What about a list for women who find all of 1-10 above far too disgusting, degrading or whorish to consider, never mind perform?

Honestly I just figured it was a troll, so the first thing that popped into my head was to suggest chloroforming yourself and leaving a note that said “Do what you must.”

As more comments were left, I also became pissed off. Despite repeated denials that she was calling Jennifer a whore, she keep insisting she acted like one. Which is like saying “I didn’t call you a thief, I just said you steal things.”

But as the comments went on and on, my feeling started to change, perhaps this is someone who is has profoundly shackled her sexuality for decades, and missed out on so very much enjoyment. It’s just such a big step between where she is and what I write about, that it seems an impossible chasm to jump across. So what I’m going to do, is dredge through your comments and questions, and answer them all as best I can….

What about a list for women who find all of 1-10 above far too disgusting, degrading or whorish to consider, never mind perform?

My suggestion is to sit down with your husband, and ask him if there is just one thing you guys haven’t done together, that he would like. Then be comfortable in your discomfort, and do it. Just ask for one thing. When you get that down, ask for a second thing.

I never masturbate, and I find the thought of my husband doing so abhorrent.

The first I believe. However men have a constant build up of semen happening, and that is either eventually released via sex, masturbation, or night time ejaculations while he sleeps. It’s usually going to need to happen one way or the other about once a week. So as long as you are having some combination of sex and massive wet spots in the bed about four times a month, it is possible that he is not masturbating. Otherwise, he is masturbating with some kind of regular frequency.

Or put another way, most men make about 1 tsp of semen a day as a sort of a low average. So if you had sex once a month, and he didn’t have any kind of sexual release between sex acts, you should expect his ejaculate to be a bit over half a cup in volume. If this is the case, I don’t advise oral sex as it really will be like trying to drink from the firehose.

Oral sex is revolting – why would anyone want to put a man’s penis in their mouth?

Because it’s quite enjoyable to have your penis being sucked on. Because many women get enjoyment out of pleasuring their man, they like doing it. Some women like the feeling of power over the man when he can’t control himself from orgasming with her that way.

The thought of him smelling of my vaginal secretions afterwards is nauseating, and what sort of message does it send to anyone else who smells them on him?

Pussy has the most amazing smell. With the right woman it is both somewhat hypnotic and arousing. It is a wildly attractive smell to men and completely designed to appeal to them. Obviously after a while it builds up to “smelling funky” if you don’t have regular showers, but otherwise it’s simply amazing.

Do you often notice the smell of vagina on men in your regular life? What do you think of them when you notice it? Do you say anything?

This doesn’t exist in normal marriages, only in the realms of pornography.

No it happens in many normal marriages.

I am not a troll. I assume that because my normal views are at odds with what is written here you think I am?

Again, your views aren’t nearly as normal as you think.

Men urinate through their penises. How can having one in ones mouth be anything other than disgusting?

Urine is sterile as long as he doesn’t have a UTI. There’s vastly more germs and nastiness happening in your mouth. Maybe you should be asking why he would put a clean penis into your dirty mouth. Your hands go all kinds of nasty places and you probably put those in your mouth once in a while without thinking about it.

The idea that a man should think he can be allowed to do so shows he has no regard for a woman, and expects her to degrade herself for his gratification.

Ah… no. Quite a lot of women like giving oral sex. It’s not degrading. In fact she has all the power when she has his penis in her mouth, the human jaw is quite strong enough to inflicit a “career ending injury” on a man, so she’s very much in control.

I never undress in front of my husband – the idea of him leering at me as I remove my clothes disgusts me. Him slobbering like some animal makes my skin crawl.

Now we’re getting to to the core of it. You are both animals and share 99% of the same DNA as chimps. Human sexual response is hard wired and normal. Your husband wanting to look at you naked is something he is designed to do. His sexual interest in you is normal and natural.

Why would I dangle my breasts in his mouth? He is not an infant that needs to be fed.

The breasts are an erogenous area of the body for the woman, and a visual and tactile turn on for the man. By playfully forcing me to pay attention to them, Jennifer is provoking my sexual interest in her. It’s hot.

The whole premise here seems to be that a woman is no more than a toy to be used to appease a man’s lusts, no matter how unnatural or perverse.

Oh I don’t deny that I am sexually demanding of Jennifer. Like most women she responds positively to playful sexual domination.

These are the sort of acts men seek out whores for, not things they should demand that they be allowed to subject their wives to.

Well whores come in a lot of sizes these days….

Beyond basic sexual release, the selling point of the highest quality sex workers is the GFE, or Girlfriend Experience. The GFE is essentially a faked emotional connection to the man, where she pretends to be interested in him and genuinely sexually responsive to him. To actually get a sex worker to act like Jennifer does for me, would require thousands of dollars a night. Maybe tens of thousands.

At the low end of the sex worker scale, it’s a no frills road to getting the man to orgasm and ending the sexual encounter as quickly as possible with no illusion of her enjoying it.

So there’s simply a scale of sexual skill and sensuality at work for both whores and wives. It’s up to you which end of the scale you want to be on.

I cannot understand why women would apparently willingly do these things. Are they actually willing, or are they so afraid of the reaction of their husband that they undertake these actions out of fear of the consequences (divorce, abandonment?)

I gotta tell you, Jennifer feels sorry for you for what you’ve missed out on enjoying with your husband.

My husband and I share a deep level of intimacy regarding our beliefs, feelings, aspirations and dreams without having to be perverted.

Then why are you here if everything is so great?

Athol, how am I “oppressing” my husband? He shares my beliefs, views and opinions. Do you see me as somehow restricting by “limiting” his sexual expression to what reasonable people would do?

Yes I do see you as restrictive. He can’t even see you naked for goodness sake. One or two ejaculations a month? In some states actual prisoners get more conjugal visits than he has sex with you.

What does she achieve by placing herself in such a degraded, submissive position, allowing a man to use her as a vessel for lust?

Fabulous orgasms?

You’re throwing in the words degraded and lust. These are moral judgments that I believe are only based on your religious viewpoint, so naturally I don’t consider them at all useful to think about. Submission is a wifely requirement in the Bible, so you’ll have to take up the degrading aspect of submission with God I suppose. It’s not my religion of course, but I am familiar with the text in question.

She receives no sexual gratification by doing so, so the act is totally one-sided, quite apart from the negative physical and mental hygiene issues that arise from it.

This is your selfishness at work. Sometimes you can do something for someone else, without getting as immediate reward for it. It’s called doing something nice for someone. Furthermore, quite obviously the husband can return any and all sexual favors to the wife. There’s nothing we can do sexually as a couple that I’ve ever denied Jennifer.

What the heck is mental hygiene? It sounds like you’re worried you’re going to come down with a bad case of… ideas.

Having a man leer at my body, his lust barely contained like some animal in a field revolts me – we are not beasts, but something higher.

Again… we’re 99% the same as chimps. So while we are perhaps 1% higher than them, I’m not sure that really gets us in a position to claim we aren’t heavily influenced by our “animal” DNA.

Also your plain disgust is why your husband hides his masturbation from you.

We indulge in intercourse once or twice per month, rarely more and seldom less, obviously not simply for procreation.

So that’s around 18 times a year. The clinical definition of a sexless marriage is only doing it 10 times a year. You are fairly close to that, you’re explaining to us all that your sex life is in fact well below average and bordering on clinically dysfunctional.

Incidentally, it would be very interesting to track when those tiny handful of sex acts occur. My hunch is it’s around your ovulation time primarily. Which would be your “animal nature” asserting itself.

My husband and I are both Anglican but our families were Methodist. Our views on sexual matters are similar: we have discussed the matter and feel that the practices described here (and in fairness elsewhere too) are degrading, demeaning, unhygienic and pander to bestial natures.

Oh wait… so you simply showed up in the comments to complain and troll?

In the view of the church, the ideal is to avoid all sexual contact if at all possible. Knowing that this was functionally impossible, it was considered that marriage, where sex was contained and control, was the less of two evils (better than fornication), but not withstanding the guidance to not refuse except by mutual consent, it was a way of reducing the negative consequences of lust, not to direct lust. Lust is a sin.

…aaaaaaaaaaand your entire problem with anyone else enjoying their sex life is your particular religious beliefs that sex and sin are essentially joined at the hip. This pretty much dooms you to having a miserable sex life as every sexual engagement with your husband is a reminder of having to settle for the sordid lesser of two evils. You’re morally required to minimize your fun.

Now seriously….

….you don’t really believe that God made man and woman, told them to go forth and multiply, made doing the multiplying physically wonderful, then also made the ruling that doing the act of multiplying was evil and they shouldn’t do it. But if they really couldn’t stop themselves from multiplying, they should get married and the multiplying thing would just be not so evil, and more like just kind of disappointing to God.

Do you see how that particular facet of belief is going to ruin your sex life?