The Rough Plan For 2012

Catching up on the polls on the right side bar. Had them up for around five days, roughly two hundred readers answered, of the just over six thousand unique visitors over that period. So around one reader per thirty visitors voted which is an exciting response. It would be fun to mentally multiply all the votes by thirty to inflate results, but lets not worry about that.
Has MMSL Helped?  (multiple votes possible so won’t equal 100%)
Pretty much averted us divorcing  9%
The sex is much better now  40%
We feel closer emotionally now  25%
There’s less fighting and we get on better now  35%
I think I found MMSL too late to really help  16%
No real changes good or bad  15%
MMSL made things worse  4%
Overall I think that shows a positive response to what I’m doing. For most people MMSL has some sort of positive effect. For 9% of people its a huge result.
In terms of the “What do you want to see on the blog?” question, there’s not much point trying to analyse it as the result was very clear. People want more posting and longer posts, which in my mind just adds up to “more”. Which was kind of a surprise to me in that I already felt posts were overly long!
The other desire is a forum, which is something I’ve wanted for a while, but several commentors voiced concern that it would turn into a massive time sink for me moderating it and dealing with spam. It’s very important to me that a forum stays productive and positive in tone, and I’d rather be smaller and on point, than huge and a quagmire of troll. I believe the solution is a forum that requires a nominal fee to become a member. Again, nominal fee, just a small qualifying hurdle to keep 99% of the trolls on the other side of the fence.
Coming to the “What would you like to see Athol do next?” question, there was a total lack of clarity lol. A very even spread of interest from weekend or day seminars for men or couples, DVDs, coaching and books on tape. Some of that stuff would overlap obviously, a seminar could be taped and made into a DVD etc. The books on tape interest always surprises me, but apparently there really is some interest.
As to whether or not I’m going to offer advice to single women and men, the answer is “not directly”. I plan to stay focused on married men as the primary target, but that automatically drags married women into the mix. So I’m always going to have a lot of overlap with what women are interested in. Even talking about Girl Game helps explain how Alpha and Beta Traits for men work for example. Likewise married people and single people aren’t wildly different biologically… so there will be overlap, but I’m not planning on writing a book about how to pick up chicks in bars.
Besides that, women love MMSL and there’s such an explosion of wet panties for the Captain and First Officer model, that I’d be just crazy to not tap that… er… market.
Jennifer… you guys don’t need to convince me that Jennifer is great. As far as Jennifer is concerned  I’m like that CEO/pitchman from the 80’s for Remington shavers. “I liked her shaved so much, I bought her company.”
I’m actually trying to convince Jennifer about how beloved of MMSL readers she is, as a way of encouraging her to come out and play a little more. She doesn’t understand how I can spend hours a day doing MMSL stuff and there’s a small percentage of people that would rather meet her than me. I understand it, she just needs to accept it lol.
Which comes to an idea floated that I round up a bunch of guys, train them, endorse them as trainers and turn them loose onto the world and take a cut of their earnings. It’s tempting on one level, and would ideally be run from an underground lair equipped with sharks with frickin’ lasers attached to their heads. However for the moment I don’t have those plans. For better or for worse, much of MMSL isn’t just the words, but it is the relationship of Jennifer and myself.
The most important question was the coaching one at the end. I completely expected the overwhelming majority of people to say “Not Interested”, but the breakdown between people wanting something weekly (six votes), monthly (nineteen votes) and just a “one and done” (twenty-six votes) was very useful indeed. Those numbers seem very small, but it doesn’t take that many people to turn into a reasonable and steady income flow. I do have an idea for a “one and done” appointment, that would double as the intro for weekly and monthly coaching.
The one remaining suggestion in the comments was a donation option. This seems reasonable and easy enough. Now I just have to figure out how to do it lol.
Looking ahead, it will take some time to get everything I could do, in place. Right now I have a couple of shorter books I need to finish off and push out the door, and then focus on the 2012 Primer. Then in rough order – the donation button, forum, books on tape, coaching, seminars, DVDs and on into the future.
So 2012 will be crazy busy, but it’s the transition year from “Blog Guy” to “Guy that feeds his family doing something he likes doing, and actually makes a positive difference in the world.”   As I’ve said before, MMSL is a long project for me, it’s a marathon and not a sprint. A few more years to go before I become an overnight success.
As always, I’m touched that so many people care about MMSL and want to see it succeed.
Jennifer: It was very interesting to see the poll results so far…okay, yes I did check them obsessively.  And yes, Athol does spend literally two to four hours each day on MMSL stuff..reading, writing, responding to emails, etc so it’s nice to see that it is making a difference for so many people!


  1. Thought this post was going to be about a year of rough sex.

  2. @Badger – lolololol

    +1 on the Jennifer love – her codas are always succinct and to the point. I'm amazed at how often with just one line she can add balance and credence to six paragraphs of Athol, lol. I imagine that's how it works at home for you two as well.

    Like the idea of a nominal pay to play on a forum

  3. One point, Athol.

    The Game community is undergoing a schism. PUA Game and Married Game are becoming distinct disciplines.

    And Courtship Game is part of Married Game, not PUA Game. It's worth thinking about.

  4. Mike – I thought I was in charge of creating that schism lol.

    In reality though, there simply wasn't any married game to speak of two years ago, and it's simply developed over that time. It was never quite the same as PUA game, but borrowed heavily from it, (and MRA thinking) so I agree that it's becoming its own proper discipline.

  5. I'm one of the 9%!

    Divorce averted.
    Sex life is getting better.
    I'm getting muscles.

    She tells me that she isn't into the rough stuff though. Is that a test?

  6. im somewhere between its too late and get along better now…
    my wife had an affair, which, if i wouldve found MMSL a year or so ago might have changed things. i found my self, in retrospect, becoming beta with the addition of a child and new house in the past few years…and the time and devotion it took for those things weighed in on my marriage. (now they werent the only things, but a big part) and sure enough nobody forced her to have and affair (and i found out later that he targeted my wife for sometime, even divorcing his wife to go after her)

    that said, she seem sto be out of the affair, and while she hasnt recommited back to the marriage as of yet, we are repairing some of the damage done…and alot of that came from what i learned in the book. being a certain way, framing things differently, and approaching her differently. all while slowly moving on with my life.

    we have a son, and it would be nice for her to comeback to the marriage, for his sake, and other reasons. but i can tell you from what ive learned from the book and the blog, my approach to marriage will be both different and better. no more hollywood fairy tale BS. its also made me feel confident with dealing with the whole affair and heloing me regain some sense of myself, esp. in the confines of both the marriage and my current status.

  7. She tells me that she isn't into the rough stuff though. Is that a test?

    No it's not a test. More that she isn't quite into you that much just yet. See what she says about it in 6-12 months.

  8. Re rough stuff – the lady might be extra sensitive, suffer anxiety or have some spot that hurts such as an ovarian cyst, so appreciates gentleness. She might also appreciate sensuality, rather than hop on, pump hard and hop off. Another reason for warning a partner against being rough is a history of being treated roughly, assault, etc. Possibly also a matter of trust and growth in the relationship…. C ;-)

  9. Athol – you might consider also building on the success of MMSL by translating it into Christianese and marketing to churches. I bet you still speak the lingo…

  10. Brian @3:44
    "Rough stuff" is a phrase that covers a lot of ground. Start with some small things, e.g. whichever of you is on top just wrap your arm around her waist and switch without discussion. Or run your fingers through her hair and let there be just enough friction to pull her head back a bit to expose her neck, which you of course then proceed to kiss and bite gently. Etc, etc. She may not respond to everything, but try these sorts of things randomly over time and when she's most receptive (right before ovulating as per Athol's handy guidelines), and see what makes her wetter! :)

    Athol – a side note while I'm posting here – don't quit your day job! Cut back the hours drastically if you wish, but don't actually quit, the workplace interplay has value.

  11. I agree with Mike's point about Courtship game. I think it's worth writing a book about in and of itself. In other words, how to transition from single to MMSL. Finding a good mate, keeping her once you've got her, etc. I think a lot of single guys are afraid of marriage because they don't know how to manage one, but at the same time they aren't going to be caught by their girlfriends reading "Married Man Sex Life". So a singles guide with an appropriate title about modern science-based (or game-based) courtship would be killer.

  12. Athol, I think you missed a very important option for your poll that skewed your answers quite a bit (it did for me). To the questions of "what would we like to see more of?" and "what do we want you to do next?"….the most accurate answer for me would have been "Just more of the same". I purchased your book and it made a very significant difference in my life and marriage, and I have shared that and suggested it to a few close friends, but I dont need DVD's or YouTube videos of anything. Which is probably true of most people who read your blog. WE…..have already read the book or have just been enjoying the blog for awhile….and all WE want is to just keep enjoying your blog, because it is great as is…not too long or too short.
    But our goal is different than yours. You would (rightfully) like to make more cash doing this. I bought your book, I will prob buy your next book (if nothing else just to support your efforts), and would be willing to donate to "the cause" (blog). Keep up the good work. Please.
    If the question were not "what do we want from you?" but instead "how do you think i could make the most money with this?"…my answer would be more aggressive book promotion…local TV shows, a big name to promote it, ect.

  13. What Anon just said.

  14. Hi Athol,

    Just some thoughts, instead of seminars offer skype or phone seminars

    Sell the phone seminars as dvd's

    Offer monthly or quarterly subscriptions to skype seminars, for those who dont want to wait for a fully fledged dvd

    I've been in the PUA scene for awhile & most game businesses starting up, use the above to raise much needed cash

    & the readers love them obviously …

    Also get on youtube & post some primers, basically build followers, you dont need to have a product, just get a following so you have customers to sell to when you do have a product …

    Also most importantly trademark & copyright your techniques & sections of your guide …

    MMSL is pretty unique, & you will get imitators …

    Most importantly try & stick to gaming women in relationships, or marriage, men really dont like specific advice, such as how to handle a shouting match, men prefer a more abstract approach to their relationships,

    also it sounds too cosmo & turns men off & wont get taken seriously by gamers looking to improve their relationships …

  15. Oh yes,

    Have a great new year …

  16. While it might not be necessary for you financially, I think monetizing this process would be great for people and for you. it is a huge time-sink, and your time *is* valuable.

    I would recommend the possibility of retreats on the given topics. As you note, the excitement around the captain/first mate business would be a great place to start. a couple's retreat on that topic would probably attract a fair number of people, and you could host it quite simply in a local hotel conference room. It doesn't have to be a fancy retreat center on the first go.

    Anyway, if you would be interested in any sort of planning around this sort of angle on things — including doing the one-on-one counseling and whatever — let me know. It's related to what I do, and i can tell you how I've done well doing something similar (different topic, but i make a living running classes and retreats and workshops and what not).

    Many blessings in the new year.

    I just noted that this doesn't allow me to include my email, but not have my email published. Ah well. If you need help with it, we'll figure it out. You can reply here, and I can send you a note on facebook or something.

  17. Athol Kay says:

    Sweet As – my email is

  18. Christopher says:

    You might also consider (paid!) one-on-ones over Skype. There are a number of coaches and counselors that use videoconferencing to help people all over the world. No travel is involved, the schedule can be as flexible as you make it, and the benefit of being able to see each other in near-real-time is very powerful.

    It could also help you work into one-on-one or group instruction, to get a feel for how you want to run things.

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