Reader Email: Hi Athol, You’ve nailed down some great principles for creating a more attractive, thrilling marriage. I’ve seen great results, not only in my 9-year marriage, but in interactions with co-workers too.
I have a question. I’m happy having it discussed on the blog (anonymously) and was planning on just leaving a comment, but I didn’t want to hijack the post since my comment has nothing to do with your latest post. My wife and I have sex about 6 times a week and it’s a great sex life. She has in the last year started to masturbate, partly encouraged by me, to feel more sexual and increase libido. It’s now a daily occurrence with a vibrator while I’m at work. I have no complaints about our sex life, or even the masturbating, but I’m wondering if I’m hurting myself by encouraging this because it may weaken her associations of orgasms/pleasure to me since she’s frequently experiencing them separate from me now. She states that she makes a conscious effort to focus and fantasize on me and us during the solo time and doesn’t use porn or other sources of erotica. Does your wife think there could be any concerns of growing to accustomed to the vibrator?
Athol: As long as there’s no problem with her becoming over stimulated / worn out with all the sex and masturbation, then there’s no problem.
The human body does know the difference between masturbation and having sex, so what’s going on here is more of the testosterone / sex drive hormone rather than the dopamine or oxytocin one.
Most women have orgasms more easily and stronger orgasms the more orgasms they have. So your wife is just very sexually fit. It’s use it or lose it, and she’s using it and got it. Sounds like a win.
Jennifer: As long as she’s still having orgasms with you, rather than just during the day, it’s fine. If you’re having sex six times a week with her, I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong!