "alone" time. Besides, mentioning anything when you're in the shower means you're a captive audience. Prime time for a shit test. So DON'T TALK WITH HER WHEN YOU'RE IN THE SHOWER and make it clear that you don't feel it is an appropriate time for such a discussion. Which it isn't.

    But then you went and problem-solved her shit test. She complained about her weight (again) and you proposed a possible solution which, if she followed it, would certainly work. Only problem is, she won't follow it, so . . . suddenly you take some of the blame for her problem because it was your solution and it didn't work.

    Instead of proposing a plan, start making wry comments that don't accept blame but subtly suggest her own complicity:

    "So what was your first clue?"
    "What? I hadn't noticed. Five pounds more or less doesn't mean much."
    "I guess if it's a contest between losing weight and sleeping in, you prefer sleep to sweat."
    "Well, perhaps all of that after-work blobbing out time isn't panning out as the perfect fitness regimen you predicted . . ."

    Yes, you're going to hurt her feelings. THAT'S OKAY. She handed you an impossible statement, the perfect trap, when you were most vulnerable (in the shower) and unable to respond appropriately. That's RUDE. When someone is being rude to you, point it out. If it persists, then it is perfectly all right to hurt her feelings.

    And that's the key. The difference between Alpha mode and Beta mode is that when you are in Alpha mode you don't care about hurting her feelings when necessary. (Hurting her feelings unnecessarily is another matter) Beta comforts. Alpha excites. But when she hands you a big juicy shit test like that, you went for the comfort instead of the excitement. Congratulations! You win another week of a slightly depressed wife with low self esteem and a weight problem.

    A better response? Once you had kicked her out of the bathroom until you were properly attired and ready to talk?

    "Listen, if this truly concerns you and you want to make a change, we can do that and I will help you — provided you do what I tell you to. I love you and want to help you. But I'm done talking about it, because all it does is make you moody because you're overweight and it makes me depressed because my overweight wife would rather complain about how unhappy she is with her weight than do something productive about it. So you think about it for a while, and when you're ready to commit to an action plan, then we'll discuss it again. But until you're ready for that, I don't want to hear one fracking word from you again about your weight. If it isn't clear enough that I want to have sex with you, I'll demonstrate, but I'm tired of emotionally propping up your permanently wounded self-esteem because you won't commit to a course of action. Now, while you take a moment to reflect on that, I'm going to do something useful." Leave the room in a quiet and dignified manner.

    That's what I would do. Anyone else?

  21. Sai: guess I read that as "don't fundamentally change who you arr at the core. Improve your strengths. Seek to amend serious flaws tjay will make living life easier and/or more enjoyable." So, stop smoking if yiu must, but don't try to cultivate a competitive spirit where there is none.

  22. The Brothers Grimm tell the story of good change vs bad change

    In the story, Aschenputtel separates the lentils from the ashes of her life. She takes the good from the bad and does the hard work to become the person that she wants (needs) to become. This task is so awful that the wicked stepmother must be the one to assign it. In reality, we must choose to sit in the ashes of our own life and do the work of picking out the lentils.

    The stepsisters cut off their toes to fit into the slipper. They conformed to their surroundings and gave up who they were. When they were exposed everyone was appalled by their maimed feet. Nobody saw them as heroic or faithful.

    We don't have to accept ourselves the way we are. We can strive to be better (Aschenputtel) but we should not maim ourselves to conform to someone else's ideas (stepsisters).


  23. (1)yup
    (3)to much nerdy over analysations. She got caught and it´s your fault.
    (4)yupyupyup. Very much so! AWALT.
    (5&6)Meh, again overemphasizing the whole episode. You did it exactly right.

    I´m a bit stumped that you´re so in shock over this.

    Did you really believe that your own little snowflake was somehow different from all the other "special" snowflakes?
    The only thing that makes her somewhat special (for a western woman), is that she hasn´t had a parade of Dicks wade through her neathers before you put a ring on it. Thus making her exclusive to yours only.

  24. I'm going to hijack this right quick and say

    "Athol what do you do when your a cam "Model" and sex had pretty much dried up?"

    I fear he feels inadequate due the size of my sex toys. Other times, it goes 2 weeks with no sex, and I feel its all my fault. He is retired military, and part of this I think is his past experiences, maybe depression? He refuses any medical attention. His performance is so.. lazy. When we do have sex he doesn't seem to want to place in the effort, and if I say anything it puts him off. I'm frustrated sexually, my job does not satisfy me. Its a job, acting, fake webcam nothing. I want him to pay attention to me again, and crave me.

    Its beyond frustrating when 1000 people sit in your room, and you have plenty telling you how beautiful you get everyday, how amazing, goddess, great figure etc made my point. When its all turned off, he's… distant.

    I have called him out on it, and I get ignored. Or we just move on, sweep it under then its an issue again. I want a good sex life, I want regular sex, I want to be wanted.

    I've tried cooking everyday (without asking his opinion) He is so indecisive its ridiculous! He ignores me, or says I don't know/I don't care. I'm tired of troubleshooting. I love him, I do, everything else is great seriously. Arguments are minimal. Just Sex is fading farther and farther away!

  25. Great line above in the comments: "Beta Comforts, Alpha Excites".
    Really, really gets to the point.

    This is one of those things that is so incredibly hard for a beta transitioning to alpha. Before now, we did everything we could to avoid confrontation and provide comfort to our wives. To confront them – even simply by pointing out the chocolate pudding – is not an easy thing to do although a step in the right direction. I know personally, (and as the one who sent the email to Athol) that this whole scenario will occur again soon and confronting her will again prove tricky. I plan to do it again and see how things play out this time going for the sex close.

  26. Anon and 446,
    Okay this is starting to get really off topic and wandering into theoretical territory but if you must, then read on.

    Change a little vs change a lot. A little at a time becomes a lot. Where do you draw the line? You say nobody saw the step sisters as heroic or faithful. Does that mean you feel they should change their ways? What if that's who they really are at the core? Would it have been any better if they had chopped of only half of their toes? How about two toes? One toe? Maybe they should have bound their feet like Chinese women used to. And for those who say, "they should just try to fit in as they are," guess what? Nobody who cuts off their toes wants to fit in, "as they are."

  27. Anonymous says:

    Anon 1:05 rebutting here:

    Ok, for Sai: tweak and change are 2 different things. C'mon — are you just being difficult? Let me illustrate: If you are a funny girl, then CHANGE means that you try to make yourself serious. A tweak means to realize that it's an asset and showcase it more. Are you a nice guy? Tweak to make that an asset. And by "tweak" that means realizing how not to be a doormat. Which brings me to my other point, regarding…

    To Ian Ironwood: Again, we're conflating "asshole" with "neg" and/or confidence. Neg and confidence are OK, asshole isn't. They are NOT the same thing. I'm going to shine a light onto this whole "neg" thing: all a good neg is is the same thing as when 2 guys bust each other's balls. To say that only women like that is weird. Guys — best friends — do it to each other all the time. For men, it's a sign of affection! Hell, hip hop music is based on that.

    I'm going to tell a story to illustrate the difference between a nice guy with confidence and an asshole. It's the story of how my husbad (happily together for 11 years today!) and I got together:

    - I was at a house party. I saw this guy, who just had his beer taken from him (party wrapping up), leaning up against the wall. I was giggling at him. He looked at me, gave a half-smile and said "what the fuck are you laughing at?" I held up my fists like I was going to box him. He started laughing. We've been together ever since. See, that was a joke: he busted my "balls" (or a "neg" as you Gamers like to call it) and I'm the type of girl that bounces them right back (parries). The guys I go for like that sort of thing. So I play it up. And he's a super-nice guy – I jsut had foot surgery and he waited on me hand and foot. Not because I'm a princess, but because we love each other and that's what we do – nice stuff for each other without keeping tally like "oh, I did the grocery shopping and cleaned up the back yard for YEARS! So my husband owes me this." And because he took care of me, I reciprocated with everything in my power – telling him, buying him several massages, giving him a complete week off when I'm healed, etc.

    - Now, let's change this scenario and see what he would have done if he was an asshole: when he said "what the fuck are you laughing at" and I held up my fists as a joke, he would roll his eyes and turn away. That's an asshole.

    - 1 more. Let's explore what a bad neg is: after I held up my fists, he would say something like "winner gets a blow job". Now yes, certain girls go for that. But these are girls that prob have some self-esteem issues. I don't. Guys that like that would go for me. Guys that don't care for that wouldn't.

    Now, I'm not going to put anyone down: we ALL have issues. It's about finding a person that can live with those (and you can live with his). But I see a LOT of guys on here in unhappy relationships. Some use Game and still no luck (at least with long-term, which I'm assuming that the visitors of this site – called MARRIED MAN, no less -are looking for). So you gotta ask: how's that workin' for ya? If it's working almost fine, then tweak! If not, you need a Game changer.

  28. I'm just gonna say thanks for the conversation, and… "In case I don't see ya, good afternoon, good evening, and good night." – Truman.

  29. Anon 1:05, one more time.
    I'm re-reading some more of the comments and there's something goin' on here. Either I have too broad of a definition of "nice guy" and too anrrow a def for "asshole" or the guys in here have too narrow a definition of "asshole" and too broad a def of "nice guy". I think that it's really eye-opening to read the views of guys. Really, you guys are much harder on yourselves than women are! So much of this behavior you men are catagorizing as "asshole", while us women really aren't. And PLEASE remember that there is always a disconnect between the not-at-all-serious case of a chick calling a guy an "asshole", all the while batting her eyes; and the same girl totally-seriously calling the drunk that keeps spilling his beer on her an "asshole". It's ashame that our language is so limiting and vague, but we all seem to have 1 word that serves more than one purpose. Unfortunately, "asshole" is one. Maybe you guys need to see it for what it is – the chick version of a "neg". Just like a guy will say to a girl that he likmes "nice fake nails" or whatever, a girl will call him an "asshole".
    This whole "nice guy" vs. "asshole" is more for the bro-spehere. Like all things in the so-called Battle fo the Sexes, women and men are using the same words, but with different meanings. What I love about Athols site is that he gave me the WORDS to say what I mean and have a man understand. Guys, I'm doin' the same for you! I mean, for a girl, "nice guy" doesn't mean doormat (ok, for a good chunk of girls. There's always some real pieces of work out there). It doesn't mean "yes dear. No dear." Nope. A Nice Guy is a guy that will go to bat for you. He'll bring you flowers and tell you he loves you and eff ya like a whore when you want it (or he wants it!). He's not scared of you, but he also isn't a bully. THAT is the perfect "Nice Guy". You guys seem to think that pussies are Nice Guys. They're not. They're pussies. Sorry for being so blunt, but I gotta say it. There's a HUGE diference. A pussy is an asshole that doesn't have the balls to be an asshole. A Nice Guy has a good heart and takes care of himself and the ones that he loves. He doesn't apologize for being good and helping out and he doesn't accept someone pushing him around. These guys that, like, Ironwood is talking about, sorry – they're just whipped. They're too lazy or scared or selfish (yes, selfish) to actually DO something. But they THINK it. They're hiding behind the term "nice guy". But it's not them! Being a TRUE Nice Guy takes balls.
    So again, let's not intermingle these words: Nice Guy, Pussy, Asshole and *asshole* ("Asshole" with a capital A is for the beer spilling douche. Asshole with a lower case a is for the wink-wink-nudge-nudge *asshole*

  30. I disagree that "in general girls are attracted to Assholes." Anon at 2:12 put it well. Or, maybe that is what girls are attracted to, but it's not what women want. Women are attracted to strong, confident, funny, slightly edgy men who also have good beta skills.

  31. Anonymous says:

    I like how GC puts it: "SLightly edgy." That's perfect.

  32. The MacNut says:

    GC: "Women are attracted to strong, confident, funny, slightly edgy men who also have good beta skills."

    That's pretty much what Athol has been advocating in this blog all along. The problem is many beta men don't have the "slighty edgy" part down. If they're really bad, they don't have the "strong, confident, funny" part down either…

  33. Anonymous says:

    MacNut, I agree. Athol's site does do that. But again, there's a mixing of words: beta, asshole, alpha, edgy, Nice Guy, etc.
    Basically my point is that Athol – and a lot of y'all – use the word "asshole" inaproriately. Adgy Beta – I like that. Maybe that's what a real Nice Guy is.

  34. Anon 2:39: +1

  35. "That's pretty much what Athol has been advocating in this blog all along.

    I agree – his idea of blending alpha and beta traits is just about perfect.

  36. When I think of a sexy Alpha male, I think of James Bond, or Captain Picard, or Aragon. All are edgy, no-nonsense, and enjoy women but refuse to be doormats. You know they can do Beta, they just don't want to right now.

    To me, an asshole is Alpha without style. The punk on the street who says f-ck every other word and waves a switchblade around is definitely Alpha — but as unsexy as possible. No Beta.

    I want the first type of Alpha. If I fitness test him, he'd call me on it, playfully and with respect, but still call me. An asshole would call me bitch and slap me upside the head — and I'd throw him out.


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