Here’s a little secret…
…behind the scenes, there’s a little community of the Game related bloggers that talk to each other. If you’re a reader of the blogs, it’s near totally invisible, but if you’re a writer it’s something you can bump into.
So once in a while I get asked advice from another Game blogger about their relationship, or what they should or should not be doing. I think I’m up to about eight different bloggers that have emailed me and asked for help. Which is fine by me because I like helping.
Very often it turns out they have been making quite simple mistakes in what they are doing in their romantic engagements. Which sounds like I just said they suck, but that’s not what I actually said, because I’ve seen the same bloggers offer excellent advice to other people repeatedly. I’m also seen quite a few multi-blogger email conversations where the one asking advice is making simple mistakes and everyone else says that’s what happening, is the same one that is totally on point for someone else’s emailed question a few weeks later.
So it’s really a case of “physician heal thyself”.
The point is that the hormones at work are very real and if you wanted to do labwork, quite measurable physical things. Dopamine is real, Oxytocin is real, Testosterone is real. When you are being affected by your hormonal systems, these are powerfully influencing effects or your personality and thoughts. You can be given medication that increases any of these hormones and you will have changes in your personality and mood. It may sound a stretch to say this, but feelings are physical things.
So when you, or a Game blogger, or even myself are in the middle of experiencing hormonal extremes, it is very difficult to extract yourself from that emotional matrix and think clearly about Game concepts. Control is an illusion…
… well almost an illusion.
Once you understand how the hormones work, and work on you, you can start predicting your moods and start to actively manage them, thus creating the emotions you want to experience.
For example I near endlessly touch Jennifer, I’m by nature a Care Bear with high oxytocin. Kisses, hugs, strokes and obviously sex. Physically touching someone causes them to release oxytocin into their blood stream, making them feel comfortable about you and socially bonded to them. This is why the Game technique of Kino (Physical) Escalation actually works. Constantly touching a woman will make her start to like you. This is also why hookers don’t kiss their clients – they don’t wish to bond to a couple of dozen guys a week.
So all that touching and oxytocin release makes Jennifer a compliant cuddle bunny to me. My problem is that she’s so easy to me, I get bored by her. It’s kinda awkward to write about marriage and monogamy, and how that’s a good thing and extra-marital sex is a pathway to a bad end, and yet start getting plagued by thoughts of trying to figure out a way to talk Jennifer into me having a girlfriend on the side. That all sounds like I’m full of shit, but what it really means is that I’m falling out of love with Jennifer because my dopamine related to her is dropping away. Low dopamine, low in love feelings. Feelings are physical things.
So rather than divorce or cheat on Jennifer, I gave her a fair warning and told her what was happening. She said thank you, and said now what. My suggestion was that she start denying me sex. The look on her face suggested that she thought that was a remarkably bad plan. To which I clarified that she needed to both increase the number of sexualized incidents between us, but also randomize the outcomes. Or put more plainly, she could jerk on my cock or whatever several times a day, but not get me to orgasm except for a few of those times. Or put another way, she would act like a slot machine and I’d act like a gambler hooked in to pulling the lever just one more time to try and get a pay out.
What that randomized sexual activity looked like was covered in the recent post Sexy Move: Not Until Tonight. Except as that post mentioned, we went four days, and 20-25 sexual “starts”, before we gave me release. (HUGE cumshot lol) Since then it’s been about three or four starts a day, and normal bedtime sex.
Now if that sounds odd, know that there’s really not anything better for bumping up your dopamine level than a randomized sexual outcome. About a week after we started on this regime I’ve felt all my romantic feelings for Jennifer come flooding back, and I’m crushing on her again. I mean seriously crushing on her. I started writing poetry for goodness sake. (Never to see the light of day!)
So, Game is real, hormones are real, love and being in love is completely real. Understanding how all this works doesn’t “ruin it” unless you have sex with so many people that you burn out your body’s ability to respond to anyone like a sort of emotional diabetes. Or as Dr Helen Fisher explains, you can know everything that goes into the making of a chocolate cake, but that doesn’t ruin the experience of enjoying the cake.
Jennifer: It all sounds very counter-intuitive but it actually works. And don’t get all worked up…we weren’t heading for divorce court, he was having a rough spell, and I could cure that rough spell. Plus, my mantra is usually “touch the penis, make the penis happy”, so being encouraged to tease him was kind of fun. Okay, really a lot of fun, and it was definitely a boost to our connection to each other.