Reader Story: Noticing Her Making Little Changes…

Athol: A long but excellent comment by Ryan on yesterday’s post “It’s Already An Unstable Relationship If She’s Hotter Than Him.”:
Ryan: I agree with Athol 100% because this is what happened with my wife and me over a year ago. I was not far from being the guy in the email. My wife is stunningly attractive – so attractive that many men feel intimidated to approach her. She was an ugly duckling and grew up fat and then in high school suddenly lost it all. I met her in college where I took her virginity. She was a 9 and I was an 8.
Anyway over the years her “betaness” became a turn off for me. I guess I never saw her as the “sexy vixen” even though she was beautiful. I just started thinking of her as a friend, and as a result our relationship turned similar to relationship in the email mentioned in this post. I even avoided sex with her because it was no longer a turn on. I spent my time fantasizing about nasty / dirty whores who “needed” sex. She’d complain about the sex of course, but I blamed it on some medication I was taking for stress.
She stayed a 9 over the years and I got fat and my sex rank started going down to about a 6. However, even though she was a 9, because she didn’t see herself as a 9. A 9 and a 6 can stay married without a problem as long as the 9 thinks she’s a 6.
But then something changed. One day she started saying things like “someday someone is going to sweep me off my feet”. I thought this was strange because she never said something like this before, however she said it a few more times over the next few weeks. I noticed that she changed her appearance a bit and was dressing different. She was also more into her exercise program. At the time I didn’t think too much more cause I knew she wouldn’t cheat on me. For one she never ever flirted and 2 she always avoided eye contact with men.
Then I got my dose of the red pill. It was about a month later when we were standing in a long line for the Dumbo ride at Disney World. I remember her looking at a guy standing next to us, and then looking again. This was the first time I ever saw her checking some other guy out. I know it’s normal for women to do, but it surprised me because she said she never did it. During the rest of the trip I wore sun glasses and kept an eye on her, and noticed she’d check out guys.
It was after this I started researching the whole alpha / beta thing along with the ovulation stuff. My wife was ovulating on that day in Disney World. This was all an awakening experience because it was the day I found out those women are kind of like men when they ovulate.
After the trip I came back and started over analyzing everything from sexy underwear I’ve never seen before to the way she was trimming her va-jay-jay. I was convinced she was cheating on me. As an IT guy I did a full investigation. Checked computer history, searched for hidden email accounts, Face Book activity and cell phone usage. I found nothing that was suspicious.
Whatever caused these changes in her were either in my head, or perhaps she started feeling attraction to someone outside and it never went anywhere.
I know this story is long, but it is proof that what Athol is prescribing here really works. Honest talking doesn’t work. Before these little things happened, I was way too secure in the relationship to the point I took her for granted. It was when I was faced the reality that other men find her desirable, and she found other men desirable too that made me want to change.
After this happened I started working out and brought myself back up to an 8. Even brought a few beta elements I was missing by helping more with the laundry and dishes. Before I’d make her do everything.

To the woman who wrote this email, your husband probably doesn’t think of you as a higher sex rank even though you think of yourself that way. There could be something you’re doing that is lowering your rank in his eyes. Otherwise he’d be putting the effort in with you.

Athol: I’m very glad that Ryan cottoned on to things and turned it around before they progressed any further. Well done!


  1. Athol, you should do a post on husbands not wanting sex with their wives, but nut just for physical (looks), but behaviour and personality reasons…

  2. I don't think he'd be speaking from experience… Jennifer sounds like an incredibly nice person who knows what she's doing! Lol

  3. Anonymous says:

    I second Anon 10:26's comment. This is a topic that younger men(early 20s) can't fathom unless they're with a "spawn of satan" However, older men deal with this alot when dealing with nagging, attitudinal, unstable women that they don't understand

  4. Deal with what a lot? Not wanting sex with their wives because of their unstable personality? Surely he has guys writing to him about it…

  5. Ha thanks Athol. Once I got my sex rank back up that's when my mind set changed. I stopped worrying because you actually start believing in yourself and your value as a man. As for developing the beta side of me, the trick I learned is to concentrate on beta traits that are helpful to making her enjoy life easier, but do not display any weakness as a man. For instance, if she demands I get up from the table and take care of my whining kid in front of a bunch of people, my response is "excuse me?, you know me better than that." At the same time I won't hesitate to do it if she either asks me in a respectful way or I decide myself its something I should do.

    As for Anon 2:33am, if you get married in your early 20's you just fucked yourself. :-)

Speak Your Mind