Reader: My wife has been making a concerted effort the past 6 months or so to lose about 10-15 pounds.[Much of that is actually taking a cue from me as I have working very hard on eating better, getting fit and working out.
She constantly hits me with the “Do I look fat in this” or the “I am a giant blob” while checking herself out in the mirror. In reality, she’s not that bad. Sure, she could lose a good 15 pounds but for the most part she looks pretty decent.
I usually handle those comments with the usual “Game-approved” method usually cocky/funny Agree and Amplify – although sometimes I’ll just plain Ignore. That usually works – although this comes up constantly. (I really think that often it is just her low self esteem regarding her weight rather that always being just a shit-test…but I digress.)
Anyway, earlier that day I “caught” her eating a chocolate pudding and started negging/joking about it with her. I usually don’t say anything because, hey she’s an adult and also that I don’t really think its bad that she cheats every so often. But it drives me crazy when an hour later she starts on the “I’m so fat ” shit.
That evening while she was getting ready for bed and changing into PJ’s she passed the mirror and again started with the “I’m a whale” line. This time, I took a different approach and hit her with some asshole: “Well, you did have that chocolate pudding for dessert” I replied.
It was a tactic, I really had not employed before. Her immediate response was calling me an asshole, storming into the bathroom, and generally getting very bitchy and upset. She got into bed and gave me the cold shoulder calling me asshole several more times. I just played it very cool, continued to do my own thing, and told her to stop over-reacting.
After some time passed and I was ready to go to sleep I said to her in a strongish tone: come here – motioning her to lay right next to me in my crook before I went to sleep. Amazingly, she agreed. She called me an asshole one more time and sidled up right into me – almost melting into me. I put my arm around her tightly and we went to sleep. (I am certain I could have sexed it up at that moment but I really was exhausted.) The next morning nothing was mentioned and she was lovey dovey business as usual.
I am in shock about how things went. I would love to get your thoughts and take on the episode.
Athol: (1) She’s losing weight, so she’s probably doing that in response to you upping your game recently / in general.
(2) She’s playing for your attention. She’s a little nervous about why you are changing for better, so she’s trying to attract your attention to her.
(3) There’s a disconnect between her talk (I want to lose weight) and her actions (Watch me eat all this pudding!) When you brought up the disconnect, she got mad, but you’re basically in the right in that you’re calling her on her own disconnect between talk and action.
(4) Women are notoriously attracted to assholes. Seriously it’s like a damn hypnotist as implanted “asshole” as a trigger word in the entire female population, making them want to screw any man they call an asshole. The time she said it in bed was a compliment. Just say “Thank you, I appreciate the compliment.” Then follow up with “So you wanna have sex with an asshole?” Big goofy I’m-a-naughty-boy grin.
(5) After you’ve had sex, in the warm after glow, it’s fine to tell her you have noticed and appreciated her efforts at weight loss. We’re rewarding the behavior we want to see continue… crazy good sex, then cuddle and compliment.
(6) Do have the sex when it’s on offer like that. When it comes to sex, most women want to think that their man will always be up for it as his #1 priority of existence. As such, sleep is for the weak.