Two Million Page Views

Kids are at the grandparents, so tonights post is short as I have other plans lol.
Hit two million page views a day or so ago, so thanks to all for reading. It’s a quite surreal number to look at. Nice to have hit it just before the two year mark of the blog.
Love, sex and happiness to all.
See you tomorrow.

Hooker Math and the L-Spot

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post “Work The L-Spot: She Will Beg You For More“:
Anon:  I ran the experiment… I hope it turns out better for the above Anon.
I do the laundry, sex once every 10-20 days.
I don’t do the laundry, sex once every 10-20 days.
I also normally clean the 2.5 bathrooms (98% of the time), the kitchen (90% of the time), do the dishes (90% of the time), vacuum once a week (95% of the time), keep the kid’s room cleaned up (90% of the time), take the dog for exercise (100% of the time – even though she promised to do it every single day), outside stuff like lawn care and snow stuff I handle (100% of the time) for a short list of the things I currently do, along with working a full-time job.
She works a full-time job as well. Her “home job” is the laundry, she washes and dries, sometimes folds and very rarely puts it away (90% of the time). She makes the kids lunches (90% of the time).
Anyways… me doing more or less sees no change in the amount of sex we have.
Athol:  Holy Charwoman Batman!
Okay, you’re already over doing it on the domestic chore routine, and it’s not working, so adding yet more chores isn’t going to work any better. You’re way over on the Beta side of things and very likely lacking Alpha, so the solution isn’t to add yet more Beta, but to up the Alpha.
It sounds like you’re putting in about 40-60 hours a month of around the house work and getting laid twice on average. So the “Hooker Math” comes out to about 25 hours effort per time getting laid. So 25 hours x your hourly rate = cost per time getting laid. So it’s cynical I know, but it when it’s a more cost effective use of your time to simply hire maids and hookers than have a wife, things aren’t going very well. It’s quite possible that her vagina is starting to price itself out of your market.
My first approach would be to start asking her to complete tasks, and get the children assigned to the tasks they can do as well. see how far that gets you. I would completely stop cleaning the kids rooms if they are of an age they can do it themselves.
My hunch though is that you are fairly deep into the Nice Guy / Too Beta zone and have some work to dig yourself out of the hole you are in. So start running the MAP and getting yourself together. Pick some of the Alpha Trait stuff to work on rather than the Beta ones.
Also as an aside before anyone in Vaginaland gets too upset – if both the husband and wife are pulling their weight in the relationship, and there’s a decent amount of sex happening, the Hooker Math adds up to a proof that the marriage is in fact a really good deal for the couple.

Do Whatever Works

Reader:  Is it really about the laundry getting done or you personally working the “nest”. I mean, my time is really valuable and is better spent on other things while I could hire someone to do the laundry cheaper. But, if it’s actually about me doing it that gets her going, I’ll do it lol…
Athol: Run an experiment and see what works best. If getting in a little extra help makes her respond best, then great. If watching you pick up a little more works best, then do that.
There’s no prizes for doing everything exactly as I suggest, and frankly I suggest so many potential things for you to do that there’s no possible way any one man could do them all the time. The core of my advice is simply to get into motion and be actively self-improving with what you do.
I’ve said often before that in terms of the bedroom, only 30% of what you try will really work for a couple. So if you try ten new things, seven of them won’t be all that great, but the three that do work, will change things for the better forever. So you have to push your boundaries and experiment together.
It’s the same thing outside the bedroom. Maybe the L-Spot really gets her excited and happy. Maybe it’s cooking for her. Maybe it’s playing with the kids. Maybe it’s just telling her to drop everything and go out somewhere new. You just have to keep experimenting with things to see what works. Be active and in motion.
Even then, after a while of doing something that does work, it will start being less effective. We all adapt to things very quickly. So just like “muscle confusion” training in something like P90X, you need to keep trying new things and recycling the old ones that worked. Rinse and repeat.
I mean I can do a superb roast chicken that’s crazy easy to cook… but I don’t serve it everyday.

The 10,000 Hour Rule

I promised a counterpoint to yesterday’s post “Work On Your Weak Areas First“.
Most of us have something we’re really good at and it’s tempting to keep working on that one area of goodness, rather than working on our weak areas and bringing ourselves into a composite balance of goodness. If you’re in fairly decent shape, wearing fairly decent clothes, with a fairly decent job, in a fairly decent house, and you have fairly decent personal interactions with your wife, that whole package adds up to pretty damn good.
If you have something that you can do, that is truly exceptional, you can go in the opposite direction and seek to completely excel in that one thing. The intent and hope being that your excellence in that one area is so profound, that it effectively covers all your other weak areas.
This is in fact what most boys imagine themselves doing “when they grow up”. We all want to be professional baseball players, astronauts, rock stars and in my case, the reincarnation of Sir Edmund Hillary conquering Mt. Everest et al. (Which is awkward in that he was still alive when I was little.)
The catch is you really have to excel at something, there isn’t usually any benefit to being “almost excellent” at something. As an example, getting on your college football team is nice, but you have to make the NFL for the real payoff. Dropping out of med school a year before becoming a doctor is called failing, not “almost succeeding”.
The other half of the catch is you have to practice like crazy. As in you should mentally allocate around 10,000 hours of practice to turn your natural gifts, into practical honed skill that breaks you into the big leagues of whatever it is that you do so well. Or put another way, plan for twenty hours of effort a week for ten years to hit the 10,000 hour mark.
The 10,000 hours comes from research done by Anders Ericsson in the early 1990s. He and his team divided students into three groups ranked by excellence at the Berlin Academy of Music and then correlated achievement with hours of practice. They discovered that the elite all had put in about 10,000 hours of practice, the good 8,000 and the average 4,000 hours. Then after applying it to excellence in other disciplines, the 10,000 hour mark proved to be the key to unlocking the very top tiers of skill.
The hope being once you are at that top tier of skill, you have enough status and make enough money that all your problems with women are reduced to plucking one (or lots) out of your legion of admiring fans and having her meet all your… whims.
The payoff can be huge, but it is a very risky strategy. There’s always a cohort of other guys trying just as hard as you to be “the guy”, and it can only take a bit of bad luck and a nasty injury and there’s no hope for a professional career anymore.
So for 99%+ of us, we’re regular guys and the composite plan is a better option than trying to break into being an awesome stand-up comedian for too many years. In part it sounds like I’m telling you to shelve your dreams and just head back to the grind at the office, and there is an element of truth to that. But if you enjoy an activity, there’s no reason you can’t keep doing it for as long as you like and enjoy it. Don’t stop enjoying playing a round of golf simply because you can’t quite make the pro-tour cut. Don’t stop painting because the galleries aren’t calling for your art.
Don’t stop doing the fun stuff.

Work On Your Weak Areas First

Jason had an excellent question on yesterday’s post.
Jason: Would it be fair to say that whatever is your “glaring” issue, is the one that needs to be worked on. Say I were in decent shape, but underemployed, relative to my wife. Is that “the” issue that’s putting our sex life and relationship at risk (and the one to focus on)?
Athol: The short answer is “yes” you should absolutely work on whatever your glaring issue is. It’s going to give you your quickest gains.
The explanation of why that is so, is a little longer.
Let’s assume that say you’re a basic good guy with a great job pulling in say $100,000 a year as your primary selling point as a husband, but you’re 50 pounds overweight, and that’s your primary weakness. If you decide to do “more of what works”, you might work an extra one or two hours a day and bust your ass up into a promotion and make $120,000 a year, but still be fat. The extra $20,000 is going to be nice, but it isn’t really going to make your wife all that more excited sexually about you. It’s a lot of effort for a slight improvement. But if you instead spent the extra time working out and getting in shape, now you’re going to be a fit guy making $100,000 a year, and that’s going to get much better results.
The opposite would hold true as well. Imagine now you’re an in shape guy stuck in a crappy job making $24,000 a year. If you keep doing “more of what works”, you might have to work crazy hard in the gym to get even more in shape, but still be making crappy money. It’s a minor plus. But if you hold the exercise steady and maintain what you have, and make a push to educate yourself / get promoted, up to a $40,000 job, that extra $16,000 a year is going to be huge.
There’s a law of diminishing returns on self-improving on any one area of your life. Whether that’s physical fitness, dressing, income, help around the house, being cocky and funny, or anything… the more you do it, the harder it becomes to squeeze out even better results from it. The trap is to get fixated on continuing to “do more of what works” long after you’ve really pretty much maxed out on an area.
This is why I keep saying if you’re good on the Alpha front, the solution is to add Beta, and if you’re all set on the Beta front, add more Alpha. It’s vastly easier to work on the weak area, plus it’s really the only thing that works.
A wife getting endless Beta support, isn’t going to be craving yet more Beta. Even a tiny bit of Alpha improvement is going to be exciting to her. It’s like her having a full meal but nothing to drink, and then having him offer more food…. that would just annoy her.
So work on one thing, and then work on another. Crazy about fitness for three months, then work on dress sense, then figure out how to cook a few new things, then get on top of cleaning the house, then figure out how to fix a few things around the house, then ramp up the cocky and funny. Just rinse and repeat in a cycle of minor but consistent self-improvement. She won’t have time to adjust to everything and it will keep her a little off balance, but impressed with you.
(I have a slight counterpoint to this advice planned for tomorrow.)
Jennifer: Yes! If Athol didn’t have a job I would tire of the cocky and funny thing eventually lol.