47 Years of Marriage, Still Buys Her Flowers Every Monday
January 26, 2012 By 22 Comments
Reader: Good idea or bad idea?
I ask because I read somewhere (I think from Roissy) that a man should only give his wife 1/2 of what she gives him (or something like that). Do you have an opinion?
Athol: The Roissy rule is 2 contacts for every 3 she gives you.
I’m in basic disagreement with Roissy in that he sees Alpha and Beta as being at two opposite ends of a scale of what creates or kills attraction in women. I see Alpha and Beta Traits as two separate and important elements of a relationship with a woman, which in no small part is pulled from the Mystery Method. The Mystery Method in twelve words or less is “Show Alpha first, then show Beta, isolate and touch her, suggest sex.”
So anyway… back to Poppy with the flowers…
…it’s a Beta move, which is completely fine as long as he has his Alpha stuff together as well. If she experiences receiving the flowers as a positive, it’s a positive that he gives them.
But there’s also an added element from the total reliability of his actions that have created a ritual of commitment and emotional engagement that steps it up beyond just a routine gift of flowers. He’s really doing the whole Fireproof thing, minus the groveling and religious emesis. Which is to say it’s not very much like the Fireproof thing at all. It’s more like being the Cal Ripken of love.
The man is a rock of love and there’s a genius in the way he checkmates her hamster. There’s no possible way she could ever get away with denying he loves her, or isn’t one of the good guys on the world. Can you imagine her trying to bad mouth him to her girlfriends? Everybody knows he loves her, has always loved her and will always love her. How do you spin that into an Eat Pray Love ending and not look like a worthless, ungrateful, stupid whore doing a good man wrong? The only viable option is to love him.
Ironically, the greatest effect may in fact be on him rather than on her. He’s likely still experiencing feelings of being in love with her by his ritual of expressing romantic love. Feelings follow actions. But maybe that feeling of being in love with her changes what else he does for the better in their relationship.
He looks total old school. He looks like a Marriage 1.0 guy through and through, but the key to surviving marriage in a Marriage 2.0 world is that courtship never ends. So he’s got it down like a boss.
I also have a strong hunch she puts some extra attention to her appearance on Mondays… anyway, for all we know, he doesn’t even think of Monday’s as “flower day”, but as “blow job day.”
Jennifer: Awwwwwwwwwwwww so romantic! (hmmmm…where’s my flowers lol?)