I’ve had a few recent comments that basically assume I’m advising husbands to violently rape their wives without regard to consent or her injuries. Frankly I think I’m being trolled, but trolling or not, let me restate the facts plainly and clearly one more time.
(1) Many women enjoy rough sex, it’s worth experimenting with that to see if your wife does. If she likes it, she likes it.
(2) Many women enjoy dominance, it’s worth experimenting with that to see if your wife does. If she likes it, she likes it.
(3) Sex needs to be consensual. Forced sex is rape.
(4) Dominance needs to be consensual. Submissive women don’t need to be forced anyway, if you’re attractive enough you just need to lead them and they follow naturally.
(5) If sex hurts, you’re doing it wrong and should stop, or there’s a potential medical issue and you should stop. “Ow!” is a safeword.
(6) You should talk about rough sex and dominance attempts together before getting into it.
(7) Only about 30% of what you try in the bedroom together will work for you as a couple. Hair pulling may not work, spanking might not work, gentle biting may work. You need to try and evaluate each thing together.
(8) Trying out rough sex together is a process and you aren’t going to leap to a cat-o-nine-tails and her wearing a collar with the word “Slut” on it on the first attempt. Or even do that ever.
(9) There is no requirement she likes any of it. If she actively dislikes some aspect of sex, don’t force it on her as it’s both unpleasant to her and counter-productive in terms of turning her into a more willing sex partner. The less she’s into you, the less she’ll be into trying any of this.
(10) Most of rough sex’s erotic power comes from the intensity of the experience. A small amount of interpersonal frustration can add to the intensity of the experience, a lot of anger easily translates into a loss of control and increased possibility of trampling over her safety and consent… getting you into serious legal trouble.
In addition, let’s review some of those exact same points I’ve made in earlier “rough sex” posts. The safeword is “Ow!”…
Sexy Move: Hair Pulling While On Top – “This is a very firmly held position even compared to her being tied up with low end bondage equipment. That she could probably break out of if she wanted to, but you on top of her holding her head turned to the side leaves her with zero leverage. Unless you let her go, she’s… ahh… fucked. Which is the idea and the excitement, but also she may find it a little more than she expected. So a safeword may be in order. If you don’t have a safeword, consider “stop” or “let me go” or even “ow my hair!” acceptable attempts at using a safeword.”
“And like anything else rough, this is something to talk about before you do it.”
Sexy Move: Pretend To Hold Her Against Her Will – “Then get a fair bit more vigorous in the thrusting department. As always, consider “ow!” or “stop” a safeword. Maybe not “no” though… talk about that first though.”
“Just try it out together. If it works for you, then great. If not, at least you tried something new which is still a good thing.”
Try A Rough Sex Experiment – “So give it a trial run if you haven’t already. She may just like it. And if you haven’t talked about a safeword, consider “ow!” the safeword for now.”
Getting A Little More Sex From Your Husband – “Also I realize that this isn’t exactly what you want, but you can ask him to chase you. It may feel awkward and slightly fake at first, but in time it can become more natural feeling. It can be as simple as texting him earlier in the day that you just want him to “just take you”, or “tonight I’m going to say no but I don’t want you to really believe that“. You may want a safeword for that last one. (My wife’s safeword is “Dershowitz and Feinstein” for example.)”
I hope that covers it.
Jennifer: There’s a big difference between the “being into you” of firm/intense sex, and angry sex.