Submissive vs Submissive?

Naturally sexually submissive wife and naturally sexually submissive husband. They both want to respond to the other in bed… and not a lot really hot happens. So they’re cursed with “not that hot” forever right?
Dominance and submission are not monolithic sexual orientations from which there is no escape. Men do tend toward dominance, women toward submission, but few of us are hard-wired for 100% one or the other. There’s no requirement to be sexually dominant all the time if you’re a man, or sexually submissive if you’re a woman.
In addition to that, being sexually dominant and submissive are skills that you can learn. Some of the best dominants are actually wired submissive, they instinctively know what makes a submissive tick because they are one.
Sometimes the way you respond and please your partner the way they most enjoy, is by acting sexually dominant toward them. So if he’s a natural submissive, and she really gets off by having her hair pulled and her ass smacked, or having her head gently pushed down into giving him a blowjob, then by doing all that dominant stuff… he’s being a great submissive.
So yeah, some of this gets confusing. Who is the top again? Who is bottom? After a while it starts looking like quantum physics is a mental warm up to discussing D/s.
The key thing to learn and experiment with is that there can be power exchanges in sex that make things vastly more enjoyable for both of you. If you discover you’re both submissive… then take turns being the one getting bossed about and made to do stuff. I mean you’re both submissive right? Can’t the two of you get along?


  1. Anonymous says

    "I mean you're both submissive right? Can't the two of you get along?"

    When you put it that way, it does seem … surmountable.

  2. Mary says

    Both my husband and i are submissives and it is ruining our sex life. I WANT to be dominant, but i literally have a mental block. Sex was something that = shame in my household growing up and even though i know it is not something to be ashamed about, it is still engrained in my brain and keeps me from feeling comfortable initiating sex.

    I had always been in relationships with dominant males, and i liked it that way. In the beginning, it was hard to tell because well…sex happens a lot more organically in the beginning. It wasn’t until years later that i realized how submissive we both were.

    The title of this book is hilarious….because that’s basically how i feel right now. I want sex…and he wan’s fries….or probably BBQ.

    I am very attractive woman too. I am very active i have not “let myself go”. I get hit on all the time by other men…i really wish it was my husband who was hitting on me.

    I don’t know what to do about it. Thought about going to sexual therapy….

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