Hooker Math and the L-Spot

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post “Work The L-Spot: She Will Beg You For More“:
Anon:  I ran the experiment… I hope it turns out better for the above Anon.
I do the laundry, sex once every 10-20 days.
I don’t do the laundry, sex once every 10-20 days.
I also normally clean the 2.5 bathrooms (98% of the time), the kitchen (90% of the time), do the dishes (90% of the time), vacuum once a week (95% of the time), keep the kid’s room cleaned up (90% of the time), take the dog for exercise (100% of the time – even though she promised to do it every single day), outside stuff like lawn care and snow stuff I handle (100% of the time) for a short list of the things I currently do, along with working a full-time job.
She works a full-time job as well. Her “home job” is the laundry, she washes and dries, sometimes folds and very rarely puts it away (90% of the time). She makes the kids lunches (90% of the time).
Anyways… me doing more or less sees no change in the amount of sex we have.
Athol:  Holy Charwoman Batman!
Okay, you’re already over doing it on the domestic chore routine, and it’s not working, so adding yet more chores isn’t going to work any better. You’re way over on the Beta side of things and very likely lacking Alpha, so the solution isn’t to add yet more Beta, but to up the Alpha.
It sounds like you’re putting in about 40-60 hours a month of around the house work and getting laid twice on average. So the “Hooker Math” comes out to about 25 hours effort per time getting laid. So 25 hours x your hourly rate = cost per time getting laid. So it’s cynical I know, but it when it’s a more cost effective use of your time to simply hire maids and hookers than have a wife, things aren’t going very well. It’s quite possible that her vagina is starting to price itself out of your market.
My first approach would be to start asking her to complete tasks, and get the children assigned to the tasks they can do as well. see how far that gets you. I would completely stop cleaning the kids rooms if they are of an age they can do it themselves.
My hunch though is that you are fairly deep into the Nice Guy / Too Beta zone and have some work to dig yourself out of the hole you are in. So start running the MAP and getting yourself together. Pick some of the Alpha Trait stuff to work on rather than the Beta ones.
Also as an aside before anyone in Vaginaland gets too upset – if both the husband and wife are pulling their weight in the relationship, and there’s a decent amount of sex happening, the Hooker Math adds up to a proof that the marriage is in fact a really good deal for the couple.

Comments

  1. A couple of questions.

    Is it ok if my wife leaves a list of jobs or I ask her to leave a list of jobs??
    I have always been somewhat passive (shift work ) sometimes takes it out of me and she gets into the routine of stuff like running the kids around and mowing the lawn as I maybe working when the kids are at soccer or the lawn needs mowing.

    Are diy and fixing jobs considered beta or alpha (sort of a mix I'd guess)

    Is it ok to ignore fitness tests if I have no smart answer ready

  2. alphapersona says:

    Is it ok if my wife leaves a list of jobs or I ask her to leave a list of jobs??

    Asking her to leave a list of jobs is better, I'd say, because then she'll think "aww, he loves me".

    Are diy and fixing jobs considered beta or alpha (sort of a mix I'd guess)

    I've got $10 bucks that this is Athol's answer as well:

    Doing DIY and fix 'em up jobs around the house is Alpha because its manly man work and you look so damn sexy with your tool belt and what not, but it will also flip her beta provider switches. It's a good blend for LTR/Marriage.

    Is it ok to ignore fitness tests if I have no smart answer ready

    Yes, yes yes! Ignoring a fitness test makes you appear aloof and indifferent. The way to pass a fitness test is to always make her silly girl questions look exactly like what they are: Silly girl questions. The vibe being, "lol okay baby, well I gotta go do man stuff now."

    I explain it a lot better here.

  3. As a citizen of Vaginaland I started reading this and all of could think of was that his wife was totally taking advantage of him! Think about it, if the roles were reversed, she'd be
    b!t(hing that he didn't do enough to help out around the house!

    Women need to stop treating the men in their lives as children and definately stop complaining that the men they treat as children turn around and act like children. Chore lists are for your kids. To do lists are for you. Honey-do lists are for whomever orders the melons and the market.

  4. Ian Ironwood says:

    Part of the equation is how much each of them make.

    I know, I know, it shouldn't matter . . . but it does. If she's bringing in twice as much as he is, the power dynamic is going to be skewed in her favor and he's probably going to end up with the lion's share of the chores. Status is also an issue. Mrs. Ironwood has a job that pays more than I do by a significant portion, plus she's Trying To Make The World A Better Place, while I make less (although comfortable) and make a living Helping People Masturbate. Needless to say, she takes the lead on Career Day at the kids' school. But because of her higher-status job, and the additional hours it takes, it works out best for both of us if I do most of the chores. That is, if things are happy sunshine in the bedroom. At this point I've made my Beta homebuilding skills an Alpha presentation by instituting and enforcing household rules (which include her) in such a way as to diminish the obvious importance of income in comparison to the importance of a well-run family life.

    If they make about the same, or she makes less than he does, then she really is taking advantage of him.

    I think a helpful exercise would be to track the status quo for one week, without informing her, and then presenting her with the results PLUS a corrective action plan. Point out areas where she could be using her time more wisely. Be tactful about it, but don't equivocate and don't back down from your position. And explaining that you'd be willing to continue with your present share of the responsibilities if you felt more appreciated (read: twice as much sex) but otherwise you insist a new division of labor should be decided upon that more accurately reflects your various skills and abilities. Give her a day to consider before she responds.

    And then go to the gun range, gym, sports bar or Hooters or something while she's thinking about that. Seriously dude, if you're going to keep the domestic chores going AND want to get laid, you're going to need 2.2 assloads of Alpha in your diet, and soon.

  5. Mommy wants to be a milf says:

    I am also a citizen of Vaginaland…and Ian Ironwood is right on (minus the Hooters part). The husband is totally being taken advantage of here.

    FOR commenter "G": In my female opinion, if I have to leave a list of jobs/chores/whatever for the captain, then why the heck is he captain? Shouldn't he know what needs to be done (save non-routine events) on his own?

    You need to tell her that the only list she's allowed to make is the sexual favors she's willing to give you for doing all the chores.

  6. Gettng the kids to do work for you can be very alpha and beta at the same time depending on how you frame. I know my wife gets the tingles when I have all three working on a needed task.

  7. What if if both the husband and wife are not merely pulling their weight in the relationship, but actively busting their butts, and there's STILL not a decent amount of sex happening?

  8. It could be worse, like sex once ever 10-20 weeks.

  9. "What if if both the husband and wife are not merely pulling their weight in the relationship, but actively busting their butts, and there's STILL not a decent amount of sex happening?"

    If that's truly the case, then one or both of them may just be too damn tired/stressed out for sex. The solution there is to hire some help or get some help from friends or family, especially with the kids if they are part of the workload.

    Or maybe, just maybe they need to back off and relax on some things, let them go a bit.

  10. Looking Glass says:

    My thought is women don't normally screw the maids, so why would she screw you? (The Hunky Pool Boy stereo type is Alpha because he'll move in when presented with an opportunity)

    So, yeah, doing the Laundry isn't going to help, when you do everything else. On that note, how much do you charge? We could use some work around here…

    Buy Athol's book. Ya need it, buddy.

  11. Anna Beers says:

    Wow, this guy is a rare treasure.

    In my household, I do 90% of everything inside and 75% of everything outside. I also work full time. How do I get my husband to pull his weight?

    Lists sit on his desk for ages with no cross-offs. Asking him directly to do something means it'll happen about two days later, when I needed it done within an hour of asking. He's not malicious; just very, very easily distracted and has the male handicap of dirt blindness. Too many reminders in the same evening gets me labeled as a nagger. What's a girl to do?

  12. Charwoman, eh? It's hard to know only hearing his side. Let's take his comment about dishes. He does the dishes 90% of the time. He did not mention cooking. Does she cook 90% of the time? Well, then that 90% of the dishes is just fair. Just half of the work. Just shared. Shrug.

    The L spot concept is so appealing to many married women because things are out of balance. If he does ALL laundry for two weeks and then she does ALL laundry for two weeks, there is no L spot!

    I suppose running a load of laundry through when it is his turn is nice, but I usually only do that to get something I wanted washed asap and I leave all the laundry for him to fold and of course put away. Because it is his turn…

  13. "If that's truly the case, then one or both of them may just be too damn tired/stressed out for sex. The solution there is to hire some help or get some help from friends or family, especially with the kids if they are part of the workload.

    Or maybe, just maybe they need to back off and relax on some things, let them go a bit."

    Meanwhile, back out in the real world, where people barely have money for the mortgage, let alone to pay hired help, have family living hundreds of miles away and friends who have about as much spare time as they do, which bit of cleaning, washing, home maintenance of whatever do you suggest they give up?

  14. Ok, I was the Anonymous Athol replied to. Thanks, I appreciate it Athol… and your book. I am 3/4 of the way through it. (I had previously made a comment on an earlier post by Athol and used the phrase, "The ROI just does not seem worth it." So I am going by "ROI" now.)

    I have made a lot of changes and seen some positive results from her (no real increase in sex though), but kinder and more respectful behavior, at least saying she likes my (more in shape, muscled) body, she is willing to cook me anything that I ask for, builds me up in front of our kids. She is doing a lot of things better, just not more sex.

    I am getting quite a bit more attention from other females, enjoying the things I am learning as I pursue my own interests and goals in running the MAP.
    Although I am to the point now, as I mentioned in that other post, that I am not as in to her as I use to be. Divorce is not an option, we have kids, I want to make things work between us. I know divorce is actually always an option it is just one that I do not want to purse. But again, the ROI just does not seem worth it. I am not attracted to her like I use to be.

    1. I already have the kids doing some of the chores, trash, dishes some of the time and they clean their room, I just more manage it, but it still requires my time to double check their work, stand there and tell them to re-do x, y, z, etc. Funny enough she sometimes gives me grief about having them do chores. I am also having them help now clean their bathroom, just started a couple days ago, basic cleaning and then I do a once over.

    I have recently stopped doing some of the things I normally do in cleaning up, over the last week or two. In most cases she does not pick up the slack so things just keep getting dirtier and/or piling up.

    As for income, she makes $15k more then me. But has only made more then me for the last 2 years. Before that we made similar incomes for the previous 2 years and before that she made significantly less then me for 7-8 years. I am sure some of you will tell me to go out and get a new job (or another job) to make more money. And that is something that I am still considering.
    Although I am not "driven" in the business world so I feel to get a real change / increase in salary (especially in this economy) would be quite a lot of work. Plus I wonder, if I am home even less would that mean all of the home stuff would pile up even more?

    Thanks for your input Ian, funny enough I feel I do quite a bit of alpha stuff… guns – lots of them, learning to play the guitar, leading in a social type group where I am the only adult male and there are 12 females aged 16 – 40 and then a bunch of kids and I am the boss there, lifting lots of heavy weight to get in shape.

    Looking Glass, haha… I figure I should start charging in BJs. 2 BJs for a load of laundry sounds good to me. Only given by females…

  15. Looking Glass says:

    @ROI:

    If she's only recently made more than you, I'm going to assume the low sex & too many chores deal far predates the rest of the issues. So that doesn't have all that much to do with it.

    What likely is the issue, which you get at, is you're really a "busy bee" type and just do stuff. She's gotten used to it and takes it for granted it, while you never really explained your expectations on the return. And, frankly, she got a good deal. Proactive father-type that did most of the home chores and brought in more money.

    Big changes, from her end, will probably take some time and a real risk you might walk. I doubt it'll get across before that, but, like always, got to keep on keeping on. Hope things do go well, though.

  16. @ Mac, I cook 30% of the time, she cooks 40% of the time and the rest we eat out. Sorry, but my side of the story is the whole story… I do the majority of the housework.

    @ Looking Glass, thanks and I appreciate the input and encouragement.

  17. Ethan Blue says:

    Anna Beers

    Wow, this guy is a rare treasure.

    His wife doesn't think so, and if you were actually married to this beta you would not think he was a treasure either….you know, on account of your sweet spot being just as dry as his wife's.

    In my household, I do 90% of everything inside and 75% of everything outside. I also work full time. How do I get my husband to pull his weight?

    Drain his balls on the regular. It works wonders.

  18. Anna Beers says:

    Ethan Blue, you assume I don't already do that. I do. Because I do, I have absolutely no bargaining chips. Asking nicely doesn't work. Telling doesn't work. Lists don't work. Getting angry doesn't work. Nothing works. So how about a practical solution?

  19. Anna, Athol also encourages women to run the FAP (equivalent of the MAP) to effect change in their marriage.

  20. ROI-10 pounds lost so far, haven't cut my hair in a year, and was already sweet tempered and a great cook.

  21. @Anna, the new picture tells the same story. These things take time, and they also take risks. If you want change you do have to take some risks. If you really are doing the majority of the housework in an unfair way, that needs to change. On the other hand, there may be a compromise solution where you are responsible for the housework and he is responsible for something else. Or you hire a maid. If you are doing the housework and mowing the lawn, just stop mowing and let the natural consequences accumulate. If you feel for some reason that household tasks shouldn't be divided by gender, do the same thing with those. "Oops, we're out of dishes." I'm not suggesting passive aggressive, I'm suggesting, "Here are your responsibilities. If you don't do them they won't get done."

  22. Anna needs to overcome her Oneitis and stop being so nice.

  23. Anna Beers says:

    Anna still has Oneitis, but has stopped being so nice. Hubby is now baffled as to why I'm suddenly "picking fights."

    I wasn't in terrible shape before, but I tried a class I absolutely love and informed hubby I was doing it and he could just make room in his schedule. 2 inches have come off my waist and I'm starting to get attention from his friends. A few weeks ago, I practically had to peel a 23 year old, fairly attractive, VERY ripped Marine off me. Said Marine, one of Hubby's childhood best friends, also would not shut up to Hubby about how good I looked. Hubby is suddenly quite attentive and trying to plan mini-dates.

    He's also hauled himself to the doctor after about a year of my nagging him, and discovered that he has low testosterone. He's taking medication and we're both hoping it perks him up and takes a few pounds off. I had to tell him pretty bluntly that last time he was in the pool with his friends, he compared very poorly. I think the (repeated) bluntness is starting to get through to him. I certainly don't feel as taken for granted as I did. I really hope this keeps up.

    Figured you guys would appreciate the update.

  24. Flaming Man of Iron says:

    Neat to hear the update. :)

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